Oooh, surprise surprise, I don't own Buffy. Nor do I own Sailor Moon. Buffy is owned by Joss Whedon, Mutant Enemy and all the fun stations that have broadcasting rights. Sailor Moon is owned by Naoko Takeuchi, Mixx / Tokyo Pop, Cloverway, DIC, etc,etc. I'm making no money off of this.
Eh, warnings. Does Mass stupidity count? Seriously though, there is going to be a B/G type romance in this. If that doesn't float your boat, give up now.
With unexpected velocity, Buffy crashed through the storefront window of the local comic book store. She was not certain what the big ugly thing that she was fighting was, but she did know that it hit very hard when it was angry.
Buffy flipped back up onto her feet as the thing came through the window after her. They circled each other for a few seconds before Buffy went on the offensive with a roundhouse kick. The demon dodged her blow and swept her off balance so that she landed flat on her back.
As it loomed over her, Buffy reached out blindly and threw the first thing that her hand touched at it. In a haze of green light, the comic book she had just tossed disappeared as did the demon.
Buffy stared skeptically at the place that the demon had just been standing, "Oh, a big, scary demon that gets defeated by paper cuts. That's new."
With a grunt, she hauled herself out of the bookstore before the police came and found her there. With a glance at her watch, she decided to head back to the dorms and call it quits for the night's patrol.
The next morning, Buffy woke up to the blare of her alarm clock. Groggily, she slapped it off and rolled over. She repeated the exercise about five times before she realized that it was Saturday and that she had agreed to go down to the Magic Box to help out.
Wailing at the top of her lungs, she dashed through her morning routine and ran out the door. She was over halfway there by the time it dawned on her that she had just yelled to the entire dorm that she was late for no apparent reason.
Shaking her head, she shook off the odd occurrence and kept going until she reached her destination.
She pushed the doors open brashly with a word of apology on her lips, but nobody appeared to notice that she was late nor that she had just flung open the door with unnecessary force.
Anya glanced up from where she was at the counter, "Good morning, Usagi!" She said in a highly chipper and over enthusiastic voice.
Buffy stared at her, "Umm, Hi Anya," she said as she slowly backed away, "That's a very nice ribbon you have in your hair today."
"Ohm thank you! You're so sweet!"
Buffy nodded once and turned towards the rest of the gang, who apparently had not noticed the fact that Anya had mysteriously been abducted and replaced with an insane cheerleader. What she noticed first, when she turned around was the fact that Willow had mysteriously dyed her hair blue. Next came the realization that Tara had dyed her hair strange shade of black followed quickly by the realization that Giles had on the most hideous green jacket that she had ever seen. Those things, however, were quickly trumped by the fact that Xander, was in fact, wearing a skirt.
Buffy shook her head, "Is there something going on that I don't know about? Is it Sunnydale 'Act stranger than normal' day or something?"
Giles glanced up from his book, "Of course not, Usako."
Buffy's eyes widened at Giles, "This is some big joke on Buffy, isn't it? You've all decided to see if Buffy is going to crack under pressure."
"Don't be silly, Usagi," Tara's voice was uncharacteristically strong.
Buffy grit her teeth together, "My name is BUFFY and this isn't funy."
Willow raised her gaze from the laptop screen she had been focusing on, "Actually, if you are going to use the English translation of your name, it should be 'Bunny' not 'Buffy,' Usagi-chan."
"Ah, she's just been studying too hard for her entrance exams," Xander said. Turning around he motioned to Buffy, "I brought some homemade cookies. Why don't you have some?"
Buffy stared at them. Xander in a skirt had brought homemade cookies. Tara was being mouthy. Willow had dyed her hair blue. Giles was wearing a hideous jacket. The Hellmouth had definitely done something to all of her friends. Although, the jacket might just be a typical Giles fashion mistake…
Before she could think of something to say, Spike came through the door. Spike with no blanket had just walked through the front door, and he was not on fire.
"Slayer, I need to talk to you and your little group of friends."
Buffy, to tell the truth, was slightly relieved that Spike had just used his normal abrasive manner. Granted, he was not on fire and his hair was an unusual shade of purple, but he at least seemed to be acting normally.
"I want to know…" Spike stopped and stared at Buffy, "What the hell did you do to your hair?"
Buffy glared at him, "What did I do to my hair? What did you do to your hair? Was being one of the undead not gothic enough for you?"
"You look like bleedin' Mickey Mouse. Sides, what wrong with my hair?"
Buffy's hands crept up to the top of her head only to find two circular lumps of hair resting on either side of her head. Her mouth widened in shock as she moved towards a display mirror to view the strange shape her head seemed to have taken on.
"Slayer, what's wrong with my hair!" Spike demanded impatiently.
Buffy whirled around, "Its purple you moron. Can't you see that?"
"Oh, yes. I can bloody well look into any mirror in town and see my pretty face," Spike snorted and rolled his eyes.
"Well I just thought that seems how you gained the ability to walk around in broad daylight you might be able to look into a mirror and fix your ugly self."
"Ha, ha Slayer. Besides, what do you think I came here to talk to you about, the weather?"
"I don't know Spike, maybe this is all just a part of your latest evil scheme," Buffy shot back accusingly.
"Oh, yes, because I just gained the ability to do magic," he sneered.
"Well, it could have been, right guys?" Buffy turned to see that the rest of the gang appeared to be ignoring them.
Spike turned around and stared at them, "Off hand, Slayer, I'd say there's something wrong."
"Thanks, Spike, I didn't notice that myself. I wouldn't notice that all of my friends are acting strangely and you are walking around enjoying the sunshine."
Spike frowned for a second, "Actually, that would be all of the vampires in Sunnydale are walking around in the sunshine."
Buffy rounded back to stare at Spike, "What?"
Spike shrugged nonchalantly, "Every creepy crawly thing is currently strolling through downtown Sunnydale like normal everyday people."
"Oh, this is just great… Wait a second, why are you telling me this?"
Spike smiled, "Cause I'm a nice person?"
Buffy raised one eyebrow, "You're the evil undead, Spike."
"Okay, okay. It's like this. I was in my crypt right? And then this umm, friend of mine comes knocking on the door, only its full daylight out. He says that something's happened and that we can go walking around. So I take a little jaunt, you know its been a few hundred years since I didn't burst into flame from a stroll in the sun…"
"Get to the point," Buffy said exasperated.
"Oh, well anyway, some other demon spied me and decided to settle an old debt. So, I went into game face, only what was supposed to happen didn't."
Buffy frowned, "What do you mean?"
"Well, the next thing I knew, the demon who thought he was going to take a chunk out of me stars laughing his arse off, and I'm standing in the middle of the street with a pair of purple boots, and frilly, short purple skirt and a very big scythe. Well, naturally I beat him up with my big stick, but I'm not too keen on the whole skirt thing."
Buffy sighed, "Well, at least you're not alone. Whatever is going on seems to have given Xander a cross-dressing problem to."
Spike looked closer at Xander, "Say, Buffy, how close is the closest store that sells those instant cameras?"
Buffy glared at him, "Spike we have an emergency here, and nobody else seems to know it. And you're going to help me whether you like it or not. I'm betting I can still beat your ass into the ground."
"Fine, fine. I'll get the camera later," Spike sulked.
They stood in silence for a while.
"So, any idea why they aren't noticing us?" Spike said to break the silence.
Buffy shook her head, "I don't know. They were all talking to me earlier before you came in."
"Right then, umm, what do we do?"
Buffy sighed, "I'm not really sure. Normally, I'd ask Giles, but…"
Spike tilted his head to one side, "What's wrong with Rupes? Aside from the fact that his normal fashion sense has taken a distinct nose dive."
"He seems to think my name is "Useful" or something like that."
"Really? You didn't tell me that you and the old man were getting it on. What would your little soldier say about that?"
Buffy glared at Spike, "You aren't that useful."
"Fine, fine. Be that way if you must," Spike sulked.
"Maybe if I ask, Giles might know what's going on even if he isn't all there," Buffy thought out loud.
"Well, I 'spose its better than just standing here, now isn't it?" Spike replied smarmily.
Buffy blew a breath out of her lips and strolled over to where Giles was sitting.
"Hey, Giles," she started uncertainly.
Instantly two very intense eyes were staring straight into her own.
"Yes, Usako?" Giles's voice was soft and passionate as he turned his face so their noses were mere inches apart.
"I, uhh, that is…" Buffy trailed off trying to pound into her brain the fact that all Giles had really done outside of his normal behavior was call her a different name.
Spike, of course, was busy laughing, still unnoticed by the others in the room.
"Nothing," Buffy choked out as she retreated.
Before Spike could put in another of his sparkling witticisms, the door to the shop opened again presenting to Spike and Buffy a very exasperated and pink haired Dawn.
"And I thought your hair looked bloody awful," Spike mumbled to Buffy.
"What is going on?" Dawn shrieked.
Everyone in the shop looked over at her. Giles took his glasses off, stuffed them into his pocket, and strolled over to Dawn. He knelt down so he was at eye level with her, "What's wrong, Chibi Usa?" he asked softly.
Dawn started to make strangled noises in throat and got a desperate look on her face. Wild eyes focused on Buffy.
"This is your fault isn't it?" she whined.
Instantly, Dawn was surrounded by the rest of the gang all trying to find out what had happened and trying to calm her down. As the seconds ticked by, Dawn's expression was getting steadily deranged. Buffy pushed through the crowd and grabbed Dawn's arm.
"We, have to, ah, go home now," Buffy pronounced lamely.
Fortunately, the others seemed to think it was a perfectly acceptable excuse and said goodbye. Buffy dragged Dawn out the door and Spike followed.
Once they had found themselves a secluded alley Buffy stopped to talk to Dawn.
"Do you know who I am?" Buffy asked quickly.
"Of course, you're my annoying older sister, Buffy. You're a little hard to forget," Dawn replied.
Dawn's eyes flitted over to Spike, "Why is he walking around in the sun?"
"That's what we're trying to figure out," Buffy said as she sagged against the wall of the building.
"And I guess that the reason that he's walking around in the sun is the same reason I'm living in a Sailor Moon nightmare?" Dawn asked.
"A what?" Buffy asked back.
"Sailor Moon, you know, a famous Japanese cartoon, badly dubbed…"
"Wait, you're saying we're all cartoon characters?" Buffy's voice raised an octave in pitch.
"Well, it is the Hellmouth," Spike supplied helpfully.
Dawn rolled her eyes, "Yeah. Do normal people roll their hair up in odangos?"
"What?" Buffy asked, confused.
"The two round things on your head," Dawn replied in her best teenage "duh" tone.
Spike lit up a cigarette, "How do you know what they're called?"
Dawn blushed, "Well I maybe, sort of, dabbled in Sailor Moon. You know I bought some subbed videos maybe a few manga…"
Buffy's eyes lit up, "So you know what's going on."
Dawn shook her head, "I might know who everybody is supposed to be, but I don't know what's causing all of this."
"Of course," Spike moaned.
"What?" Buffy asked sharply.
"I might know what caused this," Spike stated.
"And that would be?" Buffy asked testily.
Spike grinned, "How much is it worth to you?"
Buffy glowered at him, "I don't know, Spike. How do you feel about spending the rest of your life in a frilly purple skirt?"
Spike frowned, "Forgot about that. Simple truth is, some idiot got into a fight with a Media Demon."
Buffy gave him an unbelieving look, "You're joking. There is no demon called that."
Spike growled at her, "It's just a name it has picked up over the years. The original name was too long and hard to pronounce. Rupes would probably know it, but he isn't available right now, is he?"
"Alright, I get your point. So what did this 'media demon' do?"
"Well, if they're provoked into an attack, they get someone to toss a piece of media: a song, a book, a movie, anything really, and they make that person live out the story in it. Apparently, they find it great fun to watch the general chaos that ensues. They aren't very popular, you know. Not even among us. It's bloody inconvenient."
Buffy stared at him, "So how do we undo what ever it is that it did?"
"Don't know. I've always been able to steer clear of them before."
"But wait," Dawn butted in, "How come we aren't affected like Giles and the others?"
"Well, those with a mystical element to them don't get their minds messed with. The Slayer is naturally immune as are your garden variety demons and vampires. Don't know why you aren't though. You should be. 'Specially when the watcher and the witches aren't immune," Spike shrugged his shoulders and took another drag off of his cigarette.
"Well, Mr. Answers why don't you tell us why they didn't notice you in the store," Buffy challenged.
"I don't bloody well know why," Spike snapped back.
Dawn frowned, "Maybe he wasn't acting in character enough, maybe they just ignore everything that doesn't fit with a character's normal behavior."
Spike nodded, "You might have something there. That might be why they didn't act strangely when Buffy called them by their normal names."
Buffy sighed, "Yes, well, fascinating as this all is, it doesn't help us one bit. We don't know how to fix whatever happened, and I'm not exactly 'book girl.' I'm the slayer, I beat things up."
Spike snorted, "And I suppose I'm a real bookworm?"
Dawn sighed, "Look you two, it's pretty obvious that we're going to have to do some research ourselves. We can probably read the books at the Magic Shop really easily."
"What about Giles's personal books that he keeps at his place? We can't just ask him for his "Five-easy-steps-to-identifying Demons", I'm guessing," Buffy stated.
Dawn sighed, "Well, actually, getting access to Giles's books is probably going to be really easy."
"Why's that?" Spike drawled.
Dawn grinned, "Because Buffy's his girlfriend."