Title/Author: What a Week / by Gimli2003

Season/Spoilers: 7 / none at all

Rating/Content: G, maybe PG

Category: Humor

Summary: Daniel's POV on the week from Hell

Author's Note: I wrote this while bored. No point to it other than having fun with Daniel.

What a Week

By Gimli2003

Monday

5:45 Wake up to a lot of noise. My alarm clock, most likely. Curse Sam for getting me alarm clock. Curse Jack for reminding Sam about me not having an alarm clock.

5:46 Noise still there. Curse self for accepting alarm clock in the first place. Decide now would be a good time to open eyes. Open eyes. It is the alarm clock. Smash hand down on alarm clock.

5:47 Curse loudly in Chinese as pain from hand reaches brain. Thrash about under covers feeling sorry for self. Alarm clock still not off. Pick up alarm clock and throw it at wall.

5:49 Remember as hear glass break that wall has a window. Fall back asleep not caring.

6:43 Wake up to pounding noise. Curse amorous couple upstairs for being amorous. Vaguely wish for someone to be amorous with.

6:44 Remember that, as I live on top of apartment complex, there is no couple upstairs. Wonder where pounding is coming from. Oh it's the door. Get up, go to door.

6:45 Open door, see policemen. That's police-men, plural. Do funny double take and ask how I can help officers.

6:46 Wonder what I did to piss off God so much to justify being arrested.

6:47 Question is answered as I'm escorted outside to see post-man in stretcher being tended to by paramedic. See broken alarm clock lying near-by. I hate my life.

7:12 Ride to precinct fun. Got fingerprinted, joy. Now sharing cell with couple of very large low-lifes eying me like piece of meat. Can only hope time for phone call comes very soon.

7:15 Yay, phone call time. Wait, no? Someone's already here for me? Oh, even better. Day is looking up. Just don't let it be Jack. Anyone but Jack.

7:16 Damn it, even worse: it's Janet. Blush about thirteen shades of crimson while she hands pack containing clothes and stuff to me. I want to die. Have to make appointment with desk clerk to go over charges for assaulting a government employee later on.

7:44 Ride to SGC silent, mostly. She laughed non-stop for five minutes at alarm-clock story. Glad I could help. If I had a gun, I'd shoot myself. On plus note, do love to hear her laugh.

7:46 Meet Jack in elevator. He asks what the reason for my tardiness is. Stall, stall, just fourteen more floors. Thirteen. Twelve.

7:47 Janet already told him. Blush furiously as Jack goes into hysterics.

7:48 Ask Janet to use 'really big needles' for his next exam as I get off elevator. Vaguely register Jacks indignant 'Hey!' Smile to self and proceed to quarters. I think her smile meant 'yes.'

7:50 Arrive at quarters. Place in disarray after Jack forced me out for weekend. Remember comment about 'fun' and 'sleeping in.' Make mental note to 'forget' Jack's coffee for next mission.

7:51 Put stuff down on desk. Feel like I should be doing something. Can't remember what. Eat granola bar breakfast while racking memory for elusive important task.

7:52 Post-it on desk reminds me: doing briefing for mission to PSX something-something at 0800. Quickly proceed to panic.

7:53 Gather together stuff needed for briefing and run out door to briefing room.

7:54 Run back INTO quarters, pick up briefing materials forgotten in panic, and run back OUT to briefing room.

7:59 Made it with a minute to spare. Go me! Wave off concern from Sam and General at arriving breathless. Time to start briefing.

8:08 Damn Jack and his tardiness. That's my job! Oh, here he is. Shoot him dirty look. He ignores it. As usual. Time to start briefing.

8:19 Briefing going well. Jack's only dozed off once. Sam is all ears, as usual. Hammond listening politely, obviously oblivious to why Mayans and Chinese together on same planet is fascinating. Teal'c is...Teal'c. Go figure.

8:22 Jack is asleep again. Glance at Sam. Sam kicks Jack. Jack wakes up. Go Sam!

8:25 General approves mission, leaving at 13:00 hours. Wohoo! Do mental jig.

8:26 Dismissed. Gather papers and run out of door for coffee machine.

8:27 Run into Sgt. Siler on way to coffee machine. Oww. Oh, look, stars. Uh-oh, started going black. Not good-

8:29 Come to with pretty face standing over me. Janet again. She's laughing at me. Again. Don't blame her, really. Well, at least she's happy to see me, that's a plus. What? Oh, the infirmary. Ok, sure, let's go. Really a mark to how messed up I am that I don't protest.

8:34 Ah, the infirmary. So many memories, which I really don't want to remember right now. This will probably take a while.

8:55 Poked, prodded, and questioned, but still in one piece. Painful experience, as usual, though not sure if that's due to knock on the head or rough handling by new nurse. Oh well, time to go catch up on paperwork before mission.

8:57 Remember reason for running in first place: coffee. And heaven above, there's a machine for it right now!

9:01 Much better, can actually open eyelids all the way now. Now, what level am I on again?

9:02 Run into Makepeace. Spill precious lifeblood of the morning all over front, scalding self. Daniel Jackson, doctor of archaeology, though Indiana Jones-ish adventurer I am not. Swear at Makepeace in Abydonian and go BACK to infirmary. Wonder if I should just rent a room there?

9:09 Burns treated, time to get to back paperwork. Joy.

9:14 Ah, my quarters. Sanctuary at last. Nothing can harm me here.

9:15 Mentally revise last statement as I trip over own trashcan. I hate this place.

10:44 Mountains of paperwork done. Man I'm good at this. Wonder if I should apply for desk job? Probably less trips to infirmary involved. Okay, next mountain of paperwork-oh wait, those are candy bar wrappers. Nevermind.

10:47 After searching candy stash, come up empty. Not good, must have been raided by someone other than me recently. Hmm, which members of SG-1 to interrogate first? Never mind, skip it, sugar cravings coming on.

10:48 Out of door, heading for candy machine on next level up, but not before tripping over shoelaces on way out. What is WITH me today?!

10:50 Ah, there's the candy machine. And there's the line five people long for the candy machine. Grrr. Wonder if they'd let me go first if I threatened to die on them? Nah, candy isn't worth it. Besides, I keep coming back, so they'd never take it seriously.

10:55 Finally! How can one man take three minutes deciding on a candy bar?! At least I know what I want. Or do I?

10:56 Yes, I do.

10:57 But then again?

10:58 Okay, now I really do know what I want...I think. Yes, I do. Insert quarters, pick snack.

10:59 Promptly get pissy as machine refuses to dispense stuck candy bar. Grrrr. Commence pounding.

11:00 Pounding not working. Commence kicking.

11:01 Okay, not doing that again. One broken toe is enough, thank you. Hmm, maybe if I get down and reach up inside of the machine...

11:02 ...I could get my arm stuck like it is now. Perfect. What? No, I will NOT grab you a Milky Way while I'm at it, Jack. Wait, Jack? Turn head and hope he isn't really there.

11:03 Colonel's insignia, baseball cap, silver hair, dopey grin. Yep, it's Jack. What the...? Wow, thank you Jack, for actually helping me out of this instead of making a cute remark for once.

11:04 And there's that cute little remark I mentioned. Oh well, at least my arm is free, though a little sore. Resist urge to backhand Jack with free arm. Back to my quarters, lust for sugar gone.

11:08 Maybe I should take a nap for a while. I can't hurt myself while I'm asleep, right? Right? Probably. Throw myself on bed and zonk out for a while.

12:50 Wake up Jackson. Something's buzzing. If Jack's taking a razor to my hair again, not even a sarcophagous will be able to help him. Open eyes.

12:52 Nope, just my alarm. Hmmm, why did I set my alarm for 12:40-THE MISSION!

12:53 Jump out of bed and pack materials relevant to mission in backpack. Run out of door, NOT hurting self instantaneously this time (go me!) and run towards gate room.

12:54 My hat! Back to room, get hat. Need it against sun, since I burn easily and am apparently allergic to most types of calamine lotion. Figures. Run back toward gate room.

12:56 When did they install a slip-and-slide in the SGC corridors? Oh, just the janitor mopping. Either way, I'm on the floor. Again. Me and gravity seem to be rather friendly today. Now I know why the Air Force has such a high yearly budget: my medical bills.

12:58 Arrive in gate room intact (mostly) and…early? What reality is this anyways? What Sam? I have suds in my hair? Oh, nevermind that, it's just part of Daniel Jackson's patented new 'hugging the ground' look.

13:00 Hammond gives us a go. Thank you General. Time for me to injure myself somewhere besides this planet, which seems very insistent on spending much time with me face-to-face today. And throught the Stargate we go.

13:01 I like this planet. Not too hot, no clouds in sight, no Jaffa threatening to kill us, and are those Mayan temples with a Chinese influence I see in the hills? Sweet! What's that Jack? Yes, there are trees, though I'm sure they're friendly. Trees usually are.

13:02 Revise last statement as tree purposely lifts root to trip me. No, it DID lift its roots, I'm not imagining it. What's that curling around my leg? Ah, the tree is attacking!

13:03 Teal'c blasts root. Yes Teal'c, many thanks for freeing my leg from the tree. Let's vamos, people!

13:24 Getting closer to temple ruins (and staying away from trees) every minute. Will be there soon. Sam wants to stop at little creek and take soil samples. Sounds good, I missed lunch anyways. Let's eat.

13:35 After appetizing meal of tuna-fish-tasting MREs (which are actually supposed to taste like banana, so says the wrapper) Sam finishes soil samples and we move on.

13:48 Bugs, lotsa bugs. I hate bugs. Figures this would be the ONE planet with lots of the little bloodsuckers that we visit when I forget to back bug repellant. Why not the desert? I like the desert. I like it because there are no bugs.

14:03 A few miles, and many bugs bites, later, we get to the temple ruins. One word: wow. Another word: big. I've got my work cut out for me.

19:15 Five hours, a couple of digital video disks, and many, many, MANY etchings later, time to eat again. What mislabeled MRE monstrosity awaits us this time? Will the schnozberries taste like schnozberries, I wonder?

19:16 An upside-down-day, huh? It sounds interesting but what is it, Sam? Oh, breakfast for dinner? I like. Yes Jack, we can see you brought home the bacon, now let's get those pancakes started.

20:35 Figures I get the bacon that's undercooked. Well, maybe Teal'c too, though I doubt simple food poisoning would hurt him. Lucky guy, our Jaffa. Ohh, is that a worm in the dirt? Thank you for the reminder, welcome back dry heaves.

20:47 On plus side, feeling better. Maybe I really don't need to go back to the infirmary and we can stay the night in the ruins after all. On the down side, Jack will die by my hand for using that non-stick cooking spray he KNOWS I'm allergic to. I wonder how much trouble it would be to have a symbiote implanted in me?

21:32 Relieve myself in bushes before settling down for the night. At least I don't have watch, being sick. A plus side to being me, wow. Are you sure this isn't an alternate reality?

21:40 Last thought before falling asleep: tomorrow can't POSSIBLY be worse than today. And I know I just jinxed any chance of that being true. Oh well, sleepy time.

TBC

// Next up: Tuesday! (betcha didn't see THAT coming, did ya?)

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