Oi, well, a change of heart from all that angst-full crap I write. Heh. I like my angst-full works of crap. I mean, the stories. Anyway. This is supposed to be comedy, humorous, make you laugh. Or smile, at least. It takes place about six, nine years before the Naruto story. I think it's one of those love or hate things. The story. Anyways, read, review, and stuff. Please. As for reason for writing this – just because Kakashi and Zabuza are so damn beautiful. No one says beautiful anymore, do they? It's mostly 'hott' or 'snecksay'. Heh. 'Beautiful' kind of reminds you either of free, pretty things, or Marilyn Manson's song. Ehh. Okay, I shall be quiet.
| Saka |
Disclaimer: I don't claim to own Naruto, or any of its characters. They belong to Masashi Kishimoto-san.
Warnings: No pairings. It really depends on how your mind works. You'd probably have to be really, really, really easily offended to take some sort of offense from this work. I think.
| Allegory of a Chance Encounter |
The Wave Country is a small island with a small population. It is not one of the Five Great Shinobi Countries, and has no hidden village. Nine years ago, it prospered in happy existence; its people were proud and brave, unafraid of opposing outside forces that had not at the time threatened domination of the small country.
Wave Country can easily be commuted to from several of the Great Shinobi Countries that border the coast, and the single island shinobi country. The Wave Country often depends on one of the surrounding Shinobi Countries for help - it so happens that in this way, shinobi of diverse countries often pass through, and, quite frankly, thus chance encounters often occur.
Noodle bars are relaxing. You sit on a stool with a steaming bowl of noodles in front of you. You can also read your favorite novel while waiting for your noodles, and then noisily slurp at them while you turn the page.
Such is the case for seventeen-year-old Hatake Kakashi. Leisure time is rare, and is greatly appreciated by the jounin. The latest issue of Icha Icha Paradise is propped up in front of him against a napkin dispenser, a bowl of chicken Udon noodles to his right. He breaks the recyclable chopsticks deftly, and picks up a thick noodle, entranced by the book.
Noodle bars are tense. You sit on a stool with a steaming bowl of noodles in front of you. The servers are pacing back and forth in front of you, there are several other people sitting on either side of you, and you're always watched.
Such is the case for twenty-year-old Momochi Zabuza. There is never time for relaxation – a shinobi cannot afford such things as leisure. The noodle bar is almost completely packed, save one seat at the end, next to a silver-haired man. In need of some form of nourishment, he takes the seat and orders a bowl of plain soba noodles, with pepper.
He can't help but stare at the figure next to him. A black mask hangs about the other man's neck as he eats, his hitai-ate slung over one eye. A bright red, something Zabuza expects is not effect of the noodles, occupies his face, and the younger man nearly chokes on his food as he appears to read a quite interesting passage. Zabuza avert his eyes as he receives his meal.
Kakashi nearly explodes, eyes widening. He can't believe…he didn't…no! He couldn't believe Hikaru-chan did that! Squirming uncomfortably, he attempts to divert any gathered attention by hastily stuffing himself with noodles. Bad idea. Kenji-kun just –
Zabuza's eye twitches as the man sitting next to him begins choking on the noodles. Taking a hand off his neck, Kakashi attempts to pull out the noodles with the chopsticks. Another bad idea. The noodles break where held, leaving him with nothing to work with. Spluttering now, Kakashi applies repeated pressure upon his upper chest. A few noodles release themselves into the cavern of his mouth from their ghastly bind in his throat. Relaxing, he continues to read and eat as if nothing had occurred.
Zabuza stares at him openly now, shaking the pepper container absentmindedly into his bowl. Kakashi starts to suddenly giggle. The dark-haired man frowned, shoveling food into his mouth. His company was disturbing him beyond reason.
He abruptly paused, nearly dropping his utensils. There was…something…wrong. God dammit…what was –
"SHIT! THIS IS FUCKIN' HOT!"
Kakashi dropped his book, staring with lazy regard up at the man previously sitting next to him, who was now prancing about madly, draining a large beaker of water.
"Gee, buddy, take it easy," the jounin muttered, a sweat drop appearing on the side of his head. Zabuza appears to ignore him, and instead, began now to choke on the water, spluttering the transparent liquid out. Kakashi's sweat drop, if at all possible, grew larger. Putting his hands up defensively, the copy ninja began to make meager suggestions for the mist ninja to stop.
"Maa, maa, don't kill yourself. After all, su – "
Kakashi was cut off as Zabuza grabbed him abruptly by the collar.
"Listen here, Mr. Reason."
"I have a name – "
"You're the one choking yourself and reading your adult material – "
"I do qualify as an adult, sir – "
" – over there. As far as I'm concerned, you're the one at fault for making me do this."
"But you're the one that wasn't paying attention. I'm flattered, but – "
"Shut the hell up."
"Listen, buddy, if you don't let go of me – "
"What? What're you going to do to me, eh?"
Kakashi's eyes narrowed, features easing into those of weariness.
"I'll have to make you, sir, and then, you won't be all that comfortable, I'm afraid."
Zabuza's right eye twitched momentarily, before he sullenly let go of the younger man's garment.
"Tch. I'd beat the – "
"Nice weather, ne?"
What the - ? He was just threatening me, and now he's going on about the damn weather like nothing happened?
Slightly disgruntled, Zabuza glared at the now smiling silver-haired man. "Yeah."
"Great for relaxation. You're from the Mist Country, ne?"
Kakashi thumbed through Icha Icha Paradise, finding the page he was on. Zabuza tended to his noodles, alternatively eating and taking great amounts of water. Silence pervaded. Well, not for long.
Kakashi suddenly began to rock back and forth with mirth, let out a long sigh, then stopped. After several short moments, the laughing started again. Zabuza could feel that vein pumping. This time the merriment didn't stop.
"Do you have to do that?"
"What, you don't like it?"
"No. Doesn't a shinobi of your caliber have better things to do than sit at a run down noodle bar and read hentai?"
The other patrons were staring at the dark-haired man now.
"What about yourself?"
"Listen, I'm just here because I need food, not to lecture an insolent – "
"Now, friend, do we really have to go over this again and again? Do you really want to be doing this?"
"What are you?"
"Just your average jounin."
"Not that, you – "
"It would be best if you sat down. Everyone's staring at us."
"I don't give a – "
"Sit!" Kakashi grabbed a hold of the mist ninja's dangling hitai-ate band, forcefully dragging him to his seat. Zabuza's eyes were mere flames. Kakashi laughed – whether he was uneasy, or actually found something humorous about the situation, was lost upon a steaming Devil.
"Now, be a good little Devil and eat," Kakashi whispered, smiling and raising a hand as if to pat the older man on the head. Zabuza glanced about for a moment; the atmosphere had turned to pure unease.
"Tch. I see my reputation has preceded me," he muttered, calming, if only minutely.
"Oh, yes," Kakashi commented, loudly, now.
Zabuza turned. Two more veins were throbbing prominently on his brow now.
"You don't like het?"
The mist ninja turned a bright shade of red.
"For a Devil, you're quite boring."
"You're lucky I don't pull arms on you."
"No, no, you're the lucky one."
"You know, there are limits to where comedy becomes insult."
"Oh dear. Have I touched a nerve?"
"Will this turn to a childish battle of insults?"
"You brought it upon yourself."
"Yar yar, 'you started it'."
"I said, shut up."
"For a Devil, you're quite childish."
"Do you want me to hurt you?"
"I doubt you could."
"People are staring again. Look lively!"
"Do I care?"
Once more, Zabuza's hands found Kakashi, holding him up with a vice-like grip. Kakashi returned by grabbing the older man's shoulders. The two stared at each other with blazing eyes, head to head.
"When you do, buddy."
"Try in your dreams."
"I warned you."
Kakashi moved fluidly, never looking away from his opponent's face. Leaning in, he kneeled Zabuza in the groin, sending him hopping backwards in the throes of pain.
"Hard luck." Kakashi smiled serenely, grabbed Icha Icha Paradise, and blew Zabuza a nice lump on the head. Groaning, the mist ninja muttered something before collapsing, head rolling.
"Oi…the pretty snow…snow…"
Kakashi stroked his chin for a moment, as if contemplating something.
"Oh boy. Maybe I shouldn't have…no, no. He's good like that."
Bending, he proceeded to check the mist ninja's pockets, smile thinning slightly.
"Mmm…lint, more lint, I don't know what that is – Yosh! Some yen! – what are these Polaroid's?! Creepy…what's he doing? Ermm…liar. Doesn't like hentai. Ha. That's pretty nice…Hnn. Oh, Kami-sama, it's a dead…what is it? 'Free pass to – ' wait, that's just inhuman. A note! 'Zabuza-san, please don't come home so late anymore. Haku.' That's sweet. 'P.S. I found that corpse in the closet. Wasn't that the land lord?' Never mind. More yen! A wallet! I.D…more pictures…hah! At last, the treasure trove!"
Kakashi used most of Zabuza's money to pay off his noodle bar tab, then cashed out on Icha Icha Paradise.
Kakashi still likes to visit noodle bars, order a bowl of noodles, and read Icha Icha Paradise. Zabuza has a phobia of the places, and instead, spent more time getting drunk. The corpses kept piling up in the closet.
| Owari! |
Whoa…this went nowhere. oO Umm…-rips to shreds- R&R? Oh, and I'm not sure what they would really order. And I don't think you can order miso with eggplant at a noodle bar.
| Glossary of Japanese |
'maa, maa' – 'now, now'
'iie' – 'no'
'hai' – 'yes'
'nani? – 'what?'