Ice

Disclaimer: Don't own the song Where Will You Go? by Evanescence (don't own them either!), but I'm even more regretful to say that I don't own YuGiOh.

Pairings: Seto/Joey

Warnings/Other: YAOI (Don't like? Don't read.), songfic, little bit of angstiness, Joey POV

Summary: Songfic to Where Will You Go? by Evanescence. Seto's always given everyone the impression he's the perfect loner- aloof, distant, harsh. But Joey sees what's really inside the stone-cold duelist... and it's tearing him apart that Seto refuses to break the ice. S/J YAOI

|KEY:|

[blah] = lyrics

"Blah" = dialouge

["blah"] = Spoken lyrics

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[You're too important for anyone

There's something wrong with everything you see

But I, I know who you really are

You're the one who cries when you're alone]

-

"Go away, you stupid mutt."

Seto Kaiba glares into my eyes. I had finally gotten up the courage to tell him the truth about how I feel - that I love him. But, as with everything, nothing is good enough for Kaiba. No matter what anyone ever says or does for him, he manages to find fault in it. Just for once I wish he would take down that mask of complete apathy.

Others view Kaiba just the way he portrays himself - without emotions, and a heart of ancient stone, having long lost all chances at sympathy. I must admit, Seto has almost convinced me that he has no room for love or even friendship in his life. Long ago I used to wonder what his brother Mokuba ever saw in him.

But I can see past Kaiba's front. I know that when he goes home after a long day of schooling and work, his mask slips off his face. In those moments before sleep claims him for the night, all alone in his large, empty room, the great Seto Kaiba cries himself to sleep. He does such a good job of acting that when the curtain finally drops, and the audience has long left the theatre, the person he was pretending to be is hard to differentiate from his true self. I've never actually seen his nightly tears, but I know I'm right. I can see it in his eyes.

-

[But where will you go

With no one left to save you from yourself?

You can't escape

You can't escape]

-

Seto, who you plan on running to when your mask finally cracks outside your pillow of dried tears, away from the falsely comforting solitude of your room? If you keep pushing everyone away, pushing me away, whose shoulder will you cry on? There won't be anywhere for you to run, Seto. You need to stop putting up this act before it's too late. There won't be any escape for you.

[You think that I can't see right through your eyes

Scared to death to face reality

No one seems to hear your hidden cries

You're left to face yourself alone]

-

Kaiba never fails to amaze me. He doesn't realize that I know all about his secret and burried misery, that I can see the look of pain so clearly plastered into his endlessly deep royal blue eyes. His mask is truly spectacular. The Kaiba everyone else sees is not the real Seto Kaiba. It's a second face, to hide the fact that Seto is afraid of what will happen once his mask finally breaks. He knows as well as I do. Kaiba, please. Stop keeping your heart closed to me. I can make all that pain in your heart go away, if only you would give me a chance.

Kaiba, you don't need to be so afraid. Everyone, sans myself, has grown to believe that you are the mask you portray. But, perhaps, in that case, you do need to be afraid. I'm fearing the day when even I myself must leave you, and you'll be left to face your past alone. Please, give me a chance, a few minutes, just to show you how much I care about you.

-

[But where will you go

With no one left to save you from yourself?

You can't escape

You can't escape]

-

With every day that passes, your lie about who you are intertwines itself amongst your insecurities even more. I worry for you. I cry for you. I live for you. Please, Kaiba, take down your unneeded barriers before escape becomes impossible.

[I realize you're afraid

But you can't abandon everyone

You can't escape

You don't want to escape]

-

I know you fear for yourself and your brother, Seto. I know how much you care for him, and deep in my heart I can only hope and pray that one day you will care for me, even a little. Mokuba has to be the luckiest little brother in the world, having you as his older brother. But you can't continue to shut your doors to everyone, to me. There won't be a way out for you. I will never stop loving you, but my heart can only take so much before I feel I must give up.

Perhaps you don't want to escape this cycle of ultimate destruction. Is that it, Seto? Please, tell me. Stop glaring at me like that.

"Kaiba, please, listen to me."

"Why are you even speaking to me, mutt?! I thought I told you to scram."

Seto... please...

"Just give me a chance to prove myself. I'll make you proud of me, of yourself."

With an indignant humph, Seto, you almost frown and turn away from me, leaving to be stare at your back. I pray that was a flash of trust I saw crossing your eyes.

-

[I'm so sick of speaking words that no one understands

Is it clear enough that you can't live your whole life all alone?

I can hear you in a whisper

But you can't even hear me screaming]

-

"Kaiba!" I shout, as you start to walk away. My whole body shaking with newfound tears of rage and unrequited love, I call out your name again. "Kaiba! KAIBA!"

"I don't speak Mutt." Is your only reply as you continue your path away from me. Can't you see, Seto? You can't live your whole life in solitude; it will become the very thing that brings you down to your defeat.

I stood rooted to my spot, having chased after you for a few sections of sidewalk. As I turned away, fists clenched in a flurry of misguided rage, I could swear I just heard you whisper an apology to me. Maybe I am a mutt if I can hear you whisper to me from so far away. I spin around on my heel, salty rivers streaming from my amber eyes. "KAIBA! KAIBA, COME BACK!" I scream as loudly as I can, but you don't seem to hear me. "Kaiba..." I mutter softly, my pride as well as my heart falling to the ground in shattered resemblances of what they used to be. Just once, I wish he could hear my cries. Just once, I wish he would trust me.

-

[But where will you go

With no one left to save you from yourself?

You can't escape

You can't escape]

-

I can see it, and it frustrates me. The others, they're starting to become convinced that you can't feel anything for anyone other than your brother. Even Ryou has tried to tell me that it's useless, and I can't say his yami has said anything different. Please, Seto, stop this self-destructive pattern now. I don't know how long the others will continue to let me pine over you; I don't know how long I can continue to chase after you. My legs are tiring of running and running and only having you get farther away from me. But, Seto, the more you run away, the deeper you sink into the unescapable trap of life's demons attacking you.

-

["I realize you're afraid, but you can't reject the whole world!"]

You stop walking as my words cut through the distance between us and finally reach your eyes. I hit it hard just now, didn't I, Seto? Slowly, you turn around once more to face me, your eyes holding their infamous glare as you look into my own eyes. You start a lonely path towards me, and I stay where I am, for fear that if I move, you'll only leave me again.

[You can't escape

You won't escape

You can't escape

You don't want to escape]

You finally reach me, and I take in a breath, gazing deeply into your ocean eyes. That's what your eyes remind me of. When you are angered, your eyes turn from the calming depths of dark blue into a stormy sea of fury. Right now, I can't tell how you're feeling. Your eyes aren't revealing any emotion at all to me.

"What don't you understand, mutt? I told you to leave me alone. Why can't you grasp that already? I don't want anything to do with you, get out of my face!"

The sharp slap you gave me across the face will never hurt as much as your words just now, as you walk past me with anger in your oceans. Damnit, Kaiba, why can't I hate you? You're a rich, arrogant, son of a bitching snob, yet I'm unable to dislike you even in the least. Why? Why can I not just be sickened by your presense, the way you are sickened by mine? Tell me, Seto! Tell me why I am unable to hate you! Tell me why I love you so much!

I shake my head and despondently trudge my way over to Yugi's game shop. You will never love me, you dirty bastard. I want to hate you, but I can't. I want to stop loving you, but I can't.

I want to stop myself from spinning around on my heel to follow you.

But I can't.

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W00! First songfic. Think of this as a precursor to Always Never This.

Shori: Guys, I'm so horribly incredibly sorry. I had almost ALL of chapter one of The Caged Rose written (it was voted for the most), and then last night my computer ate the file and now I have to retype all of it. I swear this computer is older than me. So, I don't know when I will be able to get TCR written again. I think I might just start writing the Seto/Joey, since I seem to be good at this pairing.

Bakura: ... *Pats Shori* See, your computer does not like TCR because MY hikari is paired with Malik.

Shori: -___-;; That's a dumbass reason and you know it.

Bakura: Hey, I try.

Shori: *Shrugs and gives Bakura pocky* ^_^

Bakura: Pocky. Nice. Shori, don't you have something else you wish to tell the readers?

Shori: OH! YES! Thanks for reminding me, 'Kura. You guys are probably aware that I am never online. Well, that's because I had to uninstall my old AIM, just so I could download the new version... I finally got it up and running last night, so feel free to IM me whenever you want! The SN is in my bio. Ja ne!

~Shori Musei~