Revan's Tale - Chapter 1
Disclaimer: The name Star Wars, Jedi, Sith, are all the sole copyrighted property of George Lucas. The names, and material from the game Knights of the Old Republic are copyright property of LucasArts and Bioware. In no way does this work intend to profit from the use of any Star Wars material.
Rating: Teen +13
Revision History: 12/23/07
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Revan was supposed to be studying in her room, not sulking about the grounds of the Jedi training enclave, sidling from behind one bit of statuary or bush to another, carefully staying out of sight of the younger woman. She had been covertly watching Bastila for weeks; the brunette had a definite routine she followed, and at this time of day she always meditated in the grass field to the north of the enclave on top of one of the large boulders that dotted the area.
Revan cursed herself for following Bastila around like a moonstruck calf, but she couldn't stop herself. Just gazing upon Bastila from afar calmed the swirling mass of emotions she found herself caught up in more frequently every day. 'There is no emotion, there is peace.' She tried to calm herself with the words as she noiselessly climbed up a nearby boulder where she could watch over the younger woman.
'What am I doing here', she questioned herself sharply as she knelt laid down on the top of the boulder and then wiggled forward until she could see Bastila. 'I am a Padawan mooning over a woman four years younger than I. Wallowing in what I well know are dangerous emotions and desires. What draws me to her so strongly? What is this fascination she holds for me?'
Her attention divided between Bastila and the emotions and thoughts swirling so chaotically in her mind, it took Revan a few moments to become aware of another watcher's presence. One of which was creeping up on the young woman with thoughts of food, not desire, on its mind.
The kath hound was not alone, Revan immediately picked out three others in tall grass stealthy closing in on the younger Jedi. Revan cursed herself bitterly for not noticing the hounds earlier; she leapt to her feet and drew her lightsaber. Recklessly drawing upon the force, she used it to hurl her body across the distance between her and Bastila before the hounds reached the young brunette. She succeeded, surprising herself, and landed upon Bastila's rock, startling the young woman out of her meditation.
"What!?" exclaimed Bastila staring at Revan who was brandishing her two lightsabers. "Kath hounds guard yourself!" said Revan. Bastila leapt up, grabbing up her double bladed sword. Looking around, she immediately saw the danger she was in as the Kath hounds leapt at them.
As they fought, Revan was aware of how well Bastila was doing against the two kath hounds attacking her. Elegant and flowing in her motions, the younger Padawan was more than capable of defending herself against the two kath hounds she faced. Despite how well Bastila was doing against two hounds, Revan was all too aware of how close she had come to loosing the other woman. If Bastila had been alone, the four hounds would have been able to overpower her, drag her down and kill her.
A sharp stabbing pain in her leg was Revan's punishment for becoming distracted from the fight, one of the kath hounds had found a opening and now leap in and now its jaws were closed around her thigh, the teeth digging deeply into her flesh. She slammed the pommel of her lightsaber down upon the beast's head to stun it and make it let go of her leg, then flipping the lightsaber she drove the blade into the kath hound's chest before it could recover from the blow to its head. With the one hound down, she was quickly able to dispatch the second one and turned to assist Bastila with the two remaining kath hounds.
After the final hound was dead, Revan turned to Bastila, thoughts of what might have happened if she had not been there racing thru her mind. "I could have lost you," Revan cried embracing the dark haired younger woman. Impulsively she kissed Bastila. The soft giving of Bastila's lips, the feel of Bastila's body relaxing against her own, started Revan's heart racing and the blood pounding in her head. She deepened the kiss, trying to express all the feelings she had for the young woman in her arms with it.
Bastila had not been unaware of Revan's gaze upon her the past few months. The feelings inside her when she felt Revan's eyes upon her where disturbing and unwelcome, she felt both hot and cold by turns. The fragile peace she had built, and the mask of serenity she wore fractured every time Revan's gaze fell upon her.
Revan was beautiful, with her green grey long lashed eyes, her auburn hair, full lips and classic face. She was not tall, but always gave the impression of being taller than she was. She moved confidently and gracefully, giving the impression of a hunting cat, attracting both male and female eyes when she moved through the academy grounds intent on some task.
Lately, she had been intent on Bastila much to Bastila's dismay. Looking at Revan had been akin to looking into the noon day sun, her glances seemed to burn through her. She had been driven into increasing attempts to reclaim her unruffled existence, reciting the Code to herself, and recalling the endless lectures of the dangers uncontrolled emotions represented to a young Padwan. Her responses to Revan's glances frightened her.
Revan's embrace, and her anguished cry "I could have lost you", called up a storm of emotions in Bastila. Then Revan kissed her, and at first nothing seemed to exist but the feel of Revan's lips and her sheltering arms. Then Bastila's body began to react to Revan's and arousal was suddenly overcome with terror, Bastila forcefully pushed Revan away from her.
"Stop it!" she yelled wildly at Revan and herself, "I don't want you in that way; I don't want you to look at me anymore! Stop following me around and don't touch me again!"
Revan had gasped in pain, as Bastila had suddenly shoved her away, the gashes in her thigh making themselves known. But that pain was quickly surpassed by the pain in her heart, as she absorbed Bastila words, don't touch me, don't look at me" and then most humiliating "don't follow me around.
Revan's face became a white expressionless mask, she replied coldly, her voice only shaking the slightest bit in betrayal, "I am sorry my advances to you were unwelcome. I hope you will someday forgive me for my unacceptable behavior." The tone of her voice was devoid of any emotion, as expressionless as her face.
Bastila felt an incredible coldness spread in her chest as she realized what she had just yelled at Revan. Then she noticed that Revan was wounded and felt even worse. She started toward Revan exclaiming, "You're hurt." But Revan stepped away from her holding up a warding hand and said, "It is nothing, besides I wouldn't want you to have to touch me."
Bastila stopped, stunned by the words, and looked at Revan's expressionless face and pain-filled eyes. "Revan…" she whispered.
But Revan just said "No, I think you've made yourself quite clear Bastila, no need to apologize when it was I who erred by behaving inappropriately. You will not have to worry about it ever occurring again." With that Revan turned and limped away to the enclave.
The Mandalorian Wars came and Revan and Malak answered the call for help ignoring the warnings of the Masters.
Quietly to herself Revan acknowledged that she was in part leaving so that she would no longer be tormented by seeing Bastila each day. Maybe half a galaxy was far enough away to forget. Besides the cause was just and noble, why could the Jedi Masters not see that?
I wonder if I will have to kill Malak soon, Revan mused to herself. His excesses were becoming more and more pronounced, the destruction of Telos especially angering her. She enjoyed conquering planets. She enjoyed dominating them with an iron fist, breaking the spirit of the people until they obeyed her willingly out of fear and respect. However, that enjoyment required there to be people on the planets to dominate. Malak seemed to think that empty bombed out shells with a few broken survivors were worth ruling.
"Master," the raspy artificial voice of her apprentice brought her out of her meditation. She glanced at Malak, dispassionately noticing his face mask that hid the ruin she had made of his face for daring to speak of being allowed to participate in turning Bastila to the dark side. When she finally captured Bastila it would be she who broke her, not Malak, and she wasn't planning on making the Jedi an apprentice. Bastila would always be by her side, but not as a Sith, for she would never risk Bastila turning against her. No, the woman would serve as her obedient slave and only her slave. No one else would ever be allowed to touch Bastila and live.
"Yes, apprentice," she waited impassively.
"I have news. The Jedi Council will be sending a team of Jedi to attempt a strike against us. The Padawan Bastila will be among them," announced Malak.
Revan started, Bastila, here attempting to capture her? How amusing, her desired captive coming to her waiting chains. Revan smiled coldly, "Let their plans continue and we will draw them into a trap. I shall make Bastila my slave, and her power of Battle Meditation will be mine to command. You have done well finding this information and bringing it to me. I am pleased with it." Revan nodded in dismissal to Malak and returned to her meditation.
Her thoughts were obsessed with black scenes of how she would break Bastila to her will. How Bastila would hunger to fulfill her every wish and desire. How the beautiful woman would follow her master and beg for Revan to touch her. She would make sure the Bastila desired her touch so desperately that dark haired woman would never deny her again.
Malak strode out of the room, outwardly obedient to his masters wishes, carefully hiding the thoughts of vengeance in his mind. He caught the sight of his refection in the glass of the hallway, and his resolve hardened to have his vengeance on them both.
Nothing about this had gone as she planned, Revan thought bitterly, knowing full well who had betrayed her. Malak…he had seen his chance to claim the title he always wanted. However, in his usual weak way he would not face her directly. Instead, he let the Jedi fight his battles for him. Her ship's communications had been sabotaged, and certain units had been reassigned elsewhere, making an effective response to the Jedi and their strike team difficult.
It was her mistake though, she had shown weakness in obsessing over her plans for capturing Bastila, and that had given Malak his opportunity. Idly she wondered if he had been cunning enough to have arranged the whole thing from the start.
Perhaps, it mattered little to her though; she couldn't even manage be that angry at Malak. It was too difficult to feel much of anything today except for an empty, tired aloneness. She stood on the bridge of her battleship, and stared into space, her face hidden behind her environmental mask, giving few orders, and mostly ignoring the chaos around her. The few dark Jedi that she called were among the weaker of their brethren. It would not do for those approaching to think that she was just going to surrender to them, but she wanted to reasonably certain that Bastila would make it to the bridge uninjured.
Revan mused to herself, 'I'm not certain what I will do. Nothing seems very real today, and I cannot seem to rouse myself to feel anger or hate. I just feel empty, as does the universe around me.' Revan smiled bitterly, even her earlier lustful imaginings of how to break Bastila into being her willing slave seemed empty now and they made her feel slightly shamed and uneasy that she had ever thought them. Did she really think that she could bring herself to harm Bastila?
Revan watched with apparently impassiveness, as the Jedi and their strike force broke thought to the bridge. Three of her dark Jedi stood between the Jedi and she, and she watched as the battle ensued. Bastila was in the forefront, her yellow double bladed lightsaber a blur as she fought.
Revan for her part, watched her appreciatively. Bastilla had filled out, and now looked more mature, and more beautiful than she remembered. The sight of the dark haired beautiful Jedi was painful; Revan knew that too much blood and death separated them. There was no possibility of the lovely Jedi ever wanting anything to do with her now, not with the Dark Lord of the Sith.
A brash young soldier ran around the Jedi and attempted to attack her. Absently Revan waved her hand, and stopped him with a choke around his neck, as she waited for the Jedi to finish off the last of her Dark Jedi. As the last one fell, she noticed that she had killed the young man. 'One more to add to the blood already on my hands,' she thought darkly, it was impossible for her to turn away from what she had become.
Bastila eyes snapped with anger as she watched Revan drop the dead body, looking at the Sith Lord as if she were a monster.
Something was wrong with Revan's vision, it kept blurring, and she blinked to clear it. Dimly she was aware of how much pain that look of Bastila's had dealt her, but it was only accurate she was a monster. She hadn't meant to be when she started the war, but all the choices that she had made to win it, those choices had inevitably lead her here.
"You cannot win, Revan!" said Bastila.
Revan laughed, it was a wild, despairing sound as she raised her lightsaber. Suddenly she was aware of Malak's final move; his ship was firing at the bridge. He meant to kill both she and Bastila she realized, and that she could not allow. Her earlier question mocked her now, no she could never hurt Bastila, nor could she allow Bastila to be hurt today any more than she could that day four years ago.
Drawing on all her powers, she raised a force shield around the Jedi, desperate to protect Bastila. Revan felt a blinding sharp pain, then nothing as she felt herself sliding down into deaths welcome embrace.
The powerful force shield that had pressed them all to the deck had protected them from the sharp shards of flying debris that had flown across the bridge when the other ship had attacked them. Who had called it? It had been very strong, and then had faded away suddenly. Searching her memory, she recalled that Revan had gathered up the Force and released it at them. She had been sure it was an attack at the time, but now she realized that Revan had cast the shield to protect them.
Someone was dying, she could feel the life slipping further away from them with every moment; she rolled over and looked at the ruin of Revan's body. It was Revan dying, she had protected them from the deadly destruction of the bridge, but not herself. Time seemed to slow as she stared at Revan, the red strobing emergency lights casting a garish red color over everything, highlighting the wet slickness of the jagged wounds and the spreading dark liquid beneath the woman.
The barrier that Bastila used to protect herself from the feelings she had for Revan shattered and the young Jedi began frantically drawing upon the Force in a desperate attempt to prevent Revan's death. Uncaring of the sharp edges of the debris on the floor, Bastil crawled over to Revan's side and gently laid her hands upon the broken body.
She saw herself in Revan's mind, felt the power and intensity of Revan's feelings, and realized that Revan had acted unthinking of her own safety to protect her. Revan loved her, and she had thrown that love back in the older woman's face on the plains years ago, setting in motion the events that had lead up to this place where Revan was dying in front of her.
Somehow, the small group made it to their ship with Revan still alive. Bastila couldn't remember exactly how the small group of Jedi had managed to move them, as she had been completely absorbed in keeping Revan alive.
She had to give them both another chance, it couldn't end this way she wouldn't let it.
Jedi Knight Terian stood at the communications center of the ship, reporting to Master Vandar. "I don't know how we missed this at the academy, something happened between Revan and Bastila before Revan disobeyed the council. There was a weak bond between them, and the pain and injury that filled it was very apparent to all of us. I'm still amazed that Revan protected us, though perhaps I should say Revan protected Bastila. I believe we were protected only because we were near her." Terian paused a moment, deep in thought before continuing, "The entire trip through the Sith destroyer was too easy. I remember thinking that as we were fighting, there were not enough units, and the dark Jedi we faced were inexperienced."
Master Vandar questioned, "What thoughts from Revan did you pick up before you reached the bridge?"
Jedi Knight Terian thought back, "Very little, which was odd, I would have thought she would have attempted to turn us, but there was no such attempt. The only feelings I could pick up were tiredness and emptiness. I was beginning to hope that we might be able to turn Revan back to the light, but when we got to the bridge Malak attacked before I could speak to her."
Jedi Knight Maria hesitantly interrupted, "If I may bring up something…." Both Terian and the image of Master Vandar turned toward her and nodded. "I have felt what I felt from Revan before in my work on Coursant, with some of the refugees from the Sith worlds." She paused, looking sad, "The suicidal ones, the ones who had lost the will to live, and were just looking for a way out of life. That was what I felt from Revan, not the sense that we would be able to turn her, but that she had given up and was determined that we would kill her…. I got an overwhelming sense through her pain, that there was too much she had done to believe that she could come back. The only way out she could see was death. I think that's why she did not shield herself."
She paused for a moment longer, and everyone waited for her to continue. "From Bastila I sense a great guilt, for some reason she now blames herself for what Revan became. I knew during the trip here that Bastila felt that she needed to apologize to Revan for something she had said before Revan left, but she would not tell me what. I do not know what happened between them, but Bastila has thrown herself into keeping Revan alive, though I do not know what of Revan is left to keep alive."
There was silence as for awhile then as it became clear that no one had anything more to add Master Vandar finished, "Bring them back and we will see what there is that can be done, and the reasons behind what has occurred."
Jedi Knight Maria watched Bastila as she cradled Revan in her arms. Bastila's feelings of love, guilt and remorse were overwhelmingly obvious to Maria's force senses. The kolto had healed Revan's body, but the damage to her brain was beyond its ability to heal. She reached out her force senses to see if Revan still existed. There was only a faint sense of Revan, and what was left was very child like, and rested trusting in Bastila's arms aware only that Bastila cared for her and loved her, but Revan was beginning to pick up on Bastila's pain, and was becoming distressed.
She entered the room and rested a hand on Bastila's shoulder; Bastila looked up at her with reddened eyes. "Bastila you must control your emotions you are distressing Revan with your pain. She does not know why you are hurting, she just knows you are and it's upsetting her." Bastila looked if possible more stricken than before, and Maria felt her making the attempt to calm herself. "Bastila look into Revan's mind, can you see what remains?"
Bastila took some calming breaths, and then tentatively followed the older Jedi's suggestion. Only the weakest sense of Revan remained, and she followed that down into the other woman's mind to find what remained. A child, very young with little sense of whom they were, only knowing that someone caring was holding and protecting them and that they felt safe. There was some left over stress from where Revan had picked up on her pain, but that was fading. She came out of her meditation, and looked at Jedi Knight Maria wordlessly. Then with more calm cradled Revan against her, soothing the child that she knew was all that was left of the once powerful Jedi Knight.
Jedi Knight Maria returned to the communications area, Jedi Knight Terian looked at her questioningly. "They are both calmer now; though there is little of Revan left. What is left is childlike, with no memories remaining of even being at the Jedi academy, much less any of her time as the Sith Lord. The council will be able to determine whether or not that will continue I am sure," said Maria.
Terian asked "should we try and find out what is between them?" Maria decisively shook her head "No, that would be unwise. There is a strong bond between them, and if we upset Bastila we could damage beyond repair what remains of Revan. What would happen to Bastila's state of mind then I shudder to think. Both are very fragile right now. We should wait till Dantooine before raising any questions that might upset Bastila."
Bastila left the chamber; she had told the Jedi Masters almost everything. Only the image brightest in Revan's dying mind when she had first touched the Sith Lord did she hold back from the Masters.
They waited till she had left and fell to discussing what she had told them. Master Zhar said "This explains much about why Revan was so insistent about leaving, I always felt there was more to it than reasons she gave. In a way, I feel better knowing this. I had wondered if she had slipped to the dark side even then. Now I am certain she had not yet slipped, but was running from her problems here."
Master Vandar nodded, "Much work for both this will take, to mend what has been broken, of her guilt Bastila must overcome, her fear she must face. Much work has she to do, but a stronger Jedi will she be. Now of Revan we need to discuss. No memory left is there; repair her we can, but Revan she will not be. No force sensitivity do I detect, that has been lost. Decide what to do we must."
Master Dorak spoke up, "an old method in the archives describes how to guide a person with no memories into choosing their own path. We need to re-train her motor functions and cognitive abilities, then we can go through the process and she can choose what path she wishes to follow. She will never remember having done so, but the archives speak of this as being the only way that was found to do this without forcing a particular path upon the person."
"How is this done?" asked Master Zhar.
"Much in the same way as the path choosing for Jedi actually," commented Master Dorak. "I will guide her through situations and see how she chooses to deal with them. Once a basic choice has been made, the choices will become more and more specialized until one path for her becomes clear. Then we set about training her for that vocation, build up memories supporting it and arrange for a suitable position. After that we monitor her and make sure that she is adjusting and then leave her to build her own life."
Master Vandar nodded, "This is the path we will take, that Revan is dead we agree. A new life will she have."
Master Dorak said, "We are in agreement then. This shall be sealed and all parties counseled to strict secrecy about these events."