Author's note: This was written purely for request, and the my muse got ideas, and it changed somewhat. It was supposed to have more M/S in it, but well, it became more Selene focused. Still has M/S, but not as much as was planned. Anyway, it was very hard to try to write Selene breaking down believably, but hopefully I pulled it off. Please review, tell me if I did or not, and hope ya'll enjoy.

Disclaimer: I own nothing in this. Not the characters, not even the title of the story, which belongs to the group Tea Party. Do not sue me please. Savvy?



Selene sat down in one of the bare, somewhat uncomfortable chairs in the small room she and Michael had been using for their quarters in the underground lair. They were far enough away from the old bunker to avoid the Death Dealers, but still close to the city of Budapest.

The lycans had looked to Michael and Selene after the fall of Lucian, their legendary and loyal alpha of six centuries. They had no real hope of winning the war in the long run without Michael and Selene now that Lucian was dead. So she and Michael had taken refuge among them.

It was not something Selene was overly fond of, but it was necessary now. Her kind saw her only as a traitor, and Michael only as a threat. The lycans were their best bet.

Of course, the fact that they thought Selene and Michael were mates was a bit unnerving and irritating to Selene. She may have cared for the newly turned hybrid, but she did not love him and she certainly was not his mate.

But if it was not love, what was it? It had to be more than what she wanted to admit. She had risked everything for him, and had gone against the laws of her kind for him. She had broken Viktor's law to save Michael, before she even knew the truth.

No, she had known. Kraven had told her, taking delight in shattering Selene's perfect image of Viktor. He had told her what Viktor had done, but Selene had not wanted to believe him, why should she? He was a traitor, had been for centuries. Why should anyone believe a word he said?

She had though. Somewhere, deep down, she had known.

It had all clicked in that instant, what Michael had told her, what she had been trying to decipher from the bits if the history of vampires and lycans, what she had seen in Viktor's own actions. The cold detachment even as he killed.

Selene, she took a small amount of pleasure from her kills, satisfaction for taking her justice when she killed a lycans. The justice she thought they deserved. Viktor, had killed with nothing more than pure hate, a contempt that would destroy all in its path. He took a different pleasure from it, if he took any at all.

And what of her family? Had he enjoyed killing them, devouring them of their lives? Ripping and shredding just as viciously as any lycans, had he enjoyed it? Enjoyed the kill as much as the taste of sweet, coppery blood? And what of her own life, of her own innocence and happiness? He had killed her too in some way, and she wondered, did he enjoy that as well?

Selene bit her lip. She had tried not to let herself think on these things, and for the most part, she had been too busy to. But now, all was quiet and the lycans were simply enjoying a night if relaxing, Michael conferring with some of the older members of the pack, discussing the best strategies and opening they had. Leaving Selene alone with her thoughts.

So many thoughts. Of Viktor, of Kraven, of Lucian, of Sonja, of Michael. They were all there, each filling her mind with questions and ponderings, things left unsaid that she would give anything to finally speak.

Mostly to Viktor. Her second father, dark and powerful, deadly and towering. Loving and kind. He had been that to her once. She remembered his encouraging words when she was just learning her new abilities and strengths, his stern lessons as she grew among the vampires, his soft expressions of pride when she proved herself in different areas.

How could she reconcile that man with the one she had killed? It was the same being and yet, he was so very different. It confused her so, and she almost wished he had been two people. That she had killed the cruel, heartless Viktor that had killed her family and lied to her, but the Viktor that raised her, protected her, taught her, he was still alive, still waiting for her to return to him.

Selene stood, pacing as she found she could no longer keep still with these thoughts plaguing her.

Why did she still love him, just as much as she now hated him? Why could she not squelch her love for the fallen Elder with the hatred and betrayal she felt burn in her belly, a cold fire, just like the one flaming in his eyes when he had faced Michael, when she had killed him. She did hate him, just as he had hated the lycans and Michael, but she loved him too, damn him.

He was the only father she knew now, her true father nothing more than a ghost in her mind, a faint memory she tried to cling to, especially now that she had lost her second father, lost him to a monster she didn't know, and had known all along.

Selene walked over to the wall, pounding her fists against it as she blinked back tears, somehow hot even in her frozen body.

Why?! Why did he make her love him so much?! Why had he corrupted her and twisted her to make her his, his second daughter, the one he was determined to make work?! Why could he not have just killed her?! Why had he seen Sonja in her, how had he seen Sonja in her?!

It was useless, she knew. She could shout those questions to the sky above, to the silver moon in the vast, midnight blanket hovering over the earth, but she would never know the answers.

Only one person could give them to her, and she had killed him. She had killed him for her family and for Sonja and Lucian and for herself.

And for Michael. Why Michael? Why did she risk everything, throw away everything, for one nascent lycans? Why had she done as Lucian told her? Why had she changed Michael into the creature her sire had killed his own daughter to keep from entering the world?

Only one person could answer those questions, but she was afraid of letting herself think the truth, much less say, finally confirm what those questions made everyone else think.

She felt something for him, perhaps not love, but something. Like a warmth, a warmth she had not known since the night Viktor had leaned over her to sink his fangs into her neck and make her his own. She felt something strong and overpowering and worth the risk, and she still did not fully understand it.

Turning her back against the wall, Selene slowly sank to the floor. She could not take this anymore, she could not hold it all in and shove it down until she made herself forget the pain and sorrow and love and hate existed. She had not grieved for anyone since the night of her turning, and even then it was not proper grieving.

She wanted to grieve.

The great Death Dealer, one of the fiercest and most determined of the warrior clan wanted to grieve for the first time on over one hundred years.

For her human family, for Lucian and Sonja, for Viktor even. But mostly for herself. For the part of her she had lost along the years as she devoted her life wholly to Viktor's mission. Her mission no longer. She wanted to grieve.

It was hard, crying. She so rarely did it, and almost always it was simply because she had lost some of her control. But she would quickly regain it and blink back the rest of the wetness in her eyes, forbidding herself form letting more fall. Now she wanted them to. She wanted to cry until she was dry and then beg for her body to make more tears. She wanted to wash out all of the haunting questions and memories, and to be free of the pain of loss and the fear of gain.

So she cried, sitting in a heap against the wall, letting go of her resolve and control. That was how Michael found her, weeping silently with her head bowed and her limbs limp and numb.

He did not say a word, merely came over, quietly sitting beside her, wrapping his arms around her protectively and pulling her close, one hand stroking her hair as she cried into his shirt. He spoke not once, just holding her limp body as she wept.

He was warm and alive in a way she had long since forgotten, but he reminded her she had once known that feeling, had once been human. Neither of them were any more, but Michael retained his humanity, because Selene was no Viktor.

She wanted Michael to keep it, to hold on to it as best he could and not let the new, cold nature in his body drive it out. She wanted Michael to keep what Viktor had taken from her, what she had given the Elder willingly.

Selene cried while Michael comforted, silent but there. Firm and steady, for once her foundation instead of the other way around.

He was a leader now, an alpha, and for all intents and purposes, she was his mate. He was now her guide, and she followed. He requested, and she did. He followed her orders before she spoke them. He was dominant, and she was allowing, wanting it, needing it.

He was giving her the chance to rest, to recover, to reclaim some of her humanity. He was giving her the chance to be a woman again, not a female vampire, not a mate, a woman. She had died before she had become a woman really, but now he was giving her that second chance.

Perhaps things were better this way. Perhaps she should be thankful to Viktor. He had unwittingly and unwillingly led her to Michael, and she was finally finding some measure of peace in her hybrid's arms.

She was thankful to Viktor in some ways. As she was thankful to Lucian in many others. Both had ultimately led Michael to her, herself to Michael. Both had ultimately pushed things to come full circle, one intentionally for the most part, the other completely against his will.

Selene sighed as she felt her tears start to run dry, Michael's body warming hers. She still laid against him limply, but she was enjoying the strange vulnerability. She was enjoying being a woman again, and she was enjoying the feeling of letting go.

She would have the pain always, but she now had a chance to reclaim her lost happiness. She could never stop loving the Viktor she remembered the most, and she was in some way thankful to the one she tried not to remember at all.

He had taken away her life, put her on the path to hell, and ultimately steered her back towards heaven. He was her murdered and her savior, and nothing would change those facts.

Lying in Michael's arms, her body tired but relaxed, she was finally ready to accept those facts. She was finally ready.