Remus Lupin, on arriving home, was presented with a very agreeable sight. Sirius Black was in the front garden, digging potatoes. He was shirtless and the sweat gleamed on his muscular chest just as it had all those months ago when Remus had first seen him stripping.
"Hi, darling," said Remus.
Sirius looked at him and frowned. "I don't think I'm much of a farmer," he admitted. He threw down his spade and scrabbled in the dirt for a moment before presenting Remus with a tiny potato.
Remus couldn't help it; he laughed. "That might postpone our death from starvation for, say, another two hours!"
"It's not funny," said Sirius. "We can't afford anything! I don't know how we're going to last until I'm a qualified auror."Desperate times call for desperate measures, decided Remus. "I heard some interesting gossip today," he said casually.
"It's the annual Women's Institute party next week."
Sirius shook his head at his lover. "You're mad," he said. "Mad. I thought I was getting to get some gossip!" He picked up his spade and went back to digging.
"And word has it," Remus continued. "That this year's party is going to be a bit different..."
"They're looking to hire a stripper."
"WHAT?" The spade had dropped to the ground again and Remus definitely had his boyfriend's attention. "I'm not doing it," said Sirius. "No way."
"I volunteered you."
"YOU DID WHAT?" Sirius was shouting and he didn't care. "Last time I stripped I was nearly raped! I can't!"
Remus ignored the shouting and answered perfectly calmly. "So you're afraid that a bunch of middle aged women are going to rape you, is that it? God, to think I thought you were a man..." He headed inside still carrying Sirius' potato.
"I'M ALL MAN!!!" yelled Sirius from outside.
Remus didn't reply but went into the kitchen, rinsed the potato and started to peel it.
"I WAS ALL MAN LAST NIGHT!!!"
Still Remus said nothing.
"THIS ISN'T ABOUT ME ANYWAY: IT'S ABOUT YOU!"
Remus found two carrots and set about peeling them.
"WHAT SORT OF FREAK WOULD SELL HIS OWN BOYFRIEND'S BODY, EH?!"
Remus chopped the carrots and added them to a pan.
"FINE!!! I'LL DO YOUR SODDING PARTY IF YOU'LL STOP IGNORING ME!"
Remus went back outside. "Good. I knew you'd come round to my way of thinking."
"I wonder if you've thought about this," said Sirius. "All those women watching me, wanting me... Myself all naked... So very beautiful: so totally vulnerable. It'll be your own damned fault if I run off with one of them!"
Remus just smiled. "Middle aged women, dear. I don't think I need to worry about the competition." And with that he stepped forward and kissed the man he loved.THE END