Rating: PG

Paring: None

Archive: Ask first

Feedback: Constructive criticisms always welcomed. Flames cheerfully ignored.

Disclaimer: I own nothing but a twisted sense of humour.

Spoilers: None intended

Summery: Sick of always being out of the loop, Crichton gets a guidebook…


"What you up-to old man?" Chiana poked her head round the door.

"Reading Pip, something I can only do when it's quite." Crichton looked over the top of the electronic 'book' he had picked up on the last commerce planet they had visited, "I'm sick of having to ask what's going on, so I got myself a guide book."

"Cool, what's it say?" The young Nebari sat next to her human friend, "Anything interesting?"

"A lot of stuff about how to get very drunk very cheaply." Crichton scrawled down the screen, "It seems to have been written for Hitchhikers."

"Dose it say anything about Humans?" Chiana asked.

"I don't know." Crichton wrinkled his brow, "Let's look." Her carefully typed the word 'humans' into the small keypad, "See 'Earth'? This thing has a page on Earth?"

"Well what you waiting for?" Chiana tried to grab to 'book' from him, but he stopped her, "Come on, let's see!"

"Ok, ok, calm down." Trying hard to control his own excitement, Crichton pressed the link key, and his jaw dropped, "What the frell??"

"What's it say?" Chiana was almost bouncing up and down with anticipation.

"Mostly harmless"

The End.