The Uncanny New Mutants
Part 21:
The Uncanny BLEW Mutants- Part 2

By
The Uncanny R-Man

Disclaimer- I don't own any familiar characters, they all belong to Marvel. I only own August.

Shout Outs-

Witch-Uk- I'm sorry that you don't like August, everybody's entitled to their own opinions. More TJ up next!

Melissarxy1- Well, the Illyana in this story isn't our Illyana; she's the Exiles Illyana.

Anything but ordinary- And the award for the longest review ever goes to... You! Here, have a... cookie! Of course I used your idea, it was funny! I've never read the original X-Factor all that much, only the issues in the Inferno storyline and the issues when Warren gets turned into Apocalypse's horseman. I've always preferred the second team, you know, the one with Wolfsbane, Multiple and co. If you want to find out the adventures of Jubes and co, read 'The Merc and the Ninja.' With that gratuitous plug finished with, enjoy the chapter!

Agent-G- Heh! Another random pairing, huh? What happened in Exile? Uh... Let me get this right... TJ and the other Exiles arrived in our Marvel-verse, got in a fight with the Fantastic 4, took Beak with them, leaving TJ behind. There, I think that covers it.

Author's note- For part one of this story, read 'The Merc and the Ninja: Chapter 20- The Uncanny BLEW Mutants- Part 1.'

The Blackbird, somewhere in the skies above Hong Kong-

Rachel Grey, aka Marvel Girl, is watching the Hong Kong skyline below her as they fly to their destination. Piloting the Blackbird is the leader of the Uncanny New Mutants, Rahne Sinclair, aka Wolfsbane. Sitting in the co-pilot's seat is Kurt Wagner, aka Nightcrawler. Also sat in the jet are Amara Aquilla, aka Magma, Warlock, Kitty Pryde, aka Shadowcat, August and Talia Josephine Wagner, aka Nocturne, Kurt's daughter from an alternate future.

Rachel is presently thinking over her thoughts. Just recently she has begun to have certain feelings for TJ.

{Oh God!} She thinks. {How can I feel like this? I've never liked other women like this! Not even Kitty, and we were best buds and roomies! That's it, when this mission's over I'm gonna tell her!}

TJ looks over at her fellow teammate and notices her thoughtful expression.

'Penny for 'em.' She says.

'Hmm?' Rachel mumbles, turning around to look at TJ. 'Oh, sorry. I was just thinking.'

'Care to tell me about it?' TJ asks.

'Not really.' Rachel replies. 'It's kinda personal.'

'Oh, okay.' TJ says, mistakenly thinking that Rachel is thinking about the situation with her father and Emma Frost. 'I won't pry.'

Meanwhile, at the Xavier Institute for Higher Learning-

Fiona, one of the telepathic triplets know as the Stepford Cuckoos, the ditzy one I believe, is walking through the corridors of the institute. She has taken time of from her stalking of a certain Cajun to grab something to eat. She is about to walk into the kitchen when she hears singing. The voice however, doesn't sound familiar. The only member of the faculty that she knows that can sing this well is Rogue, and she's out on a date with Remy. Fiona hides behind a bust of Professor Xavier and peers into the kitchen. Much to her amazement, the person singing in the kitchen isn't a member of the X-men or the faculty. Hell, he isn't even human! It's Lockheed the Dragon!

Fiona holds her breath and continues to watch the little purple dragon humming to himself as he makes a sandwich.

'The mustard goes on the roast beef, the roast beef goes on the bacon, the bacon goes on the baloney, the baloney goes on the chicken...'

Fiona tries to creep closer into the kitchen. Unfortunately she knocks against a pot plant, knocking it over.

Lockheed jumps at the sudden sound, dropping his sandwich.

'Oh bugger it!' He groans.

'Aha!' Fiona says, jumping out from behind the pot plant. 'You can talk!'

Lockheed blinks a couple of times at the young blonde telepath.

'Go on.' Fiona says. 'Don't play innocent with me! I just saw you singing! You can talk, can't you?'

'No.' Lockheed replies. 'Aw dammit!'

'Wait til I tell everyone!' Fiona grins. 'They won't believe it!'

'No!' Lockheed says, flying over to Fiona and taking her hand. 'Please, don't tell anyone!'

'What's in it for me?' Fiona asks.

A devious smile spreads on Lockheed's face.

'You wanna play a prank on someone?' He asks.

An identical devious smile spreads on Fiona's face.

'Oh yeah!' She grins.

'Go get yer sisters, some hats, an image inducer, a couplae pairs of gloves and some razors. I'll explain later!'

Wade Wilson and Betsy Braddock's hotel room, Hong Kong-

Betsy is lying in bed reading a book while Wade is searching through the mini bar.

'C'mon! This place must have vodka!' He says. 'You can't have a mini bar without vodka!'

Betsy looks at her glass, filled with a suspiciously vodka-looking liquid and hides it on the beside table.

'Well I don't know where it could've gone, luv.' She replies. 'Why don't you have some scotch?'

'But I'm in the mood for vodka.' Wade pouts.

'Oh forget the vodka.' Betsy replies, putting down her book. 'Why don't you come to bed?'

Wade shrugs and closes the mini bar. He jumps up onto the bed and plants a kiss on Betsy's lips. After the kiss her gets a thoughtful look on his face. He licks his lips, then it dawns on him.

'Cute buns, why do you taste of vodka?'

Betsy is about to reply when there is a knock on the door.

{Saved by the door.} Betsy thinks, getting out of bed and throwing on a robe.

'Who is it?' Betsy asks.

'Room service!' A suspiciously Scottish-sounding voice replies.

'I don't remember getting room service.' Betsy says.

'Tell 'em to get more vodka!' Wade says from the bed.

Betsy opens the door regardless. It's Rahne and the other Uncanny New Mutants!

'Rahne!' Betsy gasps. 'What are you doing here?'

'We saw ye on TV an' came tae congratulate ye!' Rahne replies. 'Is Illyana really alive?'

'Yup.' Betsy replies. 'But she's not our Illyana, she's from an alternate reality or something. Where's Kurt and the others?'

'In the bar waitin' for ye.' Rahne replies.

'Just give me a couple of minutes to get dressed.' Betsy says. 'Then I'll gather up the others.'

'Take ye time.' Rahne replies. 'Lo Wade.' She says, looking past Betsy to the boxer short-clad former mercenary.

'Hey, red.' Wade replies. 'I don't suppose that you've got any vodka on you.'

'I'm afraid not.' Rahne replies. 'I left th' vodka in me other pants.'

'Are we ready to go then?' Betsy asks, walking out of the bathroom fully dressed. 'Wade, aren't you getting dressed?'

'I'll meet you down there.' Wade replies. 'They must have some vodka somewhere!'

Betsy shuts the door and leaves Wade to his vodka search.

'Wade seems awfully keen on th' vodka there.' Rahne says. 'He never struck as a vodka addict!'

'It all started in Russia.' Betsy replies. 'The poor bugger got addicted to the stuff.'

'Aye.' Rahne agrees. 'Poor bugger!'

Will Wade ever find any vodka? What kind of prank does Lockheed have planned with the Cuckoos? Will Rachel ever tell TJ her feelings? Will I ever get this bloody storyline finished? All these questions will be answered next time in: 'The Merc and the Ninja...'