Author: Silent Tears of Agony

Title: To Love Again

Rating: R


This fic was first based on a dream I had. Actually several of my fics are based on dreams I have had. Anyway secondly, it is based on the song "First Cut is The Deepest" as sung by Sheryl Crow. I happened to be listening to the song when I was trying to develop the story, and I thought this would make a great story. So here it is. I'm not a very good writer, so I won't be offended if you don't read it. That's not to say I don't want you to read it. If I don't write though, I think I might go crazy. I have a lot of fic ideas going on right now (they all seem to come at once) so I might be kind of slow about updating. Warning: this fic deals a lot with abuse, it gets kind of dark, and it will contain a rape scene later on. So, again, if you don't want to read it I understand.


Kaoru nervously checked her watch again. Where was that taxi? She was supposed to be there 10 minutes ago! Maybe she should have driven her motorcycle after all. She had decided not to because she didn't think arriving on a motorcycle for an interview to be a nanny would have made a very good impression. Arriving late, however, would make an even worse impression. It looked like she would have to ride her motorcycle after all. It was a good thing she had decided to wear slacks.

After she ran downstairs, she saw the taxi waiting in the parking lot. Kaoru's blood started to boil at the sight. He was going to get it that was for sure.

"What are you doing sitting here?" she yelled.

"Well lady, that's what I do," the driver responded lazily. "I get a call that someone needs a ride. Then I come over, and I sit and wait for them to show up."

"Aren't you supposed to knock on the door or honk or something? Anything to let me know you're here?"

"I did honk. Ain't my fault if you can't hear lady."

Kaoru opened her mouth to respond to that when the driver interrupted her.

"Look lady - I got other customers so either shut up and get in or let me be."

Again Kaoru wanted to respond to that but he was right, she did need to hurry up. She looked at her watch . . . and freaked out. She was supposed to be at the interview fifteen minutes ago! Sighing she got into the back seat. This was going to be a very bad day.


"That'll be 20 dollars lady."

Kaoru hurried to pay the man, then looked at her watch. Why did she keep doing that, she wondered? It only made her more depressed.

She was now 30 minutes late. Sighing she thanked the taxi driver. Not that she felt particulary thankful toward him. She had just been raised to be polite. As the taxi sped off it hit a puddle . . . which consequently sprayed water all over her pants and jacket. Great, juussst great. This really wasn't her day. Kaoru was now cursing her politeness toward the taxi driver.

The frustrated young woman took her jacket off and shook off as much water as she could. She was now glad that she had spent the extra money to buy one made of waterproof material. She knocked on the door and hid her water-stained pants as best she could with her jacket. A pleasant looking middle-aged women opened the door when Kaoru knocked.

"Good Morning. I'm Kamiya Kaoru," she introduced herself, "I'm here for the interview with Himura-san. I know I'm late and I'm really very sorry."

The women waved her hand in a dismissive manner. "That's all right dear. If you had been on time, you would have had to wait anyway. Mr. Himura has been on the phone all morning. Come in please." The woman stepped away from the door and beckoned her in.

Kaoru's eyes widened when she looked at the room around her. When she was getting dressed, she remembered someone had told her to dress for the job, rather than always dress up. So she had dressed in simple, nice slacks and shirt. Now she wasn't sure if that was such a good idea. Her clothes seemed even more plain than usual in this room.

"Miss Kamiya, this way please." The woman led her to a door and knocked smartly.

"Come in," a smooth voice answered.

'Wow. He sounds cute. Aack! What am I thinking!' Kaoru shook her head as she reprimanded herself. 'This is my potential boss and I'm thinking how cute he sounds?'

The woman, Kaoru had forgotten to ask her name, opened the door and introduced Kaoru.

"Good morning Mrs. Miller."

She smiled brightly and gestured toward Kaoru. "Good morning Mr. Himura. This is Kaoru Kamiya. She is here for the interview."

"Oh yes. Please come in." He smiled and waved his hand in a beckoning gesture.

Kaoru sat down in a chair in front of his desk. She knew Himura-san was a wealthy business man and she had heard that he was good-looking. She didn't realize what an understatement that was. 'He's so beautiful. And that hair. It's so sexy; long and red.' She had always liked men with long hair. She was surprised that a business man would wear it so long. She had never been partial to red hair, but she decided right then and there that it was her new favorite color.

Kenshin looked down at his watch and frowned. "You are late Miss Kamiya." He stated the reprimand in a voice that reminded Kaoru of the time she had been sent to the principal's office. The man had such a disapproving voice, as if he was wasting his time spending it with her. That was how Kenshin's voice sounded now.

Kaoru blushed and frowned at the same time. "I'm very sorry, sir. I had some trouble with transportation today." She bit back the urge to tell him that it didn't matter because he was on the phone anyway. It wouldn't help her already slim chances of getting a job if he found out just how saucy she was.

The redhead nodded, still frowning. "It is very important that my employees have reliable transportation. Especially my son's caretaker."

"No, I have reliable transportation. It was just today that I was having trouble. It won't happen in the future Himura-san."

Kenshin's face looked like he had just reached a revelation. "You're Japanese," he suddenly declared as if he had found the cure for the common cold.

'No, duh. Anybody with eyes could see that,' Kaoru mentally rolled her eyes. 'The man must be really slow. It's a good thing he's so cute.'

"Is that a problem?" She snapped at him. Fine, let him find out she was a real jerk. What did she care anymore? He had just practically insulted her!

"Not at all," he rushed to assure her. "I was just trying to place your accent. It's very pretty." They both blushed at that. "S-sorry. I didn't mean to be so forward. I shouldn't have said that."

"That's okay. And I'm sorry for snapping at you. I thought you were, you know, being prejudiced." She bit her lip. She was so not going to get this job.

"Actually, I'm part Japanese myself." His voice sounded slightly amused.

"Oh, yeah," Kaoru smiled for his benefit. Perhaps hers as well, she secretly admitted. Misao had often told her she had an infectious smile. The kind that helped others forget their problems, if only for a second. "I can see that now that I look closer." They stared at each other for a few minutes.

Kenshin cleared his throat. "Well we should probably get started on the interview." His voice was now back to being all business.

"Of course. Here's my resume."

Kenshin glanced at it. He never had any patience for reading. "Have you been a nanny before?"

"No, but I've babysat since I was 13 and I practically raised my younger brother."

"Any references?"

"Um, yes." She pointed to the bottom of the paper. 'Although I'm not sure how much good it will do. Everybody I dared list speaks a language he probably doesn't understand.'

He pretended to scan the paper again, then put it down and leaned back. "Tell me Miss Kamiya. Why do you want this job?"

Now, Kaoru hesitated. She didn't want to lie, or 'embellish the truth' as Misao always put it, but he might think the real reason might not be good enough. After a short debate, she finally decided to go with the truth.

"Well you see, I am going to college. My brother also is attending college. He is working part-time but I want him to mostly concentrate on his studies. I just moved here so I don't have a job or any money and this is really the only thing I am qualified to do." She finished in a rush.

Kenshin nodded. "Well if I were to hire you, I would expect you to be on time."

Kaoru winced slightly at his remark. 'Does he have to keep bringing that up? I don't know if I could handle working under someone who carries a grudge.'

"My son, Kenji, is four years old," the young man continued. "You wouldn't need to start watching him until about 1:00 when you pick him up from school. You would be expected to help him with his homework, and play with him. Perhaps you could take him to the park on good days. You don't need to cook his dinner. Mrs. Miller does that. Usually I am home about dinner time. But if I am not then you need to get him ready for bed, he has a bath every day and his bedtime is at 8:30.

"He won't go to sleep without a bedtime story. His favorite are the Fox books. He likes it when you use different voices for the characters," he added after a brief pause.

"Sometimes I will be expected to leave town for a day or the weekend on business. Would you be able to watch him then?"

Kaoru nodded.

"Good, there is a spare bedroom down the hall from his. You may sleep there."

The dark-haired woman stared at him.'Wow, I think he said all that without taking a breath.'

"One more thing ..." Kenshin hesitated, as if debating the usefulness of revealing his next statement. "Kenji's mother, my sife, died when he was very young." He finished in a pain-filled voice.

"Oh, I'm so sorry," Kaoru offered her genuine sympathy. "My mother died when I was very young as well."

A calculating light formed in Kenshin's eyes."Hmm. I hope you don't think this is rude, but that might be a good thing." He held up a hand indicating he wanted to finish when she opened up her mouth.

"You see Kenji still feels the loss of his mother very deeply. I blame myself for this because I haven't really gotten over her death myself, so he hasn't had a very good example. This has caused him to not get along well with his other nannies. I'm hoping maybe your common loss will help him to move on."

"I would like to help him if I can." Maybe it would help her get over her own heartbreak. 'Stop thinking about the past!' The young woman berated herself yet again. 'You moved to San Francisco to get a new start on life. So start already!'

"Well miss Kamiya," Kenshin stood up to shake her hand, "it was . . . very interesting meeting you. I will let you know of my decision within the week."

Kaoru thanked him, bowed out of deeply ingrained courtesy, then left.


Kaoru slammed the door shut upon arrinving in her apartment. Normally she didn't like to complain when she called her friend Misao, but every once in awhile she made an exception.

Today was an exception.

She had decided to take a bus from the Himura residence, not wanting a repeat of the morning's incident. Koaru was confused about the interview. Normally she could tell if she was going to get a job or not, and this time she felt it was most likely she wouldn't get it. However, a small worm of hope kept wriggling into her negativity, causing confliction. Kaoru paused in her reflection to step off the temporarily immobile bus and cross the parking lot to a store. She needed to go grocery shopping and the stores weren't that far from where she lived, so she could walk home. The exercise would help clear her mind.

After Kaoru filled her basket with the things her meager budget allowed, she realized she had forgotten her wallet and had to hurry over to her apartment. She attempted to drive her motorcycle back to the store, but it had different plans. It refused to start which, in an odd way, comforted Kaoru. She would have been late even if she had driven it.

By the time she walked back to the store, refilled her basket, and paid for the items it was dark and misty. Kaoru hated the dark. Not wanting to wait for a bus, she practically ran the whole way home. When she got in the door, one of the bags that had been soaked through split open, dumping the contents on the floor. Kaoru wanted to scream. This was definitely not her day.

The young woman walked over to the machine and played the messages while she dialed her friend's phone number. She paused when she heard the last message.

"Miss Kamiya, this is Mr. Himura. I am pleased to inform you that you received the job. Please meet me at my house tomorrow at 11:00 and we will go over the rest of the details."

There was a brief pause before the click indicating he had hung up that gave Kaoru the feeling he had barely refrained from reminding her to be on time. She smiled. It looked like she would have some good news to tell Misao after all.


So what do you think? Love it, hate it? Don't care?

I forgot to put this up top: Disclaimer: I don't own Rurouni Kenshin ( except for in my dreams)

Author rambles:

I had another dream last night. It involved Sano and (at first) me. Just when it got to the good part (he was about to kiss me) Misao replaced me! That's it! She is no longer on my good list! Pulls out a sheet that is full of scratched out names and scratches out her name. Coconut ( my cuz') comes out and looks at the paper.

Coconut: raises an eyebrow. "And she would be different than anybody else how?"

Sobrina(That's what she calls me): whacks her on the arm. pouts. "Oh what do you know."