Liberty City Survivor

Natural Selection, Has Come Home

Jose Philipe Mendola

Legal Notice: I am still not in possession of the rights of any of the places or locations used in this fic. They are copyrighted material of Rockstar and RockstarNorth. The only purpose of this fic is to amuse you and me.

Authors note: Two chapters in two days? Wow, it's almost like I was back in high School… even my story lines still suck! This chapter also has the potential to be written or started, consume several hours of my time and end up getting scrapped. If you are reading this, it means that I was either feeling SO creative and this fell out of my head (Again, this was NOT on paper first), or I was SO bored that I went ahead and did this anyway. Enjoy!

'Welcome back to another exciting episode of Liberty City Survivor!' The host yelled as the title exploded onto the screen, the background a collage of explosions, weapons and loose ammunition rounds. 'I'm your host Mark, and with me is my co-host, Mike.'

Mike coughs and hacks, sounding wet and phlegm-y.

'Ugh.' Mike groans 'I don't feel well.'

Mark looks over to his partner and grimaces.

'I'm sorry to hear that, buddy, but we DO have a show to take care of tonight. We'll be returning to a favorite location, and this promises to be a busy night!'

'I'm sure I'll make it, but it sucks that I've come down with whatever the hell this is as fast as I did.'

'Tonight we'll be broadcasting live from Staunton Island in the very busy public park. It being a Friday-'

'There's going to be a lot of people out tonight.' Mike finishes with a sneeze.

'Could not have said it better myself.' Mark agrees. 'Tonight is going to be a bit of an interesting event, as you'll see by the footage shot this afternoon, our contestants have already been 'enhanced' by our street team.'

The shot cuts away from Mike and Mark and now shows two bums, dressed in very familiar rags, being handed a bottle of Vodka apiece.

'THIS should set my mind right.' One of the bums slurred.

'Well, it's not paint thinner, and I can't sniff it up,' the other one began 'but it might be a nice change of pace.'

Both bums began drinking from the bottles, not stopping until they were finished.

'Look at them go.' Mark observes, sounding impressed. 'I wonder how they are holding up right, and where.'

'I think I'm dying.' Mike says weakly.

'Let's go to Tyco in the operations room and get a rundown of tonight match. Tyco?'

Tyco is now in picture, sitting in front of his NORAD-like command post. His desk, visible behind him, is buried under stacks of papers, coffee cups and empty bottles of soda.

'Good evening fans, Tyco here!' He cheers from his desk 'Tonight is going to be a great match! We know enough about the contestants already to pretend that we care, so let's get right to the Hazard report for tonight. A map is shown in shot now; the general Central City is seen. 'Now right here we have the centrally located public park.' The park is highlighted on the map and flashes a few times. 'this is where we plan on having much of our action take place, so all of you Liberty City Survivor fans out there, be sure you can get a good view. Now, South East of the park is a building that has been under construction for a while now. As we all know, the Columbian cartel is deeply entrenched in that area, a bit on the ironic side, as their territory extends to the hospital. If you remember several months ago, one of our contestants had planned on swinging by there in hopes of getting patched up, but the cartel cut him off and he ended up in a concrete foundation.'

'A classic match.' Mark chimed in.

'Now South East of that area, the Yakuza have set up operations. No need to go into how they take to anyone armed near their properties. We've yet to see them interact with us so far, but there's always hope. And finally, spread out over the area between the Cartel and Yakuza, claiming territory close to the Liberty City Cocks Stadium, The Yardies.'

'When was the last time we heard from them?' Mark asked.

'It's been relatively quiet on the Yardi front,' Tyco said 'the locals' chalk this up to low recruitment rate and a shortage of illegal weapons begin brought in for anyone but the Cartel. We have yet to confirm this, but it seems like a good enough reason to me.'

'Anything else we should know about tonight?' Mark asked.

'Only that those reports of some homicidal maniac on the loose are still coming in more and more often each day. Largely placed in the Portland Island area, there have been a few sightings of this mystery man here on Staunton. There have been no Survivor related incidents yet, but as always, we want to make sure our fans know of the possible dangers before going out.'

'Right you are, Tyco.' Mark said 'Anything to add before we begin, Mike?'

'I think I'm gonna hurl.' Mike groaned, slipping out of the camera shot.

'Mike will be back in a moment or two folks, while we are waiting, here are a few words from our sponsors.'

The very familiar parade of advertisements made their play on air. Covered was Bitchin' Dog Food, , a New Pogo the Monkey Game for the Gamestation III that would be released next week and a new TV spot for The Happy Blimp sub shop franchise.

After the slurry of advertising, the Liberty City Survivor logo made its familiar explosion back onto the screen and Mark was seen again, a very ill looking Mike next to him.

'Welcome back, Fans. We're just moments away from starting, and I just can not wait!' Mark cheered.

'I feel like shit.' Mike announced.

'You LOOK like shit, buddy. Now let's get started!'

One of the bums was starting outside of a tall building on the East end of the park. The consigner at the buildings door looked ready to shoo the bum away should he get too close. The bum took a grenade out of his pocket and looked it over. When he opened his jacket to replace it, an Uzi was seen on his hip, as well as a pistol.

Elsewhere, the other contestant was outside of a very popular internet café. He was openly inspecting his shotgun, pedestrians walking by paying him no mind. Loading 7 rounds into the chamber and racking a round, he strapped the weapon to his back and began walking West, the camera and announcer not far behind him.

The bum outside the park got his cue to move and set out across the street, not bothering to wait on traffic. A large, teal Miabatsu Monstrosity skidded to a halt only a few feet from him. The driver leaned out the window and began shouting at the bum.

'I got to get to work!'

The bum responded by flashing his Uzi at the driver. Continuing across the street, the bum looked around as if deciding which way to go.

Not far away, the bum with the shotgun had stopped in an alley to relieve himself.

'This spot will look familiar to ANYONE that watches Survivor on a daily basis,' the announcer points out 'This alley is right outside of Ammu-Nation.'

'Anyone in that area,' Mark begins 'has a good chance to get on TV now and in a safe fashion.'

'Right you are,' the announcer continues as the bum is now exiting the alley 'it seems we have our first fan tonight coming by to wish our contestant good luck.'

'Hey! Hey man, hey!' A man wearing a tan trench coat and matching hat approaches the bum as he exit the alley 'the cameras, this is Liberty City Survivor, right?'

'I sexed a biscuit once.' The bum replies.

'Here,' the fan says, not at all deterred 'I want you to have this.'

The man reaches into his coat and produces a pistol. He hands it over to the bum who looks it over.

'Can I eat it?' he asks.

'Oh man, I LOVE this show! LIBERTY CITY COCKS RULE!'

'By the looks of things,' Mark says 'it seems our contestant has received one of the million 9mm pistols registered here in Liberty City. Let's hope our contestant puts it to good use.'

The bum with the new pistol jogs up the street in the direction of the park, crashing into the occasional pedestrian and knocking a few of them over.

Off in the distance, gun fire is heard.

Before Mark can question it, and Mike complain about being sick, the camera cuts back to the other bum who is in the public bathroom in the park, shooting the hell out of an unoccupied stall. While he is shouting something lost over the noise, the announcer who is standing by outside explains how the bum had run over to the park, crossed a footbridge and ran straight for the bathroom. Before the camera operator could get in, the bum had started yelling about 'Demons!' and began firing wildly, wounding one civilian that was in the stall next to the one that was begin efficiently turned into Swiss cheese.

Now crawling out of the neighboring stall, the pedestrian with a bleeding hole in his leg was all smiles to see the camera crew.

'Oh man, I was so worried that it was the cartel that had found me.' Despite the wound, he struggled to his feet, threw both fists into the air over his head and cheered 'I Love this show!' before he limped past the camera crew and out into the park.

After the bum had emptied an entire magazine into the stall, he reloaded and turned to face the mirror.

From outside, a single gunshot was heard.

The bum ignored it and moved closer to the mirror, attempting to sneak up on it.

In order not to miss anything, the scene switched back to the other bum who was still hustling toward the park. The announcer said that he had heard the shots and was rushing toward them, albeit in a bit of a staggering fashion.

The bum in the public bathroom inspected his reflection in the mirror closely through the graffiti that covered just about every surface. Most prominent, in bright pink paint was sprayed across the mirror, 'Mirrors are more fun that television'.

'We're going to take a short break,' Mark began 'and when we come back, we'll have fresh action for you.'

Mike seemed to vomit his reply off-screen.

More ads ran that promoted a few new movies that were coming to the Liberty City Multiplex this weekend, a sale going on at some department store, the Supermarket in Portland reopened after it's refurbishment and an add for a private Pest Control based out of Pike Creek.

'And we're back!' Mark called as he and a very gray looking Mike were seen at their posts. 'We'll take you back now to the action at hand.'

The bum that was in the public bathroom exited and began up the stairs. At the top of the stairs, three members of the Columbian Cartel were walking away from the body of the same man that was wounded in the bathroom. No one in the area seemed to notice the dead body, or the fact he had just been murdered in public.

Stepping over the corpse, the bum and camera crew headed farther into the park.

The other bum, now just outside of the park, was peering over the brick wall that surrounded the park, looking for his opponent, or someone selling liquor.

'All the colors of the rainbow.' The bum said to no one in particular 'Like motor oil mixed into mud. Everywhere I look hammers and swimming pools. It's happening again. This has all happened before.'

'Hey! Hey, look!' Someone else had recognized the camera crew trailing the bum and came running over. An overweight man in a Hawaiian shirt was followed close behind by his equally large wife, wearing a dark blue jacket. 'Here! Take this!' the man handed the bum a green bottle filled with liquid, a rag jammed into the mouth.

'Huh? Wazza?' The bum looked the bottle over.

'Oh man, this is great! We LOVE Liberty City Survivor!' the man bellowed.

'Watch it every night.' His wife agreed.

'It's always nice to see the fans supporting us.' Mark said.

'I fully agree.' Mike groaned.

The bum had pulled the rag out of the mouth of the bottle and began drinking its contents.

'Sure. Whatever.' The fan said laughing.

'Oh, Ry-yan!' the woman was shouting happily 'Just the otha day you were makin' those in the ga-rage, saying how you hoped you'd get to see the Surviovoas! And look at that! You got to see them, AND give them a weapon! I wish I had brought my flamethrowa with me!'

'Next time darling, next time.' The man responded. 'Thank you Love Media! Keep up the good work!'


A clump of ground jumped into the air near the bums' feet. The two fans ran and the bum that was bow being shot at dove behind a nearby tree.

More rounds impacted the ground near the tree, some hitting the tree itself.

'It's the ants again!' the bum shouted as he pulled his shotgun off his back and attempted to peer around the tree.

More rounds impacted the earth around him, making it impossible to get a prolonged look for more than a few seconds.

'Let's check in on our other contestant!' Mark shouted.

The cameras changed and the new shot revealed the other contestant inside a room, shooting out of the window with a high caliber sniper rifle.

'Where did he get that?' Mike asked.

'Before he entered this oddly placed house here in the park,' the announcer began 'he was approached by a fan and handed this rifle, along with the best of luck and a bottle of booze.'

'Well, no one can say our fans are stupid.' Mark added. 'So how are things looking now?'

'From his position, he has a clear view of where his opponent is and what he is hiding behind. I think that if he had NOT already drunk the bottle of cheap vodka, that first shot would have been a kill shot.'

'có một con mèo lớn trong quần của tôi!' the bum yelled as he continued to open fire on the tree.

'What was that?' Mike asked

'Sounded like Vietnamese.' The announcer said, uncertain.

'Why the fuck would he know that?' Mark asked, not at all quietly.

Back to the bum that was taking cover behind the tree, not far away, a collection of fans had gathered. They were cheering and shouting advice.

'Take a bullet, you worthless piece of trash!'

'Charge! Charge!'

'Killer bees!'

The bum, his back to the tree, had both hands over his ears and was yelling something about 'too many voices!'

One of the fans finally did something useful and tossed the cowering bum an AK-47. The bum picked it up and immediately checked the magazine for rounds. Finding a full 30 rounds, he leaned out from behind the tree and began firing wildly at the house in front of him.

Rounds coming from the house ceased long enough for the bum to get up and run toward the house. After a few hundred feet, he took cover behind the concrete wall that surrounded the nearby tennis courts.

Blind firing at the window, the bum inside with the rifle fell back from the window as rounds impacted above him, raining plaster and bits of wood down onto him.

The camera crew outside followed the bum as he rushed the door of the house and crashed inside.

Incredibly, the family that lived there, in the house that was strangely located in the park, was watching Liberty City Survivor, either far too elated that the game had come to them or too scared to leave. They looked up from the TV as the camera crew came in their door and followed the bum as he rolled behind every chair and couch like he was an ex-commando.

The family cheered and the woman in the house said she was going to get the husband's wife's gun in hopes that someone would take it from her and use it, live on television.

The camera crew upstairs showed the bum in the bedroom now facing the door, his Uzi trained on the door. The camera crew moved back against another wall as the sound of someone pounding up the stairs drew closer.

Outside, the camera crew that had been following the bum that rushed the house took up a position that offered a good view of the window that had been used for target practice. Inside, shouting was heard and a very loud blast.

As soon as the shot was fired, a body sailed backwards out of the window, glass and splintered wood right behind it.

Arcing perfectly, the body lost momentum at just the right time that it crashed atop the Landstalker that was parked outside, crushing the roof into itself.

'Holy shit!' Mike and Mark yelled in unison.

The bum that had not gone through the window appeared at the man-sized hole that was now in the wall and looked down at his adversary. For no reason in particular, he pulled out his gift pistol and emptied the clip into the body of his ex opponent and the vehicle he had crashed through.

'What an incredible end to tonight's game.' The commentator said as the family appeared behind the bum and began waving to the camera 'We've seen a lot of crazy things, but never an ending like that. Mike, Mark, I'll give it back to you.'

'You saw it here first, Liberty City. Tonight's champion and tonight's game. We hope you'll join us next time for another episode of Liberty City Survivor. I'm your host Mark,'

'And I'm sick as hell.'

'Until next time, Liberty City. When the shells start flyin,'

'Start duckin'.'