This is something just for fun while I force myself to write. Hopefully you like it. If not.... Well, read all my other stories and see if there is anything you do like. I could always write you a story you do like.... ;)

PS If for any reason this story offends you and you happen to be a hot female, PM me your phone number and we can discuss how sorry I truely am over dinner...

Babes In The Wood

"It's like, sooooo hot here!" Said Vapida, the HUnewearl as she fanned herself with a large leaf plucked from a nearby bush. Despite the overall skimpiness of her outfit, beads of sweat formed all over her smooth, firm body, each luscious curve accentuated by the glistening...

"AHEM! Would you mind telling this story without descending into softporn?" Fumed Vapida irritatedly.

Sorry. I just thought that my readers might like to benefit from my descriptive prowess. They are mostly male you know.

"Could we PLEASE get back to the story?" Said Klooless the FOmarl, voice almost rising to a shriek.

Right. Okay.

"Line?" Asked Klooless.


"My line? What's my next line?" Snapped Klooless.

Oh. "It is called a jungle..."

"Right, right. Well... It is called a jungle for a reason you know?" Said Klooless. Her formal FOrce robes undone at every available opening in order to keep the wearer as cool as possible.

"Yah." Said Vacua the RAmarl, between swigs from a bottle of chilled mineral water.

Vapida frowned at what Klooless had said, but could not find any flaws in the logic. The three intrepid explorers had volunteered to explore the area surrounding the central dome at the request of Alicia. They had assured the client that it was not necessary for her to accompany them, they were experienced Hunters after all. But that was 70 Beats ago, since then they had wandered around in circles unsure if they had reached their destination yet, Vapida and Klooless complaining endlessly about the heat, all three of them complaining about their tired feet. I of course suggested they try doing the quest in bikinis but they were strangely unreceptive to that idea.

Vapida glanced heavenwardly and scowled briefly before slumping against a nearby rockface, sighing as loudly as she could.

"Klooless, you're a FOrce. Can't you magic up something? Like an icecream? And why has it stopped raining?" She yelled at the skies.

"Magic... Don't know about an icecream, but watch this..." Said Klooless.

Her face became a mask of concentration as she held out a hand palm forward, focusing with all her might. A red glow became evident before a small ball of fire materialised there. The ball of fire shot off and impacted against the trunk of a tree leaving a black scorch-mark.

"Wow. That is pretty cool!" Said Vapida.

"Yah." Agreed Vacua.

"Can you do thing else?"

"Well apparantly, there is a spell that allows you to harness the power of lightning but I thought 'Yeah right!' Hair and electricity do not mix. I spend enough Meseta on my stylist as it is. It's like, I'm out here hunting just to keep him in hovercars."

"Crap!" Exclaimed Vapida. "I think someone is coming. Quick, pretend to be intelligent."

The three of them began to fasten up any opened items of clothing, covering up their exquisite bodies, depriving the world a glimpse of...

"A H E M !" Went all three in unison.

Oops. Forgot. Readied, they adopted their best 'Charlie's Angels' pose and waited. Through a gap in the brush emerged a familiar sight.

"Hello ladies. In need of company?" Said Ash the HUmar.

"Why Ash, I didn't know you were allowed to go out without your mommy now." Said Vapida sweetly.

"Yah." Said Vacua.

"Hey!" Protested Ash, face turning slightly red. "If you must know, my mom hasn't needed to accompany me all week. So there!"

Vapida was about to unleash her next stinging barb of wit when a loud crash at the opposite end of the clearing caught their attention.

"Wha-wha-wha-what the heck is that?" Stammered Ash nervously.

"That my dear is what is referred to as Ursa Megaplacidus Minor..." Said Vapida.

"More commonly known as a Hildebear." Interjected Klooless.


"Well whatever it is, I'll kill it. Stand back ladies." Said Ash holding out his Twin Saber horizontally and activating it in a way that would make Darth Maul proud.

"Oh puh-lease! Mr Big-shot-orange-jumpsuit-wearing-HUnter-boy going to rescue the poor defenseless damsels from the big meanie Hildebear?" Said Vapida in her best mocking voice.

"Yeah, it's not like we supposed to be studying them to see why they're attacking people instead of making the species extinct." Added Klooless.

"Yah." Added Vacua.

The Hildebear thumped its chest with its powerful arms before beginning to lumber in the direction of the quartet.

"Umm, it's coming right for us." Squealed Ash.

"Well then it should be no problem for a big, strong HUnter such as yourself to disable it with a blow to the Carotid Plexus nerve."

Ash looked at Vapida as if she had just said something to him in Latin, which she kind of had. Vapida rolled her eyes in exasperation.

"Here." She indicated a spot on her elegant neck with a finger. "Hit it here and it falls over. Got it?"

"Yah." Said Vacua.

"Right. I think I've got it." Said Ash stepping towards the approaching Hildebear.

"I hope you're not doing to use that thing?" Said Klooless pointing at Ash's Twin Saber.


"Use this."

Klooless handed Ash her Club and Ash stared at it like it was the most unusual thing he had ever seen in his whole life.


What did I do now?

"Not you." Said Vapida. "I was alerting Ash to the fact that the Hildebear had arrived."

Ash was infact very aware that the Hildebear had arrived by the 'total eclipse of the sun trick' it performed with its massive, muscular body, glistening with...


Whoops! Never mind.

With one swing Ash brought the rounded end of the club down upon the neck of the Kildebear in precisely the spot the Vapida had indicated. The Hildebear froze, it's eyes rolled up in its head and it crashed to the ground with a groan. Sensing his opportunity, Ash raised his Twin Saber high above its head.

"You just don't get it yet, do you?" Said Klooless, hands on her child-bearing hips, foot tapping with impatience.

Ash hesitated mid-strike before lowering his weapon and looking sheepish.

"But I thought..."

"Well, you thought wrong." Interrupted Klooless. "I think it's best that you leave before you cause any more trouble."

"Yes ma'am." Said Ash dejectedly as he walked off in the direction he had come.

"Aren't you forgetting something?" Ask Klooless pointing at Ash's right hand.

"Oh, right."

Ash handed back the club and left, his face flush as he felt the eyes of the three women drilling into his back. They waited till he had left before speaking again.

"It's sooooooo hot!" Said Vapida, undoing the straining buttons that kept her already revealing top together.

"Ugh! Did you see what he was wearing? I mean orange. That is so last season." Said Klooless off-handedly.