Disclaimer: …don't we all wish so? u.u;

Tenipuri Phone Messages

by: yukuro


The sun shone brightly down on the tennis courts of Seishun Gakuen where a mishmash of Seigaku, Fudoumine, and Jousei Shounan Regulars were assembled. After many hours of phone calls, they were finally able to assemble everyone together for the long awaited practice.

Picking up his towel from the bench, Fuji Syusuke wiped his forehead with a smile. "Ne, Tezuka," he began to his silent captain beside him, "I keep getting the feeling we're being watched from the outside. Don't you think?"

Frowning slightly, Tezuka took a sip from his water bottle and closed his eyes. "Ignore them."

Front gates bursting open, all the Regulars on the courts turned to see Atobe Keigo walking in. Some people groaned, others stared, and a few simply twitched at the sight of the blue-eyed boy walking in as if he was king.

"Ore-sama will not be lowered to spying from behind the gates," Atobe said coolly as he approached Tezuka and Fuji by the bench. Smirking, the captain of Hyotei turned on Tezuka. "Well then, Tezuka. I call for a rematch."

"We should be getting back to practice, shouldn't we, Tezuka?" Fuji said smoothly, placing his towel down and turning towards the courts.

"Ah," was the response as Tezuka followed his teammate, leaving Atobe fuming.

"Tezuka, did your wife just ignore me?" Atobe called out, looking slightly annoyed.

"Tezuka told me to ignore the distractions," Fuji said sweetly, blue eyes opening. "And I thought we made it clear already. Tezuka is my wife."

Everyone turned to stare at the evilly smirking Fuji for a moment before Tezuka coughed and returned to the courts. Well, what was to be expected? Fuji Syusuke was a scary person after all.

"Is he always like that?" Kamio muttered to Momoshiro with a sweatdrop.

"Unfortunately, yes," Momoshiro replied, slightly blue in the face.

"What's everyone so afraid of?" Echizen asked with a single raised eyebrow.

No one responded.

--- ---

"Shinji," Kamio began as he looked around, edging towards his best friend who was bouncing a ball carelessly on the frame of his racquet, "Doesn't that kid over there look like the manager of Yamabuki? You think that means…"

"Oh, Riiiiiiiizzzuuuuuuuummmmuuu-kuuuuun!"

Shinji's eye twitched.

"S-Sengoku-san!" Kamio coughed as the energetic Yamabuki third year enthusiastically patted his back heavily. "What are you doing here?"

"Stalking you of course," Sengoku replied cheerfully without missing a beat. "You didn't think I would just be content with leaving you a message on your mobile phone, did you, dear Rhythm-kun?"

"Somehow I doubted that," Kamio said through his teeth with a forced smile.

"—and it's that annoying 'lucky' yarou again who stole my phonebook and is stalking Kamio. What's he doing here anyway? This isn't his school and I don't remember hearing that his school was invited, stupid lucky guy who even interrupts while Kamio and I were trying to talk. He still hasn't even given me back my phonebook yet, damn lucky guy…"

"—Rhythm-kun, you're cute that I had to come and see your face because I know you're even cuter when you're angry and I guess I do have to return your friend's phone book to him. What's his name again? Oh, Ibu-kun right? Lucky guess! Anyway, Rhythm-kun, come play a match with me and…"

Eye twitching, Kamio stood awkwardly between the two other boys. Each one was holding tightly onto either of his arms. Even if he tried to run, he wouldn't be able to get away.

"What have I done to deserve this?" Kamio muttered to himself miserably as Sengoku chattered on cheerfully and Shinji muttered under his breath with a dark cloud over his head.

--- ---

"So…" Yamabuki's Muromachi said awkwardly to Fudoumine's Ishida as they watched Kamio, Shinji, and Sengoku. "Is your Kamio the one Sengoku-san's been stalking?"

"I guess so," Ishida replied, blinking a few times.



Both stood and watched in silence.

--- ---

"Do you know who I am?" Fudoumine's Mori asked a random Jousei Regular who was tall and staring down at him with a dark expression.

"No," Shinjyo said coldly before promptly walking away.

"Do you know who I am?" Mori asked again, moving onto the next Jousei Regular with orange hair.

"Um…not really," Wakato replied uncertainly. "I think you kind of look familiar though…"

"Do you know who I am?" Mori asked the next Jousei Regular.

"Sure," Kajimoto began, quickly reading the boy's uniform, "you're from Fudoumine…right?"

"I just want to be known, damn it!" Mori moaned loudly, running away.

Kajimoto and Wakato sweatdropped.

--- ---

"Ne, Atobe! Look, look!" Akutagawa Jirou looked around the courts with wide eyes as he pulled on the back of Atobe's shirt. "Look, look! There's Marui-kun from Rikkai! Suge! He's so cool! Marui-kun is so awesome!

"Oh, oh! And there's Fuji-kun from Seigaku! Kakkoi! His triple counter is so awesome! I want to play tennis with him! Suge, suge! There are so many cool players here!"

Atobe rolled his eyes as Jirou bounced in excited circles around him. Suddenly, he was offended. "Wait a minute, Jirou! How dare you call someone who ignored ore-sama 'cool'! Fuji Syusuke isn't nearly as impressive as ore-sama or Tezu—"

"Look, Atobe, look!" Jirou exclaimed again, pulling on his captain's shirt. "Fuji-kun is playing! He's so cool!"

Atobe simply frowned.

--- ---

Hiyoshi Wakashi was standing alone in a corner, minding his own business when all of a sudden…


Nearly jumping ten feet into the air, Hiyoshi turned to glare at whoever dared to come up to him and scream into his ear. Unfortunately, he was greeted by a crowd of random girls he had never met before. "What the…?!"

"You're Wakato-kun, aren't you?!" one of the girls exclaimed. "We read about you in this one magazine and heard you were at practice here!"

"That guy over there in the blue told us you're Wakato-kun!" another random girl gushed, pointing over at Oishitari who was cheerfully waving back at Hiyoshi.

Glaring darkly at his teammate, he turned and walked towards the gate. "Leave me alone. I'm not Wakato. I'm Hiyoshi Wakashi!"

Blinking, the girls exchanged looks for a moment before squealing again for a seemingly random reason.


Poor Hiyoshi was chased out of the courts with a storm of girls behind him, squealing and screaming.

"Yuushi, you're so evil," Mukahi commented, walking up to his doubles partner who was cheerfully observing Hiyoshi being chased around with amusement on his face.

"Ah, well our dear teammate seemed so lonely by himself. Anyway, you like me evil that way, don't you, Gakuto?" Oishitari pointed out with a smirk on his face.


Feeling like he was about to throw up, Shishido grabbed Ohtori's wrist and pulled him away from their disturbing teammates. "Let's get away from these perverts, Chotarou!"


--- ---



The Kisarazu twins stood face to face, looking at each other quietly away from the mass chaos of the other boys.

"I missed you."

"I missed you too."

More silence.

"Yo, Atsushi da ne!" Yanagisawa exclaimed, running over to his friend's side to get a better look at the person he was with. "Who's this pretty girl you're talking to da ne? Why didn't you introduce me?"

"Atsushi," Ryou said quietly, not bothering to look at the person who joined them. "Who is that person?"

"My teammate," Atsushi responded, still looking at his twin's face.

"Does he want to die?"

Yanagisawa flinched.

"Please restrain yourself, Ryou."

"I'll give him a ten second head start for you."


That was when Yanagisawa backed away and ran.

--- ---

Sanada had just escorted Yukimura into the courts with the rest of his team before two random Yamabuki regulars popped up before him to ask, "You're Rikkai Dai Fuzoku Chuu's Sanada, aren't you? Is it true you're going to marry your captain?"

Yukimura chuckled quietly as Sanada sent death glares at Niou and Marui who were cheerfully going around spreading the ridiculous marriage rumor.

"Go away," Sanada said icily to the boys in green, scaring them away.

"You know, come to think if it," Marui began, tapping his chin as he watched his captain and vice captain from the side, "I can kind of imagine them being a big family."

"How so?" Niou asked with a smirk.

"Sanada is the father, Yukimura is the mother, Kirihara is their son, and Jackal is their babysitter," Marui stated with a nod.

Niou raised an eyebrow.

"Oh, and Yanagi is like an uncle or brother-in-law or something," Marui went on, amusing himself.

"What does that make me and Yagyuu?" Niou asked.

Blinking, Marui thought for a moment before nodding his head. "The weird old couple that lives next door, harassing children."

"You have too much time to think about these kind of things," Niou told him flatly.

--- ---

Inui wandered around the courts, notebook in hand, observing all the players running around in chaos. Muttering to himself, he tapped his notebook with his pencil. "I wonder how everyone found out about this."

He continued making rounds about the courts until he ran into a familiar person wearing a Rikkai Regular jersey. "Renji?"

Blinking, Yanagi turned around with Kirihara still clinging to his arm. "Sadaharu? Oh, that's right. I nearly forgot this is Seigaku with all the other teams running around."

"Good to see you again," Inui said brightly with a smile, holding his hand out to shake his friend's when all of a sudden…

"Go away," Kirihara said with a frown at the taller boy. "You beat Yanagi-senpai."

Inui blinked and wrote something down in his notebook. Coughing, he commented, "I like your attack dog, Renji."

"Yes, he's very loyal," Yanagi stated without a blink.


"You know, Fuji Syusuke is over there…" Inui trailed off.

Unlatching from Yanagi, Kirihara narrowed his eyes before charging off in the direction Inui had glanced. "Fuji-san? I'm going to beat him this time!"

"Akaya! You're not supposed to go anywhere unsupervised!" Jackal called after the younger boy, running off after him.

Inui glanced at his friend, pushing his glasses back up. "Rikkai seems like a very interesting place."

"Seigaku too," Yanagi replied, glancing over Inui's shoulder where Kawamura was waving his racquet around in the air, running after Kaidoh and Momoshiro.


--- ---

Mizuki Hajime scanned the area until he spotted the person he was looking for. Walking over while twisting his hair between his fingers, he began, "Hn, so Fuji Syusuke-kun…"

"Yuuta! I didn't know you were coming here today," Fuji Syusuke said with delight, completely ignoring the person who was previously trying to talk to him.

"Actually, I don't know how I ended up here," Yuuta muttered as his smiling brother stood by his side and Mizuki fumed behind him. "Aniki, why are so many people here? I thought your team was just having practice with Fudoumine."

"I don't know either," the blue-eyed boy said cheerfully. "I'm glad you're here though, Yuuta. You look especially cute today."

"Aniki, please," Yuuta groaned, blushing slightly. "Besides, won't your wife be angry?"

"Heh? One of my best friends gets married and I don't hear about it?" Saeki said with a grin, coming up from behind Yuuta. "Got tired of teasing Yuuta already, Fuji?"

"I would never," the older Fuji said with a bright grin. "My wife is a very serious person. Yuuta is much more fun to tease."

"WE'RE NOT MARRIED!" Tezuka yelled as calmly as possible across the court.

"That's great," Saeki piped up, holding his finger up. "Now you can marry Yuuta, Fuji."

"Great idea, Saeki," Fuji agreed, smile never fading.

Eye twitching, Yuuta muttered under his breath, "There have been a lot of scary doubles pairs, but aniki and Saeki-san are definitely the scariest pair ever."

"What was that, Yuuta?"

"I think he's agreeing to your marriage!"


"What is it with everyone getting married all of a sudden?" Yagyuu thought aloud as he passed them by. "First Sanada and Yukimura and now them…"

--- ---

"Nande, nande? Why do you always say 'usu' to everything? Nande? If I told you to rob a bank would you still say 'usu'? Hey, why are you so tall? Why won't you talk to anyone? Why do you always say 'usu' to Atobe? Do you have a crush on him? Nande? Is 'usu' a fun word to say? Nande? Nande?"


--- ---

Mizuki walked off in a random direction, cursing Fuji Syusuke under his breath until he ran into someone's back. Frowning, he glared up at whomever he had run into.

"Oh," Oishitari said, blinking, "Aren't you Mizuki?"

"Yes," Mizuki said, closing his eyes to toss his wavy hair. Well, it was nice to know that someone knew he was.

"So I'm not wrong!" Oishitari exclaimed. "You are that psycho that was laughing to himself on the empty St. Rudolf bus after camp finished!"

Mizuki felt a vein on his head pop.

--- ---

Marui had finally taken a break from troublemaking and decided to sit by himself in a shady corner. Ignoring the chaos around him, he pulled out a boxed slice of cake from his bag. Just as he directed a forkful towards his mouth, another mouth intercepted it. "Hey!"

Akutagawa Jirou beamed at him, fork still in his mouth. "Hi, Marui-kun!" he exclaimed, although with the fork clamped in his mouth, it sounded like, "Ha, Mawui-guhn!"

Blinking, Marui yanked the fork out of the other boy's mouth and made another attempt to feed himself. Apparently, Jirou liked the cake and kept intercepting the bites cheerfully.

Pouting slightly, Marui handed the whole thing over. "Just take it."

--- ---

Echizen Ryoma was calmly sitting on a bench drinking from a bottle of water while his teammates and other people ran around the courts. In fact, he hardly noticed everyone else. He was just annoyed that tennis practice was suddenly turned into a zoo.



Echizen cracked a single eye open when he heard two voices call his name. One was too annoyingly loud to be forgotten and the other was too soft and squeaky to be forgotten.

"Echizen-kun! Why aren't you playing tennis?!" Aoi yelled cheerfully into the smaller boy's ear. "I didn't know you were having so many people over! Sassu ga Seigaku!"

Echizen twitched.

"Echizen-kun! You are going to play tennis today aren't you? I wanted to see you play for so long desu!" Dan said into Echizen's other ear with big eyes. "You're going to play, aren't you?"

Echizen twitched again.




Dropping the water bottle, Echizen ran out of the courts as calmly as possible. If that was even possible, that is.

--- ---

Shinjyo was looking for a quiet place away from all the screeching monkeys of tennis players when he mindlessly ran into someone walking in the courts. "Excuse me…"

"Watch where you're going," Akutsu said with a sharp glare. "Do you know who I am? I'm Akutsu! Akutsu Jin! Nobody runs into me and lives!"

"I'm Shinjyo Reiji," Shinjyo said, apparently not hearing a word the other boy said.

They were both tall, both had gray hair, and both scary. That was when they realized they were soul mates.

--- ---

"Hey, Tanaka-futago!" Outa called out, running towards the Tanaka twins while waving his arm.

"WHAT?!" the twins demanded at the same time, turning around to glare at their short teammate.

"How dare you not refer to us separately!" Youhei said in an outrage.

"Yeah! Even though we're teammates, you probably can't even tell us apart, huh?! That must be why you refer to us as 'Tanaka-futago!'" Kouhei added with an equally irate expression.

Outa frowned. "You guys don't have to be so irritated. Of course I can tell you apart." He pointed. "You're Youhei." His finger shifted. "And you're Kouhei."

"I hate you!"

"That's not Youhei, I'm Youhei!"

Outa scratched his head. "But, Kouhei… That is Youhei. He has pink or purple or whatever hair, remember? Your hair is blue."

"…oh yeah."

The twins exchanged glances.

"We still hate you!"

--- ---

Shishido was attempting to play a match with Ohtori, but it proved to be quite difficult when random people from random schools ran across the court screaming randomly at random times. Everything seemed to be random at the moment, and it was really beginning to piss Shishido off.

"That's it!" Shishido exclaimed, nearly throwing his racquet to the ground. "This is ridiculous! Why the hell did we come here in the first place?! There is nobody playing tennis here!"

"Calm down, Shishido-san," Ohtori said with a calming smile as he came up to the net to meet his doubles partner. "Things may be a little…disorganized at the moment, but getting angry about it doesn't help, right? Besides, we have to stay here if Atobe-san says so."

If it were anyone else, Shishido would have glared and snapped for him to shut up. Since it was Ohtori, he sighed and let a smile escape. "I guess you have a point, Chotarou. Then again, you usually are right."

"A-Ah…" Ohtori blushed. "Thank you, Shishido-san."

One of the random people running across the court whistled loudly at them.

Shishido threw a tennis ball at him, successfully knocking the poor random person out. How dare someone interrupt him while he was admiring Ohtori's adorableness!

--- ---

Kikumaru was sitting on the ground stretching when Mukahi towered above him. Blinking, Kikumaru cocked his head to the side and blinked his large blue eyes. "Hey, aren't you…"

"I'm the person that can bend more than you can!" Mukahi stated, fuming slightly. "I have proof!"

Kikumaru winced when Mukahi pulled himself into a pretzel. "Ouch… Oh yeah, nya! You're Mukahi from Hyotei! But you know, I heard that Kajimoto from Jousei can bend all the way backwards nya! Now that's impressive!"

Mukahi glared as the other redhead did a back flip to get onto his feet again before waving cheerfully at him. His eye twitched.

Damn Kikumaru.

--- ---

"Oh, come on," Wakato coxed. "Cross dressing really isn't that bad."

"No," Kajimoto said firmly.

"It's not like you don't have the legs for it."

"…shut up."

--- ---

All Sanada wanted was some time alone with Yukimura in peace. He was standing near the fence with his placid captain, minding his own business when those two random Yamabuki Regulars approached him again. This time, they spoke to Yukimura.

"You sure are cute," one was saying.

"Are you really a boy?" the other asked.

Yukimura continued to smile as usual, but the entire ordeal seemed to annoy the hell out of Sanada. His eyes narrowed and he reached over for his racquet handle to make the annoying people go away. His hand missed his racquet and instead he grabbed Yukimura's wrist.

Yukimura chuckled quietly as Sanada froze in embarrassment, unsure what to do. Meanwhile, the two Yamabuki Regulars stared at them.

"Go away," Sanada snapped at them, still holding onto Yukimura's wrist with much embarrassment. Hey, it felt nice. Why should he let go?

The two Yamabuki Regulars walked away, talking quietly to themselves.

"See, Kita? They really are getting married…"

--- ---

Kurobane was lost.

"There are so many people here, I completely forgot where we were for a minute," Kurobane admitted to his doubles partner. "Even so, Seigaku sure is impressive drawing in this many schools."

"Really," Amane agreed. "Kekko na gakkou. Pfft."

As usual, Amane was kicked in the head.

--- ---

Kamio was beginning to nod off by the time he realized Tachibana and An approached had him, staring with awkward expressions. He instantly turned a shade of red that could match his hair while Sengoku and Shinji went on mindlessly rambling, each still holding on to either of his arms. "Tachibana-san! An-chan! Save me!"

Tachibana raised an eyebrow at Sengoku as An giggled at Kamio's predicament. Neither said a word.

"Kamio-kun, you're so popular," An finally giggled.

"I saw him first," Shinji was muttering under his breath as his eyes shifted away. "When is that stupid lucky guy going to leave anyway? He has nothing to talk about here and all he keeps saying that Kamio is cute or something. Stupid lucky guy…"

"But Rhythm-kun really is cute," Sengoku went on with a wide grin. "I'm so lucky to be able to see his face today. Even though there's nobody playing tennis here at the moment and this really isn't a practice anymore, coming here was still a good idea! Lucky!"

"I'll leave you and your friends alone," Tachibana said, suppressing his urge to laugh as he stepped away. "Take care, Kamio."


--- ---

"Hey, Atsushi," Kisarazu Ryou said suddenly. "I didn't know there were twins in Rikkai Dai Regular team."

"…there aren't."

"Niou-kun, stop dressing like that. This isn't a match," Yagyuu said irritably to his partner.

"Yes, you should stop dressing like that, Niou-kun! This isn't a match at all!" was the response.

"You're Niou-kun!"

"Yes, you are, Niou-kun!"


Yagyuu groaned. He was the kind of person that rarely showed his emotions, but Niou was just beginning to piss him off! …or was it Yagyuu? Damn. He was confused.

Their cell phone rang and one of the two Yagyuus picked up.

"Hiroshi? Is that you? This is your mother," said the woman on the line.

"Yes, kaa-san," said one of the Yagyuus.

"I want you to come home early today," the woman said, "and don't forget it's your turn to do the laundry and clean the house."

"…Yagyuu, it's for you."

"But you're Yagyuu."

"Shut up and answer the phone, Yagyuu! You want to make your mother mad?!"

"You were just saying that you were Yagyuu, right?!"

"Stupid Yagyuu."

"Stop making fun of yourself."

"…I can't remember who I am anymore!"



Who knows who they really are…

--- ---

Tezuka was incredibly pissed off.

Not only had his carefully planned practice been completely destroyed, but the courts had also been turned into a completely chaotic zoo zone of middle school boys. He was currently on his five-second countdown to explosion.

"Hey, everyone!" some random person called out, "Inui looks normal without his glasses on!"

"I'm not wearing any pants!" came the random response.

Tezuka was not amused.

"Everybody run five hundred laps. NOW!"

How everyone heard him and managed to squeeze through the door was a mystery, but no one stayed behind to invoke the Seigaku captain's anger. Which was most likely a good thing…

Message From: Echizen Ryoma

"Mada mada da ne."

Message From: Tezuka Kunimitsu

"Echizen, stop playing on your phone and run your laps."

--- --- ---

A/N: Yes, I know. Lots of lameness and extra Rikkai, but…this was so hard to write! On the bright side (or not)… Finally finished! Of course, it took much pain and suffering on my part and maybe a little for the characters too. Five hundred laps… Ouch. Well, in the end, Tezuka always wins! It's his birthday anyway. x)

Oh…and I know I missed a bunch of other character's birthdays too. Aww… Let's see… Saeki-kun, Atobe-kun, Shishido-kun, and…Oishitari-kun? I think his is later. Oh well! The point is this crack fic is finally finished! I still can't believe it came this far. Lol.

Thanks for reading and for all the support!


"kekko na gakkou" — roughly "acceptable school." Gawd I always make Amane-kun so lame XD