Author's Notes: Hey guys, I'm back! As a few of you know from reading the author's note in my other story, Payback, I've been banned from the internet for the rest of the month by my mother. Whoop-dee. I can only get on the internet at school, during lunch. I really need to thank Sage of Story helping me out with everything up until now. l really couldn't do it myself. You ROCK! Oh, and I also need to give her props for her story, Bring Me To Life, of which she just posted the third chapter to and which YOU ALL WILL GO READ RIGHT AFTER YOU FINISH THIS STORY, if you haven't already. I want to thank everyone who read and reviewed my other stories, Payback and Blind, which are my first two Teen Titan's fics. So, if you are ready for some serious hilarity and Valentine's Day antics, go ahead and read! But first…
MORE NOTES – GUYS! THIS IS SO MESSED UP! I AM REALLY SORRY THAT THE ORGIGNAL POSTING OF THIS DOES NOT HAVE PARAGRAPHS! I swear, I didn't write it like that. I'm trying to re-upload it, so if this doesn't work, then there is definitely something wrong with the Document Manager on my account. I'm sorry, Hotaru, that you found this the "most irritating paragraphless block of text you've every seen". It wasn't supposed to be like that. If this doesn't work, I'll send an email to the officials, but I hope it does. I'll post the next chapter to this tomorrow. Seeya!
Disclaimer: I do not own Teen Titans. If I did, Terra would not exist, Cyborg would have a girlfriend, Robin wouldn't be so obsessive, Slade wouldn't act like a pedophile, Gizmo would know some good insults, and Raven and Beast Boy would have multiple episodes devoted to their relationship. With a few dedicated to Robin and Starfire, of course.
Quote of the Chapter: Raven – So…do we get bathroom breaks?
A Teen Titans Valentine's Day Special: Black and Pink All Over
by Mint Dragon
When humans reach the age of about twelve or thirteen years, changes begin to occur. This is called puberty. These changes are brought on by an increase in hormones.
Hormones are very dangerous things. They cause us to be physically attracted to or repelled by some people, they cause us to act differently, and they bring about in us the change from child- to adulthood.
In males, puberty causes rapid growth, deepening of the voice, and the appearance of facial hair. In females, there is also a rapid growth spurt, more apparent in some areas than others. There is also something that is referred to by most girls as their period.
I will not elaborate on this for much longer, as it is an uncomfortable topic for some. Basically, it involves a monthly, ah, bleeding, in a most uncomfortable area. But this is not quite the topic at hand.
As this is caused by hormones, which affect both the physical and mental state, is it understandable that some females would have an imbalance or overload of hormones, which cause rather odd behavior, characterized by mood swings and a temper. This occurs before the monthly, er, time. It is known by the acronym PMS, for Premenstrual Syndrome.
Raven, being half-human, was unfortunately afflicted by this same cycle of changes. The extreme discomfort of PMS had reached even to this highly controlled, intelligent, and seemingly emotionless girl. Except, the acronym was somewhat different. PMS.
Personal Male Slaughter.
As we shall see.
One fine day, Raven woke up to an uncomfortable heady feeling. She frowned, and then slowly got out of bed and walked over to the calendar posted on her wall. She ran her finger down the listing for the month of February, to the date, and shuddered.
The day wasn't fine any more.
She sighed and got dressed, combing her hair and putting on her cape. She stood before her door and braced herself. Then, she opened it.
"HAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY!!!!!!"
Raven's eye twitched underneath her hood. Of course, it was Valentine's Day. The one day in the year that she hated most of all. Evidently, Starfire and Beast Boy hadn't quite understood that, as they had decorated the entire hallway. With pink. Red and white, too, but mostly pink.
Do you really need me to tell you that Raven loathed pink?
"Happy Valentine's Day, Raven! Today is the day that we shall all celebrate our love for each other with gifts of unhealthy chocolate, sugar, and artificially flavored food!" Starfire said cheerfully, holding out to Raven a small bag of candy hearts.
Raven took the plastic bag and looked at its contents dubiously. Tiny colored candy hearts with messages written on them. She pulled out one.
"Email me." she read out loud in her monotone voice. Her eye twitched again. She looked up at Starfire, who was smiling hopefully. Oh, why, why did she have to have a conscience? She popped the candy into her mouth and sucked on it, walking away from the cheering, annoying-as-all-hell twosome.
She walked into the kitchen and rubbed her forehead, sighing, as she made some tea.
"Morning, Raven." Cyborg said as he ate his pancakes.
"Good morning, Cyborg. Well, at least someone isn't getting all caught up in this ridiculous holiday," she muttered as she opened the medicine cabinet.
"Yeah, well, I've got a date for later, so you're going to have to deal with those two later," he said.
"Lucky you," Raven muttered under her breath as she searched for the bottle with the orange and blue label. She spotted it on the top shelf, and used her powers to bring it down to the counter. She popped open the lid and took out two of the small orange and white pills, pouring herself a cup of tea.
"Motrin, Raven?" Robin asked as he walked in. "You feeling okay?"
"Just a headache," she lied as she swallowed the pills, washing them down with some herbal tea. "Starfire and Beast Boy gave me quite the greeting this morning."
"They mean well," Robin said as he sat down and picked up the newspaper. Cyborg put his dishes in the sink and got up.
"Well, I'm outta here. I gotta go pick up a flower and some chocolate for my date."
Robin raised his eyebrow at Cyborg as the largest member of the Teen Titans walked away.
"A date? Cyborg?" He turned to Raven as the cloaked girl sat next to him with her mug of tea.
"Don't know, don't care."
"Right. Well, I've got some errands to run. I'll be back before dinnertime." Robin said, standing and leaving. Raven sighed and massaged her temples. 'What a day', she thought as she chewed on another candy heart. It was considerate of Starfire to give them to her, and she didn't want to hurt the alien girl's feelings by not accepting her gift.
"Hey there, Raven! One Valentine's day special, coming up!"
Raven groaned inwardly as she looked up to see Beast Boy in his chef's hat moving busily about the counter. Not a moment later, the grinning shape-shifter slid a plate under her nose. It was a lopsided, heart-shaped pancake with pink icing. Raven looked up, incredulous. Beast Boy was grinning at her cheerfully, waiting for her to eat it. Raven sighed and picked up a fork.
'Stupid conscience,' she thought as she chewed the sugary breakfast and drank her herbal tea.
After she had finished the sweet confection, she stood and began to walk up to her room, where she could meditate for a while in peace, she hoped.
Raven had not taken two steps down the hall before she tripped over something. She fell flat on her face, and then propped herself up and turned to see what had gotten in her way.
It was a strip of pink paper, one of many that littered the hallway and walls. Raven glared at it, and it burst into flames, quickly reduced to ashes. She turned to look down the hall, and most of the decorations were also incinerated reduced to dust. She stood and took a deep breath to regain her composure, and then began to walk again. She opened the door and entered her room, and…
Nearly blew up the entirety of Jump City and the surrounding area.
Her room had been…pinkified.
There were paper hearts on the walls, pink lights hanging from the ceiling, and her sheets had even been changed. To pink ones with red rose prints. Pink streamers were hung from the giant statue of a bird, and pink pieces of confetti fluttered down from the ceiling. She turned around, twitching. And saw none other than Beast Boy and Starfire, standing next to each other and waving, and grinning toothily.
Raven reached out with one hand and grabbed Beast Boy by the throat, and he was dragged quickly into her room. Their faces were centimeters apart, steam coming out of Raven's ears, and Beast Boy being held two inches off of the ground. Raven, glared at him, cheeks burning red with anger, and told him how she felt in one clearly enunciated, eloquent syllable.
Raven used her powers to shut the door in Starfire's face, and the green-eyed girl stared at it, dumbstruck, and listened to the numerous crashing, screaming, and rather…odd…noises coming from the other side. A moment later, Beast Boy was thrust out, bound with a combination of duct tape and streamers, plastered with paper hearts, with numerous bumps on his head and swirls in eyes. He swayed for a moment on his feet, and then fell over, unconscious.
"Raven?" Starfire asked quietly. Raven glared at her, still twitching, and then slammed the door shut. A little confused, she picked up Beast Boy and brought him to the living room. She placed him on the couch and then went to get a drink of water. She put a cup on the counter, and then saw the bottle of Motrin. Starfire frowned and picked it up. Then, her eyes widened, and she rushed to look at the calendar posted on the wall.
The green-eyed girl ran to Beast Boy and quickly unbound him, shaking him awake.
"Woah," Beast Boy said, a little woozy. "Where am I?"
"You are with me, and here." Starfire said urgently. "We must find Robin at once. This is very bad."
"What's up with Raven?" he asked groggily. Starfire held up the calendar and pointed to that date, which was, for some reason yet unknown to him, tinted red. Beast Boy blinked, a little more awake, and then looked up at Starfire, eyebrows knit in confusion.
"It is…" Starfire paused to think of the Earth term for the horrible, hormonal affliction that had afflicted all females of the human species for tens of hundreds of years. That awful, cruel torture, lunar in cycle, that most of the girls looked forward to eagerly, and once they got it, hated it and hated it until it stopped, forty years later. Then they wanted it back.
"PMS." she completed.
Beast Boy blinked.
Blink. Blink. Blink. Click.
The elfin-eared changeling shot up, screaming. He grabbed Starfire's wrist and began to run towards the door. Beast Boy grabbed the handle and flung it open. It slammed against the wall so hard that it made a rectangular indent in the super-reinforced cement.
Robin stood stock-still in front of the door, a plastic bag hanging on his left arm and his right hand poised to knock on the door. He looked from Robin to Starfire, noting the frantic looks on their faces.
"What the heck is going on here?"
In her room, Raven sat on her bed, hood up. She was trying to meditate. She was failing.
Mood swings were not something that she was used to. Mood swings that registered on the Richter scale were something that no one was used to. So the purple-haired girl was trying to relax, to let it all go, and regain calm and mental balance.
Unfortunately for her, her hormones didn't have quite the same game plan.
Raven absentmindedly popped another candy heart into her mouth. Damn, those things were addictive. She waved a hand at her desk, and a small black laptop flew over to her. Raven flipped up the lid, logged on to the net, and checked her email. Generally, there would be a few spam emails with ads for viagra and the like, which she would promptly delete, and maybe an email from a fan or two that had somehow found her address. She would promptly delete those and then go to her favorite forum, "Dark Minds Think Alike" and perhaps post something on the "Life is Pointless" thread. Generally.
Her eye twitched convulsively as she stared at her inbox. There was, of course, the obligatory spam. An email from Dprezzed989, about whatever interesting and amusing antics had occurred at the gothic girl's high school in New York City, and then…
Email. Lots and lots of email. All from such dubious screen-names such as "Wannaplayinbed67" and "hotguysingle354". Under normal circumstances, Raven would have deleted those messages and added all of the senders to her list of people who weren't allowed to email her. Not without returning to them a nice little Trojan virus, of course. But today was anything but normal circumstances for Raven. So she decided to read one of them, and personalize her revenge. It would make it all the more sweet. She clicked on an email from "seXXXychico76" and it opened in a new window on her screen.
Raven's eyes scanned the email, flicking from side to side as the text was sent to her brain through electrical signals and then interpreted by the knowledge stored there. Her eyes widened. They widened a lot. As in, saucers-that-can-hold-a- large-sized-pizza-with-pepperoni-and-mushrooms wide. Then the left one started twitching again. And then, the inevitable happened.
Her computer blew up.
Shards of microchips scattering the ground, Raven stood, still twitching. Twitch. Twitch. She levitated to the door. Twitch. Twitch Twitch. She opened the door. She stepped out.
"Uh-oh," Robin said heavily after the situation had been explained to him. "This doesn't sound good."
"No duh, dude!" Beast Boy cried out, waving his arms frantically. "This is really really bad!"
Starfire frowned and touched her lip. "I hope that our friend is alright. I fear that this will cause her a great deal of emotional chaos."
The three friends were standing in the middle of the living room, when suddenly, like a big shadow had been cast over the tower, everything turned black. Beast Boy looked quickly from side to side, between his legs, and at the ceiling.
"Since when did we get a new paint job?" he remarked, his voice quivering. Indeed, it was as if a huge container of black paint had been dumped on them. Every single thing was covered in a tar-like form of energy that they all recognized.
"Uh-oh," Robin reiterated, looking at the door. Standing there, a slightly deranged look on her face, and her left eye twitching, was Raven. She started to laugh, in a slightly insane fashion.
"Heh. Heh heh. Heh heh heh ha ha ha hah!"
The leader of the Teen Titans took a nervous step backwards.
"Uh, Beast Boy, what do we do now?"
The small green boy grabbed Robin by the front of his shirt and pulled him down until their faces were pressed together. Robin was staring directly into Beast Boy's now huge and bloodshot eyes.
"What do we do?" he repeated, slightly hysterical. "We run! RUN! NOW!"
Beast Boy dashed off as if, well, as if a deranged, slightly insane, angry and super-powered girl with unbalanced hormones on a sugar high was about to eat him. Maybe because a deranged, slightly insane, angry and super-powered girl with unbalanced hormones on a sugar high was about to eat him. Maybe.
But Robin and Starfire quickly followed suit. Beast Boy crashed into the door numerous times, in various large and powerful forms, but the door, coated as well as everything else with Raven's psychic energy, was impervious to his efforts. All Beast Boy managed to do was give himself a rather large bump on the head.
Starfire, Robin, and Beast Boy cowered against the doorway, shivering with fright. Raven stepped forward slowly.
Twitch. Insane Laughter. Twitch. Twitchety twitch twitch laugh twitchety laugh laugh twitchers. Step. Step. Repeat three times.
As Raven advanced, her shadow covered her three cowering teammates. Beast Boy gulped.
Far, far away, on a cliff overlooking the lake that held the Titan's Tower on the island within it, Cyborg popped open a can of Coke. Downing the carbonated drink, he crushed the can in his hand and let it drop in the seat next to him. He had rebuilt the T-Car to come with a sports car feature, and so sat with a slight breeze waving the grasses on the roadside next to him. It was February, but the cold didn't really matter to the cyborg. He smiled knowingly as the Titan's Towers was surrounded by a black cloud. A big black cloud. And he could've sworn he heard screams of horror and pain. Cyborg belched and sat back, closing his eyes. A date, right. The perfect excuse to get out of there before the destruction began, and giving some guys at the bar Raven's email was the perfect way to insure that he could have fun watching her nearly kill the rest of the team.
"Cy," he congratulated himself, "You are one smart cyborg."
So, didja like it? I hope so. I personally dislike Valentine's Day. Maybe that's just because I detest pink, and cheeriness, and the whole "be nice to everyone, it's Valentine's Day" crap that I get every year. I also get a lot of grief during that time of the month, possibly because I go into full-on bitch mode, and scare the crap out of everyone around me. I was getting to wonder whether or not that could happen to Raven, and how she would act, and then there was the whole Valentine's Day thing coming up, so I thought something like this would be appropriate. Actually, last year a group of girls that were really annoying but trying to be nice, I suppose, gave me a bag of those little sugar candy message hearts when they heard I hated Valentine's Day. I was trying to at least be decent about it, so I ate them. And then I got on a sugar rush, and I am SCARY when I am on a sugar rush. So I tried to imagine Raven, plus Valentine's Day, plus PMS, plus sugar, plus pink, plus really disgusting and creepy email from someone that you don't know, and I got this story. Oh, and I just thought it would be really funny to have Cyborg sitting on the sidelines with the whole "ha ha, sucks for you" thing going on. I hope you liked it!