Standard Disclaimer

Well if you know me, you'll know I've been under a lot of stress lately. I have a major project going on and we, my group and I, just gave our first presentation. Didn't go well...not well at all. In site of that my confidence in writing has taken a hit.

So rather than ruin one of my good stories, well good in my mind, I've decided to make this one.

Don't expect much other than to laugh ^_^ Oh and by the way I don't own any of the material I borrowed from for what this will become.

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What We Make of It Chapter 1 – Welcome to Tokyo-3

To those who knew him, and that was a very select number, Shinji Ikari was a very somber child. With no mother, and being abandoned by his father at a young age, his young heart desired nothing more than acceptance and a little love. He didn't do anything to get such things so they didn't show up in his life.

However when a letter from his father came for him, his heart soared. 'Maybe he wants to start over. We can be a family again. I promised I wasn't going to tell anybody about the leather dominatrix suit he hand in his closet.'

Re-reading the letter that simply said. "Get your ass to Tokyo-3." Many people would have been discouraged from a happy reception. Shinji however, wasn't the most intelligent people so he thought his father was being 'creative.' Packing his bags and receiving a hefty bill from his teacher for room and board, the young man made his way to the city in which his father ruled with an iron fist.


"Wonder why this place is so quiet," Shinji said to himself as he walked out of the used bookstore. Having spent the majority of the day wandering the gigantic city that was Tokyo-3 as he waited for some Misato Katsuragi to pick him up, Shinji spent his little remaining money on a few Shoujo manga and sat down to read.

Taking the second letter he received out of his satchel as he put his new copy of 'Pita Ten' down, he also wondered what an Angel was and why after hearing the speakers declare one was coming the majority of the populous either screamed, wet themselves, thanked Kami-sama for getting them the hell out of the town, or a combination of acts.

'Her note said she'd pick me up here at 10 a.m. but its already 5 p.m.' He sighed for the umpteenth time in the past few hours. 'Being depressed is starting to take a lot of energy,' he chuckled at that thought as his eyes wandered over the attached picture of today's driver. The woman was unaccountably beautiful with lavish dark purple hair, paltry lips, chocolate eyes, and well he couldn't help but follow the arrow that pointed to her ample bust.

Having a non-existant sex life, the boy blushed softly as his steroid infused conscience told him he had done a bad thing. As his mind berated him for acting the pervert, his eyes naturally drifted downward. Spotting a few words he missed before on the corner of the photo that simply read, 'If that doesn't work to convince you, turn over.'

'She wouldn't have...she couldn't have...maybe.' His chronically ill libido squeaked into his stream of thought. Could this woman have sent an even 'spicier' picture to insure he'd at least visit his father? Swallowing heavily he fumbled over his own fingers to turn the picture over, his breath bated and coming out in rasps, 'What could it be?'

He dropped the photo as streams of tears started cascading down his face. The photo was his father holding a kitten at gunpoint with a caption saying 'Come or the cat gets it.' About this time Shinji started to get the feeling that maybe he should have stayed with his teacher. 'Sure he made me cook, clean, wash, assist his wife in Kami-sama knows what, and well basically be his slave, but at least I knew what to expect.'

A low rumble caught his attention and he swiveled his head to the left to see what had caused such a response. 'Is that a girl?' His eyes focused in on what looked to be a young girl about his age. "Hey! What's going on?" he yelled out to the girl that was now pointing skyward behind him. Following her extended middle finger, and hoping she was pointing and not just flipping him off, he saw what appeared to be a giant foot.

Trying to be rational, he turned to ask the girl for clarification, "THE HELL IS THAT THING?" He was met however with empty space. 'Either she can run at the speed of light or she wasn't there.' Turning to the now aerial giant foot, that looked to be positioning itself right above him, Shinji found only one word seemed to fit. "Damn."

Before he was turned into human bean paste however, a car sped over to him and after hitting him at about ten miles per hour and knocked him out of the way. Getting to his feat, Shinji was greeted by the face of Ms. Katsuragi as she yelled at him to get into the car. "Miss could you unlock the door?"

"No time for that, climb in the window!" Misato replied as she put her car into reverse and tore off back towards the Geo-Front as Shinji's body was half in half out of her window. Finding reverse not the quickest means of escape, Misato spun her car around and launched the young man's face directly into her lap. "No time for that now either," she said with a little more emphasis on 'now' than the boy that rescinded into the 'shotgun' position had liked. "Name's Misato Katsuragi, pleased to meet you," she finalized by extending her hand.

Had she not been driving over ninety, the giant monster been trying to squash them, or the idea of the phantom girl been in his mind Shinji would have been thrilled to touch such a ladies hand. However the need for survival over powered him and he screamed, "Tree!"

Turning from the 'pick up' she noticed that she was indeed headed directly towards a rather large tree. 'Can't have an accident yet! I just got this car." Taking a quick left to both avoid the incoming death and to get into the side street heading towards her destination, she again felt the boy collide with her. "Either you put a seat belt on or your taking me out to dinner after this little 'date.'"

Following Misato's advice, Shinji put his seat belt on and turned to look for there would be killer. Seeing what looked like a mess of black licorice and a poorly made mask, he choose not to look anymore. "What is that thing Ms. Katsuragi?"

"It's an Angel," she said offhandedly to him as she pulled out her phone. 'Damn city streets all look the same! How am I supposed to get him back to Nerv at this rate.' Looking through her phone number library, she took Shinji's frantic screams to mean it was time to turn. 'Can't call Ritsuko, she'll use me for an experiment. Maya is well Maya shouldn't be at Nerv anyway. Ah Motoko! He's so hard up for a date he'd cut his hands off to help me!'

'I really do hate my life right about now,' Shinji thought, as Misato's car seemed to defy physics and continue to accelerate past the human reaction tolerances. 'All I wanted to do was talk to father and maybe...maybe he'll accept me back.'

"Yeah Motoko I have him," Misato lowered her voice to be as sultry as possible, "But he wasn't where I told him to be," she winked at the boy next to her; surely he'd back her up if questioned. 'If he knows what's good for him he will.' Looking at the street again she questioned the easily manipulated bridge crewmember on how to get back to base. Hanging up her phone she turned to the boy, "Your Shinji Ikari right?" A moment of fear entered her as the thoughts of all the other young boys she had thought were her target earlier in the day. As he nodded she noticed something else, "If you weren't so pale I'd think you were kinda cute. What's wrong?"

She followed his line of sight, "OH SHIT! They're going to nuke it now?" What followed next could have been considered groping or manhandling as Misato threw the car into park, threw herself over the boy, and wrapped him in her arms. Shinji, again if he were able of conscious thought would have felt the woman's chest pressed against him, tried not to think of anything.

After the rumbling stopped, Misato looked around and found that she was hugging the boy, "Guess that got a little scary. Boy Shinji you really do know how to please a woman." Removing her arms from his body she crawled out of the car. Her body still trembling from the after shocks of the car role, Misato dusted herself off.

Following behind her, Shinji tried to come to terms with his first near death experience. "What do we do now?" he asked Misato as she wandered from car to car gathering whatever she could find.

"We find provisions and then we get to base," she didn't really say how to get back however.


After a rather extended gathering session, that didn't end until Misato broke into a lavish boutique for what she deemed 'appropriate business attire', did they get the car back on its tires and head towards their destination. "Do you really need all that stuff?" Shinji asked a bit dubious.

Smiling to her companion, "As Captain of Nerv tactical I need all these things to succeed in my mission."

"I can understand the batteries and even the dress but what about the jewelry, the food, cases of beer..." Shinji would have continued but Misato 'accidentally' stepped hard on the brake and his head was bounced off the front consol.

"Oops, sorry about that. You just sleep until we get to base." She whispered as she ran her hand through his hair. 'And I can get a good excuse ready.'

So Misato Katsuragi, anonymous leader of the Bishonen fanclub, lead Shinji into the deepest bowels of Nerv, then back to where she needed to be. 'Pictures are such lovely things.' She thought to herself as Shinji stirred and woke.

Groggy and confused, Shinji looked to Misato, "What happened where are we?" He didn't notice yet that his shirt was buttoned wrong and his pants on backwards.

Gesturing out the window, Misato announced their arrival at the Geo-front, last bastion of human defiance against the Angels, and a very convenient tax shelter. "Don't mid all the wires and such, were still finish some parts of it."

Amazed by the sheer majesty of the fortress, Shinji couldn't help but ask, "What keeps this elevator from crashing to the ground?" His answer was Misato's face going completely white and her eyes widening into saucers. 'Ok, don't ask anymore questions.'

Trying to get the sudden fear of falling to her death, Misato reasoned some questions of her own would be a good thing. "So Shinji, tell me what you know about why your father called you here?" Knowing partially the answer, Misato simply wanted an excuse to hand the boy a lot of reading material.

Thinking about what he had read, and what his teacher told him, Shinji formed his answer. "I've always been told that father does nothing but waste tax payers money in an insane attempt to make all future generations hate the ground he lived on. That he should be castrated by rusty knives and have his eyes gorged out."

Smiling and nodding at him, "We're going to be good friends you know that?" Misato loved how that boy thought. Even if they weren't really his thoughts. Tossing a few more pamphlets to him, the pair found themselves at the base of the elevator and took to walking the remainder of the way.


"Misato, you know four rights make a square right?" Shinji asked as his leader just made her eighth right turn. His confidence in her abilities growing smaller and smaller as the pain in his feet grew.

Waving her hand in admonishment, Misato chastised him, "Silly, I'm just giving you time to read up on all those books I gave you." Her mind however was praying Ritsuko didn't come to help her, 'Ritsuko always makes me a guinea pig after receiving help from her.'

Reading 'Surrender your life, soul, and money to Nerv' hadn't been the best read in Shinji's short life, but it did help pass the time. However he was growing anxious to see his father, taking a quick peak from behind his current book, 'How to live with only one leg and arm,' Shinji pointed to a seeming elevator. "Could that be what we're looking for?"

Finally noticing the elevator after passing it so many times, Misato's face contorted into a grimace, "Don't you get smart with me young man if it were somebody..." said door opened and out walked a rather shapely blond woman, who for nor apparent reason was wearing a swimming suit, "...would walk out of it."

"Captain, would you care to explain why you're still walking around down here?" Ritsuko's eyes wandered over to Shinji, "Taking more pictures?"

"Actually I was talking to Shinji about how he loves to help people, right Shinji?" Her voice dark and threatening, Shinji found himself nodding for no reason.

Giving the boy another once over, as one would survey a piece of meat or appliance, Ritsuko's face widened into a smile. "Is that so. Good after we finish today I'll have to let you assist me in a few of my experiments. Now lets get to the bridge time is a factor and if you hadn't wasted the day we wouldn't be in this situation."

"Its not my fault every teenage boy I ran into pleaded to have me take them with me claiming to be Shinji," placing a hand to her chest in a mock of exasperation, knowing full well it was her chest that got said attention in the first place.

Ritsuko wasn't buying it, "Follow me."


'Wow, that Ritsuko woman is very pretty,' Shinji couldn't help but notice as he followed to two arguing women. He had tried to pay attention to them but all the accusations he just tuned them out. He was starting to wonder if Nerv wasn't a government agency and really a modeling agency.

Following the two into another room, another concept was called to his attention. 'Why the hell is it so dark in here?' Bumping into one of his superiors, and trying to ignore the rather pleasure filled sigh that escaped whoever it was he asked said question.

The blond, Ritsuko if he remembered right, answered him, "Nerv has a lot of lights, and we can't go wasting electricity can we. And it makes this a very dramatic scene."

"Make what more dramatic?" his body starting to tremble with an unknown fear. Today wasn't really a day for any more surprises in his opinion. Life and luck were for today having a fun time proving the boy wrong, and as the lights turned on in a stylish show of melodrama Shinji was presented with a very peculiar showing. "It's the woman's restroom?"

"MISATO! DON'T YOU KNOW WHERE THE BRIDGE IS?" Ritsuko shouted as Misato pardoned herself and went into a stall.

After a few moments and a flush, she rejoined them, "Sorry but I couldn't hold it anymore, let's go."

Led into yet another darkened room, Shinji fully expected to find a giant pit that they two, supposedly intelligent woman were to dump him. He was welcomed by something far worse. "A giant purple head. Dad made that didn't he?" Shinji's few memories of his fathers rather perverted sense of human running into his head.

Having first actually realized that the boy had a point, Misato and Ritsuko both blushed a moment before the faux blond spoke. "This is Evangelion Unit 01 one of the few things capable of destroying the Angels."

Looking between the woman and the robot, Shinji's voice meekly protested, "That's all well and good, so why isn't it stopping the one attacking?"

A voice boomed over the loud speakers and in flourish of tasteless self- promotion, Gendo's viewing chambers lit up, "We were waiting for you, its pilot to arrive!"

'That's why he wanted me here! To pilot some giant robot?' The thoughts didn't compute in the boy's head, the desire for love was to great, his father couldn't be asking him that. "You mean to tell me nobody else can pilot it? That of all humanity you need me to risk MY life for this?"

Smirking at the boy before him that seemed to be so small in his eyes, "I just wanted to make you suffer. WHY COULDN'T YOU HAVE BEEN A GIRL, I DIDN'T WANT A SON?"

About now those watching the father/son conversation started to doubt Gendo's sanity. They knew that they truly didn't have many options in pilots so why was this bastard trying so hard to piss their only hope off?

Having taken sex-ed, Shinji knew the answer to that question, "It's your fault father! The male is the one who is responsible for the sex of the child!"

Gendo's eyes shifted behind his glasses, he had forgotten that. Glad that nobody could see his agitation, "Irrelevant, you will pilot!"

"No! I didn't come here for this! I can't do it!" Shinji noticed several techies taking out chairs and enjoying the rather emotional display he and his father where making.

From behind him, Misato put her hand on his shoulder, "Why did you come here then Shinji-kun?"

Up in his room, Gendo wasn't going to make this easy on his boy, nothing could be. 'If that lil bastard thinks he can just walk in and walk out he has another thing coming.' Turning to his wall of secret camera's, most of which were linked to the female showers, his old teacher appeared on the screen, "Fuyutsuki, wake Rei. The spare needs motivation."

The elderly man could only gape, "But sir, we just got her under control. We needed to use Nadesico* to put her back down."

"Perfect, she'll follow orders then. Just have her strapped down and for Kami-sama's sake keep her away from the stimulus," Gendo ordered before turning back to his son. His son who was watching his crew alters the Evangelion to accept Rei. 'Why did the last Rei have to take everything so literally?'


"Rei do you know your purpose?" a younger Gendo asks his ward an eleven- year-old Ayanami Rei.

Her voice lacking anything remotely similar to emotion, "I am to follow your every order to the letter."

Masking his face behind his gloved hands, as he so loved doing, he smirked. "Yes Rei, you are to follow every command exactly. There is to be no divergence from them."

Rei nodded, to the man that had given her life, she was forced to believe she should do no less. Opening her mouth to ask for permission to leave, Gendo's phone rang.

Breaking from his pose, Gendo held a finger out, "Don't do anything Rei, I have to answer this."

Rei listened to that order and shut her eyes.

After a lengthy conversation with Keel, in Gendo's mind a very foolish Cyclops wannabe, he slammed the receiver down and looked to Rei, or rather to where she had been standing.

Rushing over to her body, Gendo found the poor child dead. "Dammit Rei I didn't mean to stop breathing!" Shaking his head, he wondered how long it would take for Ritsuko to get another clone ready. 'Guess we'll have to try something else with the next one.'


Shaking off the bad memory, Gendo watched as the stretcher was wheeled on deck with a fully restrained Rei upon it. Having a fully obedient Ayanami hadn't worked so, after following the council's advice, this one wasn't devoid of anything, and she was just overly impressionable.

Shinji watched the men pushing the poor girl past him, and he couldn't stop the feeling of guilt rise in him. 'She's so hurt they have her restrained!' Rage boiled in him, "Father! You can't expect to make her pilot!"

Ritsuko, knowing Rei was restrained in the case she had gotten into the more 'active' stimuli again, wrinkled her nose at the old man in his room. 'He's going to trick his son.'

"I will unless you pilot. Pilot and she is freed, leave and she'll do it!" Gendo had to use all his will not to laugh as his son's head sunk. He would have laughed if the Angel's last attack hadn't shaken the whole station.

Hearing the young girls yelp of surprise, Shinji was off to her aid before he could think. The girl's forward momentum breaking her free of her constraints, Shinji caught her before she could hit the ground. Looking at her for the first time he remembered, 'It's the girl I saw on the street!'

Said girl's ruby eyes fluttered open and took in the vision of her savior. 'He looks like Akito...*' Her heart going into flutter mode, she tried to move into a better position in his lap.

Believing her in pain, Shinji clutched her closer to himself. Taking in the full illusion of frailty and beauty his heart was set. "I'll pilot it!" Trying to lay the girl as gently on the ground as possible, he found it hard to let go of her, and that was because her hands seemed to be stronger than his and they didn't WANT to let go.

With his agreement the crew quickly set to getting him ready for the first of hopefully many launches, if he failed however this was to be a one time event. Ritsuko however wasn't finished yet. Blind hatred for Gendo's obsession over that 1st child gave her an idea. "Put Rei in with him."

Looking from where she had stationed herself, the coffee pot, Misato questioned the good mad scientists statement, "Why should we do that? Won't that mess everything up?"

Walking over to her worried drinking buddy, "We know she can sync with her Eva, we don't know about him. She's totally under control so why not?" Leaning in closer she whispered a few more lines, "And if she gets attached to him we won't have to worry about her reading material anymore!"

Not really liking a spastic Rei, Misato was almost obliged to agree. She knew that Rei's mentality was mostly set by what manga she had just read. Now she didn't know WHY she was like that, secretly she thought the girl a bit odd for it, she just knew that after reading 'Slayers' she tried burning down anybody that so much as spoke to her funny.

"Shinji you protect Rei out there, She'll be your back up!" Misato ordered, but regretted the decision.


Holding unto the pale and oozing depression girl in his hands, Shinji wondered what exactly he had just gotten himself into. What he knew he was in was a giant tampon that was being shoved into the neck of the robot. "Rei, if you can hear me, I'll protect you."

'I just hope I can protect myself' was the last thought he had before he found the elevator had stopped and he was now face to face with the monstrosity.


Author Notes.

As you can see don't expect a lot of 'normal' things to happen in this. Its made purely as a way for me to keep my writing up to par, keep my humor in check, and for me not to ruin my other stuff.

I will keep writing this but its purely a "I'm not ready for my other works" fic so don't judge to harshly ^_^

Reviews are always welcome and yes Asuka will be in here and there is NO SET PAIRINGS AS OF THIS TIME! So Rei/Shinji fans don't relax. Asuka/Shinji fans don't flame, Shinji/Other hell I haven't even introduced the majority of them yet so hope exists

Ja mata