"Tree House" Chapter 1: "Building and Berserker"

Disclaimer: Beyblade and its characters do not belong to me by any means. Someone richer and luckier than me owns the show.

Author's note: This story is intended to be both humorous and romantic. The humor will be largely concentrated in this chapter and sprinkled in others, not to mention some characters will be very much out of character. The other chapters will be more about the romance, with a pairing I'm sure none of you expect. By the way, the Bladebreakers, Saint Shields, and their friends will be two or three years older than they are in the show.

Timeline: This story is set after the final battle between the Bladebreakers and the Saint Shields.

It was a Saturday morning, and the Bladebreakers were up and ready for Beyblade practice. Well, Ray, Max, and Kai were. Tyson was having a hard time summoning the will to rise from his warm sleeping bag.

"Can't you get that lazybones out of bed?" Hilary asked.

"We tried," Ray replied. "He threw his alarm clock at my head." He rubbed the bruise on his forehead, or rather, the spot where a bruise would have shown if not for his Yin Yang headband.

Hilary let out an angry "Ooh!" Then she stormed into Tyson's grandpa's temple to retrieve Tyson.

Kai had his usual "I don't give a shit" expression. Ray, Max, and Kenny just shook their heads in pity.

"He's gonna get it," Max said. "Again."

Soon enough, they could hear Tyson yelling, enraged that he had been roused from his slumber. They also heard Hilary yelling back at him. Finally, Hilary came out of the temple with Tyson, who was dressed.

"About time," Kai said.

"Is it my fault that I happen to need my beauty sleep?" Tyson asked.

"You're not pretty when you sleep, Tyson," Hilary said. "You snore loud enough to make the dead want to eat your brains so they can get some sleep."

"Tch" was Tyson's reply.

"Can we just get to training already?" Kenny asked.

"Sure, Chief," Tyson replied.

And so training began. "Let it rip!" Kai shouted, launching his Beyblade into the obstacle course, which had been set up to sharpen the Beyblades' maneuverability.

"Let it rip!" Tyson shouted, launching his blade into the obstacle course after Kai was finished.

Ray and Max launched their blades after Tyson was finished.

"Well, the speed of their blades has improved," Dizzi said from Kenny's laptop.

"So has their RPM," Kenny added.

Then came physical training, which consisted of running all the way up and down the long row of steps that led to the Bladebreakers' training spot.

"So . . . tired," Tyson managed to gasp out halfway up.

"Shut up and keep running," Kai retorted, trying not to let on just how tired he was.

They kept running until they'd reached the top. At that point, Tyson collapsed, lying on his back and gasping for breath. Ray and Max were sitting next to him, trying to recover as well. Kai just stood there, strong as a rock. At least, that was the impression he tried to convey.

"You can take a break if you like," Kenny said.

"Thanks, Chief," Tyson replied. After a few minutes, he got up and went into the woods.

"Where's he going?" Hilary asked.

"A hike?" Max suggested.

"No, I somehow don't think that Tyson's the hiking type," Ray countered.

Soon enough, they heard the sound of banging, as though someone was hammering a nail.

"Who's that?" Kenny asked.

"I don't know, but it sounds like they're hammering something," Hilary replied.

"All that noise is getting annoying," Kai said. He started walking in the direction of the hammering sound. "I'm going to see who it is."

"I'll come with you," Ray said, walking after him. Max, Kenny, and Hilary followed them. When they got there, they couldn't believe what they saw.

Tyson was hammering wooden boards to a tree trunk.

"What are you doing, Tyson?" Hilary asked.

"What does it look like, Hilary?" Tyson retorted. "I'm building a tree house!"

"Aren't you a little old for that?" Kai asked.

"I figured I could build us a nice retreat," Tyson replied. "Cozy, intimate, inexpensive --- it's perfect!"

"So far you're just nailing boards to a tree," Kai said.

"That's the steps," Tyson replied. "When I'm done with those, then I build the house. Anybody wanna help?"

"Coming together to build a tree house could do wonders for our sense of discipline," Kenny said.

"And it could be just fun," Max added. "I'm in."

"I'm supervising!" Hilary interjected. "I'll go inside and make blueprints!"

"I have my own ideas, Hilary," Tyson said. "And I don't think I need your help in designing a tree house."

"Says you," Hilary retorted. "You couldn't plan your way out of a paper bag!"

Tyson just stuck his tongue out at her, and then yelled in pain.

"What happened, Tyson?" Ray asked.

"I just hit my thumb with the hammer," Tyson replied, groaning in pain.

Hilary sighed in annoyance. "That's why you need my help," she said. She huffed and went inside the temple to gather papers for her blueprints.

"Let's help Tyson before he injures himself any further," Kai said. He walked over and began hammering up boards with Tyson. Ray, Kenny, and Max joined in.

The Saint Shields' lair

Joseph had just gotten back from spying on the Bladebreakers. He figured he might as well check up on them to see how they were doing protecting the Four Bit-Beasts.

"What did you find, Joseph?" Ozuma asked.

"They're building a tree house," Joseph replied.

"A tree house?" Dunga echoed. "They're making a house out of a tree?"

"No, they're making a house in a tree," Mariam corrected. Under her breath, she said, "Dolt."

"The fate of the Four Bit-Beasts is in their hands and they're building a tree house?" Ozuma asked.

"That's what they're doing," Joseph replied.

"I say we trash it!" Dunga shouted.

"We're not going to cause any more trouble for the Bladebreakers," Ozuma contradicted. "We left the Four Bit-Beasts in their hands because we knew that their hearts were bonded, so we know that they're safe. Therefore, we have no more reason to harass them."

The next day

"Here are the blueprints for the tree house," Hilary said, unrolling the paper on the table. Everyone looked and gasped in awe. Everyone but Kai, but he was gasping mentally.

"I've gotta admit, that's good," Tyson said.

"Good?" Ray echoed. "This is great!"

"An impressive feat of architecture!" Kenny exclaimed.

"I like it," Max said.

"Very good," Kai said.

"Now let's build it!" Hilary exclaimed.

So the Bladebreakers, Kenny, and Hilary proceeded to build the tree house according to Hilary's design. When it was finally finished, they looked upon it with awe.

"Isn't it great?" Ray asked.

"Sure is," Tyson replied.

"Of course," Hilary added, puffing her chest. "I built it."

"Cool tree house," a familiar female voice said. Everyone turned and saw a girl with hot pink hair tied back in a paler pink ribbon that looked like cat ears. She was dressed in a white outfit almost similar to Ray's with a pink sash around her waist.

"Mariah!" Ray exclaimed, delighted.

"Hi, Ray," Mariah said. "The White Tigers are taking a break from competing for a while, so I decided to spend it with you. I hope that's not a problem."

Ray just smiled happily. "I'd be glad for you to spend your vacation with me --- uh, I mean, us."

"What's with Ray?" Hilary asked.

"He and Mariah were close friends back in his hometown," Kai replied. "Personally, I think their feelings run deeper than that."

"Wow, Kai, I didn't think you'd know what love was if Cupid pumped you full of his arrows," Tyson quipped.

"Shut up, Tyson," Kai grumbled.

"Wait till you see the inside," Ray said. "I'll show you." He began climbing up the steps to the tree house with Mariah following.

He probably went first just to avoid the temptation to check out her rear, Tyson thought.

"For a tree house, there's a lot of space," Mariah said. She looked in the center of the tree house. "Is that a bey-stadium?"

"Uh-huh," Ray replied. "Like it?"

"Let's have a beybattle," Mariah replied. She held out her launcher. Ray extended his launcher as well.

"Three, two, one, let it rip!" Ray shouted, shooting Driger into the bey-stadium.

"Let it rip!" Mariah shouted, launching Gallux into the bey-stadium, where it proceeded to clash with Driger. The two blades circled around each other, collided, pushed each other, broke away, and circled each other again to repeat the cycle.

"You've improved," Ray said.

"So have you," Mariah said.

Finally, the match ended in a draw with both Beyblades returning to their bladers. Then something unexpected happened.

A rock came flying through the window and landed at Mariah's feet. She and Ray could also hear another rock impacting against the wall of the tree house.

"Who did that?" Mariah asked. She and Ray ran to the window and saw two orange-clad figures running away, one short and lanky with green hair and the other tall and muscular with blond hair.

"There's your answer," Ray replied.

Outside, the other Bladebreakers, Hilary, and Kenny had also seen the two retreating figures.

"Joseph and Dunga," Max said.

"What the hell's up with them?" Tyson asked. "Why are they throwing rocks at the tree house?"

"Because they're idiots," Kai replied. "That's answer enough."

"That's just really stupid," Hilary said.

"Let's go inside the tree house," Kenny said.

"But Mariah and Ray are in there," Max argued. "Don't you think we should leave them alone?"

"Yeah, they could be making out right now," Tyson added. His expression brightened. "Hey, I wanna see!" He ran to the tree trunk and climbed up the steps to the tree house like Sonic on speed.

"There he goes," Hilary said, annoyance in her voice.

"We may as well go up there to keep him from embarrassing himself," Kenny suggested. "Though knowing Tyson, he's done that already."

So he, Kai, Max, and Hilary went up into the tree house. Once there, they found Ray and Mariah blushing and Tyson looking mildly disappointed.

"What's going on?" Kai asked.

"Tyson thought we were making out," Ray replied, the blush slightly stronger.

"As if you don't want to," Tyson muttered.

"What was that, Tyson?" Mariah asked.

"Nothing," Tyson replied. His expression brightened when he saw the bey-stadium. "Who wants to bey-battle me?"

Suddenly, someone crashed through the roof hatch with a wooden sword. Tyson rolled out of the way and came back up in a kneeling crouch.

"Yo, homeboy!" Tyson's grandpa exclaimed. "Ya gotta be quick if you don't wanna get whacked!"

"Who's he?" Mariah asked.

"My grandpa," Tyson replied.

"Yo, who's this fly honey?" Tyson's grandpa asked. Everyone cringed in embarrassment.

"I'm Mariah."

"She's my friend from my hometown," Ray added.

"Don't ya mean girlfriend, dog?" Tyson's grandpa asked.

"Actually, it's cat," Ray corrected. "And she's my friend."

"I'm an old man," Tyson's grandpa said, "and we old dogs have been around and seen pretty much everything. If you ain't into each other, then these old eyes must be failing me."

"Grandpa!" Tyson exclaimed, annoyed and embarrassed.

"Well, then, see ya on the flip side!" his grandpa said, and departed the same way he entered.

"Anyway, who wants to bey-battle me?" Tyson asked.

As the days went on, so did the attacks on the tree house.

"We have to find a way to stop those clowns," Max said.

"Understatement of the year, Captain Obvious," Tyson said.

"Booby-trap the tree house," Kai suggested. "We rig this place full of traps and there's no way those two will come near it ever again."

"There's an idea," Kenny said, approving. "Though we could always try mining the path to the tree house."

"How are we supposed to know where the mines are?" Ray asked. "We could easily blow off our own limbs by accident! And why are we even talking like it's a good idea?"

"Not explosive mines," Kenny amended. "Water mines."

"Oh, so we're going to conceal water balloons?" Tyson deduced. "I'm in!"

"Yeah, get them wet," Kai said sarcastically. "Like that's going to stop them."

"And what do you think we should fill them with, acid?" Hilary asked.

"That's an idea," Kai replied.

"We don't want to hurt them," Mariah said. "We just want them to keep the hell away from the tree house."

"Show of hands, who wants water balloons?" Tyson asked.

Everyone but Kai raised his or her hands.

"You gotta admit, Kai, acid would've eaten through the balloons," Kenny said.

"Not my balloons," Kai replied. "They'd be made out of acid-resistant material."

"We can argue this all you want, but you were outvoted," Tyson said. "Deal with it, Kai."

"Whatever," Kai said after a seemingly interminable silence. "See you later." He jumped out the window of the tree house and landed nimbly on the ground. Then he walked off.

"Now does anybody have any balloons we could use?" Max asked.

As it turned out, nobody had any balloons.

"Then let's go buy some," Kenny said.

"Can't," Tyson replied.

" 'Cause you spent it all on manga," Hilary filled in.

"It was a sale!" Tyson yelled. "And it was my favorite manga, Urusei Yatsura!"

"Whatever," Hilary said. "I can buy the balloons."

"I'll help," Ray said.

"Thanks, Ray," Hilary said. "I'm glad somebody can budget their money appropriately around here."

By the time they returned to the tree house, they had a bundle of balloons, just waiting to be filled with water. After a good amount of time spent getting wet, the Bladebreakers, Hilary, Kenny, and Mariah had managed to tie the water balloons.

"Perfect!" Mariah exclaimed. "Now those idiots are in for it!"

So they dug holes at random points in the path and buried the balloons partway, keeping a small dome above the surface. They covered the holes where they'd placed the balloons with thin layers of dirt, just thick enough to conceal them.

"Shouldn't we mark the spots where we put the balloons?" Ray asked. "Y'know, so we don't get splashed ourselves."

"Don't worry; it's foolproof," Kenny replied. "But that would be a good idea --- if you want them to know where the balloons are!"

"How would Joseph and Dunga tell?" Max asked. "I mean, we could always use a secret code."

"That's a great idea, Max," Kenny agreed. "Let's do it."

So they set up little signs that said "R.I.P.," or "rest in peace."

"No!" Tyson contradicted. "That's not what it means, Hilary! It's supposed to be 'rest in pieces!'"

"And I say 'rest in peace,'" Hilary countered. "Besides, yours is too messy!"

"It's supposed to be messy!" Tyson retorted. "That's the whole point: To scare those two nitwits!"

So consumed Tyson was in his argument with Hilary that he didn't notice that he was about to step on a balloon until it was too late. Then it popped and he got a wet leg for his trouble.

"Ahhh!" he yelled.

"It's your own fault," Hilary said. "If you hadn't been so insistent on that gruesome translation of yours, you wouldn't have stepped on it. In any case, we can simply put in a new one."

And that's what they did.

"It's perfect now," Ray said.

"Yeah," Mariah agreed.

So the Bladebreakers, Hilary, Kenny, and Mariah went to bed. However, Ray didn't escape a "Don't try anything funny" line from Tyson. Ray settled for bopping him on the head with his pillow before he fell fast asleep.

The next morning

Tyson had gotten up on time, surprisingly.

"What?" Kenny asked, astonished. "You're up on time?"

"Yeah, so?" Tyson asked.

"But you're never up on time!" Kenny replied, still astonished. "You always sleep in!"

"Not today!" Tyson exclaimed. "Today, I'm going to see how our little trap did! I bet we got them good!"

Alas, when the seven teens got to the tree house, they saw something very horrifying.

"Oh, no fucking way!" Tyson exclaimed.

"Holy shit!" Max exclaimed.

"How the hell did they do this?!" Ray asked.

"That's what I wanna know," Mariah agreed.

Kenny and Hilary just stared in horror, while Kai watched with a seething expression in his silver eyes.

Spray-painted on the wall of the Bladebreakers' tree house was a message: "Bladebrakers Suck."

"They didn't even spell it right!" Kenny exclaimed.

As for Kai, the rage inside him for this act of sacrilege finally found expression --- in the form of a scream.

"Aaaarrrrrggggghhhhh!!!"

"Kai . . . ?" Ray asked.

When Kai looked back at them, a look of murderous purpose had settled in his eyes. Without saying a word, he stalked over to the trunk of the tree house and climbed up the steps. Once inside, he went over to a chest and broke it open.

As it turned out, Ray, Mariah, Tyson, and Hilary had followed him into the tree house, concerned for his state of mind.

"What's that, Kai?" Tyson asked.

Kai looked at Tyson with an expression of manic, murderous glee. "My war chest!"

He reached inside and pulled out a twin holster belt. Then he placed two loaded paintball guns inside the holsters. He also pulled out a bandolier of tiny water balloons and slung it around his shoulders, as well as a Super Soaker. In addition, he pulled out two more holsters and wrapped them around his calves, placing two smaller water guns inside.

"What brings you here?" Max's voice asked from outside.

A familiar voice replied. "Is this the work of those two clowns?"

Kai leaped out the window and landed nimbly on the ground. Then he stalked toward the indigo-haired girl in the orange dress.

"Mariam," he said. "What do you want?"

"Same as you," Mariam replied. "To teach those two idiots a lesson. I can take you to them if you like."

"And why would you help Kai get his hands on Joseph and Dunga?" Kenny asked.

"Simple," Mariam replied. "I'm sick of their stupidity. They've gone too far this time and I want them to stop." She walked over to Kai, her hips subtly swaying with each step. "But there is a price for my help." She leaned over to whisper in Kai's ear. "You have to go on a date with me . . . and maybe more . . ."

Upon those last three words, Kai's eyes widened momentarily. Then his demeanor settled back into murderous determination. "I'll do it."

"Good," Mariam said. She turned around and began walking. "Follow me."

The rage-addled Kai could do little more than obey her. After all, he was going to get his hands on Joseph and Dunga.

"I wonder what she said to him," Max said.

"Wait for us!" Hilary shouted as she and Mariah ran after Mariam and Kai. The strange thing was that Hilary was carrying what looked like a gatling gun and Mariah was carrying a Super Soaker.

The Saint Shields' lair

"You two wanna tell me what's going on?" Ozuma asked.

"No, nothing's going on," Dunga replied.

"Yeah, why do you ask?" Joseph asked.

"Have you been messing with the Bladebreakers?" Ozuma asked.

"No," Joseph replied.

"You're lying," Ozuma stated, deadly seriousness in his voice. "If you haven't, then why is Kai outside howling for your blood?"

"He-he-he's h-h-howling for our bl-bl-blood?" Dunga asked.

"Yes, he-he-he's h-h-howling for your bl-bl-blood," Ozuma replied, mocking Dunga's stammer.

Indeed, he was.

"Joseph!! Dunga!! Get the fuck out here, you worthless cowards!!" Kai yelled. "Get out here so we can have a nice, friendly chat!!"

"Yeah, get out here, you cowards!" Hilary shouted.

"Chickens!" Mariah yelled.

"I'll answer it," Ozuma said. He walked to the door and opened it. "Hello, Kai."

Kai's response was to draw one of the smaller water guns in his leg holster and point it at Ozuma.

"Let me in," he said. "Now."

There were two reasons why Ozuma let Kai and the two angry girls in. First, he didn't want to get wet. Second, he thought it was high time Joseph and Dunga suffered the consequences of their idiocy.

"Come on in," he said.

Kai shoved past Ozuma and stormed into the Saint Shields' lair, Hilary and Mariah following.

"There you are, Kai," Dunga said, pointing his Beyblade launcher at him.

"Yeah, you think you scare us?" Joseph asked, trying to sound tough.

"Please," Kai scoffed. "I know you're both afraid of me. You should be. You disrespected my team, and you're going to pay for that." He placed the water pistol back in its holster and drew the Super Soaker. "Eat watery death, you motherfuckers!"

Upon those words, he opened fire. Instinctively, Joseph and Dunga tried to shield themselves. Then they realized something.

"Hey, he's shooting at our feet," Joseph said.

"Nice aim, Kai," Dunga mocked. "If you're aiming at our feet!" He laughed. Then he looked down and realized that the "water" had hardened into a clear, gelatinous mass.

"It's liquid cement," Kai said. "Now you and Joseph are stuck here, with no means of escape. You could cut yourself loose, but do you think I'll give you the time?"

"I'll get you for this, Kai!" Dunga yelled.

"Get this," Kai retorted. "No one disrespects the Bladebreakers. No one!" He pulled out the paintball guns.

"Are those ---" Joseph started to ask, but Mariah cut him off.

"Paintball guns?" she finished. "Yeah. And since you don't have the proper protection, you're gonna be in for a lot of pain."

"Pain," Kai echoed. He grinned sadistically. "I like."

Hilary unloaded the gatling gun, firing paintballs at Joseph and Dunga. She was also laughing insanely.

"HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA! Feel the pain! MWAHAHAHAHAHA!"

"You heard her," Kai said. Then he opened fire with both paintball guns.

"Ahh!"

"Ahh!"

"That hurts!"

"Ow!"

"Stop!"

"Aah!"

Mariah joined in with her Super Soaker and in no time, Joseph and Dunga were covered in paint.

"Ohhh . . ." Dunga moaned. "That . . . hurt . . ."

"Shut up," Kai snarled and fired a paintball right into his mouth. At that point, Dunga gagged and clutched his throat in pain. "Say one more thing and I go for the goods."

Hilary and Mariah had finally calmed down, as had Kai. "See you later, losers." Then the trio departed.

"Now let's get you out of that glue and cleaned up," Ozuma said. That said, he took out a kitchen knife and started cutting at the liquid cement.

Meanwhile, Mariam observed this with calm detachment.

"I bet they've learned their lesson now," she said to herself. "I didn't know Kai could be so violent under that cold exterior. I wonder what other sides of himself he'll show on our date." She smiled. "Kai, I'm going to rock your world."

End Notes: Not bad for my first attempt at humor. However, the romance will take precedence over the humor, but there'll still be some funnies here and there. I like knowing what you think, so review or e-mail me at dkmage2k2@msn.com.