AN: Whee, a DBZ ficcy! *waves flag* YAAAY! I just haven't done one for a while, is all. I've been suffering as of late from a condition I call DLOI—Distinct Lack Of Inspiration. I'm sure you all understand what I'm talking about.
But aaaaaanyway, this is one of those 'I wonder what happened when…' fics that we all love so much. Goku made the deal with the Old Kai that, in exchange for awakening Gohan's hidden potential, Goku would get the geezer a kiss from a real live Earth girl. I was wondering…did the Old Kai ever decide to cash in on that bargain? This is set right after everyone gets back to the Lookout. Buu's been defeated, everyone is happy, blah blah blaaaaaaah.
Enjoy. I don't own DBZ.
It was a happy crowd that had assembled on top of Kami's Lookout. The sun beat down on them all, reflecting a little off the white tiles. The sky was a beautiful blue, and there was just the tiniest hint of a breeze to keep it from getting too warm.
A perfect day for a reunion that had, to some, been far too long in the making, and the ideal day to celebrate the rebirth of the world and the return of its heros to life.
Within the general cluster, everyone was standing in their family units. ChiChi had latched onto Goku's arm and refused to let go; Goten was standing between his mother and his brother, holding onto both their hands tightly. Videl had claimed Gohan's other arm, and Hercule was alternating between sobbing and gushing over his 'baby' girl and screaming something about 'the scrawny kid.'
Marron, Krillen, and Eighteen were having their own family reunion. Eighteen was smiling, and actually being affectionate towards her family in public, leaving the others to wonder if being killed had maybe done something to her mind. But nobody made any comments. They had just been restored to life, and didn't feel like risking death again so soon. If ever.
Bulma and Trunks hadn't left Vegeta's side. Being the proud warrior he was, he kept telling them to go away and trying to brush them off with his usual callousness, but his efforts were halfhearted at best. It didn't help his case any that the tiniest of smiles kept trying to form on his face, no matter how hard he tried to make it seem like that wasn't true.
The assorted others without families—Yamcha, Master Roshi, the assortment of animals—were greeting one another, enjoying themselves to the hilt. Piccolo was speaking with Dende and Mr. Popo about something. And, of course, the family reunions went on and on.
Yes, it was wonderful. A perfect way to celebrate the renewal of everyone's lives and the planet that supported those lives. It was as near to bliss as any of them had come.
But unfortunately for our heros, peace and quiet just don't last for long in their world. Goku, in particular, was about to have that little lesson driven home.
Goku actually jumped as the voice suddenly came into his mind. "What was that?"
Everyone stared at him. "What was what?" Krillen asked.
"I heard a voice," Goku looked around. "Who was that?"
*Me, you fool!*
After a minute, it clicked. "Oh, it's in my head!" He frowned. "Who are you?"
*The Kai, you baka! The Kai!*
"Oh, it's the Old Kai!" Goku explained with a laugh. "Hey, how are you? Alive again?"
*Yes, yes, but that's not why I'm contacting you,* the Old Kai's voice grated in Goku's mind. Everyone else around him just stared at each other, but didn't question it. After all, Son Goku was a law unto himself. *We have some unfinished business between us, you and I.*
"Unfinished business?" Goku repeated, the famous Son Look of Confusion™ writing itself plainly across his face. "Whaddya mean?"
*Don't tell me you forgot! We had a deal!* the voice jumped in volume. *I awakened your son's powers, and I demand that you uphold your end of the bargain!*
Actually, he had forgotten. What, with Kid Buu blowing up the world and everything, it had somehow managed to slip his mind. At the time, it hadn't seemed so important when faced with the prospect of death and the destruction of the universe. Even at the time he had made the deal, it hadn't really seemed like a big thing. A kiss to save the universe. He hadn't thought twice.
Now, though, when faced with actually having to carry through with the promise…
"Oh right, our deal…" he laughed nervously, painfully aware that everyone was still watching him, waiting for him to explain. "Ah, just a minute. Let me see what I can do."
A feeling of grudging agreement. So he had a minute to figure this out.
"What's wrong, Goku?" Bulma asked, concerned. "You look pale."
He laughed, putting one hand behind his head in embarassment. "Hehe, oh, nothing wrong. It's just…umm…" What would be the best way to put this? "Ah, Bulma, I was wondering if maybe you could do me a really tiny little favor?"
She smiled brilliantly. "Sure!"
Vegeta suddenly looked extremely suspicious.
"Umm…" Goku stumbled for a second, then half-pried ChiChi off his arm (promising to return in a very short moment, lest she get angry and decide to come after him with something round, cast iron, and painful) and tiptoed over to his longtime friend. "Here's the deal."
He leaned down and whispered something in Bulma's ear. She listened attentively, nodding every few seconds and saying 'Uh-huh' once in a while. At some point, her eyes grew very wide.
Nearby, Piccolo was making some very interesting sounds, like he was trying to hold back laughter. Beside him, Dende wasn't even bothering to try and hold it in; he was merrily rolling around on the white tiled floor, clutching his sides with laughter. But then again, with Namekian hearing being what it was, it wasn't really surprising that they had overheard Goku's entire explanation.
And Dende, being the little prankster he was, found it hilarious. Better than anything even he could have ever come up with for Gohan.
Then Goku stepped back, apparently finished with his explanation; he looked sheepishly at the ground while Bulma seemed to mull things over silently. She didn't look too terribly happy.
After a long moment of silence, during which everyone else just looked on cluelessly, she gave him one of those 'I should reeeeeeally kill you right now' looks that she usually tended to favor on Vegeta. When she spoke, her voice had a slight edge to it. "You do realize that you owe me big time, right?" He nodded mutely, and she sighed. "Well…a kiss to save the universe. I'll do it."
"All right!" Goku thrust one fist into the air in a victory gesture, but immediately toned it down when he realized he was getting one 'knock it off' look from Bulma, and one 'I'm going to carve out your entrails with a dull rusty knife' look. Three guesses who the second one was from.
Vegeta's eyebrow began twitching dangerously. Trunks looked confused. Krillen looked ready to burst out laughing, but chances were that he was more afraid of what Vegeta might do then he was amused over the situation. Dende was still cackingly uproariously, apprently unafraid of the Saiyan.
After all, being God had to have some benefits, right?
Bulma put one hand on Goku's shoulder. "Let's get this over with." He nodded and pressed two fingers to his forehead; he frowned in concentration. Then, in a flash of ki, Goku and Bulma were gone.
For lack of anyone else to ask, Videl looked up at Gohan. "What was that all about?"
"Uhh…" Gohan looked distinctly uncomfortable.
Videl smirked inwardly. Bingo. "Start talking."
"Well," Gohan was blushing hard enough to do a credible imitation of a ripe apple, "I had nothing to do with this! But when we were on the Supreme Kai's planet, they had me pull out this sword. And long story short, it ended up getting broken, and this Old Kai came out of it…"
In a flash, they were standing on the Supreme Kai's recently trashed planet. There were craters all over the place, the marks of the monumental battle that had taken place there only a short time ago.
Kibito-Kai, the fusion of Kibito and the Supreme Kai, was waiting, along with the Old Kai. The latter was grinning from ear to ear, expectantly awaiting payment for the deal that had been made with the fate of existence itself hanging in the balance.
"Hi, guys!" Goku waved. "We're here!"
Bulma rolled her eyes. Thank you, Captain Obvious.
"This is Bulma," Goku gestured towards the blue-haired beauty at his elbow.
She sighed. Well, I might as well make the best of this. It was to save the universe. She put on her most winning smile—capable of making any normal human male within a ten mile radius leap to do her bidding—and cheerfully said, "Hi. So who am I kissing?"
"MEMEMEEEEEE!!!!" Old Kai waved his hand in the air. So much for the dignity of age.
"Oh, hello!" Bulma smiled. Goku, you owe me BIG time for this…maybe I'll let Vegeta kill you. "So you're the one who awakened Gohan's sleeping powers?"
"Yes, ma'am!" he puffed out his chest proudly. Behind him, Kibito-Kai looked faintly nauseated at the display. This was his ancestor?!? Shameful. So shameful.
With no further ado, Bulma bent down and gave the Old Kai a nice kiss on the cheek, hard enough to leave a bright red mark from her lipstick. The deity reacted in a manner completely befitting someone of his standing in the universal pecking order: he flushed red, began bleeding profusely from the nasal cavity, and fell over backwards, twitching, onto the grass.
It was sad, really.
"I still can't believe you actually beat Majin Buu," Kibito-Kai was shaking his head, both at the defeat of the universe's ultimate evil, and at the behavior of his 'esteemed' ancestor. "I just wish there was something more we could do for you."
"Well, I am kind of hungry," Goku said. "I wouldn't say no to food."
"It's a deal!" the fused Kai nodded.
Bulma shook her head sadly. Oh, that poor deity. He had no idea what he had just gotten himself into. Oh well. He would learn the hard way, just like the rest of them had.
It seemed like they had been gone for quite some time, and certain members of the party were getting restless. Everyone was pacing around the Lookout, waiting [semi]patiently for Goku and Bulma to return so they could hear what had happened.
Well, almost everyone was pacing. Vegeta hadn't moved from where he had been standing when the two had left for the Supreme Kai's planet. He was standing stone-still, saving for the distinct twitching of one eyebrow. A dangerous sign. His hands were clenched into very tight fists at his sides. A very dangerous sign. Also, he was mumbling. A very, very dangerous sign.
In short, Goku was screwed.
"Where are they?" Gohan finally asked out loud, speaking to no one in particular.
As if that single three word sentence had worked a magic spell, there was another flare of ki, and Goku and Bulma reappeared on the Lookout. Bulma looked mildly amused, and Goku looked happy. "Well, that really wasn't so bad," Bulma was saying. "He was actually kind of cute, in that really old, perverted kind of way."
No one had a chance to ask them what had happened, though. Their conversation was rather rudely cut off. No prizes for guessing who…
"Aw, man," was all Goku had time to say before a blur of dark blue hit him full force in the stomach, knocking himbackwards almost to the very edge of the Lookout. Unfortunately, Goku had just enjoyed a very nice, very large meal, and he had taken pains to stuff himself silly…
There was a loud splushing sound, and Vegeta let out a roar.
Ah, it was good to be alive again.
AN: Ah, weirdness. That ended up waaaaaaaaaay weirder than I thought it would. But otherwise, this was a fast, enjoyable write. I hope you liked it. Thanks for reading! And remember, reviews are a part of a healthy fanfiction diet. Not required, but appreciated ^_^