STAND BY ME

"Hey!. I'll pick you up tomorrow at 1:00 pm, ok" Cath nearly stated. Grissom was in

front of her, with the most inexpressive look anybody has ever seen. It had been a long

time since he had lost the bright in his eyes. He was a dead living but nobody could

have ever told you that. He knew how to lie. He had been lying to the world since the

day he was born.

"What happens tomorrow?" he asked and he knew what Catherine was thinking, he was

a total fool. But there was a special silent agreement between them. Catherine would

never reveal the truth. She would play his game.

"Sara's wedding, tomorrow, 4:30 pm. Now remembering?"

"Oh yeah…. The wedding. I don't know I will be able to make it."

"Gil, you promised me you would go. We have talk about this before. Act as an adult

for once in your life."

She was right. He was childish and that had cost his life, not so long ago.

"Ok. 1:00 pm"

"We'll meet all of us at my home. Try to put your best face on."

Then she left. The room was dark and cold again. A strange breeze filled the air. There

was the smell of death, so intense those days. Grissom always wondered, if he was

amongst the living or the dead. Pain was the answer. It was so unbereable that he had to

be alive. It was almost physical. Like if someone was trying to take his heart out with a

spoon. He sat on his office chair and closed his eyes. His life crossed his mind for the

thousandth time. His mother, the first time he met Sara, their first kiss, her return and

again her leaving. He had rejected her and she went on with her life. He couldn't blame

her. It was his fault. Always was.

As he had done every night for the last year, he took the whisky bootle he had on his

desk and drank. He repeated himself he was not an alcoholic, but whisky helped him

made it through. He left heading to his hometown hoping that the new day starting

would be at least as bad as the last had been.

At the same time, Cath went to bed to be embraced by her husband. The following day

would be one of the thoughtest. Warrick kissed her neck and lied behind her.

"Do you think he will come?" he asked

"He has to. He pretends to go on with his life and tomorrow's wedding is part of it. He

has to deal with it".

CHAPTER TWO

A knock on the door and Cath's voice awake him. He opened the door still asleep.

"Make yourself at home, babe"

"Grissom, take a shower and grab your things. Everybody is waiting for us"

He headed to his bathroom but suddenly stop.

"Cath, have I really to go?" he said looking directly to her eyes.

"I believe so Gil. Life goes on." She answered seriously.

Then, he closed his eyes and breathed slowly.

"Ok. I'll be ready in five."

And disappeared behind the bathroom door. Cath breathed in relief. She couldn't

understand herself. She would have acted the same way if she had been in his position,

but it was true that life had to contiune. Sara had made up her decision long ago.

Grissom too.

"Ok, let's go." Grissom said

Catherine reached his face with her right hand and caressed it tenderly.

"You know we'll always be here for you."

"You know that's not true" he said back

Cath nodded. She knew Greg and Nick were still angry with him and Warrick, though

he was trying to make an effort, was still acting indeferent towards Grissom.

They didn't talk during the way to Cath's house. Nothing was left to say. A new life

was about to begin and nothing could be done. In 10 min. they were there.

"We're here" Cath said

"We were waiting for you two" Warrick said kissing his wife "It's time to head up to

the church"

Grissom closed his eyes to suppress his tears. "I dress and we can go." He went to

Catherine's bedroom.

"Hope Griss doesn't blow up everything today" Nick said angrily. "He has to accept it

and suffer in silence. Sara gave him many opportunities but he didn't take any of them,

so he deserves to stand this pain." Nick was really angry and nervous. Sara had cried a

lot, had suffered a lot for Grissom. And though she was trying to pretend she was really

happy, that she loved the guy she was about to marry, Nick could see she wasn't at all.

He was sorry for Grissom too. He didn't like it, but knowing him, he could understand

his decision.

"I hope that too" Greg said

"Guys, we all know that he loves Sara. We have waited four long years to see them

together. It hasn't happened. Now Sara is marrying a guy that loves her and has told her.

We should be happy for her and we should forget about her and Grissom. We also

should be indulgent with Griss. We don't know how we would have reacted in his

position." Warrick's tone of voice was firm.

They found Catherine observing them from the living room door. Her face was in

tension.

"Why we don't drop the subject? Yeah, probably he's a total jerk. But as an adult, he

has taken a decision. I don't agree with him, but I understand him. I would love to see

the two of them together but we can't do anything about it. So let's leave it and go on

with our lives."

As Catherine had listen the boys, Grissom listened Catherine. His suspicions were right.

Everybody believed he was a total jerk. That wasn't good for his self – stem. He waited

for a few seconds and then made his appearance in the living room. They were all

drinking. He didn't say nothing and serve himself a whisky. They were in silence for a

few minutes, until Warrick spoke.

"We should get going"

"I would like to say something before we go" Grissom whispered. He was afraid of

their reaction.

"What?" Nick asked seriously

Gil cleared his voice and started.

"I know all of you think I don't deserve anything. I know I've hurt Sara so many times

that I can't count them. I know you think I've taken the wrong decision but…"

"Words are meaningless now Grissom. You're right, your decision was completely

wrong, but I didn't expect anything less from you. Sara finally opened her eyes and

started a new life. If you had done something to interrupt her life, I would have killed

you… you're not part of her world anymore" Nick was really angry

The air was tense. Nick had finally expressed what he was feeling. Grissom and Nick

were still looking at each other. It seemed and eternity but it lasted less than a minute.

Catherine finally break the silence.

"We should get going. We don't want to be late for the function"

Cath didn't see things as Nicky did. She was sure that although, Sara was marrying

someone else, the girl would always be in love with Grissom. 'I wish this was only a

nightmare' Cath thought.

CHAPTER THREE

When they arrived at the church, Catherine left the boys company and went to see Sara,

as she was her maid of honour. She opened the door slowly and saw Sara's image

reflected on a mirror. She was really beautiful.

"Sara you're breath-taking. Brad is a fortunate guy. I'm sure he'll fall on his knees

when he sees you."

Cath waited for an answer, but nothing came from Sara, not even a simply hello. Slowly

Sara turned back and faced Catherine. She had tears in her eyes. Catherine wasn't

surprised at all.

"What happens honey? You should be happy. It's your wedding day."

Sara didn't answer her, she was still crying.

"Honey, I thought we had talked about that "thing" long ago." Cath said embracing

Sara.

"We talked about it and I started a new life but I'm still far from being here…. I can't

stop thinking about him. Why all has to be this way? Why can't I forget him?" Sara

finally spoke.

"I know it's not the same. I know who is the one you love…. But it cannot be. Go on

with your life. A man, a good man, is waiting for you. Don't throw away this chance. A

normal life is here. Take it and try to forget anything else." Cath said. She had waited

until the last moment to see the miracle happen. She was the last to loose faith, but

finally admitted Grisoom wouldn't do anything about it.

"You know I can't forget him. But you're right. He's made his decision, so I'll make

mine. I'll give myself to Brad."

Sara then, rested her head on Catherine's shoulder, crying again.

"I still love him, I will always love him" Sara murmured.

"I know baby, I know" Cath said sadly.

Outside, sitting on the last row, where Nick, Warrick and Grissom. All the people was

really happy and laughing except them. Each one of them, had their reasons. Grissom

was feeling the anger building inside. It was the same feeling he had noticed every day

since Sara had announced her marriage. Anger, because of his stupidity, his too-rational

mind.. There were so many things to be angry for. 'God, I cannot stand myself' he

murmured. It was very difficult to wake up every morning with a strong pain in his

chest and without air to breathe. But he couldn't blame anyone except himself. If Sara

was now marrying another man it was only his fault.

His mind was speaking against his heart. The rational side had declared the war to his

heart the day he sent Sara away from him. There was a storm inside. He didn't want to

continue living like that. Still in his thoughts, the wedding begun. His heart stopped

when he Sara. She was the most beatufiul thing he had ever seen. He wanted her to be

happy but also wanted to be the man on the altar. At that moment, all appeared clear on

his mind. By not accepting the truth, he had disgraced their lives. He wasn't afraid

anymore. He didn't care about the age difference, work or his own fear of failure

anymore. It had taken more than fifteen years to admit it but he would only need a

moment to tell her he loved her. It would be his death to interrupt Sara's wedding but he

had to show the world his love for her.

Finally, the priest reached the part of the ceremony where, if anyone has something

against the marriage has the last opportunity to say it. Or so the tradition says. He stood

up, Greg grabbing his arm, Nick and Warrick looking surprised at him.

"Leave me please. For the first time in my life I'm going to do an irrational thing,

something that really comes from my heart."

Greg left Grissom's arm and put his face between his hands. Warrick went to Grissom's

side and said to the audience

"Please excuse him. He has drank too much"

"Warrick I'm not drunk for God's sake" Griss said.

Brad then started "Mr. Grissom if you don't have anymore to say I would like to

continue with my wedding."

"It will only be a sec…." He saw Cath's look of total disapprovement of what he was

about to do, but that didn't stop him. It was time to do something right, to show the

world he was human and above all, to declare his feelings for Sara finally aloud.

"Sara I know you'll hate me for this all the eternity but I have to say it. I've been dumb

for a long time…."

"Please stop" Sara said crying with an angry look in her face.

"I need to tell it all to you… Sara I love you, I have always love you. I have made you

suffer a lot, cry a lot, but I love you. You make me a whole person."

Finally he had said those little words she had longed to hear. Her heart was racing, her

head spinning. She would have loved to throw herself into his arms, but she was a

serious, rational woman committed to a wonderful man. So, she wiped away her tears

and giving her face a serious expression said:

"I loved you too, I did it for a long time but not anymore. I'm here to marry a man who

loves me and it's not ashamed to telling me he does." She paused for a few seconds.

"And I love him too."

"It's… It's ok. I only wanted to let you know you'll be in my heart forever… And I'm

glad you have finally found a man that loves you and makes you happy" The he left the

church in a sudden need for cool breeze.

For a few moments Cath and the guys had expected a scene like those on the movies.

Sara running towards Grissom and he swearing to her he would never leave her again.

But Sara's words had returned them to reality. They all knew it was the bitter end for a

long dream.

CHAPTER FOUR

The ceremony ended and they all headed to the restaurant where the wedding party

would take place. While in the car, none of them spoke a single word. It seemed like if

they had attended a funeral, and in certain ways the wedding had been a funeral. Finally

Nick said something.

"What were you thinking Griss? You've done many things to her but what you've done

today has been the lowest thing you have ever done. If you really love her, why did you

choose her wedding to tell her? You've seen to many movies" Nick was really furious.

"Nick calm down" Warrick said "We'll find a better way to punish him"

"Warrick !" Cath exclaimed

"What? Don't tell you're not mad at him because I won't believe you"

"Why I should be mad at him? He finally has done something. It's better than nothing"

"Honey, he's blown up Sara's wedding. He should have closed his mouth"

"Maybe, but you must admit, it was very romantic." Nick, Greg and Warrick looked

Catherine with a surprised face.

"Ok… ok you're right" she finally said.

Grissom was not really listening to them. He couldn't believe what he had done 'You're

the most stupid man on the whole world Gil' he thought. By finally, revealing her the

truth he had hurt her again. He wished to be swallowed by earth. He started feeling a

strong pain in the stomach. His ulcer was aching again. Every second the pain was

harder. Finally he passed out and fell on Greg's and Nick's knees.

"Warrick, stop!" Greg shouted

"What happens?" Warrick demanded

Greg simply answered "Grissom"

Warrick pushed the break pedal and stopped next to the road.

"Why are you stoping here? We should take him to the hospital" Nick exclaimed

"No, he's simply zoned out" answered Cath "In a few min. he'll be back. It has

something to do with his stomach"

"Yep, he passed out once in our living room and explained all to us when he recovered.

We'll wait him to wake up and we'll drop him in his house"

After a few moments, Grissom woke up.

"Fuck! It has happened again" he said

"So it seems. We're leaving you home" Cath said. "You should take your pain killers

and rest a little until the shift starts tonight."

"It's ok. Besides I want to be there when Sara cuts the cake"

"To make another a scene? We'll leave you home" Cath said

In less than half-an-hour, Grissom was lying in his sofa. He was feeling like a crap. The

world couldn't be worse, or so he believed. Finally he managed to sleep a little before

work.

Sara was extremely affected by Grissom's actions but she managed to hide her

emotions. Outside, she was Mr. Wilkinson Wife, the happiest woman alive, inside she

wanted to run to Grissom's side and make him repeat what he had said before, though,

she was really angry with him. 'Why has he always to make me feel this way? Why can

I forget him? He is a man not a super-hero. There are lots of men outside. Stop thinking

about him.' She said to herself knowing that probably it was the last day she would see

him.

"Sara, where are you?" Sara turned back. To her relief, it was only Catherine.

"Sorry. I was thinking."

"You think too much baby. Forget it all, it's your wedding day"

"Where's him?" Sara asked

"At home. Problems with his stomach"

"At the church, for a moment, I have thought about running towards him and leave all

behind. But…"

"Sara, you've done the right thing" Cath said to her holding her hand

"Cath, you're such a liar"

"Sweetie, we've been through this before. We've talked so many times… I would love

to see you with him but life goes on. You've waited too much for him. Now a new life

has begun. Enjoy it and forget about the past"

"What have you done with my Catherine? That's not your usual speech"

"I would love to see life as a movie. I would love to have lived a love like yours. But

this is real life and it's too short to spend it waiting for someone."

"I'll never forget about him. Not now that he has finally said he loves me" Sara said

nearly whispering.

"Keep it in a corner of your mind as a beautiful memory, nothing more"

"That's what I was thinking to do. I love Brad, and he loves me back. I won't do

anything against it." Then Sara left to search for his husband.

"Lord, help me" Cath murmured, looking up. "One fine day, they have to be together

again. If not, please, separate them as fas as they can be."

CHAPTER FIVE

Days went by, but for Grissom time had stopped. His life was an easy one to have:

work, sleep and work again. He was trying really hard to forget about her, realizing the

only thing he could now expect for her was to be happy until the end of their lives.

Catherine and Warrick had been very kind with him. Greg didn't say much at all and

Nick… well Nick was Nick and he was still angry not only for his attitude, but for

Sara's leaving too.

One night, he was in his office working in some reports when someone unexpected

entered the room. It was Sara. He didn't notice her until she spoke.

"Working late?"

"Sara" he exclaimed

"Yep, I think it's my name" she said smiling

"What are you doing here?"

"I came to see Nicky and the others and… you"

"It's great to see you. You look wonderful"

Sara was surprised by his reaction. He seemed another person those days, or so

Catherine has told her.

"You look very good too. How's your life?"

"Well… boring"

"Cath says you don't spent so may time in the lab now"

"Yeah. I've realized my attitude was wrong. My old way to see things and analyse them

has given me and other people, specially one, so many problems in the past. I'm trying

to enjoy new things. I'm nearly 50 and I haven't lived. I don't have much time left."

He was smiling but Sara had a serious look on her face.

"You could have done that long time ago. People would be happier" She was talking

about them.

"I know, I should have done it before but I was too blind to see. I needed to see you

married to realize what a fool I had been. I told you I loved you and I still love you

more than anything in this life. But I was late and you had already made your decision."

He had now turned to the wall. He waited for Sara's answer.

"Don't tell me it was all my fault, because I gave you too many opportunities."

She was really angry. He turned back and faced her.

"I'm not saying that. I know it was my fault and I will always regret it. I'm not happy

with what I did but it's too late and all I want is to see you happy."

He looked directly to Sara. She had tears in her eyes.

"It's too late, isn't it?" he asked

She nodded in response.

"I will love you always as I've done until now"

She raised her right hand and slightly touch his face. She had missed the touch of his

skin. The skin of the man she had dreamed about nearly the half of her life. It wasn't

fair, life couldn't be so bad.

She left his office without saying goodbye absorbed in her thoughts. She then

remembered something her mother had said to her long ago 'Be alone Sara, rather than

being with someone you really don't love'. She appreciate Brad, even loved him, but

not as a wife was supposed to love her husband, and above all, she didn't want Brad as

a lover.

Grissom didn't leave his office until the end of the shift. What did they mean, Sara's

tears? How much he desired to have her in his arms. It all came back again. HE had

hidden the symptoms only. It was difficult again to breathe. The ache in his heart was

like a having a needle inside. He only wanted to go home and sleep because it was then

when all was perfect. Unfortunately, Cath found him when he was about to leave.

"Griss, you're the one I was trying to find"

"Lucky me" he answered sarcastically. Cath looked at him disapproving his answer.

"I'll take that as a compliment" she said. "You seem different these days. Is there

something you want to tell me?"

Grissom only smiled. No one could escape the power of Catherine. She knew it all, see

it all and heard it all. She was GOD.

"Hey. I worry about you" she protested "Last month you were the more hated person of

this city but all has changed. What has happened to you?"

"I've tried to rearrange my life, be more positive, change my negative vision of things.

Open to the world. But I can't make it. I'm Gil Grissom the most pessimist, too rational

awful man of the world."

"You've seen Sara" Cath said

"Yes. I was the last on her visit round. Didn't talk too much but it was enough to realize

again all the bad things I've done in my life. I can be back to normal. It has taken me 50

years to get the one I have and 15 to tell a woman that I love her. I don't have 50 years

more to build me a new life."

"You're an impossible man." Cath said desperately

"Yeah, but that's the reason you're my friend. We are the ying and the yang, the

positive and the negative."

"I have you as a friend for other reasons not for that. I already have my contra."

They both started laughing. All was so bad that was impossible to cry.

"Let's go. I'll buy you breakfast" Cath said still laughing.

CHAPTER SIX

Sara now worked as a physician in a medic lab. Work wasn't really exciting but it was a

nine to five job. Normally she was very concentrated, work was the most important

thing, but that day she didn't do anything right. She had Grissom's face on her mind and

still could sense the warmth of his skin in her hand. She was mad at him, furious with

his reactions, so why was she feeling that way? The end of the world couldn't be as bad

as feeling like she was. It was time to make some decisions. Time to rearrange her life.

Time to let her go and not think about the consequences…. But, what would she say to

Brad? 'I'm sorry, I married you but I don't love you', that was very hard. She couldn't

continue pretending she was perfectly happy. It was the biggest lie ever told.

"So tell me, how was your encounter with Sara?" Cath asked him.

"Explosive as always" he answered back

"I see.. We all expected a miracle on the last moment"

"me too, but I guess it was enough. I fooled her too many times."

"Back to normal?" She asked smiling

"Yeah. I went out twice, try to meet some girls, relax a little but I just couldn't. It was

like seeing the devil twin acting. I'm not like that Cathy. I'm a man of one girl, and as

strange as it may seem, I believe in love" he said while trying to melt the sugar in his

coffee.

"You never cease to amaze me"

"That's good, isn't it?"

"I believe so. As women, we like to have a good, intelligent, humorous man that

surprises us every day. Of course, he has to be handsome." She answered while

moisting her lips with her tongue.

"You're always thinking the same. I hate you" he said laughing. "Do you have a plan

for me?"

"I would suggest you to go under her window and sing her a serenade but that if she

was still single. I think we don't have to break her happiness. It's time to accept it. I am

admitting defeat. The only thing I can now offer to you it's a Jose Cuervo especial

tequila bottle."

"That'll be fine" Grissom answered.

Sara couldn't stop thinking. Everything was wrong. If only she could go back on time to

do things completely different. Half of her mind was telling her to leave all and run to

see Grissom. Her rational part, was keeping her stucked in that lab. 'This can't be

happening' she thought 'I'm an adult woman and I've chosen what's better for me' she

repeated herself for the thousandth time that morning.

CHAPTER SEVEN

Later that year, things hadn't change. Grissom went back to his real life, working,

working and working. Sara didn't see her old friends as she used to and managed to

focus on her relationship with Brad. Life was passing slowly but it seemed to be good.

Sometimes Nick called her, even went to a few movies with the couple. Catherine

checked on her nearly every month. None of the never spoke a word about the past

events. Two weeks before Christmas, a new CSI was in the team. A girl about 30 years

old that reminded all of them about Sara. Beautiful and smart immediately connected

with Grissom. They all tried to hate her but she was kind enough. Her name was

Allison.

On Christmas eve, Sara couldn't stop thinking about Grissom. Maybe it was because

she was feeling lonely, maybe because she missed him. After two hours pacing the floor

of her new attic, that Brad and she had bought not long ago, she couldn't stand it

anymore, so she grab her keys and her coat and headed to Grissom's hometown.

She doubted before knocking the door. She was about to leave when he opened the

door.

"Sara it's good to see you" he said smiling. A smile that melted her heart. "What are

you doing here?"

"I just came to wish you a merry Christmas and to see how you were doing"

"Oh… merry Christmas to you too. I wanted to call you but it never seen appropiate"

he said.

She entered the house and he closed the door following her. She stopped in front of his

living room window.

"Things have changed a lot this year" she said

"You're right"

"I bet you never pictured me married" she said bitterly without turning back

"I did, but I expected to be the one you married"

"I desired the same thing for a long time. Why things have to be so complicated?" she

was nearly crying.

"Things are easy…. I make them complicate. Sara I wish I could go back on time

and…"

"Please stop" Now she was facing him, looking him directly to his blue eyes. She lost

herself in them.

He caressed her face gently and she closed her eyes letting herself be touched by the one

he really loved. He closed his eyes too and slowly low down his head to reach her lips.

They kissed, first tenderly, searching something that was lost time ago. The tender

kisses leaded their lips and tongues to more passionate ones. He started to kiss her neck,

all her face, helping her to get rid of her long-sleeved shirt. She opened the buttons of

his shirt, one by one filling his chest of sweet kisses. Then he lifted her up and still

kissing her, he leaded the way to his bedroom. He put her down on his king-size bed

and kissed all over her face, neck and stomach. Suddenly he stopped and looked her

searching for her approval. Two bright full of love and desire gave him the answer. He

gently took off her bra, exposing her beautiful breasts that soon he covered with kisses.

And with the winter sun observing them, they made passionate love.

Outside was dark. Grissom was awoke by someone knocking at his door. He got up,

trying no to woke up Sara and admiring her naked body. He put his boxers on and went

open the door. It was Catherine.

"Were you sleeping? At this hour?" She asked

"You could say that" he answered "What have you come for?"

"I only wanted to wish you a merry Christmas since I won't be working tonight…

Grissom are you listening to me?"

"Oh… yes… merry Christmas to you too"

"What are you hiding from me?"

"eh?.. nothing" he said nervously.

"Oh yeah. Whatever you want. I'm going. I have family issues to care about before

dinner."

She was finishing her sentence when Sara showed up. Sara had been awake by Cath's

voice. She was fully dressed and ready to go.

"Sara!" Catherine exclaimed

"Hi Cath"

"I won't ask what are you doing here"

"I think it's obvious. Sorry but I must go"

"Wait Sara, we should talk about what has happened" Grissom said running after Sara.

"There's nothing to talk about. It all has been a mistake. I shouldn't have come here"

then she left.

"I'm really sorry. I'm always at the wrong places in the wrong time." Cath said

"You have nothing to be sorry for. It would happened too if you weren't here. It was too

good to be true."

He went to see on the couch.

"Do you fancy a Vodka with orange?" Cath asked

"Sure" he answered.

CHAPTER EIGHT

Sara walked the way back to her home. She needed to feel the cold breeze and time to

think. Why had she kissed Grissom? But why it had been a mistake it had feel so good?

For the first time in her life she had felt complete. It had nothing to do with making love

with Brad. It had been wonderful. But it still was wrong. The best was to forget it. So,

as she was opening the door, she put on her best smile and met Brad as if nothing had

happened.

Grissom and Catherine were getting drunk. It was their third.

"Do you want another?" Grissom asked.

"Uhh…. No. I'm already drunk and I should go home. Take a shower, go to work and

we will talk about it tomorrow"

"So, basically, what are you saying is that I have to pretend nothing has happened and

work?"

"Yeah, moreless. You're good at that kind of things." She said immediately regretting

her words. He was looking furiously to her.

"I didn't mean it"

"Oh, yes, you meant it. And you're right. I'm so damn good at that kind of things"

The next few days, he tried to contact Sara. She didn't answer the phone. On new year's

eve he left a message on her cell answering machine. On mid-january, he stopped

calling. It was clear that she truly thought all had been a mistake.

One night, Grissom found Warrick at the break room.

"How are you today?" Warrick asked

"Not bad."

"You look bad. Have you talked with Sara?"

"Called her, leave a message once, didn't get any answer" said Grissom without any

emotion.

Only Warrick and Catherine knew about his encounter with Sara. They kept the secret.

"And what will you do now?" Warrick said

"Life goes on, she too and so do I".

Allison, the new CSI entered the room. She said hi to the both of them and went for a

coffee. Grissom stared at her for a few moments. She definitely looked like Sara.

Warrick touched his arm and murmured to Grissom: "If life really goes on, you should

invite her to dinner" and then he disappeared.

Grissom thought that maybe Warrick was right, so he approached Allison from behind.

"Mind if I join you?" he asked smiling

"Of course not. Sugar?" she asked

"No thanks. I'm not into heavy drugs" they both laughed.

They stood in silence for a few seconds until Grissom found the courage to begin.

"I was thinking if you would like to … mmm… have dinner with me tomorrow, before

shift"

He waited for her answer. That hadn't been so difficult.

Allison looked at him and answered "Sure it will be a pleasure".

"Let's meet at Piaggio's, 6:30 pm?"

"That would be perfect. I'll wait for tomorrow" and she left.

"me too" he said but she couldn't hear him.

Sara was feeling bad, really bad. After one call per day, Grissom hadn't called her for a

week. Her rational side was still regretting that night, but in the bottom of her heart, she

knew it had been the best time of her life. She was too absorted in her thoughts, that he

didn't notice Brad trying to kiss her.

"What happens to you Sara?" Brad asked "You seem to be very far from here."

'If you only knew' she thought "I was thinking about work" she lied.

"I know there's something else you're not telling me. I know you too well" he said.

'No, you don't know nothing about me. I'm not the one you think'. "I'm telling you all

brad. I was thinking about work"

"Why don't you take a bath while I prepare something for dinner and maybe after we

could go and see a movie" he said slightly touching her hand.

"That would be fine" Sara answered.

In the darkness of her bathroom, Sara stood naked in front of the mirror observing every

line of her body. She thought she wasn't beautiful, she had always thought that. 'The

one in the mirror is not really me'. A few seconds later, she submerged into the hot

water and fell asleep.

*It was a beautiful, bright day with clear sky. Flowers were everywhere surrounding

her. There were other people too. Families with their kids, young and old couples. It

seemed everything was perfect. She couldn't help but smile. Someone was holding her

hand gently and murmuring sweet things into her ears. They were like music and she

felt she was the happiest woman alive. The one holding her hand was now caressing her

back and kissing her neck. The touch was from someone he knew and it felt really good.

She turned her head and saw Grissom. Without hesitation she kissed him passionately*

She awoke feeling nervous. She wasn't supposed to dream things like those. She

couldn't allow herself to dream that kind of things.

Water was cold. Brad shouted dinner was ready, so she take a quick shower and dressed

casually ready to spend another uneventful evening with Brad.

CHAPTER NINE

Outside the night was cold. Grissom was all dressed waiting in front of the door of

Piaggio's. He wasn't feeling quite well. Of course, he had to do new things and explore

other sides of life, but as much as he tried, the feeling of Sara was very much alive. 'She

rejected you Gil, accept it'

Allison made her appearance. She was really good-looking, nearly perfect.

"Hi" she said

"Hi, you're really beautiful tonight."

"Thank you. You look good too." She said back

Griss opened the restaurant door for her and leaded her to their reserved table, near a

corner, quiet and with a great view through the window. Perfect.

"What would you like to drink? I'm sure you'd like wine, but we have work to do later"

Grissom said smiling to her.

"Oh!.. A coke will be fine"

They waited for the waitress to note their commands and then begin to chat.

Sara had agreed to go to the cinema with Brad. There wasn't anything on that she would

like to see, but she needed a distraction. They were walking hand in hand when

something caught Sara's attention. Through the window glass, she could see a beautiful

young woman and a handsome Grissom chatting and smiling. It seemed they were

having a great time together. Sadness and anger entertwined inside her heart. She kept

staring for a few moments until Brad made her move. She didn't pay much attention to

the film. In fact she didn't pay any attention to anything and Brad was visibly angry.

"What's the matter with you Sara?" he asked coldly

"What?"

"You've heard me. What happens to you Sara? You seem to be miles away from here.

You always seem to be far from where I am" Brad said angrily.

"I doesn't happen anything to me. I'm just al little worried about work" Sara lied.

Brad covered his face with his hands "I'm sick of this Sara. I cannot stand it anymore. I

thought I could erase his image from your mind. I've tried all, I've done everything that

a human can do, to make you happy. But you're still thinking about him. Sara we

should go separate ways."

Sara was totally surprised "How…?"

"I've known it always Sara. You've never been mine. I've seen how you look at him

and I remember what he did in our wedding. What I cannot understand is why, if you're

so madly in love, you're not together." Brad wait for her answer.

"Life is strange. He didn't really said nothing until our wedding day. It was what I

wanted to hear but it was too late. I was marrying you and you really cared about me, so

I decided to go on. It was the biggest mistake I ever done. I do love you but not that

way. I'm sorry, really sorry" she said crying.

He was furious but somehow he understood her.

"Sara you can't do this everytime he makes you feel bad. You can't marry the first boy

that walks you home because he's a total jerk."

"You're right and I'm really sorry for doing this to you. You deserve someone better

than me."

"You're damn right Sara. But I fell in love with you. We should think about separation

and divorce"

Sara nodded.

"We should go home. I'll grab my things and go somewhere. I'll pick the rest of my

things later this week."

Only two hours later she was crying in Nick's arms.

CHAPTER TEN

"It has been a great dinner and I have had a wonderful time but we should get going.

Time to work" Grissom said pointing his watch

"I've had a wonderful evening too Grissom. You've really surprised me."

Allison was really happy about that evening. From her first day in the crime lab she had

wanted to get to know him better. He was the most intelligent man she had ever known.

They arrived at the lab and separate their ways. Grissom went to his office and then to

the break room to assign that night's cases.

"Ok. Cath, you and me have a good-looking homicide at the strip" he continued

"Warrick, you're alone tonight, robbery with murder, here you have the address" he

handed a piece of paper to Warrick "Allison, you and Nick….. Where's Nick?" Grissom

asked.

"He called in sick about 10 min. ago." Warrick said emotionless.

"And why haven't you told me before?" Grissom was visibly angry

"Well, you've been only here for five min. so…."

Warrick was right. Normally, he was at the lab about one or two hours before the start

of the shift, but that day there was Allison.

"Ok. So I'm on the homicide. Cath on the robbery and Warrick and Allison on the 7/11.

Let's go."

Nick was pacing the floor of his two-bedroom house while Sara was explaining him all

that had happened since her wedding with Brad. He couldn't believe it. She cried all the

time. Finally she finished her story.

"I don't know exactly what to say to you Sara. The whole thing escapes from my

rational mind."

Nick was really shocked by Sara's arguments.

"I can't believe you cheated on your husband on Christmas eve. I can't believe you

spend the whole afternoon with Grissom…"

"Nick STOP. I'm not ready to hear your critics" Sara said

"And what do you want from me Sara? You're my best friend and I'm supposed to help

you but also to criticisze you when I think you've done something wrong" he said back.

"Maybe I should get a room in a motel" Sara stood up, ready to grab her things and

leave.

"Sara, you know you can stay here all the time you want. I'm sorry. It's only that I don't

understand the whole fuckin' situation." He took her hands and they both sat on the

couch "What I'm gonna do with you little girl?" And then Sara started crying again.

When the shift ended, Warrick called Nick to check on him.

"Yes?" a sleepy voice answered

"Nick it's me War"

"Oh, bro, what's up?"

"I've just called to know how are you doing?"

Nick remembered he had called in sick when Sara showed at his door.

"Oh… I little better. I should be at work tonight" he answered.

"Ok man. Bye"

"Bye Warrick"

Nick hang up and saw Sara

"I was awake by the phone. I'm sorry you had to lie for me"

"That's what friends are for…." He smiled slightly "What do you want for breakfast?"

CHAPTER ELEVEN

Grissom couldn't sleep. He was on his bed thinking about the night before. He had had

a great time but Allison wasn't Sara. He tried to think of her as a different person but he

couldn't. Allison was so like Sara that she was like a substitute.

He couldn't go on with that. He couldn't be with someone only because that someone

reminded him of another person. He would not go out with Allison anymore. It wasn't

fair. And, although, he needed a life, he preferred to be alone rather than lie to someone.

So it was better to leave things clear before something happened. He would not invite

Allison again.

It was Sara's second week at Nick's. it was time to begin searching somewhere else to

live. Nick had a life… and a girl and Sara didn't want to disturbe them. How she missed

working in the lab… she missed her past life a lot. In the last two years all had been a

mistake though she didn't regret her decision. It had made things clear with Grissom.

"Sara I'm home!" Nick had came back from shopping.

"Nick" She said

"I have the night off. Would you like to go dancing or go to the movies?" he asked.

"I don't feel like it. I rather prefer stay at home. Plus you have Sandra"

"Come on Sara. It's time to go out a little and Sandra understands it."

"I don't think so Nicky. I bet she wants me out of your house. Besides you should take

care of her a little more. She is a good girl and she loves you very much."

"Maybe you're right, but I don't want you being alone, so you'll come with us."

"Nick…." Sara said with a warning tone in her voice "Maybe I'll go to see Cath and

Warrick this afternoon."

"You know they will be happy to see you but don't forget that probably Catherine will

tell Grissom about you."

"I need my friends wether if they tell Grissom or not. I don't care anymore."

"Ok. Take my car"

After having lunch and sleeping a little bit, she drove to the couple's home. She hoped it

was a good surprise to them, but Nick was right, Catherine would tell Grissom about it.

She knocked the door and waited patiently.

"Sara!" It was Lindsay "Mom, Warrick Sara's here"

Sara entered the house after Lindsay.

"Sara! It's great to see you. We've missed you very much" Warrick said to her while

embracing her.

"Me too. I've missed you guys"

"Sara" Cath nearly jumped on her "I'm glad you've finally decided to come and see us"

Cath and Sara sat on the couch, Warrick on his armchair and Lindsay on the floor. All

of them waiting for the story that was about to begin.

"So… how are things going?" asked Warrick

"I have to tell you something"

Sara began her story and Warrric and Cath faces grew in surprise. She told them about

her life, her rupture with Brad, about seeing Grissom with the girl, she later knew it was

Allison and about being at Nick's.

"Have you been all this time with Nick? And he hasn't told us a word about it?" asked a

surprised Warrick.

"I told him not to do it. I wanted to tell you all personally" Sara said in response.

"I didn't know Grissom was dating Allison." Catherine said feeling angry because

Grissom hadn't said anything to her. " But I can understand why he does it. She

ressembles you a lot in all senses."

"He hasn't lost time" Sara said

"Sara, he is sure you don't want to know anything about him. He has a life and has to go

on. What do you think he should do?" Warrick asked Sara.

"Wait" Sara had tears in her eyes "Wait at least, as much I waited for him."

Silence lasted a few minutes.

"I know I'm not being fair. You're both right. He has to go on with his life as I have to

go on with mine." She paused for a sec. "I'm sorry but I have to go. Nick needs the car

tonight. He's going out with Sandra"

"Sara stay in touch" Catherine begged her.

"I will, don't worry. For now, I'll be at Nick's until I find some place. I will let you

know when I move ok?… and please, don't tell Grissom anything about it."

"We won't. I'll call you Sara" said Cath as she waved goodbye.

Then they closed the door and from behind Catherine, Warrick said "You will tell it all

to Grissom, won't you?" Cath turned back and smile widely. Kissing him, she said "Of

course I will, baby".

"I knew it. You're such an evil" answered back Warrick laughing.

CHAPTER TWELVE

"Allison, Could I talk to you for a sec.?" Grissom asked the brunette girl.

"Of cours, what do you want?" she said

"In my office if you don't mind"

"Sure"

Grissom led her to his office. He didn't know exactly what to say but he had to make

her clear that a relationshiop between them was impossible.

"Allison, I had a great time the other night and you're a beautiful and intelligent

woman…." That was more difficult than he thought.

"What are you trying to say?" Allison asked him.

"What I'm trying to say is that I would love to go out with you another time if I wasn't

already in love with someone else"

Allison started laughing loud and Grissom stared at her really astonished.

"What are you laughing at?" Grissom asked her.

"Well, Grissom, if you were Catherine maybe I would die to jump into your bed but

you're a man."

Grissom was now totally shocked.

"But how?… I mean you never showed any sign about being…." Grissom was getting

really nervous.

"A lesbian? That's because I try no to mix work with my private life. I'm already with

someone but I would like you to keep my secret"

Grissom didn't react. He was surprised but also relieved, that fact solved part of his

problems.

"So, why did you accept to go out with me?"

"Because I want to learn things from you. I've always admired your work. You're an

intelligent man and funny sometimes"

"Ah, ok." His ego had been hurt a little. "I won't be say a word about your private life.

Don't worry."

"Thanks" She said while embracing him "and you're welcome to invite me for dinner or

something everytime you want"

"Be sure, I'll do it" Grissom still holding Allison in her arms.

Cath, entered his office.

"Sorry, I didn't mean to disturbe you, but this is a public place."

Allison left Grissom's arms and smiling to him said "I should get going I've work to

do"

"See you later Allison" Grissom said back.

Allison left the room closing the door behind her.

"I thought it was forbidden to flirt in the lab" Cath said sarcastically.

"Cath…"

"What? I think it's great that finally you're screwing someone" Now she was really

angry.

"Cathy, for your information I'm not with her. And though, it's none of your business,

she's only a friend."

"Yeah, whatever you say. And I'm Elvis"

"Cath, she's already involved with someone else and she's perfectly happy. And even if

she wasn't, I wouldn't go out with her because I'm in love with someone else. Have I

made myself clear?" Grissom was angry

"Crystal clear" Catherine answered back

"What did you come for?"

"Oh, because I thought you would like to know Sara is now living at Nick's because

she's getting the divorce" Cath waited for his reaction.

"Could you cover me for a while?" Grissom asked still surprised. A new opportunity

had come and he would not waste it. He wasn't afraid anymore.

"I knew you would say that. Don't worry, I'll say you have had to leave for a sudden

stomach ache or something like that"

Grissom grabbed his coat and the car keys and left the building running without saying

nothing.

"Where is he going?" asked Greg.

"I'll explain it to you later." Warrick answered when Catherine joined the boys.

"You did it, didn't you?"

"Never doubt about it." They both laughed leaving greg really surprised.

CHAPTER THIRTEEN

Grissom was very nervous. He didn't stop at the traffic lights, nearly ran over a dog and

killed a young woman. He wasn't sure about what he would say. Finally he arrived at

Nick's townhouse and parked violently nearly entering the house through a window. He

headed to the door and knocked twice. It was raining and he was getting really wet.

Sara was in her bedroom but heard the car and the knocks on the door. In her way to

opened it she said loudly "Nick I will kill you, it's the third time you forget your keys at

home." Then she opened the door.

"Grissom what are you doing here?" she said trying to hide her surprise and her nerves.

"I…. I …. I need to talk to you Sara" he answered nervously.

"We have nothing to talk about Grissom" she said trying to close the door but Grissom

stopped her.

"I won't let you run away from my life again" Sara was now disoriented "Catherine has

told me all. Sara I know I've hurt you, I know I've pushed you away from me many

times but I don't want to do it anymore. I love you Sara. I need you like the air I breathe

and I can't imagine my life without having you by my side. Sara I want to spend the rest

of my life with you." Grissom waited for her answer but instead of saying something

she closed the door. Grissom wasn't surprised at all, it was the reaction he waited, so he

headed to the car.

"Grissom…" he turned back to see Sara standing in the rain "you can't do this to me.

God! I tried to hate you, I tried to forget you but everything was impossible. I've loved

you since I met you and I'll love you until the day I die".

Grissom walked towards her slowly.

"Sara I swear to you I won't do anything to hurt you again. I only want to take care of

you the rest of my life."

He had his hands on her cheeks, looking directly to her eyes.

"I love you Sara, more than life itself."

"I love you too, Gil"

He leaned to kiss her and that moment they both knew, they always would be together.

And while the rain was soaking their clothes, they kissed and kissed celebrating the

reunion of two long lost lovers.

THE END

* Stand by me, nobody knows the way it's gonna be*

*I'm sorry if I have hurt you… you know you hurt me too… but you get lost inside your

tears… and there's nothing I can do…. 'cause I get lost inside my fears that I'm nothing

without you*

Mònica 2004