Pop-up Soku Zan

A/N: There is a reason I did this. I hate pop-ups, what else?! Soooooo... yeah. Okay, I don't own Rurouni Kenshin, but I do own the annoying computer and pop-ups, because I made them up. I didn't read them from the Internet, I just got ideas for them from the Internet. And it is alternate universe... Because I don't think Saito went on the Internet in the 1800's. ^_^ Oh, and this is supposed to be poorly written, so don't think I really write like this. Oh, I don't own Google or Fanfiction.net either. (But... I think you knew that.)


Saito walked into his room, tired from a long day at school. He sat down at his computer and turned it on, hoping to do some pointless Google searches or something. Maybe even go on Fanfiction.net and tell some author how terrible their writing was in a really mean review. That reflected his mood. He took out some homework while the computer was loading and pulled a pencil out of his shirt pocket.

"Lessee... write about a typical day of yours using lots of figurative language, i.e. similes, metaphors, personification etc.," Saito read aloud from his assignment sheet. He glanced at the top. It was Language Arts homework. It was probably one of his least favorite subjects, other than History. In History, they were learning about how GOOD the ISHIN SHISHI were. Saito scowled.

"Good my butt!" Saito muttered. But his arch nemesis, Himura, was delighted to learn about the GOOD DOINGS of the ISHIN SHISHI. He put his pencil to the paper.

'I wake up every morning and go to school where I have to deal with annoying teachers and snot-nosed teens like Himura who don't give a-' Saito started writing, but stopped when he saw his computer was fully loaded. He grabbed the mouse and double clicked on a little blue icon. An Internet window came up immediately. He highlighted the address bar and typed in www.google.com. Before Saito could hit 'enter,' a pop-up appeared sporting a donkey's butt. It read: PIN THE TAIL ON THE DONKEY AND WIN $50!!! Saito scowled and closed it. He then hit 'enter' and watched the computer load to the Google homepage.

Saito stuffed his Language Arts homework back into his backpack and found his History homework. The questions annoyed him more than ever.

"In no less than 200 words answer and describe these questions: In what ways did the Shinsengumi cause misfortune to Japan? How did the Ishin Shishi help Japan for the better? Discuss why the Shinsengumi's code of Aku. Soku. Zan was clearly against all morals," Saito read aloud. He frowned. The Shinsengumi didn't do anything bad to the country of Japan. And Aku. Soku. Zan was NOT against ALL morals! He glanced up at the computer screen and sighed. Yet another pop-up was on the screen. It read: YOU JUST WON $100 FOR FREE! CLICK TO CLAIM YOUR PRIZE!

"Stupid pop-up," Saito muttered. Just then, the doorbell rang. Saito stood from his chair and went to open the door. It just happened to be Okita, Saito's only friend from school. Okita grinned.

"Hello, Saito-san!" Okita smiled happily. Saito scowled.

"Are you just going to grin, or are you going to come in?" he snapped. Okita opened his eyes and gave another smile. Saito grabbed the smaller boy by his collar and yanked him through the doorway, slamming the door behind him. Saito walked back to his room, Okita on his heels.

"So, what's up? I heard you attacked the History teacher again!" Okita grinned. Saito gave him a glare.

"Yes, I did," Saito said. "So what?" Okita just smiled and sat on the bed. Saito sighed. He turned back to his computer which was showing two pop-ups. One read: YOU ARE THE 100,000,000,000,000,000,000,000TH VISITOR OF THIS SITE! CLICK HERE TO CLAIM YOUR PRIZE! Saito promptly closed it, then looked at the other one.

"Hey, what that?" Okita asked, seeing Saito's face twist into an odd expression. He jumped off the bed and walked over to the computer where he started laughing uncontrollably. The pop up on screen read: YOU ARE THE 100,000,000,000,000,000,000,001ST VISITOR OF THIS SITE! CLICK HERE TO CLAIM YOUR PRIZE! Saito sweatdropped and closed that one as well.

"That was stupid. They really think I can be two different numbers at the same time?" Saito snapped at the computer. He turned back to his History homework, which he crumpled up and tossed into his backpack. He pulled out his Math work. Okita clicked on Google Image Search and started typing. Saito didn't notice until Okita started laughing again. He turned to his friend and shook him.

"Ha... ha... ha ha ha ha ha! Bana... ha ha... in... ha ha ha... pa... ha ha ha...!" Okita spluttered. Saito glanced at the screen and sweatdropped.

"Bananas in Pajamas?" Saito asked, staring at the pictures of the smiling bananas dressed in blue and white striped pajamas. Okita grinned and snorted, trying not to laugh anymore. Saito sweatdropped again as another pop-up appeared. It read: YOU ARE THE 100,000,000,000,000,000,000,000TH VISITOR OF THIS SITE! CLICK HERE TO CLAIM YOUR PRIZE! Okita started laughing uncontrollably again.

"You've been the... whatever that number is... visitor twice! Isn't that lucky?" Okita asked, grinning. Saito scowled and closed the pop-up, sighing. Okita coughed a little, then sat back on the bed.

"I'll go on fanfiction.net," Saito said, typing it into the address bar. The home page came up in a matter of seconds as well as three pop-ups. Okita walked over and read them.

YOU HAVE BEEN CHOSEN TO WIN A DVD PLAYER! CLICK HERE TO CLAIM YOUR PRIZE! One of them read. Saito sighed and closed it. The one behind it read:

WHO IS YOUR SOUL MATE?! CLICK TO FIND OUT! Okita laughed a little at that one as well. Saito closed that one as well muttering something about 'stupid pop-ups.' The last one made Okita laugh so hard that he cried. He fell over, laughing hard. Not even Saito could hold back a snicker. The last pop-up read:

YOU ARE 100,000,000,000,000,000,000,001ST VISITOR TO THIS SITE! CLICK HERE TO CLAIM YOUR PRIZE!! Saito closed it and glanced down at his hysterical friend.

"Ha ha... oh... you're the... ah ha ha ha ha ha! You've been the... ha ha ha!" Okita laughed. "You're... ha ha ha ha ha!!" Okita started giggling uncontrollably again. Then, he started coughing, bringing him out of his laughing fit. Saito clicked on a link called 'anime' and then on another called 'Rurouni Kenshin.' He clicked on the first fic, then scrolled to the bottom without reading the story. He clicked on a button and a review box popped up.

"Let's see... what should we say about this story...?" Saito wondered aloud. Okita shrugged.

"Maybe... 'you're a really good writer! Keep up the good work!' or something like that," Okita said. Saito shook his head.

"No," he said. "I'll write..." He began typing. Okita read the words aloud.

"Your... story... sucks... so... much... that... I... don't... think... you... have... a... brain..." Okita read. He paused to think about the words. Then he said: "Hey! That wasn't nice!" Saito submitted the anonymous review and smirked.

"Duh," he said. Okita pushed Saito off of the chair and sat down. He was about to submit another review, but then stopped. A pop-up had come up. It read:

SHOOT THIS PIZZA AND WIN A LIFELONG SUPPLY OF IT!! Okita grinned and shot the pizza. Saito sweatdropped.

"WHAT DID YOU DO THAT FOR!?" Saito yelled angrily. Okita shrugged.

"I wanted to," he replied simply. The pop-up changed into a flashing box.

CONGRATUALIONS!! YOU JUST WON A LIFETIME SUPPLY OF PIZZA! CLICK HERE TO FIND OUT HOW TO CLAIM YOUR PRIZE! Okita shifted the mouse over to the box and clicked. Saito gave him a look of horror.

TYPE IN YOUR ADDRESS, PHONE NUMBER, AND FAVORITE KIND OF PIZZA, AND WE'LL DELIVER YOUR PIZZA FORYOUR NEXT MEAL! The pop-up read. Okita was quick to do so and hit 'enter.' Saito groaned. The pop-up read:

THANK YOU, AND ENJOY YOUR PIZZA! Okita grinned and closed it. Then he typed a kind anonymous review stating how good the story was and how the author should continue writing.

"You'd better get home," Saito said.


"You might get a pizza delivered to you."

"Oh, no, that won't happen."

"Why not?"

"I put YOUR address and phone number in there."

((O_O)) Saito shot Okita a glare and smacked him.

"What? I'm getting a lifetime supply of PIZZA?!" Saito exclaimed. Okita nodded gleefully. Saito sweatdropped, then shouted:

"POP-UP. SOKU. ZAN!!!!!" Okita stared at him, then laughed. Just then, there was a knock at the door. Saito absentmindedly walked over and opened it.

"This is the first of your lifetime supply of pizza! Please enjoy it!" a delivery man smiled, shoving a pizza box into Saito's arms. He tipped his hat and went to his car. Saito's mouth dropped open.

"Pizza..." he grumbled, slamming the door. Saito shot a murderous glance at Okita, who scurried out of the house and down the street. Saito sighed and took out a fresh piece of pizza. He took a bite and pulled out his homework.

"Aku. Soku. Zan is not correct. Instead, it is 'Pop-up. Soku. Zan." Saito wrote on is history homework. He sighed again. It would be a long and pizza- filled night. He read the questions over and began his homework, killing as many pop-ups as he could along the way.


A/N: Okay, this WAS a random fic, and it WAS supposed to be a one-shot, but if it is popular, I can continue it. Tell me, please! I'd like to know if you think it was funny. Thanks for reading!