This was originally posted under a G rating, but FanFic took it off because it apparently has 'violence above the rating'. Therefore I posted it under R. Mwahaha. *cackles, then implodes noisily*

Artemis And The Old Man

One day Artemis found an old man wandering the streets of Derbyshire. He went over to the old man, smiling happily.

"I will call you Tubby, and you will be my Tubby!" said Artemis. "Yay! Tubby!" he cried, hugging the old man lovingly.

"In my day, we didn't have all these new-fangled contraptions!" said the old man in an old-mannish kind of way, whilst poking Artemis's nose. "All we had was an eye…one eye…then I got three eyes…now I've got…"

"Great…" said Artemis. He put the old man in the basket on the front of his pink bike and they cycled home joyfully. "I love you, Tubby!" smiled Artemis.

   When they got home, Artemis turned on the blender.

"No, stop, not good, what are you doing?!" asked the old man.

"We're…having a tea party!" said Artemis.

"In my day, we didn't have…"

"Yeah, yeah, OK, you can shut up now!" muttered Artemis.

"Blar!" said the old man as Artemis blended him in the blender.

Now you will review, otherwise I will get the pointiest breadstick you have ever seen and prod you menacingly. *pokes you* LEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAAVVVVVVVEEESS! Oh, never mind. *cries* *eats pies* *dies*

~Mr Fathead 4 Sinbad 4eva~ … so there, Elaine!