Fic: Here Without You (1/6)

Author: Gardenia1786

Rating: PG-13

Summery: Based on the song "Here Without You" by 3 Doors Down. Just a little look into Jessie and Katie's lives after they've gone their separate ways.

Disclaimer: I don't own any of the characters, or the song. The amazing and beautiful Jessie and Katie belong to the evil ABC who cancelled our beloved Once and Again nearly 5 years ago, and the song is property of 3 Doors Down and whatever company owns them.

Author's note: I absolutely love this song, in my opinion it's one of the best ever. The other day I thought it would be cool if I wrote a fic to it, so here it is! I hope it isn't too bad!

Feedback: Please? Pleeeeeeaaaaassssseeee? Feedback is such a wonderful thing. It lets me know that people actually read it, and if they like it or not. So please let me know. Even if you don't like it. But especially if you do! As Heather used to say: feedback love more (or something like that)

Once again, totally un-beta'd, sorry 'bout that.


A hundred days have made me older

Since the last time that I saw you're pretty face

Katie looked out the window of her car at the passing corn as she drove down the small two-lane country road. She'd been on the road for, what, four hours now? It was getting long and very old. Cows and corn, cows and corn… oh look. A tree.

"Jeez, these people really need to get some new scenery." she said to the air as she relaxed into the driver's seat.

Only 10 more hours to go, then I'll be there... great, she thought to herself. She dropped her hand to the bottom of the steering wheel and held on to it with a loose grip. In the attempt to get more comfortable, she moved her other arm, resting her elbow on the armrest positioned on the door before leaning her head against her palm.

As she pulled the visor down to block the setting sun, out fell a picture. She picked it up from her lap and glanced at it while still driving. It was a picture of her and... Jessie. She stared at her own face. It was as she was looking into a mirror, only she was so much younger... and happier. They were sitting on a wooden swing and Katie had her arm around Jessie. Jessie had her arm around Katie's waist and had laid her head on Katie's shoulder. It was a candid shot, they were watching something in the distance, both laughing at whatever it was. Katie couldn't remember. She quickly stuffed the picture away, she didn't want to think about this now.

"Home." She said to no one in particular. She was trying to remember the last time that she had been home. It must have been a couple of years at the very least. She wasn't particularly looking forward to it, home was never somewhere she liked to be. She never really felt at home when she was there. No, there was only one person in her entire life that had actually made her feel safe and at home... Jessie... but she didn't want to dwell on that now, she didn't want to dredge up those memories.

A thousand lies have made me colder

And I don't think I can look at this the same

"No! I don't care! I told you I want it now, and now is when I want it! Understand?!?" Jessie said quite loudly into her cell phone before slamming it shut. How many times do I have to tell them? she thought to herself. When I say want it now, I want it NOW.

Needless to say, Jessie was not the same person she was those 10+ years ago. She hadn't changed much on the outside, she was still petite and beautiful. She still had those beautiful blue eyes, and though she may be small, everyone knew that she was not a force to be reckoned with. She was older, and much colder. The world had chewed her up and spit her out. She had become hard, almost ruthless. She was a businesswoman, but more than that she was a lawyer, and she let everyone know it.

Work was her life. She didn't leave time for a social life, for love, or anything like that. She didn't want to get hurt again, so she shut everyone out of her world. She'd lost the love of her life, and that by itself had made her cold and distant, from everyone and everything.

But all the miles that separate,

They disappear now when I'm dreaming of your face.

Katie had had enough for one day, it was late, she had gotten held up in traffic, and she was way behind schedule. She pulled over on the side of the road, turned off the car, made sure the doors were locked, and curled up in a semi-comfortable position, after leaning the seat back a bit. Her mind drifted from subject to subject, from people, places, and things. It rambled on, much as she tended to do, not letting her relax enough to get any sleep.

Katie was getting a bit frustrated with it, trying to concentrate on something peaceful, but couldn't really come up with anything. She closed her eyes, and when she opened them again she saw someone standing before her. It took her a split second to figure out who it was.


She was standing in front of her, the same beautiful girl that she had fallen in love with years ago, only older. Not a girl any longer, but a woman now. She didn't look much different, her blond hair a little longer than she remembered, falling just slightly above her shoulder blades, still crimped. Her blue eyes shining, and her perfect lips turned up in a smile, showing off her unusually white teeth.

The years had been good to her, Katie thought. Her first instincts were for her to run over and grab her, to hold her and kiss her, but she was unsure how to act, and how Jessie would respond. She looked down at her feet.

It's a dream, she told herself. There's no way that she's here, I'm over four hundred miles away. She looked up at Jessie again, who was still standing there smiling, looking right at her.

Damn it, dream or not, I'm making the best of it. She made use of her legs and walked over to her, stopping right in front of her. She pulled Jessie into a close hug, whispering in her ear,

"I've missed you so much." Katie breathed before Jessie pulled back, brushed the hair out of Katie's eyes and peered into them thoughtfully. Jessie rested her hand on the other girl's cheek.

"I've missed you too." Jessie paused, "And after all these years, I still know one thing." Katie gazed intently into Jessie's eyes.

"What's that?" Katie questioned while Jessie only grinned.

"I still love you." And with that she closed the distance between their lips.

I'm here without you baby,

But you're still on my lonely mind

Jessie sat in her posh office; after all, being one of the firm's highest-ranking lawyers had to get her something besides a stick up her ass. She had just finished the preliminaries for one of her wealthiest clients when she leaned back in her chair and closed her eyes.

A little break couldn't hurt, she thought to herself. Her mind wandered. She paused to wonder how everyone was doing back home, and how much she actually missed them. Grace especially. She was still surprised how good of friends they turned out, after all, Grace was a huge help while she was figuring out what to do about Katie. Her eyes flew open when she thought that name.

"Oh my god," she said aloud. "Katie." Why am I thinking about her? I never think about her, she lied to herself. In truth, there wasn't a day that went by that she didn't think about Katie, or miss her, though she tried to deny it. Every once in a blue moon, she would pull out the old, slightly tattered shoe box that she hid under her bed, and look thru it's contents. It held her most prized possessions. Pictures of her and Katie, the first gardenia that Katie bought her, most of the notes Katie wrote her, always addressed to 'Billie', and finally, the most important of all, the letter that Katie wrote to her, the one that was responsible for the misunderstanding in her room, and ultimately the kiss that brought them together. When she promised that she would never throw it away, she meant it.

I think about you baby,

And I dream about you all the time

Katie's dreams that night were littered with Jessie, she couldn't quite seem to get her out of them. But then again, she wasn't quite sure if she wanted to get Jessie out of her dreams. She loved being with Jessie, loved seeing her again, loved touching her again. Even if it wasn't real, she was still thankful to be able to be with her again. She missed her. She hadn't gone a single day since they broke up without thinking about her or missing her. She still loved her, and part of her, she believed, always would. She always dreamed about seeing her again, of being with her again. Of loving her again, of being loved by her again. She hadn't been in a serious relationship with anyone since Jessie... heck, she had never been in a serious before Jessie either. Ever since she had met her she believed that Jessie was the one for her, and she still did, seven years later.

That dream filled night was wonderful. It was the first time she'd been around Jessie in years... 11 years, 3 months, and 2 days to be specific, not that she was counting or anything. She got to talk to her, tell her how much she missed her, how much she loved her, how much she wished they could be together again. To date again, or even to marry? Katie wasn't sure where that idea had come from, at first it seemed strange, but the more she thought about it, the more it seemed so... right. She hoped that someday, for real, she would be able to ask Jessie to marry her, to live with her, to have children together, to grow old together. All the scenes flashed before Katie's eyes in her dreams.

She and Jessie on their wedding day. Jessie looked stunning as usual. Both their families were there. It was an out door wedding, very simple, married by a liberal Baptist pastor. Katie felt true bliss.

Their first Christmas... with a child. A little girl, that was the spitting image of Jessie, only she had Katie's eyes, and her energy as well.

Their daughter growing up, falling in love, and marrying a wonderful man. Katie swelled with pride. She sat with Jessie as the man recited his vows to their daughter. Jessie reached over and squeezed her hand and Katie looked at her with adoration.

Finally, she and Jessie sitting together on their porch, watching the sunset go down, both old and retired. Just holding each other and enjoying each other's company, as they had for years past.

Katie awoke and rubbed her eyes. She was still in her car, on her way home. Jessie wasn't there, she still hadn't seen her in years.

"Damn" was all Katie could think to say. She checked her watch, and it only read 4:45am, so she decided that it would be best if she tried to get some more sleep, so that's what she did.

I'm here without you baby,

But you're still with me in my dreams,

And tonight it's only you and me.

Jessie walked into her second story apartment after a particularly long days work. After automatically putting away her purse and keys, she walked over to the refrigerator, pulled out a TV. dinner, and proceeded to warm it up. After the microwave had completed its task, Jessie removed the dinner, sat down on her couch, and turned on the TV.

She was used to eating alone, she hadn't eaten a decent meal with anyone in such a long time, she had forgotten what it was like. It was hard for her to make herself eat, some days she just didn't feel like eating, but she forced herself to because she didn't want to go back to the days of her anorexia. She finished her meal and curled up on the couch, idly flipping through the channels.

Jessie was tempted to go through the box under her bed, to read all those precious notes, and to look at Katie's beautiful face, but she resisted the urge. It had been over a month since she'd looked through it, and she wasn't going to go through it. She wanted to forget about Katie Singer... or did she?

Yes, yes, of course I do. she thought to herself, and was determined not to think on it any longer.

She must have drifted off, because before she knew it, she was watching someone - a girl, tall and thin, with long beautiful dark blond hair. The girl's back was facing her, but Jessie somehow felt that she knew this girl. The girl was walking on the sidewalk towards the park, so Jessie followed her. She couldn't help it. She didn't know what she was suppose to do, but she felt desperate to find out who this girl was. She started running, trying to catch up with her. Jessie finally got close enough, and put her hand on the girl's shoulder, to try to stop her and turn her around. As soon as the girl turned around, she saw her face.

"Katie" she breathed. And with that, she woke up

TBC? Let me know if it's worth it