Author's Notes: Inspired by Camilla Sandman's OFUM, the Official Fanfiction University of Middle Earth, which you can find right here on FFN. There's a second semester as well. I don't own that, nor do I own any of the characters, situations, settings, or anything else Tolkien. Heck, I don't even own copies of the books or the DVD's, and I've only seen the movies one time each, and only ever read "The Hobbit." All that being said, this is a (very) short Mary-Sue parody. I'm sure it's been done before, but my Muse demanded I write the silly thing, so I did. Alliterator did somewhat the same thing for the Buffy fandom; you should go read his as well--it's hysterical. Miss Cam gave me her kind permission to post this.
Reviews rock my world.
What would happen if the Fellowship actually encountered one of those annoying self-inserts? I think it might go a little like this....
Legolas' True Love
Amy turned on her computer, smiling in anticipation. This was going to be her best one yet! She opened her word processor and started typing.
Rayvynwyng Sylvermoon found herself falling through a black night into a forest clearing. She hit the ground with a thud, hoping that she'd ended up where she'd planned to. With her purple-and-white, spiky hair, her contact-lens-enhanced turquoise eyes, and her black leather clothing, she just knew that she'd get the attention of Legolas, and there'd be no question of joining the Fellowship. And eventually he'd fall in love with her and they'd get married. After all, the Fellowship liked unconventional people, and she felt that the safety pin in her eyebrow and her nose ring were just the right touch. And her perfect body, with its enormous breasts and tiny waist, would be sure to attract him, as well.
She stood to her feet, facing the astonished Nine across their campfire. Hm. They were a lot dirtier than she thought they'd be, and Legolas didn't really look like Orlando Bloom at all, although he was handsome enough. Maybe she could bathe him, later. "Leggy, my sweet!" she called. "I've come to help you all on your quest!"
In answer, the Elf nocked an arrow into his bow and let fly, transfixing her heart and killing her instantly.
"What is that?" Aragorn said, as they cautiously approached the apparition.
"An agent of Morgoth, no doubt," Gandalf moved its arm with his toe. "It seems human, but look at the way it's dressed. The hair is like nothing I've ever seen, and the body is completely out of proportion. I wonder what that...thing...is in its eyebrow."
"Did anyone understand the language it was speaking?" Pippin was puzzled. "I've never hard anything like that before in my life!"
Legolas sighed. "I suppose we need to move camp. If one of Morgoth's minions can find us this easily, then we should find someplace a little more impenetrable."
Resignedly, the Fellowship of the Ring broke camp and left the body of the would-be fangirl in the clearing.
"Hey! That wasn't supposed to happen!" Amy stared at her keyboard as if it was possessed. She had a vague memory of three men in suits, telling her that she wouldn't be able to write Lord of the Rings fanfiction anymore unless she enrolled in some kind of university. She'd blown them off and gone on her merry way.
Now she was wondering if that really had been a dream.