~*~ A/N: yeah I know I hate these things too. But this is a must... none of these characters are mine, they're JKR's I just used them to do my history assignment. This brings me to my next little info spew. In this short story you will have to pretend that James and Sirius are American, and live in the 1920's. I also interrupt the story throughout to define words that most may or may not already know. I do this only for your convenience and better understanding of my story.

It is only meant to be funny and for the most part is simply 'fluff' that I wrote for school. Therefore, in short, it took me 5 minutes to write this thing, and it isn't my best work, but I think it's funny so it goes up. Whew. Now happy reading. ~*~


Dressed all spiffy with no place to go...

So my friend Sirius called me up out of the blue and asks me if I wanted to meet him at the local speakeasy (bar) and share some gigglewater (booze) with him. I thought about it for a mere two seconds before I kindly obliged to the idea. I climbed into the Jalopy (car) and made my way down South and Broad towards the local gin mill (bar).

I parked my car a good three blocks away from the run down place that held the speakeasy, so I wouldn't give away the location of our last local gin mill to the fuzz (police). I walked down the street, not really caring about what I was about to do. I mean it's only illegal if you get caught, right? So with that thought I gave the password to the man at the door, who I knew held a steady job as a torpedo (hit man) for the local mob and, therefore, tended to bump-off (kill/murder) people regularly around these parts.

He nodded to me as a way to tell me I could go in. I casually walked into the joint. Instantly, I spotted Sirius keeping himself rather busy with a young hotsy-totsy flapper (a really hot young woman in the 1920's) I quickly made my way over to him and began to call for his attention, trying to drag him away from the necking (kissing) he was doing. I heard him give a slight giggle as I tapped him on the shoulder, trying to get him to pay attention to me; I instantly knew that he was ossified (drunk). He looked up at me seemingly confused as to why I would possibly be here. I rolled my eyes at him and pushed my cheaters (glasses) up on my nose so I could get a better look at the girl he was with, who had already begun to hand all over his neck again.

I rolled my eyes yet again at my friend and just laughed at his predicament. He was hanging with the local gold digger who had just recently dumped her last husband and now was, as the whole town knew, apparently looking for love. And by the looks of it she had found this new love in Sirius who at the moment didn't seem to mind this news one bit. I rolled my eyes at the seemingly odd couple and made my way over to the bar tender, not really wanting to deal with Sirius' recent activities. Yet, as I ordered my drink I silently resolved to keep an eye on him anyway because the last thing we needed was another 'struggle buggy' incident (trying to get someone to have sex with you in a car, hence the car becomes a 'struggle buggy').

After a half hour of sitting by myself Sirius finally managed to pull himself away from the young gold digger. He came over to me, barely even walking straight, and sat down on the stool next to me making the chair swivel dangerously underneath him. He wasn't fazed at all by the motion of his chair and just smiled at me like a dumb Dora (equal to a dumb blond) without any sign of an intelligent thought in his head. Then he turned away from me and ordered yet another drink. He drank it quickly, spilling most of the contents on his shirt rather than in his mouth. He then took the time to wipe the amber liquid away from his mouth and finally turned back to me. He looked steadily over my shoulder before he spoke with a heavy slur.

"I don' lihe tha' guy." He pointed to the man sitting beside me. I looked at over at the guy Sirius was talking about and turned back to Sirius. I laughed openly at the look on his face as his brain tried to function despite his alcohol level. Sirius, though, didn't seem to notice and continued with his thoughts. "He loohs lihe a High-hat (snob)."

I sighed slightly and began to chuckle again at the ridiculous concept that was running through my friends head. This man was definitely no high-hat. He was more like someone you would use as a fall-guy (scapegoat). I opted then to get Sirius our of there before he tried to pick a fight with this guy and end up bumped off by the torpedo outside, who already disliked Sirius anyway because the last time we were here Sirius spilled whiskey on the man's best suit. So I calmly told Sirius that we should definitely be leaving and he said 'no' like that stubborn ass he is.

"But you're Spifflicated (drunk)!"

"Baloney (bullshit)!" He yelled barely able to say the word and much to loudly for such a small room.

I groaned and grabbed him by the neck of his shirt and dragged him out to the Jalopy. And almost as soon as I had started the car back up, dear old Sirius upchucked (puked) on the floor of my car and passed out soon afterwards. I rolled my eyes as his head hit the dashboard. I sighed as his body fell forward and then pushed him back into the seat so he was sitting upright not really knowing what else to do. I reached his house, carried him inside, and then dropped him onto his couch. I left him there and headed on home knowing that the next time we went out I'd have to make sure that he didn't get a hold of that much hooch (booze).