Title: I don't want to be me! I want to be you!
Summary: Everyone in the Fellowship isn't happy with themselves and would like to have a go being someone else. Let's let Gandalf and all the others try another life. Do you think Gandalf will do a good job being Legolas? Mix in a Stone door with a tragic past, a forgetful Balrog and soldiers on strike. The result is a Lord of The Rings Cake!
Disclaimer: I don´t own anything in this story. Well, except for a couple of the Ents, and the Stone door and… This is my first fanfiction
What's this? A new chapter already? Yes, your eyes doesn't deceive you. I was inspired by the reviews. Thank you! Just don't keep your hopes up for a new chapter in the near future. But I can comfort you by saying that school is soon over…
Aragorn watches the screaming Gollum and Gimli.
"Calm down, chaps. I can't help myself… I miss her so much." Aragorn starts to cry.
"Tsch tsch tssch," Gollum laughs.
"What's so funny? A broken heart is not a laughable thing!" Aragorn snuffles.
"Nothing, my precious. Nothing at all," Gollum says absent-mindedly and pats a box he carries at his belt.
"What's in that box? You've been patting it since the Dead Marshes," Gimli asks and fingers his frying pan.
"This box? Nothing my precious. Nothing at all," Gollum sniggers.
"DAISY!" Aragorn cries and falls to the ground.
Gimli takes a step backward to prevent him from being hit by Aragorn's flying fists. "I think we should stay here for the night, so that Aragorn can pull himself together."
"Ssssound delicioussss, my precioussss…"
"Ok, pull yourself together man." Slap. "That's right." Slap. "Mustn't let the others know of your soft side." Slap. "No more t-t-t-t-tete-ears-s-s-s." Slap. "Stop it!" Slap. "Stop it!" Aragon slaps himself yet again. "Like that. Now be a man." Aragorn straightens his loincloth, which has slipped higher up his thighs. "No peeking."
"Wasn't going to."
"Gimli! Ummm… What are you doing here?" he asks and pulls the loincloth a tinny-bit to low.
"Oh Valar. That was something I didn't want to see. But my, it's big."
"Yes it's quite a handful. It so big it sometime peeks out of my clothes," Aragorn informs embarrassed.
Gimli nods, "I can see that. How did it get so big?"
"You don't want to know."
"What did Arwen say when she saw it for the first time? Or have you shown it to her?" Gimli asks and stares at Aragorn admiringly.
"Of course I've shown it to her! It's quite a babe-magnet…"
"May I touch it?" Gimlil asks and stretches out his hand toward Aragorn.
"Sure. But can you be careful? It's sensitive-"
"Holdsssss it!" Gollum jumps out from a bush. "What aresss you talking about? Or doessss we even want to knowsss? We havesss a hunch it'sss nothing for ourssses ears…"
"Of course you can join our discussion! Come here! We've got nothing to hide. Here I can even show it to you," Aragorn pulls down his loincloth.
"Oh my, that's, that's a long scar…"
"Yeah. Made it myself."
"Yes, I attackeda band oforcs a couple of years ago and before I knew it-"
"- one of the slashed at you?"
"Something like that, yes. They all attacked me and I've always been one of those who follow the flow, so I attacked myself. I cut my stomach and lost counsciousness. When I woke up there was a note beside me that said: Thank you for your help and for saving our time by killing yourself!"
Late in the night…
"Mustn't think of Daisy. Must not think of Daisy…" Aragorn mumbles. "Ok, I've got to distract myself." He looks around and sees The Box. "I wonder what Gollum has in that box," he ponders and tiptoes closer the sleeping Gimli and Gollum.
"Just one little peek can't hurt." He lifts the lid and jumps up in the air in surprise.
"And what are you doing?"
Aragorn closes the lid and swirls around. "Gimli. I-I-I w-was just-"
"Snooping around? Stealing?"
"What'ssss all this noise? We're trying to sleep, my preciousss. Ssssleep, yes, ssssleep," Gollum yawns and eyes his companions suspiciously.
"Gollum, he tried to steal the ring! I saw it with my own two eyes!" Gimli glares at Aragorn and grabs the feared frying pan.
"No! Not the frying pan!" Aragorn exclaims and throws his arms over his head.
Gollum takes hold on Gimli's arm, "You are not to harmsss him," he warns and glares at Gimli. "We has been in hissss position. We knowssss what he'sss after, don't we preciousss?" Gollum smiles wickedly at Aragorn.
"Daisy…" Aragorn mumbles.
"And it isn't the precioussss…"
Gimli lowers the frying pan, "Well, if you're sure he won't be taking the ring, I suppose he can stay…"
"We're sssure. Now: Ssssleep," Gollum falls asleep.
"Daisy…" Aragorn mumbles.
"I don't trust you. You haven't been anything else but bother the whole time. I'll be watching you…" Gimli falls asleep.
"He has Daisy. He has kidnapped her. Don't fear, Daisy, I'll free you…"
"I'm so hungry! Can't we stop to eat?" Gimli asks.
"Yessss, we can. There'sss a stream. We can catch fissssssh. Yumm…"
"Aragorn, go and fish," Gimli says and sits down, readying for a long time of sunbathing.
"Yes, master Gimli. Whatever you say, master Gimli. My pleasure, master Gimli," Aragorn growls.
Gimli smiles, "Sounds good. Say it again."
"Uhuhuhuh… Say it again."
"Uhuhuhuh… Say it again."
"Master Gimli, master Gimli, master Gimli, master Gimli, master Gimli, master Gimli…"
"Good, got yoursesss attention. Go and fisssh," Gollum says, pleased.
"Here you have. Two fish. We can make fish-soup!" Aragorn says contentedly and massages his belly.
"Fish-soup? No, that ssssounds terrible! Let ussss do the cooking, precious. Yesssss, we'll do it all nice and fresh…" Gollum twists his hands in delight.
"I don't want to eat fresh fish. I want fish-soup!" Gimli demands.
Aragorn pats his companions on their shoulders, "There, there. Are we feeling better after letting all the tension out? Gooooooood. What if we split the fish? We'll make soup of one of the fish and the other we can eat raw. What do you say?"
Gimli and Gollum eye Aragorn angrily.
"Me and my stupid ideas. I thought it sounded good. They are being unreasonable. But if they want two fish each, I guess I have to catch two fish to them each; to preserve the peace. I hate when they argue. It feels like it's my fault. It's always the Gollum, which suffers… There, two fish caught. Wait. Maybe I should catch two to myself… I need something to eat and I suspect those two selfish bastards won't let me taste their food. Luckily I'm smart. I wonder where I'd be if wouldn't be smart. Good me. I deserve a pat on the back." Pat. "Ah, I feel much better."
"Where's Aragorn? I'm hung-"
"You're whatssss? You're hung? Who hasssss hung – you… We seesss…" Gollum says. "Hello nice men! Uh, you ssssmellsss nice," he smiles.
"What have they got themselves into this time? Who are those men? Aragorn asks behind a bush as he watches the scene before him.
"Halt! Who are you and what is your purpose here?" the man asks, standing in front of Gimli and Gollum.
"Let ussss go, you ssslimy-"
"I beg you pardon, my friend here is sick. Very sick," Gimli tells while covering Gollum's mouth with his hand. "Very, very sick. Aren't you Goll-Golle?"
"Yes, don't you remember? Your name is Golle and mine is Gi-Giglin."
Gollum slaps his forehead, "Oh, yessss! No we remembersss! Excuse ussss, Mystery Men, we hasss such a bad memory and we areses crazy. Crrraaaaazy, ugu bugu!"
The man looks insecurely at his men, who are aiming at the two friends with their bows. "Master Giglin and Golle, I ask you again: what are you doing here?"
Gimli grabs a hold on the man's green and brown coat and draws him down to his height, "I'm taking him to a special doctor. But please don't tell him. He's a bit sensitive, as you can see."
The man looks at Gollum, who is temporarily sitting on one of the men's shoulder playing "This little piggy went to" withthe man'sfingers.
The man keeps his gaze at Gollum, "Yes, I can see. My men and me will be happy to help you. These are dangerous times and we can take you to our secret, hiding place, where you can rest. Then we can escort you a bit of your way. If you don't mind?"
"Well, actually, we don't-"
"Great Master Giglin! My name is Faramir and these are my stout men," Faramir shakes Gimli's hand. "Men, you can lower your weapons! We are to take them to our place and then we are to escort them a bit on their way!"
"You're very welcome Master Giglin! No need to thank us. We're happy to help," Faramir says happily. He then takes out two strips of cloth from his pocket and hands one of them over to one of his men, "Arthur, you take this. I'm sorry Master Giglin, but our secret hiding place is, well, secret. So we have to bind you're eyes, so you won't see where it's situated."
"Don't you worry, we'll take good care of you. Come men, let's hit the road."
"Me eyes, me eyes! We can't ssssee anything! Can we hold nice man'ssss hand? We are afraid of the dark, afraid we are my precioussss."
"Oh no, they have her. They have my Daisy. I have to help her! Don't you worry, honey! Dad's here to help youuuuuu-" Aragorn slips on one of the rocks. "That hurt. I think I'm going to pass out." He passes out.
The man walking beside Gimli says, "Now that we're introduced-"
"We're not introduced."
"Yes of course! I'm Freddy and the one walking on your other side-"
"- is Jonathan. Behind you is-"
"Nice to meet you Misters."
"No need to be that formal. My friends and I are wondering if you like ale?"
Gimli snaps his head in Freddy's direction, "Like? Like? Ale? I love ale!" He hears the men sigh in relief.
"Great, dude! You're one of us then! We're happy to welcome you to our gang. It's called: The Dudes."
"The Dudes… I like the sound of it. Can Golle also join?"
"I'll go ask him The Question," Thomas says and stops walking, waiting for Gollum and his guards to catch up. "How's it hanging Greg?"
"Hanging? I wish you and your friends would stop with that ridiculous gang. But now that we're talking about hanging, the only thing that's hanging is this Golle. I wish he would let my neck be alone."
"When will you understand the true meaningof "hanging"?" Thomas shakes his head. Thomas walks quietly beside Greg, while Gollum is playing Tarzan.
"Tell me, how much would you pay to get rid of him?" Thomas asks Greg.
"Pay?" Greg says pushing Gollum's head away from his ear (Oaoaoaoaoaoaoa! I Golle, you precious).
"What do you say if you forget about my debt and I take Golle?"
"Not a chance. You own me two months of salaries."
"I Golle, you precious. Give ussss a kissss, love," Gollum sings to Greg, "Yummy, yourses ear looks like a fisssssh."
"Take him, his yours!" Greg shoves Gollum over to Thomas in an impressing speed.
"Thank you," Thomas says and hurries over to The Dudes. "Now, Golle. Do you like ale?" Thomas asks, while the others are waiting impatiently.
"Doessss it contain fisssssh? I like fissssssh."
"That means yes," Gimli says.
"Ok, welcome to The Dudes, Golle!"
"Is that a fissssh?"
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