Fate Episode 3: Everybody Loves Jack

By Blue Topaz

Note: This is for Scully ... a wonderful friend. Who also beta-read this fic. Thank you for everyone who has been very supportive and keep on encouraging me to write more story, so sorry for the long delay for this fic, there's just so much going on right now. I hope you guys enjoy this fic.

There were times when Daniel Jackson was glad that he was not an M.D. And this was definitely one of those times.

His heart felt for Janet, the poor woman. The unfortunate doctor that had to deal with ... that.

Daniel shivered involuntarily. He had faced many enemies and survived, he had ascended and descended, he had tasted death and defeated it. But none of them compared to this. He didn't want to experience it again, ever. Those three hours were pure hell. He was glad that it was over now that they were back on Earth.

It was so horrible that he couldn't even make fun of Jack. That was the worst part of it. What was the point of being a friend if you couldn't make fun of them?

Well, it all started when he was reunited with his friends after his brief 'capture'. Teal'c had told him something earlier about Sam acting weird. When Sam had informed Jack that she didn't mind doing it in front of an audience, Daniel was not so innocent to miss the implication of what 'it' was. Besides his deduction skill was quite polished. Normally, Sam would only have that wishful look in her eyes, not that hungry look that really didn't really suit her at all. Well ... it probably did, judging from the strain that Jack was in; that poor man. Daniel thought of her as a sibling, and seeing her like that freaked him out a bit. Well ... in the beginning.

Why was it only in the beginning? Because it freaked him more and more as the minutes passed. He never knew that under the influence that Sam could be this - how should he put it? 'Loose'. Very loose. Well, at least her tongue was. So loose that Daniel had sworn that he would never ever let her get drunk around him. It would be wise to be out of her way.

Jack had a very great initiative when he borrowed Daniel's bandana to gag her, unfortunately it was not meant to be. Sam calmly pointed out that if she couldn't say anything, how would she be able to tell them if she needed to take a leak, or warn them if she noticed any danger? Both valid points which Daniel eagerly supported. But, just so that he could have more ammunition to tease Jack with. This spontaneous action however, just proved how naïve he was.

Sometimes Daniel wished that Jack didn't know himself too well. Acknowledging that he was on a verge of losing his composure, Jack assigned Daniel to watch over Sam while he and Teal'c went out to scout the surroundings; planning their escape from the planet. Daniel, once again, naively didn't protest much to that order. He doubted that Jack would give any shit - pardon the language, but he was too tired to be polite - to his objection anyway, but he would've felt a whole lot better knowing that he didn't get into that situation so gullibly.

He preferred to be in Netu by himself than be alone with a 'loose' Sam. God help him, he really meant it.

It was only natural for them to start talking when the rest of their team left them alone. However, it was not natural for her to complain about Jack's lack of response to her advances. Not when it was accompanied with great details, which made him cringe. He would never look at a sidearm in the same light again.

It went downhill from there.

She asked him to help her.

With his body.

Yup. Somehow, Sam suggested a partnership in seducing Jack.

Her reason was that it would be much harder to refuse two good-looking people than just one. Apparently, she didn't mind sharing, as long as she was getting some. He couldn't decide who he should pity more. Jack, because he was Sam's target, or himself because Sam wanted him to help her that way.

Note to self: inebriated Sam was illogical.

Why she would think that Daniel would want to seduce Jack was beyond him. He didn't swing that way. Come to think of it, neither did Jack. When he mentioned this fact to her, she only looked at him funny and said, "Everybody loves Colonel O'Neill. His charm defeats the boundary of man and woman."

The only thing that crossed his mind at the time was how cheesy she sounded. She must've quoted it from some movie or books she'd read. The sentence might hold some truth in it. Jack was an attractive individual after all. But, to him personally, it felt so wrong on so many levels. Just because she found Jack hard to resist didn't mean that he felt the same. Not in that way anyway.

It didn't help that she continued to tell him everything about her supposedly foolproof plan to get Jack to succumb to her feminine wiles. Daniel didn't need to know where Jack's sensitive spots were, or how to undress his friend's clothes correctly (Sam had a very distinct preference on which piece of clothing needed to be discarded first). He also didn't want to speculate on how long would it took for Jack to progress from kissing to something more intense, or how many times the Colonel could 'do' it in one night.

But he was informed anyway. Against his will, he had to add.

Sam was like a runaway train; there was just no way of stopping her from speaking her mind. He was only a human. Hearing explicit descriptions like that, did something amazing to the production of his hormones. Knowing who the actors in her 'tale' were, only made the experience more disturbing than it already was.

He was quite sure that he was scarred for life.

Putting your fingers in your ears and humming loudly can solve a whole load of problems, Jack once said. Daniel decided to put that to practice. Strangely enough, it worked like a charm. He only regretted that he didn't remember about it sooner. It could have saved him several sessions with the psychiatrist.

When Jack and Teal'c came back, he cried with joy. He made them promise not to let him alone with her again or he would commit suicide ... or something. He finally understood why Jack looked so relieved when he and Teal'c rejoined them.

He should have known that life was not that simple.

Sam was a smart woman, sometimes too smart for her own good. Sober, she was a great ally to have. Under the influence, you wouldn't want to know her at all. She didn't differentiate between friend and foe.

That still didn't explain why she suddenly had the idea that Daniel was seeing Jack behind her back though. Her exact words - delivered in something close to hatred - were, "I knew it! That must be it! Daniel, how could you do this to me? How long have you been sleeping with Colonel O'Neill? Sir, is this why you don't want me, because you're getting it from Daniel? Daniel, is this why you refused to help me seduce the Colonel, because you don't want to share?"

He would have laughed if his name were not included in that little outburst. Instead, he was doing an excellent imitation of a goldfish. Jack was pretty much doing the same thing while Teal'c did his trademark expression, raising one of his eyebrows.

She wasn't finished. "You're doing it off-world too, aren't you? I can't believe that I was so blind."

That was when Daniel decided to deny the accusation. "Sam, what makes you think that ... err ... Jack and I didn't ... " It might have had more impact if he could just form a coherent sentence, but not even his doctorate in Linguistic Studies could have made him complete the speech.

She glared at him. "It had to be you. You spend a lot of time with him, being his teammate and all. You're doing it in your office too, aren't you? Is that why you keep hand lotion there?"


That hand lotion was for his hand. He had to use gloves quite often; some artifacts are too fragile or sometimes too dangerous to be handled by bare hand. And he always washed his hands after taking off the gloves, primarily because he didn't like the rubbery smell on his hand.

Daniel spluttered in self-defense, "Being Jack's teammate doesn't mean that I am ... 'with' him. And besides, why are you accusing me? Why not Teal'c?"

If he had known what her answer would be, he wouldn't ask that question. Not even if someone was pointing a gun on his head. Not even if someone promised him a planet full of archeological ruins.

Sam snorted. "Well, of course no one can refuse the Colonel. But look at Teal'c! He had to be the seme? Being the uke didn't suit the Colonel's personality. Therefore they won't work. It suits yours though. It simple logic really."

Hadn't he scarred enough?

There were times when Daniel Jackson regretted the fact that he was an excellent Linguist, who was quite proficient in writing, reading and speaking Japanese. And this was definitely one of those times.

If you wanted to know what the heck a seme or an uke were, please go to the internet and Google it yourself. He didn't think that he was up to translate and explain them in the appropriate context right now. However, if you're feeling lazy, you can cheat and read the author note at the end of this fic.

"What the Hell did those words mean?" Jack asked in direction of Daniel.

"You wouldn't want to know." Daniel spared his friend from knowing. He wondered briefly how she knew those words, but he had a foreboding feeling that he wouldn't like the answer if he asked the question. Ignorance was such bliss.

From the corner of his eyes, Daniel saw Teal'c twitch his lips slightly. He had a sneaky suspicion that the Jaffa knew those words and enjoyed seeing his discomfort.

"That bad, huh?" Jack winced when he saw the expression on his friend's face.

"That bad," Daniel agreed whole-heartedly.

One day, they would sit and laugh about this. Not today though, definitely not today.

"See, you two are making eyes at each other."

Daniel was going to tease Sam, mercilessly, after she returned to normal. He would make her blush so hard that she would get a fever out of it. It was only fair.

After he managed to look her straight in the eyes without blushing himself, he asked desperately, "Guys, tell me that we can get home soon." Daniel didn't like this Sam at all. The sooner they get home, the sooner Janet could figure out what was wrong with her and cure her. He missed his sweet and caring Sam. She was much more nicer than this one.

"How can you deny that you're not beep-ing each other?"

Daniel was so glad that Jack had told him about his censoring technique earlier. It helped lessen the impact somehow.

"Teal'c, help," Jack pleaded weakly. He had resigned to his fate long ago and tried his best to ignore his 2IC.

Daniel sympathized with him. After all, he was in the same situation.

Teal'c nodded slightly and then approached the source of their misery. "MajorCarter, I assure you that O'Neill and DanielJackson are only friends and not lovers."

Sam looked up to him. "How do you know? What proof do you have?"

"What proof do you need?" Teal'c asked.

She seemed thoughtful for a while; her brow wrinkled in concentration. Her teeth gnawed her bottom lip, and then she glanced at the Colonel speculatively.

"Well, if the Colonel can open his shirt and let me inspect his body ..." she trailed off. "If there are no love bites on it, then I am willing to believe that they're just friends."

Jack blanched. "No!" was his curt reply.

Teal'c ignored his reply. "If O'Neill does it, will you remain silent until we get back to Earth?"

"I'll think about it," Sam said.

"Damn it, Teal'c. I said 'no'," Jack protested.

Daniel cleared his throat. "Actually Jack, I think it's not such a --"

"Daniel! Not you too! I said 'no', that means 'no'." Jack replied vehemently, standing by his decision.

If only it was Jack suffering, Daniel wouldn't give a damn. But this concerned him too. So, he had to insist on it. "Look Jack, all you have to do is show her some skin. Be glad that she didn't ask you to drop your pants too."


He should have known that Sam would exploit any opportunity that was presented to her.

"Ah. That's not a bad idea. The pants to, Sir ... please."

Her eyes lit with excitement. Meanwhile, Jack's eyes looked like he was ready to kill someone. There was a high probability that 'someone' was a linguist.

"O'Neill, this is a good opportunity to stop MajorCarter from vocalizing her thoughts. We could think and act more efficiently, so that we can find a way home faster," Teal'c offered his advice.

Daniel pitied Jack for having to make the decision. In return for this favor, he would be nice to his friend ... for a few days. Jack deserved a break. It was easy to see that Jack was torn between the two choices. But, like they all know, stopping Sam from speaking was worth any sacrifices.

He wondered if him and Jack could attend some therapy sessions together. They could help each other recover from this tragedy more quickly. Maybe Janet could join them too. He was quite sure that the doctor would suffer the same fate after she spent some time with this Sam.

Jack hissed loudly. "Okay. I'll do it. But, only the shirt and only if Carter promises not to say a word until we put her in Fraiser's care."

Sam grinned like a cat that got both the cream and the canary, like Daniel guessed she would. "Fine by me."

They should have been more suspicious on how easily she accepted the terms. But, they were weary and tired, their judgment was slightly impaired.

Jack put down his weapons on the floor and proceeded to quickly take off his shirt.

"There! Are you happy now?" He retorted snappily. His hand clutched his shirt.

"Can you come closer? I can't see much from here," she complained.

Jack hesitated before he finally walked towards her slowly, as if she was a wild animal that would pounce on him if he made a sudden move.

Which was exactly what she did.

It happened so fast. One moment Jack was standing and the next he was on the floor, with Sam straddling his waist, her thighs trapped his body expertly. Even bound, she sure knew how to fight. Her military training had not gone to waste. Jack must have hit his head on the ground because he didn't fight her off straight away.


Worried, Daniel was about to help his friend when Sam suddenly yelled. "See! I knew I was right. You have hickeys on your neck."

Daniel froze on the spot. Jack groaned under her, one of his hands flew to the back of his head to massage it.

"I believe that was your doing, MajorCarter," Teal'c levelly said. "You were attacking O'Neill's neck with your lips before I rescued you."

Daniel's head turned towards the Jaffa.

She did?

"I did?" Sam echoed his thought.

"Indeed, you did," the Jaffa confirmed patiently.

She titled her head slightly, leaning closer to observe the red marks on her leader's tanned skin. "Yeah, I guess they are mine."

"Carter, get off me!" Jack ordered while trying to push her away.

Stubbornly, she managed to stay in her position. "Not until I take a better look at you. I have only inspected your neck."

Nursing his head wound, Jack could only surrender to her ministration for now. Her eyes raked his body in an agonizing pace. It was unnerving to watch them like that. And to think the damage that this could do to Jack's mental health ...

"Err ... should we help him?" Daniel whispered tentatively to Teal'c.

His friend replied, "I do not think that it is necessary at this moment."

Daniel knew that, but he was worried that they would be too late if they didn't do anything. It would be such a waste if Jack went insane, he was a good friend who always remind him when to eat when he became too engrossed in his projects.

"That's enough, Carter. How long does it take to take a look at me anyway?" Jack stared at her. He could have removed her by force if he wanted too, but he could not risk injuring her.

"As long as I have to."

Daniel didn't just see Sam licking her lips and grinding her hips into Jack. In fact, he didn't hear the moan that escaped Jack's lips either. He had a sneaking suspicion that all her accusations earlier was just so that she could have Jack stripped of his shirt, thereby enabling her to do unspeakable things to him. The smug grin that she wore only confirmed that thought.

Denial is a river in Egypt. He knew it because he'd been there before. That was why he turned his back on his friends, closed his eyes, put his fingers on his ears and hummed loudly.

Jack would have to survive this without Daniel's help. There were just so much one would and could do for one's friend.

The End

AN: In man-man relationship, seme basically means the guy on top (the one who 'give' it, the 'male' role) and uke means the guy on the bottom (the one who 'receive' it, the 'female' role). I know that if two guys are in a relationship, they could 'take turn' while doing 'it', but Sam was stereotyping her friends into someone who would only take either the 'male' or the 'female' role ... blushing I can't believe I actually explaining this ... come to think of it, I can't believe I am actually writing Sam saying all those things. Err ... yeah, if you enjoy the fic, please do send a review or a feedback.