The loss of his will to live.

These characters belong to jk rowling and I own none of it, that means I get no profits period. *Warning the story contains matters including depression, cutting, and possibly suicide or suicidal thoughts. *

"She doesn't want me... IM not good enough for her... IM too ugly and horrid she will never love me. Why did she ever say that she did? It had to be a lie. I can't be with anyone she was the only person capable of loving me. IM going to always be alone... forever. No one will want me for the things I have done."

Severus grabbed his quill, paper and inkbottle and started writing quickly in the dim candlelight.

Dear lily,

IM sorry for being in love with you, I know you will never love me back IM writing you to say goodbye. Don't bother to reply ill be gone forever before your letter would reach me. IM going to take my own life but I want to wish you the best luck in your life and that you live a full and happy life. Please don't be sorry for me you don't love me so it's not necessary.


Severus Snape.

Severus took the letter and tied it to his owl's leg and opened the window for the bird to leave. Then shut the window hastily and pulled the curtains shut. Sitting down at his desk Severus dug quickly through the drawer and found what he was looking for, a thin sharp razor blade, he sat back and pulled up his pant leg and pressed the blade firmly into his pale skin just above his knee and pulled up. Pulling the blade away he looked at his leg examining the shallow cut for a second as blood began to trickle out and down his leg. Smiling at the pain from the cut Severus sat back and stared into the flame of the candle for a moment. He sat holding the razor blade turning it over slowly between his fingers deciding what to do.

'She is going to hate me for this I know she is but she shouldn't its not her fault its mine she didn't love me I loved her.' Severus sat the pain of being alone without lily burning at him as though he was the candle and the memories the flame burning him down killing him out slowly. 'Why did she dump me what went wrong what did I do? I mean there was nothing wrong it was perfect everyone thought so, besides her what was it in her mind that made her end it? It's too late to worry about that now its not like it matters.'

Severus stood up and walked over to his bed. He lay down in the center of the bed staring at the ceiling talking into the dark. "Good bye lily IM sorry I love you, live a long and happy life."

Severus placed the edge of the razor blade at his wrist and pulled it across his wrist pressing hard. He sat for and watched the blood stream out of the cut, then took the razor blade in his other hand pressing it to his other wrist cutting it deeply. He tossed the razor on the floor and laid back staring at the ceiling as the blood flowed steadily from his wrists. He closed his eyes and shortly fell asleep.

Lily sat in the swing at her friend's house rocking back and forth when a large white owl landed in front of her holding its leg out with the letter. Lily stepped out of the swing and crouched down in front of the owl taking the letter. "You're a very beautiful bird who sent me this." Lily petted the bird and sat back down on the swing as she opened the letter. She quickly read the letter and dropped it. "Oh god this is bad." Lily turned and ran inside. "Sherrie I have to leave IM sorry its important." Lily grabbed her purse and apparated to Severus' house.

She knocked on the door and stood waiting for a moment. "Shit no awnser that bloody git had better be ok." Lily looked through the window not seeing anyone inside she pulled out her wand. "Alohomora." She shoved the now unlocked door open and ran inside. "SEVERUS WHERE ARE YOU AT?"