GUARDIANS OF POKEMON

Disclaimer: No, I don't own Pokemon or any of its characters. Any original characters are mine, however.

Seventeen legendary guardians

possessing powers far beyond comprehension

will soon arise and protect the world from a deadly force...

The Dimensional Teleporter reappeared in midair above a huge lake. Looking down, the Guardians all gasped, "What the...?!" and all fell down into the lake causing a huge splash. Seconds later, the Dimensional Teleporter started to produce large waves in the water, leading to a huge explosion. The explosion blew the Guardians out of the lake and onto dry land. Ritchie saw the burning pieces of the Dimensional Teleporter shoot out of the lake and land next to him. He then started to say, "F..."

#82: LOVE SHACK

Dash asked, "What kind of sadist continously puts us through this torture?! All we want to do is freaking get home, but we constantly get pulled into dimension after dimension. On top of that, our stupid Dimensional Teleporter somehow backfires on us every episode! I'm getting tired. I want to go home!"

A tall girl with spiky blue hair then greeted Dash, "Hello, who would you be?" Dash quickly said, "Screw home. I'd rather screw something else first." Brock pushed him out of the way and said, "No fair! I saw her first." He said to the girl in a deep voice, "Screw home. I'd rather..." The blue haired woman was disgusted and punched both of them down.

A man with short black and a ponytail said to the Guardians, "Sorry about that." Sakura said to the man with wide eyes, "No, I'm sorry about those two. I'll make sure they behave. Now would you kindly tell us your name?" Tenchi flinched a little, then said, "Oh, my name is Tenchi... Uhh... could you back away from me a little?" Sakura noticed she was standing directly in front of Tenchi and blushed saying, "Oh, sorry about that."

Tenchi asked, "What are you...?" Ash quickly said, "Lost, need to find way home, etc." Tenchi confusedly said, "Okay. I'm sorry, but I don't believe our house will be large enough to accomodate you. You see, we already have six guests shacking up here." Brock asked, "By guests, you do mean women, don't you?" Tenchi disappointingly answered, "Yeah, you're right." Dash gasped, "That's awesome! You have your own freaking harem!" Brock said, "I wish we could say the same about us..." Dash said, "Yeah, all we have are..." Misty and Green punched Brock and Dash yelling, "As you were saying...?"

Tenchi continued, "It's unfortunate that you won't be able to stay." He noticed the unhappy looks on all the Guardians and said, "But I couldn't turn you guys down..." The Guardians rushed inside Tenchi's house laughing, "We knew you wouldn't." Tenchi just sweatdropped and thought, "I should stop letting random people into my house."

A young girl with long blue ponytails carried dinner to the dining room when she had noticed a barrage of people coming in. She asked, "Who would you be?" Green answered, "Freeloaders... Hey, is that dinner?" Tenchi went inside the house and said, "These are houseguests. They'll be staying here until they can find somewhere else to go." Green said, "You heard the man, now share the pan." Mitsumi said, "I think what Green is saying is to please cook us a nice meal." The girl answered, "Will do! By the way, my name is Sasami." A small cat/rabbit hybrid, a cabbit, ran to Sasami and meowed. "And this little thing is named Ryo-ohki!" Ryo-ohki meowed again.

Suddenly, an explosion could be heard in another room. Two women were fighting. One was the blue haired woman from before, and the other was a purple haired lady. Both were screaming at each other's faces. "Shut up, you're so annoying!" "I wouldn't be talking, Princess Stupid!" "What did you call me?! Oh, if Tenchi were here..."

Tenchi saw the two fighting and broke it up. "Ryoko..." The blue haired woman asked, "Yes?" Tenchi said, "Ayeka?" The purple haired woman said, "Lord Tenchi?" Tenchi then yelled, "When will you two ever stop fighting over me?!" Ayeka yelled, "That stupid pirate started it!" Ryoko shook her head and screamed, "Lies!" Green sweatdropped and said, "Those two have problems..." Brock said to Ryoko and Ayeka, "Hey, I have the answer to your guy problems." Dash said, "I want the blue haired one. You can have the ugly one." Sakura yelled, "What are you planning, you perverts?!" Ryoko punched Brock yelling, "How dare you hit on me?! Tenchi is the one and only for me!" Ayeka punched Dash yelling, "Did you just call me ugly?!"

Two girls in uniform then walked in announcing, "We're home." They were a tanned woman with blonde hair and a green haired woman wearing a noticeable headband. The green haired woman said, "Thank god we're home too. I didn't think I was going to make it when you almost let our crook get away. Right, Mihoshi?" The other woman cried, "But Kiyone! It wasn't my fault! When you told me to catch it, I realized I dropped my bagel, and..." Kiyone sighed, "Excuses, excuses..."

Tenchi then greeted the two, "Oh hey girls. You seem pretty tired." Kiyone said, "With a partner like this goofball, my job is always tiring." Noticing the Guardians inside the house, she asked, "So who are they?" Tenchi answered, "Freeloaders, lost, etc." Kiyone confusedly asked, "What did you mean by that?" Brock ran up to Kiyone and held her hand saying, "Do you want a tiring job?" Mihoshi said in a loud voice, "I don't want a tiring job because I like resting!" Everyone stared at Mihoshi and sweatdropped.

A small girl with long pink hair appeared out of nowhere and said, "Hello, Tenchi." Tenchi asked, "Washu? Where did you come from?" Washu answered, "Doesn't matter. I just heard you had some visitors and decided to take a look. Please enlighten me on how you arrived here in the first place." Ritchie replied, "If you must know, we traveled here on a machine known as a Dimensional Teleporter." Washu laughed, "Ha ha, I knew it." Everyone stared at her with a confused look as she said, "I am a genius, after all."

Washu said, "The point I'm trying to make is that since I'm such a nice girl, I'll take you back to your own home." Ash gasped, "Really? How?" Washu laughed, "Ha ha ha, few people know this, but I am the original creator of the Dimensional Teleporter." Ritchie said, "That's amazing! But I thought Professor Oak had invented it." "Things may be different in your dimension, but I am definitely the inventor of the Dimensional Teleporter here." Ash said, "That's great! It doesn't matter who invented it! Let's just get out of here." Everyone cheered for Washu. Washu blushed and said, "Please, just call me little Washu. Now everyone follow me into my room." Washu led the Guardians inside an ordinary closet which revealed itself to be a whole different dimension on its own.

Meanwhile, outside the house near the lake, an old man appeared to be fishing. Suddenly, three lights emerged from the bottom of the lake and floated off in radiance. The old man gasped, "It's here!" He packed all of his belongings and followed the lights to Tenchi's house. At the same time, a small object with hardly any color left released a small purple creature leaving a single peach color behind.

Inside Washu's interdimensional laboratory in the closet, Washu had placed naked Guardians into separate capsules. Washu said, "This is my special Thought Capsule. After I gather the data from your thoughts of home, then I will be able to know the exact coordinates of your dimension to send you home on my own Dimensional Teleporter." Tenchi said, "I understand that you need them in these capsules, but was it necessary to have them strip down to nothing?" Washu looked at Tenchi for a minute, then gave a solemn, "Yes."

Data appeared on Washu's computer as she said, "Excellent. The results are ready. Now all I have to do is figure out where their dimension is based on this data. Let's see..." She skimmed the printed results and said, "Apparently, they are from a quiet little town. Infested around their world are odd little creatures resembling Ryo-ohki. Hmmm... they have the usual assortment of cities, mountains, and other stuff like that. Apparently, Sakura has one fine body, and I want to see her in that capsule..." She yelled, "What the?! Someone's not even thinking of their home like I asked them to!" Tenchi sweatdropped, "Calm down, little Washu. You already have enough data anyway." Washu said, "You're right, Tenchi." She released the Guardians and gave them back their clothes.

Setting up her own Dimensional Teleporter, Washu said, "Alright, I have the coordinates of your dimension all set up. Using the Dimensional Teleporter, I'll be able to send you back to your own dimension with no problem at all." Misty cheered, "Alright! It's good that we ended up in a dimension with a genius such as yourself who actually knows how to use a Dimensional Teleporter unlike the idiot we have programming it here." Ritchie played with his fingers and sighed, "I tried my hardest." Ash said, "Misty's right. You've been nothing but help to us. Maybe you can visit us in our dimension sometime." Washu scoffed, "Unlikely. There's such a high death rate in your world. Besides, I'd rather stay here with Tenchi." Tenchi placed a hand behind his head.

Meanwhile, Mihoshi walked inside Washu's laboratory humming to herself. Seeing a piece of cheese in a mousetrap, she thought, "No, I won't fall for that this time." She continued to where Washu and the Guardians were standing. Washu said to the others, "With one last push of this button, you'll be on your way." The Guardians waved to Washu and Tenchi.

Suddenly, Mihoshi began to press a few buttons and asked, "Can I press this button?" Washu shrieked in horror, "Holy crap, Mihoshi! How did you get past my trap? Don't press anything!" Mihoshi had already pressed the buttons and sighed, "Whoops. Sorry." Everyone gasped as the Dimensional Teleporter flashed a few times before exploding. The Guardians groaned as Mihoshi just smiled and said, "Oopsie."

Several minutes later, Mihoshi found herself tied to a cross standing outside on a hill. She looked at herself and cried, "Hey! You crucified me? As a Buddhist, I find that very blasphemous... Wait, that doesn't make much sense."

Back at the lab, Washu said, "I'm sorry about that little mishap, but now I'll have to work on repairing the Dimensional Teleporter. It will probably take all night so you should rest in Tenchi's house for a little while." Tenchi yelled, "What?!" Washu said, "Tenchi! These people need somewhere to stay until they get where they belong." Tenchi said, "You're right. I'll go set up some sleeping bags." Dash said, "That's alright, Miss Washu or whatever. We're not in a real hurry so just get to fixing that machine, and we'll stay here the night." Sakura thought, "Wait, Dash is being polite? He's planning something."

Later that night, Ryoko and Ayeka were pulling on Tenchi's arms. Both had been asking him sleep with her. Ryoko yelled, "Why would Tenchi want to sleep with a stupid brat like you?!" Ayeka yelled back, "You're calling me a brat?! I am the Princess of Jurai and you are scum! Did you hear me, scum?" Tenchi just sweatdropped.

Misty thought, "I wonder if they're always like that." Brock, who had a large fist mark on his face, cried, "I wish I was him right now. All these girls are unexplicably in love with him, yet he doesn't choose one." Suddenly, a man remarked, "Yeah, he's probably gay." Brock asked, "What? Who are you?" The man said, "I'm Tenchi's father, Nobuyuki. I'm glad he's made even more girlfriends. He's always had a knack for finding hot babes." He grabbed Misty's butt and said, "Mmm... he's picked good ones this time around." Misty, infuriated, slapped Nobuyuki and shouted, "Watch where you place that!"

Misty stomped off and found Ash sitting in the windowsill. Misty crept up behind him and said, "Boo!" Ash turned around and said, "Oh, hey Misty." Misty asked, "What's wrong? We're so close to being home. We'll be able to see your mom and everyone else again. Then we can finish off what we started which is catching all the Pokemon." Ash said, "Don't get me wrong. I'm happy we get to go home. Something just feels weird about all the dimension hopping we've been doing. Now that Kai has his kendo stick and Pikachu has her battery, I've come to the realization that we were sent ot these dimensions for a reason. We've all noticed the weird Pokemon appearances in these different dimensions. That just isn't right. There's something here that's forcing us to remain trapped in these other dimensions. I just wish I could figure out what they were."

Meanwhile, an old man had been trying to chase three lights with a bug-catching net outside. "Come back!" yelled the man as he swung his net.

At the moment, Misty felt as if she were very close to Ash. She thought, "This is my chance. One kiss is all I ask..." Her lips crept towards Ash. Ash looked at Misty and slowly crept his own face towards his. Misty closed her eyes and felt a large smooch to her face. Blushing, Misty opened her eyes several seconds later and found nobody in front of her. She then thought, "Oh, Ash." Ash, who had walked into another room, sighed, "I couldn't do it."

Green, getting ready to sleep, was greeted by a laughing Misty. Misty said, "Ha ha, you wouldn't believe what Ash just did to me!" Green asked, "Did he scream at you to never bother me again?" Misty snickered, "No, but he did do something that he would have only done if he truly loved you." Green began to worry, "And what would that be?" Misty answered, "Ash and I kissed mouth to mouth!" Green shrugged, "Oh, is that all? I assumed you were talking about something bigger than that, but I guess you can only amount to a small kiss." Misty laughed hard, "Ha ha ha, you're jealous and you know it!" Green angrily said, "No, I'm not."

Ash heard footsteps walking toward him. Green then yelled, "Ash! How dare you kiss the tomboy privately?!" Ash said, "But I didn't..." Green said, "Don't try to deny anything, Ash. The tomboy told me herself that you kissed her on the lips." Ash sweatdropped and said, "First of all, grow up. Second of all, why would you believe anything that Misty says?" Green then looked at Ash and solemnly said, "Please, Ash. I just think we should be able to take our relationship to the next level. Just a small kiss?" Ash just asked, "What relationship?" He then noticed Green had closed her eyes and extended her lips as if she were expecting something. Ash shrugged. Then all of a sudden, Green felt a kiss on her lips. Opening her eyes, she saw nobody there and asked, "Ash? I knew it. You couldn't resist a kiss from the lips of Green!"

Meanwhile, Ryoko and Ayeka, who hadn't stopped fighting, said, "I know what we can do." Tenchi sweatdropped, "What are you planning?" Ayeka called in the other residents of the household into Tenchi's room and said, "Come one, come all! Tenchi is about to reveal which of us he loves the most!" Kiyone said, "I don't get it. How could Tenchi just think this out at the last minute." Ryoko said, "You want in or not?" Kiyone gasped, "Definitely!"

Ryoko announced to the other girls, "Tenchi has taken way too long to make his decision over which of us he loves the most. So we're going to make it easy for him and force him to choose on the spot!" Tenchi asked, "Ryoko? How is this going to be easy?" Ryoko said, "Listen, Tenchi. All you have to do is kiss one of us on the lips. The one you kiss will obviously be the one you love most. So why don't we just make it easy and kiss right now?" Ayeka screamed, "That's no fair! Besides, if anyone should kiss him right now, it's me." Kiyone asked, "Can we just get on with the contest?" In front of Tenchi waiting to be kissed were Ryoko, Ayeka, Kiyone, Mihoshi, Sasami, and Washu. Tenchi asked, "Sasami? You're here too?" Sasami giggled, "Hee hee, of course Tenchi." "And you too Washu? Shouldn't you be fixing the Dimensional Teleporter?" Washu said, "That can wait until after this contest is done." The girls closed their eyes and asked, "So which one of us will you kiss?"

Green, a little dizzy, was excited about her first kiss with Ash. She saw Misty, nearly passed out on the couch, and said, "Well well, looks like Ash isn't the... only one that kissed you..." She fell towards the couch sighing, "Why am I so dizzy?" Misty said, "I guess you just couldn't handle the big lie you just told." Green argued, "I'm not kidding. He really did kiss me! You know what he also told me? That he never kissed you at all!" Misty got off the couch saying, "But I swear he did. And I know that Ash would never kiss someone like you. Where is he? I'll prove that he did kiss me."

Meanwhile, inside Washu's laboratory, three lights floated inside while an old man followed them. Looking around at all the machines inside the laboratory, the old man thought, "Wow! Who took the time to build all this crap?" Staring at the three lights, he said, "This is it. I've got you cornered. Just come back to me now where you belong..."

Tracey said to Sakura, "I can't believe it. Washu stopped working on her Dimensional Teleporter just to have a stupid kissing contest?" Chibi then thought, "Kissing?" She asked Tracey, "Oh, Tracey. When do you plan to give me my first kiss?" Tracey sweatdropped and asked, "What do you mean? I always..." Chibi said, "I mean a real kiss on the lips!" Sakura laughed, "Ha ha, do you really think Tracey's going to kiss a little girl like you?" Chibi, who had transformed into an adult, said, "No, but I think he'll kiss a big girl like me." Tracey blushed and said, "I'm sorry Chibi, but I won't kiss you." Sakura said, "Speaking of kissing, why don't you kiss me then?" Tracey sweatdropped and sighed, "No." Sakura and Chibi both closed their eyes expecting their kiss. Both suddenly received one right after the other. They blushed and asked, "Tracey?" They had then noticed Tracey was missing and asked, "Where are you?" Feeling their forehead, they sighed, "I have a headache."

A small thing made its way around the room of Guardians. James, who had been sleeping, felt a kiss and woke up finding Jessie and Kai sitting in front of him. He then asked, "Kai?" Kai sweatdropped, "You're off today." Katana felt a kiss and saw Ritchie standing in front of him. She asked, "What just happened?" Todd felt a kiss and saw Ryo-ohki in front of him and started crying.

Back in the other room, Tenchi said to the girls, "Sorry, but if you think I'm going to kiss one of you, then you're mistaken." Tenchi turned around and refused to kiss them. Suddenly, one by one, each girl received a large smooch and thought, "Oh Tenchi." They all ran towards him saying, "You're the best!" Tenchi asked, "But I didn't kiss any of you." The girls screamed, "Yes you did!" They all looked at each other angrily and yelled, "Not you of course!" Tenchi asked, "Did you even see who kissed each of you?" The girls replied, "No, my eyes were closed the entire time."

Ash ran into the room yelling, "Tenchi! Are any of the girls acting weird to you?" Misty and Green had been following Ash, but not without bumping to the wall first. Tracey ran into the room saying the same about Chibi and Sakura. Jessie said, "James is acting kind of stupid...er than usual." James happily walked through the wall saying, "I was kissed." Brock and Dash then screamed, "Now!" and ran into the room attempting to kiss one of the girls. Both ended up kissing the same pair of lips. However, those lips had belonged to a small purple creature that had said, "Smoochum!"

Brock and Dash spit into the floor and yelled, "We just kissed a Smoochum!" Ash gasped, "A Smoochum! That's who's kissing everyone! Psychic Scepter Power! Psychic Blast!" Smoochum dodged the attack and attempted to kiss Ash. Everyone who had been kissed by Smoochum cried, "Is that what we were kissed by all along?!" They all started to spit into the ground as Smoochum began to cry.

Tenchi said, "Hey, don't cry little thing. I bet they really did enjoy your... nice kiss." Smoochum got ready to kiss Tenchi as Ash yelled, "It's a trap! Super Psychic Scepter Extermination!" Smoochum was hit towards the wall face first. Jessie realized this as her time to attack and yelled, "Ice Power! Icy Freeze!" She froze the wall that Smoochum was headed towards.

When Smoochum's lips touched the frozen wall, they had become stuck to them. Ash said, "Sorry, Smoochum, but you've made enough people miserable today. Great Psychic Ball!" "Ice Ball!" "Combine!!" Smoochum was captured inside the ball as Ash said, "Another job well done..."

He then noticed most of the people on the ground disappointed that they haven't been kissed. At the same time, they were also a little dizzy. Tracey said, "That Sweet Kiss of Smoochum must have confused them all." Ash said, "Well, I guess love is just really confusing like that." The room was silent for a moment as Jessie sweatdropped, "Yeah, you're real clever."

The next day, Washu was finally done with the Dimensional Teleporter. She called the Guardians down again to the lab. Ash said, "You'd better hurry before Mihoshi comes." Washu said, "Don't worry. I have her in my little trap." In another room, Mihoshi was sitting in front of a television.

The Guardians cheered, "We're going home!" Tenchi said, "I hope all your love problems get solved soon." Green scoffed, "You say we have problems? Listen, buddy. You have a whole house of girls after you. I think you have the problem."

Before Washu could turn on the Dimensional Teleporter, three lights and the old man came running through. The old man screamed, "I must have them!" Ash suddenly sensed something weird in the lights and said, "Wait, before you send us home..." The three lights and a small peach object went inside the Dimensional Teleporter as the old man yelled, "Oh no you don't!" Everyone gasped as the old man messed with some buttons on the machine causing the Dimensional Teleporter to disappear along with them.

TO BE CONTINUED

Preview of Next Episode:

Dash: Oh no! Not again! We could have at least stayed in the dimension with ladies!

Ash: This dimension... it's not like the rest...

Tracey: Just get on with the preview! Where are we?

Ash: We're doing a preview for the next episode!

Tracey: Yeah, but... what?

Ash: Guardians of Pokemon #83: The Fourth Wall.

Author's Notes: Disclaimer 2: I don't own Tenchi Muyo! (or Universe) or any of the characters in it.

Tenchi was probably one of the first non-mainstream anime I had seen, that is before it went mainstream on Cartoon Network. That's why it was kind of important to me that I had a last crossover with it. By the way, those three episodes in Tenchi Universe where the Tenchi characters dimension-hopped was what inspired me to write these last couple of episodes.

And the long spoon idea makes as little sense as the scepter idea. What I'm trying to say is to stop looking for sense in every small nonsensical thing in my fic. Sometimes, nonsensical stuff happens because they do. For example, in the next episode... Oh wait, I'm not supposed to talk about that.

Until next time!