G'Day.

Yeah I know, I know I have other fics to work on, but I wanted to write this one damnit! Fear not, 'I Never Knew' is well in the works, and I know this'll shock all of you, but Beyond the Spandex chapter six is almost done! Yes that's right! I haven't left it to die, I'm gonna update it! Whoo! Go me! This one's a short one though. Five carefully mapped out chapters that I really hope you guys'll like. It's totally A/U, cause I don't care exactly what happened in the comics, and if it's not exactly right, too bloody bad. This is the way I wanna tell Gambit's return to the X-Men from Antarctica and that's what I'm gonna do! So there! Lol.

So here's chapter one, I hope you all forgive me for posting this instead of 'I Never Knew', this one'll hopefully go up real quick, so they'll be no long drawn out waits like usual. Well, enough out of me. Here's chapter one of Gone or Yet to Come? !

Gone or Yet to Come?

Rating: R... oops. Not again! Must wright something with a lower rating! ..or not.

By: TheWalrusWasPaul

Disclaimer: I own nothing, except everything

Chapter One: Here Without You

~I'm here without you baby but your still on my lonely mind

I think about you baby and I dream about you all the time

I'm here without you baby but your still with me in my dreams

but tonight girl it's only you and me~

Here Without You, Three Doors Down

He'd been gone for so long now. Left to die by the woman he loves more then anything else in the world. That's right, loves as in still loves. Even if she left him to die, it was nothing he didn't deserve, he had influenced her thoughts the moment she left him. What was left of his psyche in her mind telling her, begging her, to leave him to his fate. Her cold words were exactly what he wanted to hear, what he needed to hear.

His name was Remy LeBeau, Gambit the hated traitor to the X-Men and all they believed in. He had been the one to lead the Acolytes into the Morlock tunnels, had gathered the Acolytes, the whole massacre had been his fault. All his fault.

And now he would pay the price.

Now he was stranded in the wastelands of the Antarctic, with very little hope of ever getting back home again. Home. Did he even have a home anymore? Rogue had told him he didn't and maybe she was right. He had never been honest with the X-Men and this is where it had landed him. Maybe he really did have no right to return to them.

But bon Dieu, if he didn't go back for them, he wanted to go back for her. He loved her, would always love her.

His feet, beyond feeling, stumbled in the deep snow. He fell onto his face, what was the point in even going back to her? She was probably with Joseph now, happy in an honest relationship that Gambit could never give her. Joseph could touch her, could look her in the eyes without lying to her. Joseph could love her, would love her if Remy didn't get back home. He pulled himself to his feet, not knowing how much longer he could go on. The point in getting back to her, was that he loved her and he couldn't go on anymore without telling her that. Gambit needed to say it, and he vowed he would. Even if she hated him, he'd tell her.

Gambit.

Somehow now the code name seemed more fitting then ever before. His entire life up to this point had been a gamble. He hadn't know how things would turn out for him when he joined the X-Men in the first place. He had joined them on the word of a little girl who wasn't so little now. Stormy had convinced him to stay, become a hero. He'd never been a hero before and becoming one had been a gamble.

Falling in love had been a gamble, one he hadn't even intended on. He hadn't been looking to fall in love. He was happy being a lady killer, one woman after another. Never get attached, never stay the night it only lead to trouble.

It had, but was it worth it?

Oui.

If he knew one thing at this moment it was that falling in love had been worth it, was worth it. And if it killed him, he would see Rogue's face once more. Even if she told him to go to hell, it didn't matter, as long as he got to see her one last time.

His mind began to wander, to anywhere but where he was. The cold wind tearing at his face was unbearable, the tears following from his demon eyes were not all due to the cold. He could no longer feel his fingers. Hours ago, or was it days? He didn't know. He'd tried lighting up a cigarette, but hadn't been able to hold it. He'd watched in dismay as it fell from his numb fingers. Watched the little red light slowly go out in the snow, watched as it became covered in the blowing snow. Soon there was no trace of it, lost to the arctic snow.

Just as he would be if he didn't find a way out of here soon.

Had to find a way back to Rogue.

They'd had one night together, as though God was looking down on them, knowing all the troubles they'd been through, all the pain and wanted to give them some happiness. Maybe it hadn't been God at all, maybe Satan had been laughing at them. Knowing what pain the morning would bring. Letting them experience some happiness before it was ripped from them.

Wether it had been God or Satan, Remy didn't know and didn't care. He'd been grateful for at least one chance to show Rogue that he loved her. He'd never told her that. Never said the words. But that night, he'd shown her how much she'd meant to him. Those words had never come easy to him, he'd never told anyone, not Belle not anyone. Now though, with countless miles separating him and Rogue he knew, knew he loved her more then he'd ever loved any other living being.

He closed his eyes as he forced his tired legs to keep moving, and all he could see was her. All he could feel was how right it had felt when they made love. His hands never leaving her body, as though he feared it was a dream he would all too soon wake from. He remembered the way she had looked at him when he entered her, eyes shining with a trust he knew all too well would be shattered in the face of morning. He hadn't cared, nothing would have torn him away from her at that moment.

"Ah love you Remy." she whispered as he entered her, looking up at him with her green eyes that could affect him like nothing else. She cupped his cheek in her slender hand and smiled softly at him.

He knew she had to be feeling some pain, but she didn't show it. Her love for him filled her eyes, and he felt tears begin to collect in his eyes at the intensity of her emotions. He didn't know if he'd ever be able to love her like she loved him, fully and completely. She would love him even in the face of morning. Would love him no matter what.

He leaned down and kissed her softly, letting his tears fall on her without shame as she too began to cry. They stayed like that for a while, holding each other, not wanting to move. They cried together, knowing that this was the only time they'd get this chance.

"Chere, if dis be our one night," Remy whispered to her, his lips brushing hers as he spoke. "Best make it one not t'forget."

She smiled at him and nodded her approval. They began to move together, he with all the skill of a master, she with the primal instincts of a virgin. It was world shaking, Remy had never felt this close to any woman he'd ever slept with. And that's all the others had been, sex. He'd thought he'd been making love to Belle, but he hadn't, not by a longshot. This, what he was doing with Rogue made the other times look pale and pathetic.

She came, calling his name, telling him she loved him. He moaned her name as he relaxed on top of her, stroking her hair, never wanting to let her go.

But he had let go, and then the trial had started.

Remy stumbled once more. He couldn't give up! He had to go back to her! Had to beg her forgiveness. He let a primal scream rip through him. He would not give up!

The wind howled around him, but all he heard was Rogue's voice at different points in their relationship over the years. The night they'd spent on the roof, the basketball game, the picnic, the restaurant, Scott and Jean's wedding, the kiss in Israel, every moment leading up to here. Those years full of pain, happiness and sheer joy had been the best of his life and he'd be damned if he was about to give all that up because of this. He would get back to her, to the X-Men and let them pass their judgement.

Let her judge him.

Rogue.

Remy fell then, face down in the snow. He tried to force his tired arms to support him, but couldn't. His energy was gone. He couldn't move, couldn't breath any more. Then in the distance he saw something, or thought he did. Pink uniform, long red and white hair flowing behind her like a cape. He looked up and through his half closed eyes saw her smiling at him, a soft smile. She reached out one hand to him and over the terrible wind he heard her voice.

"Come back to me sugah."

Remy reached one shaking arm towards her, "Rogue..."

Then his eyes closed and he knew no more.

It was at that moment that a man passed his way by sheer chance. A man and a team of dogs, trying to cross the Antarctic. He saw the man in the snow, and pulled his team towards the fallen X-Man. The man ran towards Gambit and when he found much to his surprise that the man was alive, hauled his body onto his sled. Crossing the Antarctic could wait.

He turned his team back towards the camp where his friends and family were waiting in make shift shelters. And there, they cared for Gambit, not knowing or caring that he was a traitor. That he had no home, that his own family had left him to die.

There Gambit regained his health and life. Through his recuperation he hardly spoke a word to anyone, when he thought he was alone however, the man and his friends would often hear him say one word, over and over again.

"Rogue..."

~*~

And? What'd ya'll think? The part at the end is the way Ultimate X-Men 18 shows Gambit getting home, so I figured I'd go with it. Anyways, Review and let me know if you're all after my blood for starting another fic. I don't blame you if you are. Trust me, I'm out for my own blood.

Review! (Please?)

See ya on the flip side,

TheWalrusWasPaul