Title- Reflection

Summary- Mulder reflects on the past nine years of his life

Rating- PG

Disclaimer- Sadly they are not mine, but I can always hope.

My life hasn't been all that exciting. There was seven years of chasing UFO's and aliens with Scully, one year of not knowing where I was or what was happening to me, and one year of hiding from my demons.... that's the short version of my life. Makes you think that I'm this sad person who's gone crazy, because I believe in aliens and my passion is the paranormal.

When I first met the lovely, but fiery redhead named Dana Kathryn Scully, I hated her. I wanted her out of my office, out of my life. I thought she was there to spy on me, to shut me down. I wasn't going to let her do that. I had it set in my mind. I ditched her so many times that I bet she hated me too. I bet she wanted to kick my ass over and over again every time I did that.

I guess the first time that I knew I couldn't be without her was when she was abducted. That's when everything started to go downhill. I blamed myself for everything horrible that happened in her life, her sister's murder, her cancer, her daughter, Emily, and everything else.

The first time that I knew I was truly in love with her was when she was dying of her cancer. I knew from the first moment she told me, I couldn't lose her. I was too big of a coward to tell her that to her face. I didn't know how she felt about me. I was actually thinking about killing myself if she died, I wouldn't be able to go on. When she went into remission, my heart filled with joy. Corny sounding, I know, but that's what it felt like. It felt like a whole bunch of joy came over me, bathing me in light. I hadn't been that happy since Samantha was alive and well.

What really did the toll on me was when Scully wanted to quit the FBI. She was getting transferred to Salt Lake City, Utah. I don't know what changed her mind, but I'm glad that she stayed with me. Was it because I saved her life by going to Antarctica? But then there was the struggle to get the X-Files back. I look at the past and it makes me want to laugh. I was so caught up in aliens and everything else I didn't know what was right under my nose, the love of my life.

My last year at the FBI was the best of my whole career. Despite losing my mother and my sister, I gained much more; I got Scully's love. I don't really remember how it happened, one moment we were watching Caddy Shack and the next we weren't. That's when everything good started to happen, until my abduction. I still don't remember what happened. All I know is that I missed Scully's pregnancy. I should have been there for her and for my son.

I found a journal at Scully's when she was at work one day; she had kept it while I was gone so I could know what it was like for her. The pages were tear stained and her writing was fierce. She had talked about how great the Gunman and Skinner were and then eventually her new partner, John Doggett. I never cared much for Doggett and I still don't, but Scully had told me to play nice. I guess she heard about the time that I met him, deserves him right. How was I to know that he wasn't working against us?

The happiest day of my life was the day William was born, but then I was forced to leave my son and the love of my life. Life has been so cruel to me and it never stopped. I remember those long nights that never seemed to end. I couldn't sleep, all I could think about was my family; little did I know it was following apart. How I wish I could've been there the last few moments before Scully gave up William. I don't blame her for what happened, she did it for his best interest. If I were in her position, I would have done the same.

Then when I finally I get home, I get charged for murder... who would have thought? I just couldn't believe my eyes when I saw Skinner and Doggett come into my cell. It was Scully's plan; she gave up everything for me. She would never see her mother or brother again, which I think it's a plus not to see Bill again. If he only knew I was the reason, he'd kill me before you could say uncle.

My Scully now believes in aliens... my skeptical Scully, my sweet, beautiful Scully. It's nice to know I'm not the only crazy person in the world anymore. She truly is my constant, my touchstone. I will love her until the day that I die, but our love will still go on. My love for her can never be destroyed.

I look over at her sleeping form in this cheap, cheesy motel room in Roswell, New Mexico. I can't believe we're in Roswell, it's where the whole alien business began and this is probably where the shit storm of all time is going to happen. December 21, 2012, I will never forget that date for the rest of my life.

Scully is starting to turn now she's waking up. It's almost four o'clock in the morning. The early worm always catches the worm. Scully opens her eyes and sees me writing in my journal, that brings a smile to her face, it's been so long since I've seen her smile. Her beautiful smile with her white, straight teeth.

"What you doing?" Scully asked me in a sleepy tone.

"I got this journal.... I was just writing in it." I commented as I shut it up.

"Can I read?" the corners of Scully's mouth went up to form a bigger smile.

"Maybe some day." I reply.

"I love you, Mulder." Scully sat up and came over to cuddle with me.

"And I love you, Dana." I tell her.

I turn back to my journal. I reopened it and placed my pen on the paper. I then wrote the words, "I'm Fox Mulder and I'm finally happy." I then closed the book and placed it on the nightstand. I bent down to give Scully a small kiss. My life is complete for now.

Author's Notes- I had this story up before, but I revised it and added some things. This isn't normally the kind of thing I write. I'm not a big first person narrative/journal entry type story. I do hope you enjoyed. Please review.