05/10/04: Um, this has to be, without a doubt, my favorite chapter in the universe.
I couldn't stop laughing while I wrote it.
Heavens...I have been a busy little beaver. Well, with my vacation almost
over (sob, sob) I decided to finish as many things as I could. So here we
are, with the final addition to Elections 2000! (Remember that?) Join me
(pointless self insertion) and my friend Peter Jennings as we sort out the
mess that was this past year's elections. Special Guest Stars: The United
States Supreme Court!

Warnings: Cursing, some spoiling (And some of the jokes might only make
sense if you were subjected to hours of CSPAN -thanks a lot, dad!)

Elections 2000!

Peter Jennings: It's been two months since the elections ended, but the
battle for the White House has continued. However, since all the legal
wrangling and delicate manipulation was deemed by our viewers as "boring",
instead of airing continual coverage of the struggle for power, we aired
reruns of Sports Illustrated's Swimsuit Issue Special '99. As a result, ABC
has enjoyed its highest ratings ever. But, things look to be picking up. So,
we go now to our Washington D.C. correspondent, Gemini to tell us what is
going on. Gemini?

Gemini: Thank you, Peter. As you can see, I am standing in the court room of
the Supreme Court. Since this is a silly self insertion fic, I will now ask
our viewers to pretend that cameras are allowed here. All right, let me
quickly sum up what has been going on these past two months for our viewers
who have just emerged from their caves:

Himura Kenshin, the democratic candidate for President was believed to have
won the Presidency by an extremely narrow margin over his shishou, Hiko Seijuuro.
After the announcement by Florida voting officals that Himura had won the state, Hiko
gracefully bowed out, saying that being the president would cut into his
sake drinking and pottery throwing time. All looked well for Himura, until
another one of his challengers, Shishio Makoto, cried foul, declaring the
votes in Florida to be null.

Of course, Shishio lost by a huge margin, but he declared that the people
were confused and actually meant to vote for him. Himura challenged
Shishio's declaration and we find ourselves here today to await the final
word from the Supreme Court. I have with me Himura Kenshin, the man who
might be President.

Himura, how do you feel about all of this?

Kenshin: I am confident that the justices will see through Shishio's smoke
screen and defend my win. This has been an exhausting two months and I, for
one, will be relieved when it's over.

Gemini: Thank you. Peter, the Justices are entering the room, so let's see
what happens.

Justice Kennedy: Let's get down to business. Shishio Makoto, you have
declared the election to be null, would you care to address this?

Shishio: Yes, I believe the elections were unconstitutional.

Justice Suiter: On what grounds?

Shishio: I was prevented from voting for myself as many times as I wanted,
thus depriving me of my constitutional right to vote.

Justice Ginsberg: I don't remember anything about that in the constitution.

Shishio: It's in there somewhere, hag.

Justice Ginsberg: Excuse me? Did you just call me a hag, bandage boy?

Shishio: Obviously. You are all fools if you cannot see that I deserve to be

Justice Thomas: "..."

Shinomori Aoshi: "..." (Having a staring contest)

Justice Ginsberg: Well, I've made my decision. How about you guys?

(All the justices, save Thomas, who is still staring at Aoshi, nod)

Justice Ginsberg: Shishio Makoto, it is the ruling of the court that Himura
Kenshin did, in fact, win the election and will be sworn in as President
this coming Saturday.

Shishio: That's a lie! I won and you know it you old bag!

Justice Ginsberg: That's it, you asshole! You call me one more name and

Shishio: You'll what? I've survived the Battousai, I'm nearly invincible!
How could an old, wrinkly tart like you hurt me at all? I could take you
down in ten seconds!

Justice Ginsberg: Bring it on!!

Shishio draws his sword and rushes towards the bench emitting a loud battle

Chaos ensues.

PJ: Gemini? Gemini? What is going on in there?

More chaos ensues. There is screaming, yelling, cursing, furniture is being
thrown about, everything is wrapped in a cloud of dust.

PJ: Hello? What is going on there?

A voice crackles over the airwaves...

Gemini: Peter? It appears that Shishio Makoto has engaged in hand to hand
combat with Supreme Court Justice Ruth Bader Ginsberg!

Gemini appears a moment later, but disappears again as a chair flys by,
narrowly missing her head.

Choas continues to ensue....and then begins to slack off....

Moments later, the dust clears.

A triumphant Ruth Bader Ginsberg is standing on top of what looks like a
pile of dirty rags, waving around a large sword.

Justice Ginsberg: And that's how a kuni tori is DONE, Captain Bandage! Any

Shishio groans in pain. Justice Ginsberg cackles while the other Justices,
save Thomas, who is STILL having a staring contest with Aoshi, applaud.

Justice Thomas: "..."
Aoshi: "..."

Gemini appears, dusting herself off before speaking,

Gemini: Well, that's why they call it the SUPREME Court, Peter. It seems
that Himura Kenshin will be sworn in as President this Saturday.

PJ: Oookay. Thank you very much, Gemini.

Gemini (picking a piece of plaster out of her hair): Your welcome. This
should be a fun four years.

PJ: Indeed. .;

----The End (Or is it?)

Enishi: Wait a second! What about me and Nee-san?!