Diary of Desire
Author: Gothic Spook
E-mail: gothicspookhotmail.com
URL: G
Category: DRF slight DRR
Summery: Just because he doesn't love me the way I want him to does not mean he doesn't love me with all he has. I can't really ask for more than that.
Disclaimer: If you recognise it, I do not own it!
Spoilers: None
Archive: Fanfiction.net. Anywhere that wants it, just e-mail me and let me know.

In this world that's full of secrets can we survive? I have seen so much, so many secrets that I doubt we can. How can we be prepared when we don't know the truth? How can we be truthful if we continue to lie. If we plan to survive in a world full of lies. We must tell the obvious truth. At least to each other. We don't have time to lie. We don't have time to stand still. We only have time to believe. Believe that we will be okay. Believe that we will make it. Time for me to believe that he feels the same as I do.

Ever since I met him, I knew that I would always be there for him. Whether I would be by his side or thousands of miles apart. I knew I would be there for him. And he would be there for me. But is it enough to survive on? The unspoken truth that we want to scream. At least I want to scream it. I ask why has he never pushed me away. Why has he always kept me around? Is it because he feels the way I do? Or is it just a friendship thing? I may never find out. He may never feel for me the way I want him to. But through the years of knowing him. Of being by his side. I have learnt two things. Just because he doesn't love me the way I want him to does not mean he doesn't love me with all he has. I can't really ask for more than that. And I know that I would rather have him in my life as a friend than live a life without him.

I have tried to move our relationship along, with little things, small touches, words being spoken which would indicate more than friendship. He hasn't pushed me away. He hasn't welcomed me with wide open arms either. Is it because he doesn't see the signs? The hints? Or does he choose to ignore them? Ignore me? What does he want? Does he even know? What does he want from me? What does he see me as? I want desperately to ask him. Surely it would scare him even further away. Is he in love with someone else? Is that why he keeps his distance? If I saw him love another women I know I would be hurt beyond comprehension. Watching the one I love, loving somebody else. That is truly the worst feeling in the world.

We have been through so much together. Does he see me the way I see him. Should I tell him what my hearts desires. Or should I wait for him. I know if I waited for him I would be waiting a long time. But I would wait an eternity for him. To just have one kiss. One touch. I would wait forever. I never knew what love was like before I met him. I thought I did. But I didn't. And I know that now my heart has fallen in love, it can never go back to the way it felt before.