Louis's Story

Hello, my name is Louis Leonowens (my name is actually pronounced "Louie" rather than "Louis"). My mother is a governess from England, her name is Anna. Right now we are on a ship heading for Siam, for my mother has offered to teach the king's children. Captain Orton is a nice guy, he let me look in his telescope (he must think I'm a 3 year old, I swear). I ask my mother if she's nervous about this new "Siam" place, she says she isn't and if she ever is nervous about something that she "whistles a happy tune" to show that she is not afraid (a little fruity, but it builds confidence for sure).
We have arrived in Siam, where we were greeted by Lady Thiang the head wife and the king's advisor, Kralahome. Right now we are going to meet with the king, boy does he seem powerful. But wait, we all just got word of another visitor. We find out that this visitor is a young woman named Tuptim (man is she hot!).
Whoah! This king is even more powerful than I thought, he has one barbarian of an attitude! Is this the king we were assigned to?
Uh-oh, looks like the king sort of forgot about the deal, because he refused to give mother her own pad in Siam, which she claims he promised after my father died (I swear that soldier was drunk when he killed him in Iraq), and offered her a place in the palace (I would settle for the palace myself, hehe). We are meeting all the king's wives and children, there are so many of them (has anyone ever heard of condoms?)! It even seems that the king has a son my age, set to be the heir to his throne. This might not be bad after all.
Today mother is beginning her classes for all the children, right now she's teaching them about "getting to know you". After that she's going to teach them about England's history. It seems that the king is a little skeptical about this, but he ought to catch on.
My mother invited Sir Edward over from England to a special banquet in Siam, yet all the wives think of him as some kind of monster (just how dense are they?). In fact, they don't even have any undergarments (there goes my plan for a panty raid).
It looks like the prince and I have more in common than I thought. We've just watched our parents get into some kind of argument (Jerry Springer, here we come!), and right now we doubt that the adults know anything. What a "puzzlement"!
It's been a little while since we first arrived in Siam, but I just heard that Tuptim was secretly dating some dude named Lun-Tha (Tuptim? Lun- Tha? What the hell kind of names are those anyway?!). For some apparent reason, the king "refused" to whip poor Tuptim although he tends to do similar acts of violence to anyone who ticks him off (perhaps mother sent him to therapy or something, although I did see them dancing together, but that might be traced to drug abuse).
It's official, mother decided we should go home if the ol' bastard of a king doesn't behave like she wants him to. Hey, what are Lady Thiang and the prince doing here? Oh Christ, it looks like the king is dying. We'd better see him before he forgets us in his will (he'd better not!).
Guess what, the king told my mother that she can continue teaching the children here because they all love her, and he also let the prince take his role as the new king of Siam. Not like I care, but I would miss seeing the prince (he was just about to trade me one of his Yu-Gi-Oh cards before mother decided to leave). Well, catch you on the Siamese flipside!