Title: Sheik and the Mailbox
Author: EA
Summary: Sheik/Mailbox drabble. 'Nuff said.
Disclaimer: All characters used belong to Shigeru Miyamoto and the good folks at Nintendo.
Notes: This has no point, or even reason for being, other than to spam the fandom with Sheik/Mailbox-ness.

Ignoring the stares of bewilderment he received from those in Kakariko Village who were unfortunate enough to pass by, Sheik caressed the fixture before him lovingly as he sang a gentle Sheikah love song.

The fixture being a mailbox, of course.

As much as I would like to have said that the love song in question was that of an ancient melody passed down through generations, the truth of the matter was that Sheik had made it up all on his own as a gift to his beloved mailbox (the fact that such inanimate objects cannot hear notwithstanding). And while the melody, as always, was stellar, the actual lyrics were...

Well, perhaps you can judge for yourself.

"Mailbox," he sang emotionally, completely oblivious to the fact that the Hylians who walked past him, and those who stopped to stare (you know, train wreck and all), gave him some incredibly pointed looks in addition to jeering such things as 'Get a room' and 'Don't quit your day job'. "Mailbox. You are so red. Your paint chips are so wonderful. They taste like lead.

Mailbox, Mailbox. Will you be mine? I saw a cucco today. Shall we dine?

Sheik would have, undoubtedly, continued had it not been for the thankful interruption of the mailbox's owner: a burly and very cross Hylian man.

Very, very used to the little Sheikah since the Hero of Time came back, the Hylian man said nothing as he routinely picked Sheik up by his cowl and flung him a few feet away. Of course, Sheik was inured to it since his love affair with the mailbox began and knew that his serenading was over...at least, until the owner went away.

"I shall return to you soon," Sheik said with strong, regretful emotion as he bowed deeply, addressing the mailbox. "Wait for me. Please."

Alas, the poor mailbox was stationary.

With a crack and a brief flash of light, he was nowhere to be seen, but the burly Hylian was not at all amazed by the Sheikah's dramatic exit. As always, of course. He didn't even wonder how Sheik did it - he was just glad he was gone.

Unknown to anyone who might have been curious, however, Sheik had simply jumped with his super-cool Sheikah moves to the highest rooftop where he stood, watching over his love, the mailbox. Satisfied that the object of his affections was just fine without him, he went off to assist the Hero of Time.

Brief Omake: After the Shadow Temple

Reflecting upon the mysterious fire, the burly Hylian's wife took a break from her household duties and asked her husband, "I wonder why Mailbox-Boy chose to save our village? After all, we were nothing but horrible to him."

"He wasn't saving us; he was saving the damned mailbox!" grunted the burly husband.

"Oh okay," she replied and went back to her daily life.

End Drabble