TITLE: The Mummy

AUTHOR: Mara Jade

EMAIL: marajade764@yahoo.co.uk

RATING: G

CATEGORY: Humour

SUMMARY: Another film with SG1

SPOILERS: None

AUTHOR'S NOTE: Well…I didn't really have time to work on Force (though the next chapter is in progress) but my imagination was rioting inside my head and demanding to be let out for some exercise and…this is the result.

A sequel of sorts to Air force One (and just as completely plot-less) the idea started beating me around the head while I was walking to school the other day…along with another, random idea. I kept getting funny looks because I was grinning at nothing. I couldn't help it though! Okay…I'm really tired right now, which is why I'm rambling. I'll stop.

Enjoy!

DISCLAIMER: The characters mentioned in this story are the property of Showtime and Gekko Film Corp. The Stargate, SG-I, the Goa'uld and all other characters who have appeared in the series STARGATE SG-1 together with the names, titles and backstory are the sole copyright property of MGM-UA Worldwide Television, Gekko Film Corp, Glassner/Wright Double Secret Productions and Stargate SG-I Prod. Ltd. Partnership. This fanfic is not intended as an infringement upon those rights and solely meant for entertainment. All other characters, the story idea and the story itself are the sole property of the author.

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"Ankh'sun'amun…"

Jack read the subtitles that were displayed at the bottom of the screen, turning to Daniel only once he'd finished.

"What's so funny?"

"Oh, nothing," Daniel replied with a wave of his hand, a silly grin playing across his face.

Jack rolled his eyes and turned back to the screen, "Okay, spill!"

Daniel had once again snorted halfway through the next sentence of Ancient Egyptian, or whatever it was.

"What? Oh, it's just that the writers were slightly out of whack with their translations."

"You mean they're not actually speaking Ancient Egyptian?" Sam asked, pointing her beer bottle at the screen for emphasis.

"No, they are," Daniel replied, stifling another laugh.

"DanielJackson…I fail to see your amusement. This language is reminiscent of an obscure dialect of Goa'uld but not one that I can translate."

"Well, no Teal'c, see it is Ancient Egyptian…"

"But?" Jack eyed the scattered beer bottles before returning his gaze to the archaeologist.

"But they've just got it a little wrong."

"A little wrong?"

"They're not saying what they think they're saying."

"They're not…Daniel, just how many beers have you had?"

"No, I think I get it, Sir; they're speaking Ancient Egyptian, but they've translated wrong so…"

"…so they're not saying what they think they're saying. Got it."

"Then what are they saying?" Teal'c asked, one eyebrow raised, his juice-drink firmly held in one hand.

"They…wait, Jack pass me the remote would you?" Jack's eyebrows crept into his hairline but he complied nonetheless. Daniel skipped back a couple of scenes and hit play again. "Okay…'You have left hair'…'your hamster stole my toga'…'may the juice of cacti spread your camel spit'…I'm not repeating that one…'may camels give you strong children'…okay, that's a little freaky…"

"Daniel, tell me you're joking."

"I wish I could…this is painful."

"Who would have thought watching 'The Mummy' with a linguist could be so…" Sam trailed off, unable to think of a word that would describe it.

"Enlightening?" Jack supplied.

"Something like that."

"'Your hamster stole my toga'?" Jack asked incredulously, giving Daniel his patented 'are you serious?' look.

"Of course the Egyptians didn't call them hamsters and toga's is the closest word to what they would have called their-"

"Alright, I get it…" They all lapsed into silence and turned back to the film for a while. However, it wasn't long before Teal'c spoke again.

"I do not understand…why does this…Ee-vee speak strangely?"

"Evie? She's British, Teal'c…they all talk funny, wear tweed, eat cucumber sandwiches, and drink tea."

"Jack!"

"Daniel?"

"Don't tell him that. I happen to know for a fact that British people don't talk like that. I thought you'd have been a bit more realistic seeing as you are 'Irish' after all. I happen to know for a fact that very few English people talk like that. Nor are they so completely inept, careless and accident-prone. Nor are they all cockney chimney sweeps."

"I know that!"

"Ever notice that it's the Brits that are the well-meaning but hopelessly pathetic ones while the Hero is the suave, sophisticated American?" Sam added knowingly as she popped the top on more beer bottles and handed them around.

"Well, maybe that's because we are!" Jack retorted.

Teal'c raised an eyebrow. "O'Neill I do not believe that Dr. Rothman, Martin Lloyd, or many other people we have met are suave or sophisticated and yet they are American."

"Well, yeah, but…"

"I think he's got you there, Sir."

"There's an exception to every rule."

"Jack, need I remind you of Homer Simpson?"

"Oh, shut up and watch the film," Jack exclaimed, glaring at his teammates, who all smirked.

"Just 'cause you're wrong…"

"Am not."

"Are too."

"Not."

"Too."

"Guys!"

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For the record, I'm sure the people who wrote The Mummy knew what they were doing when they translated and stuff…I just thought that this would be more amusing. :D I apologise to anyone left with the scarring image of a hamster in an Egyptian toga-skirt-thing. Or camel babies.

Oh, and thanks to everyone who reviewed Air force one. I could have put this at the beginning, but I felt like defying convention. I'm also lazy. *grins*

Please, feed my sleep-deprived brain…reviews are welcome, and will eventually be read *grumbles about recent weirdness of ff.net*. Flames will be used to warm my feet. :D

I'll be quiet just so long as you review. :D