hey peoples. Not gonna update. Ever.

My mom died August 14, 2004. I lived with her, but know I have to live with my dad and step-mother (complete with two step sisters).

I hate it.

I feel oppressed, repressed, and depressed.

I am the red-headed step-child.

My official name now is Cinderella.

My life is hell. I wish it would end, but my mother raised me better than that. I'll do her proud and become a great writer just like she and my grandfather were. No, suicide is not the answer, although I wish it were.

The night before my mother died, I received a contract from her agent.

Anybody ever heard of David Madden?

He's the head of creative writing at LSU, and he won a Pulitzer prize for one of his novels. He also worked with my grandfather, who has had several books published, and one made into a movie back in the '60s.

He was going to try to sell her property to Random House, and hopefully my aunt can handle all of the legalities now.

Ain't that the darndest thing? I just couldn't wait to tell her. Alas, I was 30 minutes to late to the hospital. I went in to say hello, and when I touched her, she was dead.

Thank you dear family who so graciously told me she "had just gotten alot sicker" That's exactly what I want to do, touch my dead mom's body, not knowing she was dead of course. And my family just stood there and gawked.

The bastards.

Let's just say the sight of her dead body will haunt me forever.

God, I wish I was dead.


Sorry about the updates. I just can't do it. These horrid people barely let me on their computer as it is.

My mama used to hold me when I was sad.

Nobody's comforted me for more than five minutes since she died.

I got more comfort from the singer at my mama's favorite restaurant (when I asked her to dedicate the song 'Que Serra Serra' to my mama) (which happened to be the song she sang to me the day before she died) than I've gotten from any of my family or friends!

I really need a hug, and nobody's here to hug me.