Author: Kelsey

Rating: PG/PG-13

Disclaimer: The OC belongs to Fox and the song "Anna Begins" belongs to The Counting Crows. The thoughts are mine.

Summary: "This wasn't about Summer anyway, this was about him and Anna and how he had fucked up."

A/N: This was supposed to be the songfic drabble for 1000+ words later, here it is!

Anna Begins:

Anna broke up with him and he absolutely admitted that he deserved it. Seth should have been brave enough to leave her first. Summer was who he'd always wanted. He'd tried to feel the same way about Anna, but his addiction to Summer was too big a part of him. Seth sighed and turned on his stereo.

My friend assures me "It's all or nothing"

I am not worried I am not overly concerned

My friend implores me "For one time only,

Make an exception" I am not worried

Anna Begins, of course. The song of course reminded him of Anna, oddly, it was one of her favorite songs. Had Anna ever really cared about him? Seth wondered suddenly. Of course she had. She was a good friend. She wanted him to be happy, even if it was with Summer.

Wrap her up in a package of lies

Send her off to a coconut island

I am not worried I am not overly concerned

With the status of my emotions

"Oh" she says "You're changing"

But we're always changing

It wasn't that he didn't enjoy being with Summer. This wasn't about Summer anyway, this was about him and Anna and how he had fucked up. Seth had been cruel to Anna, he hadn't meant to be. He had been greedy and not seen how valuable Anna was, even if he didn't love her.

It does not bother me to say this isn't love

Because if you don't want to talk about it

Then it isn't love

And I guess I'm going to have to live with that

He'd treated Anna badly. Sure opposites are exciting, but it's nice to be understood. Seth had taken that for granted. He had been annoyed by Anna's innate understanding. She had become an irritant instead of a gift, and now Seth had lost her.

But I'm sure there's something in a shade of grey

Something in between

And I can always change my name

If that's what you mean

Seth had included Summer in his and Anna's relationship because he hadn't wanted to hurt anyone. It was a stupid thing to do, a misguided notion. Now he'd lost his best friend in exchange for, well, awkward sex. It didn't seem like a fair trade-off.

My friend assures me, "It's all or nothing"

But I am not really worried

I am not overly concerned

You try to tell yourself the things you try to tell yourself

To make yourself forget

I am not worried

Seth had been in love with Summer for years, he reminded himself. In love, he was beginning to wonder about the definition of those words. They were starting to seem overused.

"If its love" she said "then we're going to have to

think about the consequences."

She can't stop shaking

I can't stop touching her and...

Summer is hot, Seth reflected, incredibly hot. The sex, well, it had improved, a lot. If their relationship was only skin deep, so what? At least they respected each other.

This time when kindness falls like rain

It washes her away

And Anna begins to change her mind

Seth wished the real Anna would change her mind. She wouldn't of course, she's way too stubborn, but maybe there would be hope for someday. For now he had Summer, he was happy with Summer.

"These seconds when I'm shaking

leave me shuddering

for days," she says

And I'm not ready for this sort of thing.

Okay, maybe they had rushed into the sex thing. Maybe they both knew that physical attraction was really all Seth and Summer had going for each other. Anna was beautiful too, in her own way.

But I'm not going to break

And I'm not going to worry about it anymore

I'm not going to bend, and I'm not going to break and

I'm not going to worry about it anymore

The Counting Crows were right. The deed has been done, Seth realized. Being with or without Anna, it wasn't up to him. He had lost the right to make that decision long ago.

It seems like I should say "As long as this is love..."

But it's not all that easy so maybe I should

Snap her up in a butterfly net

Pin her down on a photograph album

Seth couldn't help glancing at the picture of him and Anna sailing. It was still on his desk. She was still his friend, and such a cool girl.

I am not worried

I've done this sort of thing before

But then I start to think about the consequences

Because I don't get no sleep in a quiet room and...

Seth wished there was a way to keep both Anna and Summer, but he had tried that before. Look where stringing them both along had gotten him. Anna had taken that decision out of his hands, in a way it was a kindness.

This time when kindness falls like rain

It washes me away and

Anna begins to change my mind

And every time she

sneezes I believe it's love

Friendship and relationship are different. The little intimacies of relationships get dilluted when you mix them with school and other people. Seth missed how Anna fit in his arms, how she sneezes, how she coughs when she's nervous.

Oh lord, I'm not ready

For this sort of thing

I have a girlfriend, Seth reminded himself. I have a beautiful, understanding, popular, great girlfriend. Summer is great. Summer isn't Anna.

She's talking in her sleep

It's keeping me awake

And Anna begins to toss and turn

And every word is nonsense but I understand

Oh lord, I'm not ready for this sort of thing

Seth understood Anna, sort of, and she understood him, completely. Seth had to believe that's why she broke up with him. He knows that's why he's falling in love with her.

Her kindness bangs a gong

It's moving me along and Anna begins to fade away

It's chasing me away She disappears and

Oh lord, I'm not ready for this sort of thing

He finally understands her sacrifice, Seth finally gets that Anna loves him and he loves her. It's ironic, and more than a little sad that Anna is drifting steadily away from him. Seth finally has Summer and Anna's what he wants.