Disclaimer: I don't own anything you recognize as connected to the Harry Potter Universe.
This is not your typical Lily-and-James-hate-each-other-and-get-stuck-in-each-other's-bodies-Fic. Lily and James do seem to hate each other and they do end up switching bodies, but this isn't the typical telling of the tale. For James's faults I center on his vanity, rather than his arrogance (vanity is funnier anyway and I think it suits James better). I know Sorcerer's Stone said that James wore glasses, but in this Fic, Lily wears glasses.
Hope you enjoy my spin on an often told tale of boy changed into girl, and girl changed into boy. Oh the horrors they both shall face.
This story does NOT follow the plotline of any of my other Fics. It's completely on its own, though it will probably be many fine chapters long.
Chapter 1: The Proposition
James Potter stared coldly at Lily Evans, the bane of his existence. She was his tormenter and his greatest pleasure. They argued in their usual manner: she screamed, he replied coldly. He found the cold voice and narrow glares worked much better than screaming.
"You missed another meeting!"
"I already told you, I had Quidditch practice."
"Your practice ended forty-five minutes ago, Potter! You could have still made the last half of the meeting!" She'd been counting on him as Head Boy to be there since she was supposed to leave early and seem McGonagall for some help with Transfiguration. But thanks to Potter, she'd missed her lesson with McGonagall and would certainly be in trouble over it.
"I was tired."
"Tired? Tired! All you do out there is sit on a bloody broomstick for 3 hours! If you want a real game, try something that uses your own 2 legs! Like soccer!"
"You're just mad because you made the plastic duck you were suppose to transfigure this morning explode. And might I add, it's a lot more work than sitting on a bloody broom until your butt blisters. There's skill and exercise involved. The only time I ever saw you on a broom you fainted, Four-Eyes."
"That was a long time ago, Porcupine!"
Four-Eyes Evans and Porcupine Potter. Nicknames they'd devised in their first year. She'd called him porcupine because his hair stuck out in all directions (even though it wasn't spiky). He'd called her four-eyes because of her glasses; not very original but it got on her nerves.
"Well, some things never change."
"Like your attitude."
"My attitude? What about yours?"
"If I had life as easy as you do I'd be bright and sunny all the time."
"You think my life's easy? You've got it easy, Evans. The teachers love you."
"That's because I didn't put batwings in their oatmeal on Halloween last year. Or enchant talking mistletoe to follow them around the Christmas before. Or—"
"I get it, Evans. Give it a rest. I missed the meeting. Too late to do anything about it now." He sat down on the couch as far from her as possible.
She stood up and sniffed angrily. "I have to go find someone to help me with my Transfiguration."
He scoffed. "You know I'm the best in our year. Why not just ask me for help?"
"Because I won't give you the satisfaction of thinking there's anything you could ever do to help me." She stalked off like an angry cat.
He laughed. And she thought he was arrogant. If he had things as easy as she did, he wouldn't have an attitude like hers. James heard a muffled voice coming from within his pocket. He took out his mirror and pretended to be admiring himself.
"James, you're late for detention again."
"Oops. Who do I have detention with this time?"
"What for?" he asked, trying to remember.
"For turning Evans's hair green."
"Oh, right." He smiled; that had been fun. "I'll be right there, Siir." He stuffed the mirror in his pocket and nonchalantly walked out of the common room. Once beyond the portrait and out of sight of his housemates, he took off at a dead run.
"Lils, did you two fight again?" asked Alice.
"Are trains always late?"
Alice looked at her, confusion in her face. "But the Hogwarts Express is always on ti—"
"Forget it. Don't we always fight?"
"Yes. What was it this time? You've got to grip your wand looser. Don't be so tense." She was helping her with the transfiguration lesson.
"I can't even remember. Doesn't matter. Anything connected to him isn't worth remembering."
"Even Remus?" She quirked an eyebrow.
"I don't like him anymore. We're just friends. He's a sweet guy. I don't know how he ever ended up as Potter's friend. Ugh, look at him!" She inclined her head at James, who was talking to himself in the mirror. "Disgustingly arrogant, ugly little pig."
Alice laughed. "Whatever his attitude, he certainly isn't an ugly little pig. He takes careful care in his appearance and I'd happen to say it certainly shows."
Lily glared at her.
One week later, Lily was sitting in the chair nearest the fire. She was facing the fireplace while she studied for her charms test. Suddenly, somebody swung the chair around.
She found herself faced with the despised one leaning over her, a smug grin on his face.
"I've got a proposition for you, Evans."
"Why should I listen to you? I'm in the middle of studying."
"Because, I think you'll learn something if you listen to what I've got to say."
"Learn from you? I highly doubt it."
"If we do this, you'll learn who was right and who was wrong."
"About what?" she asked cautiously as he sat down on the arm of her chair.
"About the argument we had when you stormed into the common room after I missed last week's prefect meeting."
She nodded to let him know that she was listening.
"If you were right, this'll be the easiest week of your life. If I'm right, which I already know I am, this'll be the easiest week of my life and the worst week of yours." He smiled.
"What's your game, Potter?" She narrowed her eyes at him.
"A simple switch. We spend one week as each other. We spend this week as each other."
"How? A Polyjuice potion would take at least a month to brew and we'd have to drink it every hour."
"This is much more reliable than a Polyjuice potion. I found the perfect spell in the library. It will switch us for the week."
"You mean you know where the library is?"
"Yes, I know where the library is," he said impatiently.
"If it's so much more reliable, then why do people use the Polyjuice potion instead?"
"Because, this requires the consent of the two people making the switch. A Polyjuice potion doesn't require the other person to know that you're parading around looking like them. And it lasts for a week instead of just an hour."
"Are you sure you didn't misread it and it didn't say seven hours or something of the like? I don't exactly trust your reading skills."
"Stop stalling, Evans. Are you game?" He leaned closer to her, there eyes six inches apart.
She swallowed, then relaxed. "Yeah. This'll be the easiest week of my life."
"Don't count on it. I'll meet you back down here around midnight for the switch. Deal?" He stuck out his hand.
"Deal." When he was gone, Lily smirked. This was going to be the easiest week of her life. She started drawing up a schedule for James that included club meetings, tutoring sessions, and other appointments he would have to attend as her. Life was good. This was the perfect payback. He had to spend a week in her shoes. The best part was, it was all his idea.
James crept downstairs, clutching the book to him. A week as Lily Evans. This would be a piece of cake. He found her waiting there in her pajamas.
"Ssh. Everybody upstairs is asleep," she said, sitting on the sofa.
"I doubt they can hear my walking then." James blinked. He wasn't sure what kind of pajamas he'd ever thought Lily wore, but from some reason a giant t-shirt and shorts that barely showed under the edge of the huge shirt didn't seem to be it.
"Are you sure you want to do this?" he asked her.
"Oh, yeah. I'm going to have it easy this week. All I've got to do is goof off in class and spend a few hours during the week at Quidditch practice. How hard can that be?" She shoved a stack of parchments at his chest.
"This is your agenda. Meetings you have to oversee and students you have to tutor. I hope you have fun." She smiled sweetly at him.
"You've got to be joking!" His eyes were wide.
"You're not having second thoughts, are you?" she asked.
"Of course not. My Quidditch gear is all under my bed. I hope you don't mind, but some of the gear is starting to smell pretty rank. I can't remember the last time I washed it."
"But you always look so clean at the matches."
"You mean you've seen a Quidditch match? I had no idea you had that much house spirit. My practice gear is separate from my game gear."
"Let's do this, Potter, if you aren't chickening out."
"Me? Chicken out? Never! Do you have your wand?"
"Do you honestly think I'd come within a ten-foot radius of you without it?"
He laughed. "Okay. Here's the spell. We have to repeat it facing each other, eyes locked and wands touching. We have to also really want the switch to happen." They read over the spell several times. "Are you ready?"
"As I'll ever be."
They stood up from the sofa they'd been sitting on. He dropped the book and she put down the stack of parchment. "On three?" he asked. She nodded. They faced each other, "1…"
They touched wands, stared into each other's eyes, and began to recite the spell.
At the final word, they both felt dizzy. The world seemed to swim in a reddish haze before snapping back into focus with utter clarity and they found themselves looking at…themselves.
James blinked, holding Lily's wand in his hand. He found it unpleasant to realize that he now had to look up at Lily. It was startling to look up and see himself there. He knew that's what was supposed to happen, but he hadn't been prepared for a shock like this. It was just too weird. He let himself sink into the couch.
Lily sat down next to him. "A little strange, isn't it?" she asked with James's voice. She was startled to hear that voice coming out of her and nearly clapped a hand over her mouth.
"Yeah. A little."
"I think we'd better lay down some ground rules. I don't think we want anyone knowing about the switch, do we?"
"No. Definitely not. I took the book from the restricted section."
"The restricted section?" Her eyes widened.
He nodded. And looked down at the floor. Unfortunately, there was something in the way of his seeing the floor: his new, long pale legs.
"I think we'd better lay down those rules now," Lily told him firmly. "You have to act like me, so that means you can't be staring at my legs all the time like that." She picked up his chin in her hand so he couldn't stare down at his new legs anymore. "Acting like me means you have to keep all of these appointments. You have to do your work and at least look like you pay attention in class."
"To be me you can't look like you're paying attention in class but you have got to pay attention anyway to make sure you can do it right."
"So that's the secret to your many talents? Looking as though you're not studying or paying attention when you really are? I had no idea you were so studious."
"That's one of my secrets. There are others. I don't know how much I should tell you."
"Lots of secrets?" she asked.
"Enough of them at any rate. Everybody has secrets. Don't you? Or are you too boring to have secrets, Miss Evans?"
"If I have them, you'll never find out. Otherwise they wouldn't be secret, would they?"
"That sounded rather James Potter-ish if I do say so myself."
She grinned a very James Potter-ish smile. "More rules. Please don't flirt with any girls while you're in my body. It'd send out the wrong message."
"Don't you flirt with any of the guys," he warned.
"I won't. Even in my right body most of them aren't worth my time."
"I'm not telling."
"Is there anything else we need to cover?"
"Nothing I can think of yet."
Somehow they both managed to miss the obvious.
James started to go up the boys' staircase and Lily started to go up the girls'. She fell flat on her face as the stairs turned into a slide.
He'd only gone up a couple of steps and now he came back, "What?"
"We missed something very important."
"What did we miss?"
"The fact that now I'm a boy and now you're a girl. You can't sleep in that dorm (it would destroy my reputation!) and I can't sleep in this one."
"You're right. We'll have to switch rooms. Goodnight."
"Potter!" She grabbed his arm as he started up the first stair.
"Yes?" he asked innocently.
She forcibly dragged him back to the sofa. "We've got a few more issues to discuss."
"Alright," he smiled pleasantly and she wanted to smack him. She raised her fist but he said her, "You can't hit a girl, James."
"Potter, I don't want you touching my body. This week is going to be miserable. I'm going to have to leave you unsupervised with my body. Ew!"
Lily stood up and grabbed him by the collar. She managed to lift James several inches off the ground. Maybe there were some advantages to this body after all. "NO touching me, any part of me," she said, glaring heavily at him.
"How am I supposed to shower? Get dressed? Go to the bathroom?"
"This is bad, this is bad, this is bad, this is bad," she muttered, dropping him to the ground.
"You know, if anybody sees you beating up girls you'll be in big trouble," James said, dusting himself off.
"Shut-up, Potter! You planned this all along, didn't you? How could I have been so stupid?"
James honestly had not thought of this when he planned the switch. "Believe it or not, I didn't plan it, Evans. I may be seventeen but I'm not a complete pervert, you know. When I planned the switch my only intention was that you realize how difficult it is to be me."
She glared at him.
"While we're on the subject of getting dressed, I don't want you looking at my mates, Evans. I know you've got a thing for Remus. Stay away from him unless you're with Sirius and Peter too."
"I don't like Remus for your information, not that it's any of your business."
"Well, then you used to like him. Don't think I haven't noticed. I'm not an idiot."
"Could've fool me. I don't want you looking at my roommates when they get dressed either."
"I already told you, I'm not a pervert. There're a couple of things you ought to know for tomorrow morning. Sirius takes forever to comb his hair so you might want to get in the bathroom before him or you'll never get in. Sirius, Peter, and Remus might call you Prongs; it's a nickname. Make sure the robes you wear tomorrow aren't wrinkled; I never wear wrinkled robes. My hair, yours for this week, has to be brushed 3000 stroke a morning to keep it shiny. Let's see, what else?" He mused a moment. "I think that's everything…for now."
"My turn then." She thought for a moment and couldn't think of anything. He cared more for personal appearance than she did, so there wasn't much to tell him. It wasn't as though she wore makeup or jewelry really. "Just don't look at my friends or my body, okay?"
"Yeah. Don't look at my friends either, got it?"
"I know, I know. Goodnight."
She went up the stairs to the seventh year boys' dormitory and found which of the five beds must be hers. James had already been wearing pajamas when he came downstairs so she just climbed under the covers and went to sleep.
James went upstairs and stopped at the seventh year girls' dormitory. He easily found the bed that belonged to Lily. He didn't lie down yet. He looked in Lily's trunk to make sure he knew where the clothes were when morning came. He put the glasses he was wearing on the nightstand, it was so weird to be wearing glasses. He pulled the blankets over him and went to sleep.