Author's notes: Don't read this one if you can't take angst and depressing themes. I'm actually not much of an angst writer...Fluff's more my style. But here's a little try I guess. There's also some BL in it but it's…kind of unrequited…and the fic has no happy ending. Only read this if you know what you're getting yourself into. Also, I wanna mention I was listening to Endless Sorrow by Ayumi Hamasaki…a beautiful song if you ask me, even if she's not really my cup of tea.
What if you're alone
and suddenly become blind,
and what if despite that
you kept walking forward?
- Endless Sorrow – Ayumi Hamasaki
His eyes searched for some kind of light, something that may have told him where he was. He couldn't see anything, not even when he strained his eyes and concentrated on finding something. It was black. Completely black.
Riku's eyes fluttered open as he realized he was lying in a bed. It wasn't just anyone's bed but it was his, his precious bed he'd been occupying when he lived on Destiny Islands. His eyes adjusted to the dusky darkness of the room and he could finally see the outlines of furniture and a window on the other side of the wall. Slowly, he took in his surroundings, only slowly realizing where he was.
It seemed to be a dream, too much of a dream to be true. But he was back. It was his room.
Slowly and almost fearfully, he lifted his limbs to push away the blanket that lay over him. His vision was getting clearer from moment to moment and eventually he saw his room being lit by the moonlight.
He walked over to the window, peering out in caution and anxiety, afraid it was all just another nightmare. Something he had had for so long now. He feared that the moment he came to see the beauty of his former home, the pair of sparkling blue eyes he was missing so much, he would wake up to find himself in the darkness again. But his gaze wandered over the soft ripples of the sea as they were being rocked by the wind.
The moon's reflection was almost magical to him and the soft breeze caused his eyes to narrow. It was his home. But he didn't want to believe he was back. Not yet.
Hands gripping the window sill, he leaned forward, through the open window to let the night's breeze caress his face as it used to do when he was younger. It was the same feeling. And it felt so good.
Riku wanted to weep but he kept it to himself, lowering his head to close his eyes for a moment. His grip on the wooden sill tightened and he took a deep, calming breath.
Then he jumped. He jumped out of his window and gracefully landed on the sand before stumbling through the night in search of the one person he was seeing in his dreams over and over again. His legs were threatening to give in as he ran frantically searching the island for the house he held so dearly in his memories.
As he ran, he could see the dark sky above him and the gentle stars filling it. He could see the rocks and the sand, the little bridges and palms. He could see everything he still remembered so vividly. It was his home. The place he had wanted to leave so badly when he had been younger, back then, when he hadn't known how painful it would be to be away.
His feet carried him further and he could feel the sand beneath him as it engulfed his bare toes. Such a pleasant feeling to just run like a little boy. Running into the night, without realizing the tears in his eyes as he spun around with spread arms. He was really home. At home, at last.
He reached the place he'd been searching for and only hesitated for a split of a second before he rattled on the window on the right side of the house. He knocked over and over again, a smile spreading over his face while the tears still distorted his vision. He kept knocking until the window finally opened, revealing a mop of dark, spiky hair. It was impossible to see the color through the dark night but the haircut was enough confirmation that it was right person. Without further contemplating, he entered the room through the window and reached out his arms until he felt the body of the other person, crushing it to him. A startling sensation of warmth and electricity shot through him and he gasped, feeling lazy arms being wrapped around his waist. He felt the person hug him and shuddered at the feeling of breath stroking against his throat.
"Sora…" he breathed, letting go instantly as his arms fell limply against his sides.
The younger boy pulled away, smiling at him with sleepy eyes. His mouth seemed to move but Riku could hear no sound coming from it. Instead, he felt a finger being placed on his lips, which then traced down to his chin, over his throat and onto his chest.
Riku inhaled sharply.
"Sora," he whispered yet again, needy and desperate. He was so afraid to wake up from this pleasant illusion. He didn't want it to end.
The boy drew him close again and seemed to whisper into Riku's ear. He couldn't hear him but something made him understand his words.
"I knew you'd be back."
Riku could feel fresh tears spring to his eyes and he squeezed the other boy, tightening his arms until he was sure he would crush the lithe body. A sob escaped his pale lips and he sighed, trying to figure out whether this was a dream or reality. He couldn't believe either of it. It didn't matter, though. Riku suddenly pushed Sora away from the embrace and smiled slightly beneath his tears as the other boy looked at him in confusion.
Riku leaned down and brushed his lips against the other boy's lips, moving them gently as he felt Sora's fingers curl into his shirt. It felt entirely too real to be a dream. It just couldn't be a dream.
"I'm really back, aren't I?" he whispered before he kissed the boy again. He wasn't sure if the other boy said anything in reply but he felt a tongue lap over his lower lip, causing him to open his mouth for the questing tongue.
They deepened the kiss and Riku was sure his heart and soul would break if he woke up now.
The feeling of Sora's exploring tongue in his mouth sent shivers down his spine and he moved his hands into the boy's hair, massaging the scalp. He heard a whimper, a soft sigh and then he heard himself moan at the closeness of the boy he loved.
He was at home, finally at home. The feeling of belonging had come back to him after all this time he spent lost in darkness. He had waited for Sora at first, praying that he would return to save him from the day he had last seen him, when the big doors had closed. He had waited for so long. The darkness had driven him mad. He had lost every sense of time and simply wandered through the darkness without any feeling.
But he was back now. He didn't know how or why but he was back and he was with Sora. And he would die once he woke up. "Don't let me wake…don't let me wake…" he pleaded as Sora had pulled away to caress his cheek.
The boy mouthed something again but Riku couldn't hear it.
It was only then when he realized that something was very wrong.
Why couldn't he hear Sora if this was all real? Why could he see Sora, the way he had seen him when they were young? Why was Sora still looking exactly the way he had him in his memories – and why couldn't he hear his voice? Why couldn't he, Riku wondered, remember his love's voice?
The boy gave him a sad smile, then and dropped his head.
Riku's eyes widened and he opened his mouth, hands reaching out again to grasp Sora in fear of losing him again.
But it was too late, for everything started to waver, Sora's smile was washed away and eventually it all turned into a swirl of memories and feelings he once had.
Riku was certain that he did weep then. He felt himself being pulled back into darkness and the familiar numbness came descending on him again. And then, everything was gone.
His eyes tried to search for some kind of light, something that may have showed him that he was not lost yet. He couldn't see anything, though, realizing that the dark veil had once again come to cover his eyes. It was black. Completely black.
In some distant corner of his mind he could see Sora move his lips – but he could not hear his voice, could not remember what sound it made when someone spoke.
And so he cried. Deaf and lost.
Ending notes: Okay that was sad. Pretty depressing, huh? But I just had this feeling coming over me and I had to get it out before I got depressed…turned into a fic and so Riku's depressed instead of me. I'm evil, ne? Shouldn't be doing that to sweet bishounen….*sigh* Review if you have anything to say about this story