Soldiers Should

by pari

Rating: PG-13 for violence.

Disclaimer: Not mine...Cameron, Eglee, FOX...

Summary: Alec, Biggs. Friendship and a street corner.

A/N: This feels more like rambling to me than anything else. It came out of my head as I watched "Love Amongst the Runes" yesterday. Alec's thoughts as he and Joshua took on the men who killed Biggs, and why he walked away.

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He thinks he should enjoy himself more than he is. He wants to like the feel of flesh breaking beneath his fists, slippery smooth with blood; the give of fragile human bones beneath his blows, the breathy groans of pain that accompany each one. So he hits harder in case that might make a difference.

He thinks he should savor the way the men fight him - just to get away, just to make him stop. He reminds himself that he came to this dark street corner looking for the fear he sees in their eyes, so he draws the fight out of them a bit, makes that fear last. Makes it hold his interest for as long as it can, but his mind keeps slipping away. He came here for more than their fear. He wanted vengeance. He needed...something. Something he can't grasp no matter how hard he tries. No matter how hard he hits. Something keeps eluding him. The pain from before - the strange, sick feeling at the pit of his stomach, the hollow ache - hasn't left; his raw fury hasn't gone anywhere, although Alec has tried to pound it out of himself with every punch he throws, every kick, at the sorry, pathetic pieces of shit falling left and right around him and Joshua under the street lights.

He thinks he should smile. Nothing would frighten the men more. But he can't seem to force an expression onto his bloodied face. He is strangely aware that the blood isn't his. He hasn't let the men win a single blow, hasn't given them a single opportunity to hit him back. They don't stand a chance against him, and he wants them to know it. He wants them to feel it, the way Biggs

The way Biggs

Alec thinks he should kill them all. He should kill them all and not give a good god damn about it, and hide the bodies so that no one knows some humans died at the hands of two transgenics tonight. They should die and Biggs should live. Biggs should be here, and Alec shouldn't need to tear these men apart to prove it...

Alec shouldn't need to tear himself apart to prove it.

For all he's tried to forget, Alec is a soldier. And a soldier shouldn't feel the loss of a friend like the loss of a part of himself; shouldn't linger on the war stories no one else can share now, the jokes no one else will laugh at. The history lost in one senseless, brutal beating by a handful of stupid humans who don't even know what they took from him, that what they took from him can't be replaced, not by a dozen killings.

Soldiers shouldn't die on street corners, alone, for no reason other than that they are soldiers.

So much for should.

--End--

A/N2: I want to mention two fics here because the reason I was watching LATR, in the first place, was this cute little fic called "The Roman Tradition" here at FF.net. It got me in the mood. And Wyldegod's Future History Series, which can be found

(hope it's okay to include that here). It's just such an awesome fic. Biggs is in it, and reading that fic after watching LATR made his death just that much more tragic. (There are more reasons to love the FH series than Biggs, though. Lots of reasons. Particularly if you're tired of fics that bash characters, especially Logan. Wyldegod's story is salve for your souls, my friends ;)

A/N3: As always, I welcome any feedback you're willing to give.