FAMILY (1/?)

Disclaimer: I don't own any characters 'cept Logan's family... so ask me if you want to use them in a story. The rest of the characters belong to James Cameron and Charles Eglee and the writers at FOX

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The first time I had met him, I knew that he was someone that I could trust, which probably explains why I followed him home and why he let me in. There was something about him, something that made me feel safe. He let me crash on the couch and for the first time since I could remember I actually slept. And every night after that I knocked on their door and he always let me in with no questions or expectations. Sol had called me "Logan's lost puppy" because of that night.

From the moment of our escape, I had made a conscious choice to leave it all behind, I was going to be normal. We separated and I was found by authorities who placed me with a foster family. But that didn't last too long, the guy was a creep and kept coming into my room. So I bite him and they placed me with another family. But we didn't mesh, so I finally got placed with the Robertson's. They were a nice family and had three children of their own, they took me in because it was the Christian thing to do. But then the pulse hit and they decided that I was too expensive and were going to send me to someone else. Before they got the chance, I ran away. I lived on the streets for six months until I found Logan.

He had been living with his best friend from college, Sol, and they were trying to act like they were starving martyrs, even though they weren't. Both of their families were loaded and the pulse didn't touch them at all. But they still liked to believe that they were suffering like everyone else. I used to laugh at them for that, they were both so desperate to know what suffering was like. Logan was still the spoiled little rich boy, but I had to give it up to him because a least he tried to help others and do good with the advantages that he had.

His parents had died when he was young, maybe that was my connection with him, we were both orphans. I needed him and he knew it. He taught me everything that I know about being human, about caring. I first started knocking on the door every night and leaving before they got up every morning. Logan used to ask me what I did all day, but I never answered him. As the weeks past, he simply started leaving the door unlocked. I would come in and sometimes we would watch a film or he would read to me. The Return of the Native was my favorite, there was something so utterly tragic about her that I found strangely comforting. "See you in the morning," he would always say when he tucked me in at night and laid a kiss on my forehead. Months went by and I slowly became more at home in their apartment. I would't leave every morning and sometimes stayed there all day. I always remember the discussions that Logan and I had. Once he realized how limited my schooling had been he took it upon himself to teach me. He would give me these assignments during the day to work on. I studied all of the greats Socrates, Plato, Einstein, Locke, and Smith. Logan always was amazed with my ability to remember and understand concepts. My favorite subject was quantum physics. I know how random can you get, but the laws of thermodynamics are really quite interesting. I loved the chaos that they allowed, they never taught you about the chaos and randomness when I was younger, only logic and order -- that was what was needed to make better soldiers. But Logan didn't want me to become a soldier, he wanted me to become a better person.

Sol wasn't around very much then, he found me slightly annoying, plus he was dating that blond. But Logan was there and each day I found myself becoming more and more attached to him. Sometimes in the middle of the night, I would have a nightmare and crawl into his bed. He would hold me until I wasn't scared anymore. I started sleeping with him for a while. I loved how secure I felt when his arms were around me. He would promise that no one would ever hurt me, that he wouldn't let them. He was my home.

So I am on a plane flying up to Seattle, Sol is planning on coming a couple of days later. He thought that Logan and I could use some time alone together. He always thinks that Logan and I need time together. Sol and Logan are best friends, but you know how guys are, they will only get so close. Sol understands the relationship that Logan and I have, there are parts of us that we will never let anyone get close too. Sol respects that part of me, he thinks its healthy. He believes that my closeness with Logan is a substitution for the family that I never had (can you tell that Sol was a psych major in college?).

So why am I with Sol you may ask and not Logan, you might ask? Actually, the answer is a lot simpler than it could be. I simply never felt anything like that about Logan, part of that probably was our own doing, our own separation. Right about the time when I was noticing the whole sexuality thing, Logan started dating Valerie and spent more time with her. I ended up spending time with Sol and things just happened. He was different from Logan and my feelings for him were definitely different, but there was still that same sense of security. I was happy for Logan when he and Val got married even though it was only six months after they first met. I would like to say that I never trusted her and I knew that she would break his heart. But I kept my mouth shut. He went with her and I went with Sol. I am proud to say that we have been together for almost six years and I couldn't think of anyone else I would rather wake up to every morning. But Logan will always be my family, which is why I am coming to see him now. When tragedy happens in our lives, we always feel a need to be with the other. When he and Val broke, I went to stay with him for two months. And every time I have a miscarriage and the unforgiving loneliness sets in, I feel this aching need to be near him. He always makes me feel better. This was my sixth miscarriage and it has never gotten any easier. You think that I would expect them by know, but I always have this hope that this time will be it, especially since Sol's family is so large. All one of his sisters'has to do is even think about a kid and next thing you know she is nine months along, screaming for the Virgin Mary. But for me it is always a waiting game, I pray that the seizures won't come, causing the horrible cramps to follow. You also think with all of my intelligence I would try to not get pregnant. And I do, I make a conscious choice not to, but then I go into heat and all the rules are thrown out. That is when the mistakes start to happen. This pregnancy was different though because I had been farther along than I had ever been. We were actually starting to think that maybe this would be the one. Logan, even, had the faith to send us a baby present. But the cramps started and I knew that this child wasn't meant to be. So I am going to see Logan.

But this time is different because of another reason, Logan knows about Manticore, he knows about the seizures, but most importantly he knows Max. When I left Manticore, I had made a promise to not find any of them. But I am horrible at keeping promises. Five months after the escape, I found Jondy. I brought her home with me to live. But within two weeks the seizures worsened and my foster parents wanted to take her to a doctor. They never understood my refusal. I took care of Jondy, until the seizures became too much for her body to handle and she died. I still can remember the look on her face as she was dying. This was our destiny, we were destined to die this horrible death. I vowed that I would not find any of the others, so that I wouldn't have to witness to their death also. But now I am going to see Max.

Logan never knew anything about Manticore until Max. It was only then that he started to put two and two together. One night Sol and he were talking about my seizures and how tryptophan seemed to calm me, that was the clue that Logan needed. Then I heard Sol say something about "Manticore"and he turned and gave me a look that let me know that Logan knew. So here I am going to see him, needing him like I have always needed him but this time things will be different because this time he knows who I am.

But this miscarriage happened three weeks ago and I was doing fine. I actually thought that I was finally starting to break my clinging to Logan. But then Bling called me up a few nights ago and told me a little about the funk that Logan has been in lately. Apparently Max and he had a fight and he starting to feel sorrow for himself. Bling was worried that finally the walls were coming down and Logan was finally coming to terms with the accident. Which is so typical of Logan. If I had a problem, he always tell me that I need to face it head on and don't shy away from it. He never let me get away with letting my problems fester. But leave it Logan to delude himself this long. I thought he was handling the whole shooting a little too well. I should have expected this.

So now I am going like I always do to comfort him and seek comfort. Max will be there though. God that sounds so weird to say her name out loud. I never thought that I would actually look forward to finding another of them. But from what Logan says she actually has adjusted fairly well. So no should I read between the lines for you, Loganese is kind of difficult. From what he says, she is gorgeous, stubborn, intelligent, independent andscared. Did I mention that he is also scared of her? Logan doesn't deal well with women who actually don't faint at the sight of him. Max is the type of girl who doesn't need anyone and that scares the shit out of Logan.

The interesting thing about my discussions with Logan are the questions that he asks about Manticore. The first thing he wanted to know was if everything was normal with us. Anyone care to speculate where is head was on that one. So I decided to have fun with him and actually tell him about the "heat" thing that we go through four times a year. He seemed very interested. He also asked about the relationships within our groups. I told him that Zach was the leader by default, although I was a close second. We had this weird parental thing going on with the group. Everyone followed Zach and listened to him, except me of course. But when they needed to feel any type of human emotion they came to me. I was the one who held them when they cried, told them everything was going to be all right. Max didn't cry very much. She was always trying to act tough and act like nothing ever got to her. We were all trying to act like that. But I could always tell in her eyes that there was a depth to her and an innocence. She actually had morals that were firmly in place before anyone ever set eyes on her. She always knew right and wrong. Not all of us knew that. I'd like to think that I did, but sometimes I wonder. Zach I know didn't; he was on a mission and that mission was to become the best soldier. I never trusted Zach and never will. Perhaps that was why I so quickly disobeyed his orders.

The seat belt light flashes and the pilot tells us to prepare for landing. "Welcome to Seattle."