Disclaimer: I don't own YGO in any way, shape, or form, although this is a true story, simply set to YGO characters.
I hope you're okay.
I can't believe I'm even writing this, but it's something I have to do. I've always written down my feelings, it's just the way I cope. A lot of them are in diaries and journals, and I don't know what made me decide to write this in a letter. Maybe so I can go on hoping that you'll be all right, that I can show you this later, and we can laugh about it together. About how silly I was, being so worried over nothing.
But it's not nothing, is it jiisan? Mom and Yami pretend like it is, they smile and laugh, but the smiles are tight, the laughs strained, and they exchange looks over my head that they don't think I see. They know it isn't nothing.
I was at school when you collapsed, and I guess it's a good thing I wasn't there. I'd probably have ended up in a ball of tears, utterly useless. As it is, I'm having a hard time keeping it together enough so that Mom won't burst into tears herself. I think I even heard her say that Dad's flying in from San Fransisco.
That's not nothing, jiisan.
Yami keeps telling me that they're just running tests. That they're only keeping you in the hospital overnight so they can be sure. That you have a history of heart problems, and there's no reason you won't make it through this one too.That it's really nothing to worry about.
But... I can't help but think it... Jou-kun keeps telling me how lucky I am to have you. Jou doesn't even remember his grandparents, because he was so young when they died. But am I really the lucky one, jiisan? I know that even if you do make it through tonight, someday you're going to leave me. And the longer you stay, the more it'll hurt when you go. So is Jou really the lucky one, that he won't have to hurt?
And what if you do die tonight? How can I go on, without you here? You were always there for me, no matter what! I remember laying in bed at your house when I was only six or seven, with you sitting on a chair next to me, reading me a story. I was always ahead of myself, and even way back then I was carrying chapter books around with me. I was right in the middle, and you had no idea what was going on, but you read it anyway, because you knew it mattered to me.
Mom and dad never, ever read me bedtime stories. I think it was because I learned to read so early, they figured I could just read to myself. I could, of course, but it wasn't the same. But whenever I came to visit you and grandma, you always read me bedtime stories. Do you know how much that meant to me?
Will I ever get the chance to tell you?
And I remember, whenever I came to visit, grandma always had the entire visit planned out. Today we'll go visit this museum, and tomorrow we'll go on a picnic here. You just went with the flow. You never worried, and I felt like I didn't have to worry either. Everything would be all right, as long as you were there. You were always laid back and easy going, and as I entered my teen years I remember thinking that someday I hoped I'd be just like you. Do you know that?
I remember the time I came to visit for a week, just me, and grandma's brother died. Of course, she spent a lot of that week with her sisters, but she still insisted I have fun with you. Those times were precious to me, jiisan, just me and you. Just us.
I remember, I got so jealous when my cousin Carly told me that you called her Kitten. I wanted a nickname too. I wanted to make sure that you loved me just as much as Carly. Of course, I know you do, but at the time I was seven.
Do you know how much I love you, jiisan? Have I ever really told you?
I regret it now, of course. People always do, when they think someone they really love is going to die. Did I kiss you the last time I left your house? Did I hug you? Did I tell you I loved you and mean it? I wish I could remember.
I remember so much, jiisan! The way you laugh, the way you look, the way your skin is so soft when you kiss me, the way that you hug me so tight, but not tight enough to hurt, even the smell of your aftershave. I remember the exact look on your face when you handed me your deck so I could face Kaiba. The deck I beat Kaiba with. The deck I beat Pegasus, and Malik, and Noa with. Do you know how much it meant?
Will you ever know?
I wish I was a good enough writer to do justice to who you are, all you mean to me. I wish I could tell the world what a wonderful man you are, how much this world needs more like you! Maybe, if I were a better poet, I could actually write a poem that would tell you how much I love you. But I'm not, and I can't.
Ha, listen to me. I can't. You never let me say those words, jiisan. You always encourage me, no matter what. Whether in my art, my drama, my writing, my dueling... Anything at all. I think if I decided to be an astronaut, you'd fly to the moon before me, just so you could be there to see me land. You're the best grandfather anyone could ever ask for, and I hope beyond all hope, with all these tears I'm crying now, that I can have the chance to tell you.
I love you, grampa. I love you I love you I love you.