Gaters: Sam never actually had an illness like that in the show, but I had it happen in a couple of previous fics (After the Days.) So please just go with it, k?


Dear Diary,

Sophie gave me this journal today. Should have gotten it a month ago, on admittance but they had run out and the stockist was in Japan or something. I don't really care where he was.

I've never really done this before so I don't really know what to write. I'm told we keep these as personal records of progress. Shelby said "it's a drag but you can made some A reports from using the extracts."

We have to write and talk a lot about our feelings. And ourselves. Sounds kind of strange to someone looking in, but Jess it works, and I believe her.

I kind of like this. Talking without being heard, or judged. Just getting it out of my head and on to the page. A silent friend, like a mini Teal'C I suppose. (God I miss the T Man.)

I'm sixteen now. By the time I was 11 I had had two families. Now I'm supposed to embrace a third here at Horizon. But this time it doesn't mean letting go of my previous one.

I've seen tragedy. Like so many people here, I've seen tragedy. I've also seen evil. Pure evil.

I've also seen good. Like not so many people here, I've seen several years of good in between the bad. Like Sam.

I wonder what I should confide, diary. For I am sworn to secrecy. If anyone read this diary, the words I want to write, I would not write again, for I would be dead. As would they. I am being serious here diary, I swear I am. I will ask Samantha next time I converse with her. I must ask her about the dreams also. Or should I tell Sophie first? I can't slip up.

I had better go. Sorry for rambling so much. Looking back over my entry, my language changed towards the end. That's my old habit. I used to speak like that, but now I usually speak more normally.

Gotta go!



Cassandra opened her eyes, slowly, waiting for the blur factor to go. She looked around. It was a small, dark, damp little cell. A stable cell, in fact? She could only see one person but she could hear at least three.

There was a large barred window, and a smaller one on the door, allowing them to interact. She was still tied up, no injuries, she didn't think. Apart from the bruises where they'd grabbed her earlier. She felt her neck, it was stinging. She had been injected, probably a sedative.

"Cute girl," One said. "What's the plan? Why kidnap a sixteen year old girl...she can't have anything much to do with..."

"Hey! Shut it! I don't know. She must know stuff," A second said.

"Shut up, both of you! We don't ask questions, we do what we are told!" The third shouted. "Where did they find you two?"

"Straight out of the AF Acad.' Obviously saw our potential, hey bud?" Two replied.

"Yep," One agreed, getting up. He strolled over to the cell window. Cass quickly closed her eyes. "Looks pretty dumb to me. Pretty, but dumb. How can she know anything Simmonds would want to know? She's a kid!"

"Wait...Frasier. I know that name....there is a...Janet Frasier – a doctor at the SGC," Two recalled.

"She wouldn't tell her kid information regarding a top secret military project, would she?" One frowned.

"Not unless she's stupid," Two shrugged. "Check mate." So, they were playing chess.

"I win," One reminded him a few seconds later. "I'm starved," He said. She decided it was time to open her eyes, it was probably safe.

"Stay there. I have some food in the jeep," Three stood up and left, slamming the door behind him, causing a huge draft.

"What time is it?" Two asked One.

"4." 4 o clock. And Cass thought she could see daylight, so it had to be 24 hours later. By now, the SG-1 team and probably most of the SGC would be out searching for her. She had to stay positive, and not panic. But wait...she could be in England for all she knew! You could go along way in a day.

Two got up and left, probably to the bathroom, leaving only One to stand guard. He sighed and walked over to the cell again, peering in. He saw that she was awake.

"Afternoon," he said coolly.

"W...where am I?" She asked, pretending to be sleepy still. She slowly closed her eyes, hoping he'd think that she had fallen asleep again. He stayed, watching her for a couple of minutes. He was convinced, and sat down. Two and Three returned with potato chips and beer. She could tell from the sounds of the cans opening and the packets crunching.

"Girl woke up. Then went back to sleep," One reported.

"Good. She won't give us any trouble. Besides, she'll need the rest, with what boss has in store," Three replied.


Cass woke up in a cold sweat, but she was used to it by now. It didn't make it any easier, however.

She looked over at Juliette, to find, for once, she was asleep already. Every third week of the month, however, Daisy was guarenteed to be wide-awake. "Cassy," she whispered. She was sat up reading under the light of her bedside lamp. It provided enough light for her to see the page but not enough to keep anyone else awake.

"Hey Dais," Cass nodded, sitting up herself.

"You okay? You were rolling about and making a lot of noise," She asked, putting her bookmark in to Interview with a Vampire. "I almost woke you up."

"Oh, just flashbacks. Flashback dreams," She sighed.

Daisy paused and looked over at Shelby, who was curled up in a defensive position. "I think Shelby gets a lot of those, too."

"For some reason, I get them every night. Sometimes, in the day even. They won't go away." She explained, shaking her hair lose and then tying it back up.

"Maybe there's something you need to do. Perhaps call home?" Daisy suggested with a shrug. The thought didn't sound that appealing.

"Perhaps. Maybe I will make a call tomorrow," Cassandra agreed. "Daisy?"


"Would you read my cards?" Cassy asked. Daisy put her book down and opened her drawer. She removed the tarot cards and crept over to sit on the end of her friend's bed. Cass turned her lamp on.

"No," she said a few seconds later, packing the cards up. "Can't."

"What? Why?"

"I don't know...sometimes, it, just doesn't work," Daisy attempted her best 'I'm not bothered' face.

"Tell me."

"...Death," Daisy said. "Death. Probably won't be you. When I got the death card it was my mom who died."

"How long?"

"With mom it was instant. With Shelby, it was weeks. I can't tell you that, and I can't tell you who will die," She replied, packing up her cards. She quickly and quietly made her way back to her own bed. She put her book and cards away and turned off the light.


"Cassy, you wanted to see me?" Peter asked. "Privately?" He added, looking at Juliette.

"I asked Juliette to come with me," Cass explained, nervously. She sat down in Peter's office, and Juliette hung back by the door. "I actually asked to see Sophie."

"Yeah, she's sick. She'll be off for a few days. Perhaps I can help?" Peter smiled, leaning back in his chair. There was silence for a few seconds and then he sat up. "Oh, if you need to talk to someone of the female species, Heather, you know, the Trackers counsellor is around somewhere."

"No, no, you're fine, it's nothing like that," Cassy laughed slightly, embarrased. "It's um, well...I've...uhh..."

"She's been having these dreams," Juliette contributed from the back of the room.

"Dreams...yeah. Every night, since I came. Before I came, actually. Not dreams, exactly. More like, uh, nightmares. Wake up in a cold sweat around midnight, lay awake for the rest of the night," she told him.

"Can you tell me what they're about?" He asked. Cass shook her head, and he smiled. "Okay. You don't have to tell me, that's okay. Does anyone know?"

"Daisy and Juliette know. And I told Sam. Well, I told them they were like flashbacks. That's all I've been able to tell anyone...not yet."

Peter shot her a calm, friendly smile. He was worrying about her as he did so, however. He couldn't believe he hadn't noticed how exhausted she looked. She had seemed full of energy when she had tackled the assault course. Of course, anger and pain could make a good fuel - he knew that well. She must have gotten through a lot of foundation, he gussed, which was strictly against the rules. He'd overlook a little thing like that for now.

"Cassy, these nightmares, they're about what happened to you, right?" He asked. The girl nodded. "I'm sorry to say they probably won't stop until you speak out about it. However, I'll talk with the Doctor, see if there is anything she can give you to help you sleep through the night. You must be exhausted – hiking miles every weekend, working extremely hard every weekday."

"I am rather tired," she admitted.

"We don't like resorting to medication but we'll try and find something herbal. I remember Soph having something a while back, and it worked well. Don't worry Cassandra, we'll get you sleeping again," he assured her.

She smiled and stood up. "Thanks Peter."

She was almost out of the door when Peter called after her. "Cassandra?"


"Thank you for telling me. Hopefully, next time, you'll feel able to leave Juliette to do her homework?" He grinned.

"You got it. Hey, any chance of a call to Colorado?" She asked sweetly.

"If you agree to sit this hike out," Peter agreed.

"Cooly," she beamed. "No hike."

"Okay, actually I need to go out for a few minutes. You can use my phone," he winked, gathering up his paperwork and leaving. Once the door was shut, Cassy picked up the phone, dialled and then sat back in his comfy fake leather chair.


Samantha Carter was sat in her wheelchair, infront of Jack O'Neill's computer screen, typing a report when the phone rang. She, for once, was glad of the distraction. She was usually a workaholic, but right now she wanted a rest. "Yello?" She answered, laughing at herself. That was how Jack answered the phone.

"Hiylo, Sam," Cassy greeted her 'aunt' in the same way she had since she was 11. "How are you?"

"Cassy, hey!" Sam said, cheerfully. "I'm okay thanks, a mountain of paperwork..."

"Oh, I can call back some other time," Cass began.

"No, no, honey...You're more important than paperwork. How are you doing?" Sam asked, taking a sip of her coffee, and immediately spitting it out. "Cold coffee. Ugh."

"What you listening to?" Cassy asked, changing the subject. This did not go un-noticed.

"Huh? Oh...it's O'Neill, singing in the shower," Sam giggled. "I think he fancies himself a rock star."

"I think he should stick to saving the world," Cass grinned. "When's the next mission?"

"After we come see you," Sam replied, after checking her diary, which was sat open on the desk. She had just had a long conversation with her brother Marc, and he had persuaded her to visit, claiming the kids were begging him to ask. "I can't wait to see you. But I hope you're not going to worry about it. Peter says you can choose who comes up as you're adopted and all."

"I want you to come Sam, I miss you. And Jack, I miss Jack so much. And oh my gosh Teal'C. I really miss just...being with him. I hate being away from you all..." Cassy sighed. "No I'm not worrying about it. I'm embarrased, maybe, but...I really want you to come."

"Oh, honey, don't be embarrased. You've been through a lot. I couldn't have made it through all you have," Sam admitted. "We're proud of you, we love you and we miss you soooo much."

"Oh come on, you're like the bravest, toughest person I know. But, thanks."

"No probs. So, who shall I ask up to Horizon?" Sam asked.

"Well, you, and Jack. And uhh, could you bring Teal'C? I mean...if he wants to come?" She asked, excitedly. "He doesn't have to."

"No I'm sure he'll be there in a heartbeat honey. He keeps asking me how you're doing," Sam grinned. The usually silent giant had been asking after Cassy every couple of days. "I'll email him now – hows that?"


"Oh, what about Daniel?" Sam asked, feeling a little sorry for him. Cassy hadn't been so close to him recently. Him or Janet. "Can he come? I know he wants to."

"He does?" She paused. "Well, yeah. Okay, bring Daniel. I think that's my limit though. Four is a lot, most people have two."

"Special circumstances sweetie. Okay, email is sent."

"Yeah. You might want to book the hotel now, there's only one in Agnes," Cass thought. Agnes was a small, small place.

"Will do," Sam said, noting it down in her date planner. "Oh, I got your One Month Review today. They said you're settling in well. Keep it up okay?"

"Yeah I will. Thanks for the clothes by the way. Especially the camoflague stuff. I used them on the assault course the other day."

"We heard about that. Well done honey. Is everything okay? It sounds very quiet there," she noticed.

"It would do. I just had a chat with Peter. Juliette came with me for support. I asked at the end if I could call you. He was so pleased that I'd come to him that he let me use his office while he was out. More private," Cass explained, doodling on a notepad. She figured it was okay, as Peter had filled nearly 20 sheets doing the same.

"Pleased? You talked to him?" Sam hoped.

"I just told him I can't sleep and I haven't for a long time, because of nightmares. That's all. No biggie, sorry to disappoint."

"No, Cassandie, sweetie, I'm glad you felt you could trust him. That's a good first step," Sam assured her, proudly. "Good girl. Hold on a sec? The pizza guy is here." Sam lay the phone on the desk for a minute. "COLONEL! Pizza is here!" She yelled. The doorbell rang again and Jack O'Neill ran out in only a robe. He grabbed the keys and opened the door. He paid the delivery guy and took the pizza, slamming the door shut with his hip. He proceeded in to the study and dropped the box on to the desk, taking a slice and then sitting on the couch in the corner.

"You could have got that," he told her with a grin.

"It was your turn. Besides, it is a little high," she laughed.

"Okay. Who's on the phone?" He asked, getting up and taking a second slice of pizza.

"Cassandra," Sam replied. She took a bite of her pizza and then picked up the phone in her other hand. "I'm back sweetie. So what did Peter say?"

"He's gonna call the Doctor and see if she'll give me some sleeping tablets," Cassandra answered, rolling her eyes at David who had just knocked on the window. He was now pulling some ridiculuos faces.

"Was that a laugh, Cassandra Frasier?" Sam beamed.

"Yes, David is standing on the other side of the window pulling faces," Cassy explained.

"I have to eat some of this pizza before O'Neill eats it all, but carry on talking, ok?" Sam told the girl, finishing her first slice and glaring at the Colonel as he eyed her third piece. "You've had your share – 3 slices each! So Cass, how are your friends?"

"They're all okay apart from Juliette really. As well as freaks like us can be anyway. Jules is having a hard time at the moment, she's bulimic so she's never very well, but we're working on it."

"Oh poor little thing," Sam sighed, between bites. "I can imagine what she's going through."

"God...yeh. Hey, I was thinking maybe while you're here, you could talk to her? Her mom has been banned, because it's really all her fault and she always gets worse after her mom comes, so she won't have anyone coming to see her and everyone will be off spending time with their families," Cass suggested.

"Umm, I'll uhh, I'll think about it dear," Sam mumbled.

"Okay. She's a really nice girl. Shelby is pretty cool, although she can be kind of a cow sometimes. Jess is my best friend – her and Daisy and Juliette. I can't wait to introduce you," Cass was getting excited now.

"I can't wait either...and the boys? Are they cute? Give me the gossip."

"Well, Ezra is such a sweetie and I love him. We're dating," Cassy announced, giggling.

"Oh my god, Cassandra! Congrats! So when is the wedding?" Sam asked, causing Colonel O'Neill to choke on HER pizza. She winked and then stuck her tongue out at him.

"He's funny and really really sweet. He makes me feel good, really, really good," Cassy continued.

"You mentioned him last time. I'm glad he makes you so happy!" Sam said, honestly.

"Oh Sam," Cassandra sighed. "It's so confusing!"

"What is?"

"Figuring out what to tell them and what not to," Cass replied, "If I do talk, I can only give them half the details anyway. And a story without half of the story, it makes no sense."

"We trust you to tell them exactly what you need to, else you wouldn't be there," she reminded her. "Listen, just talk. If something slips out it isn't the end of the world. They'll just think you're crazy."

"And lock me away in a rubber room," Cass laughed. "I won't breach security, don't worry."

"Talk to them?"

"Sam? Could you please bring some games up with you and books? Because it's really boring up here, there isn't a tv!" Cassandra asked, changing the subject again.

"Sure. Right, well, Col...Jack would like to talk to you now, so I'll pass you over. See you soon, take care and I love you," Sam said as she wheeled her way across to the couch, and handed the phone to the colonel.

"Hey Cass Cass!"

Cassy put the phone down a few minutes later, realising the time, and went off to find Ezra. She found him in his cabin, with Scott and Auggie. They were all lying on their beds talking. She knocked on the door.

"Come in," Scott yelled in response. Cassandra opened the door and headed inside. "Hey Cass."

Cassy smiled and then kicked off her shoes, jumping on to Ezra's single bed. She snuggled up to him, and attempted not to fall off the edge.

"Get a room," Scott groaned, throwing a pillow at her.

"What do you call this?" Cass asked, sticking her tongue out.

"Our room. Get another one that we aren't in," Auggie sighed.

"Ignore them," Ezra told her, stroking her hair. It was nice to have a girlfriend! "How did it go with Juliette and Peter?"

"Okay. Spoke to Sam, she said how proud she was, blah, blah, blah, blah..." Cass smiled. "I told her about you."

"Oh you did? What did you say?"

"That you were sweet, cute and charming. Oh and that you make me feel so good, like no one else can. Nothing makes me happy like you do," she replied, kissing him on the cheek.

"Hmm. I could say the same about you," Ezra said merrily. Scott and Auggie looked at each other and rolled their eyes.

"Just make out and get it over with," Scott told them, standing up.

"Gladly," the couple laughed.

"Come on Aug, let's go find David, see if he's up for a game," He decided, picking up his basketball. Auggie nodded and followed him out.

"Don't do anything I wouldn't do," Aug winked. "Careful, counsellors are about."

"I think I love you," Ezra blurted once they were alone.

"I know you do," She nodded. "Love you too. Now can we make out or what?"


Peter arrived home at 7 to find Sophie laying on the couch, in her robe, watching tv. He sat down beside her and kissed her on the forehead. "Hi."

"Hey," she smiled.

"How's your headache?" He asked, as he took his shoes off.

"It's gone. Just needed some rest," She replied. "Back at work tomorrow probably. Still have the sniffles though. What did I miss?"

"Cassandra Frasier came to see me today, well, you..." he replied. "With Juliette to hold her hand. Good kids."

"What did she want?" Soph frowned, turning the tv off.

"To talk."

"Damn I can't believe I missed that!" she sighed. "I'll have to apologise."

"Hey, hey, it isn't your fault you were ill," Peter reminded her. "Anyway, she talked to me instead. She said she was having nightmares and that she hadn't slept well in a long, long time."

"Poor kid. About her abduction I suppose. What did you say?" she asked, blowing her nose.

"I said I'd call the doctor and see if she can prescribe her something to help her sleep," Peter replied. "I don't like to turn to medication, but..."

"What else can ya do?" She smiled. "That's a start."

Peter nodded. "Yes, it is."