Hey! This fic is very close and personal since most of this is real and how I feel. I have of course changed the names to characters from Sailor Moon because that way no one will know who they really are and at least I'll have that much to keep to myself. I am writing this part here as soon as I came home at 1:30 am after what has happened in this very chapter. That just goes to show just how strongly I feel and how badly I wanted this out. I ask only one thing from people and that is to try not to totally blast me for this part because this is how I feel, please don't mock how I feel. Read and Review.

I don't own Sailor Moon.

Remember When It Rained By: Rini

Chapter 1: Invisible

I remember how it all went. I woke up with somewhat more enthusiasm than I had had in a long time. I remembered the date well. It was the day of my aunt's birthday, the day of her surprise party. I knew that the 2 hour drive was going to be uneventful and boring with only myself, whose 15, my brother Chris, whose 21, and my father. This day was different however. This day two of my brother's friends were coming with us, Andrew and Darien.

Andrew and Darien were best friends with my brother and were very close to my dad as well. They both played for my father, who was the best baseball coach around. They were at my house often, always walking around and talking. Andrew was the classic blonde haired blue eyed guy. He had handsome baby blue eyes and sandy blonde hair. He was outgoing and very talkative. He was the all around package; brains, brawn, and beauty.

Darien was the opposite however. He was literally tall, dark, and handsome. He had deep sapphire colored eyes that reminded me of the velvet of night. He had deep ebony hair that begged any girl to touch its silken locks. He had tan skin and a deep voice that was all too sultry. He was almost unreal. He was handsome in every aspect. He was perfect in every imaginable way.

And he never looked twice.

I suppose I played the same role I was destined to from day one. I was the little sister. I am 6 years younger than my brother is, so we were always at very different times in our lives. When he was 16 and able to drive, I was barely 10 and interested. He had his life and I had mine. Our worlds rarely clashed, and when they did, it was all but pleasing.

I was just a shadow, nothing to be noticed and nothing to be seen. I had long blonde locks that always fell in my face. I decided one day to put it up in my own unique hairstyle, which consisted of two balls, but it was only laughed at and mocked. I had cerulean eyes that I hid by glasses because I didn't want people to see me too close. I am short, only around 5 foot or so. I was soft spoken and shy, only around things that made me uncomfortable. I kept to myself. I was determined to be independent. I could walk tall and on my own. I didn't need anyone, but the only one I was fooling was myself.

Shy, quiet, loner. That's what they see. That's all they ever see.

In fact, I'm quite the opposite. When I'm around people I'm comfortable with I'm loud and funny. I'm wild and crazy and always having fun. I'm outgoing and interesting. I have the confidence of any king and the mind as sharp as a fox. I am witty, funny, sensitive, and confident. Do you think they'd notice? Do you think they'd care?

Of course not.

In my home, I was in my own element. I didn't need to be funny or quiet. I didn't need to dress a certain way or say certain things. I could be me. I could do as I pleased. I was able to sit back and watch the world go by. I'd usually stay in my room, which is where I feel the most at ease in. Normally, when people came to our house I stayed in my room. I longed for the solitude it provided me. Even if I did go downstairs, they'd never even care.

I was doomed to play the same role. I was the little sister. The one you always watched out for yet never got to close to care. They always watched out for me, but only when needed to. They talked to me occasionally, but nothing too deep. They assumed everything about me and knew nothing at all. I would watch from the side as they got everything they longed for. I saw them with cars, pretty girls, cash, anything. They had gotten what they wanted. Yet I never got what I wanted.

I told myself that today I'd be better. Most of my family lived in New Jersey, so I hardly ever saw them. They were a world away from me. They still believed I did nothing but study and read. I was never like that. They believed I was quiet and unappealing. That couldn't have been farther from the truth, and yet it was true. They only saw the surface. I could never be myself around them. I never felt comfortable enough to just be me. I knew even less of them than they did me.

Today was my favorite aunt's birthday, my Aunt Diane. She was the only one who really went out of her way to do anything nice for me. She was the only one who cared enough to dig down deep inside of me to learn more, to see me shine. I suppose she was the next closet thing I had. My parents had long since been divorced and I hadn't seen my mother in years, nor would I ever care if I see her again. My Aunt Diane was perhaps the next closet thing to a mother I had.

Today was different. Andrew and Darien were going to be coming with us. They wanted to see the rest of my more than crazy family. More importantly, they wanted to see my gorgeous cousin Mina. She was everything I wasn't. She had the perfect face, the perfect clothes, the perfect hair, the perfect eyes, and the perfect life. She was all I wasn't and more. They wanted to meet this glowing beauty. Should have known. We all packed into Darien's smaller car and made our trip to Jersey. I was packed in very closely with Andrew and Chris, Darien at the wheel and my father up front. I was very comfortable being so close to Andrew. I could smell his cologne of deep spice and hear his breathing. I could feel the muscles of his arms and legs pressing into me. He was all around me. It was all consuming. It was Heaven and Hell all at once. And I loved it.

I knew I'd never get this moment again. I wanted to savor every last second. I wanted to forever remember Andrew's scent. I wanted to remember Darien's voice as he sang along with his loud stereo system. I wanted to remember just how close I was to them. It was all I'd ever have.

We arrived about 2 hours later. I was dressed up in a sexy yet comfy outfit. I was wearing somewhat tight jeans, a dark gray tight off the shoulder sweater, a black and silver belt, and comfy Adidas shoes. I let my hair down; parting it to the side so some of it would fall into my face. A little light makeup on my eyes, lips, and cheeks completed my look. I looked very pretty, granted I wasn't this gorgeous creature to lust after. I thought I looked nice, I thought I was pretty in my own right.

I paled in comparison to them.

To Mina.

To Krystal.

To Kelly.

Mina was as beautiful as always. She blew me out of the water. She was dressed in all the latest from American Eagle. She had all the looks and clothes I didn't. Then there was Krystal. She was dressed in her sporty clothes she loved so much. She blew me even farther away. She looked great and cocky as ever. Then there was dear Kelly. She was the straw that broke the camel's back. She had short blonde hair and sparkling green eyes. She was sporty and fun and attractive. She was Mina and Krystal all in one neat package.

The boys noticed this first.

I should have known. I could never compete with them. How can I? They had all I ever wanted, only now with one thing more, the guy's attention. I took one long look at her and growled low in my throat. No one heard me for if they did they would have showed some sign. I knew this was going to be one very long night.

I wasn't disappointed.

It was innocent enough. Darien and Andrew stayed off to themselves for a long while. They had never seen any of these people before so they only knew us. They were quiet and off talking amongst themselves, away from the crowds. I looked at them every now and then. I could see them shift uncomfortably in their seats. They looked as out of place as I did.

I greeted Krystal first. She was the first person I saw. She hugged me and said hello and quickly went on her way. I walked over to my cousin Mina and merely smiled and waved. I couldn't bring myself to be nice to her, not yet. She was off with her own boyfriend to care anyway. He too was handsome, like she'd settle for less. I saw my older cousin Dawn, who was Krystal's sister, and she blew me off almost as fast as her sister.

I got bored after I made my rounds to greet everyone. I wasn't about to start a conversation with any of them, like they'd even notice. I sat off on my own for a while. I watched my dad, the ever social butterfly, go from group to group, and always the center of attention. He was definitely in this family. My cousins and aunts were just like him. My brother was popular and handsome and just like my father. I, on the other hand, was neither of them. I was just me.

Then my Aunt Mimi came. I had never really seen her before but she couldn't help but be surprised by me. She had last seen me when I was 6. She was surprised by me and loved to keep talking to me. Finally, I had found someone I could get along and have fun with. She was dragging me all around and including me in everything she did. She was my lifesaver and I loved her for it.

She was a blast. She never seemed to miss a beat with me. She saw my quick glances at Darien and Andrew, who were now involve in a drinking game, and who were breaking the ice with the others. They were getting close to Krystal and Mina. They were their age, 18. They also got close with one other person. Kelly.

That name. It burned on my tongue. It made my eyes glow red. It made my heart flutter and pound out of my chest. It made my skin crawl and my blood boil. I had never had such an emotion towards one person before. It was more than a dislike; it was less than hatred however. I wished I had never met her and cursed the stars for bringing her here.

The guy's flirted with her over and over. They poured their charm over her and washed her away in the depths of their personality. They showered her in attention. They made her laugh and made her smile. They stayed close with her and talked with her for the majority of the night.

I gazed at them and I felt my emotions dull and deaden. I saw her fake smile. I saw them come alive and glow around her. I saw their charm and saw just how well it worked on a girl. I felt tears prickle in my eyes. I struggled to hold them back. I struggled to keep the mask I wore on until I could finally release my emotions. I was boiling over with sadness and hurt. Why? They were never mine. They never cared.

So why cry over them?

"Look at those boys," Mimi said, noticing my stares.

"Yeah," I nearly choked out.

"What an act. They always do that just to impress."

"Yeah," I whispered out, my eyes never leaving Darien's body.

"So how come you aren't with one of them? They are dashing."

I sighed, "Because they never cared to notice."

Mimi smiled at me and gave me a hug, "Then they don't know what they're missing."

Some how those words were like a mantra for my soul. She had calmed the rising tides within me and I felt the wave wash clear over the beach of my heart. She was right. They don't know what they are missing because they never cared to get to know me. They never cared to see how I felt. They never cared to see what I thought. Some how her words urged me forward and helped me to raise my head high.

I would not let them see through my mask. I would not allow them to see what they don't care to see.

But that girl laughing and their smiling broke my resolve. I watched as the pieces of my heart shattered away. I watched as she took what was mine, or what would never be mine. I saw her waltz right in and in only 3 hours take away what I tried for years to earn. All I wanted was a second glance. She got that and much more.

I steeled myself and withdrew even farther. I was not going to let one girl ruin my Aunt's party. Yet, it was only my inner turmoil that was ruining anything. I plastered a fake smile on remained optimistic to the world. No one was allowed to see my pain, my thoughts and emotions. It wasn't theirs to be seen. I let it go with a blink of an eye and continued to enjoy the blissful surroundings I was in.

I talked occasionally with a few people, but it was Mimi that kept me afloat. I had no one else really except her. It was hard to realize, but it was something I learned to deal with quickly. I laughed through my cousin's songs and cried when Dawn sang ' You're My Hero' to Aunt Diane. I wasn't prepared however for what was to come.

Darien and Andrew stood up and sang a ballad to Kelly. They knew her for 3 hours and they already were deep into her. She had come in and taken what I wanted right in front of me. It was like they stomped all over the remaining shards of my heart. It wasn't enough that they broke my heart, now they made sure that nothing would remain. It was all I could take. A lump formed in my throat that no amount of water could clear. I needed air. I longed for the bitterness of the winter night's air. I longed for the solitude I had come accustomed to in the dark corners of my room. I longed to be away from the objects of my desires and yet I couldn't bear to be too far away from them now. Life was always so clear cut huh?

I broke all casual feelings that remained. The mask was on tighter than I had ever allowed before. Screw the party. Screw the guys who toyed with how I felt. Screw the girl who in 3 hours took my whole vision away. This party was already over before it had began. I took my first steps into that room and foresaw the long night to come. I suppose hunches are never incorrect.

We left late at night. I was once again crammed into the car with Andrew and Chris in the backseat. I could feel Andrew and Darien all around me and in my heart, or the little pieces that had endured. That's when I heard them say it. They had Kelly's number. They talked, sang, and got her number. The night was complete for them.

I stayed quiet for a long time now. In my mind, I replayed the visions I had of me with Darien or Andrew together, walks on the beach, rainy days, warm summer nights. What seemed as a possibility was now ridiculousness. There would never be beaches or nights. There would only be lonely starry skies and empty moons.

They joked around in the dark depths of the car. They joked about me every now and then. That's all I was, the butt of a joke. I smiled when they said my name. Serena. It just seemed to roll off their tongues and come out in twisting melodies of light and sound. I suppose even in anger I was still blinded by love. Love? Was this really love?

No, it couldn't be. It wasn't love. It was invisible.

We got out of the car and I rushed towards the door. My father opened the door and we walked in. Chris, Andrew, and Darien all left to go out for an hour or so longer. It was already 12:30 am. I trudged upstairs to my room. My dad gave me this look like he was trying to see if something was wrong. I looked at him and said I was tired.

Yeah. I was tired. I was tired of always being second best. I was tired of being overlooked. I was tired of never getting the chance I deserved. I was just tired.

I walked into my room and collapsed on the bed. I looked up at the ceiling through my white canopy that covered my double bed. My double windows poured the moonlight in and bathed my room in an ethereal feeling. I sat up on my bed and looked out. Now I was free. I no longer needed to wear a mask since I was free to be me here.

So I cried.

I wiped away the pity tears I had shed. I was impossible. I wanted freedom and independence and yet I longed for love and some one to share moments with. I looked to all the wrong things it seemed. I was never going to find solace for my soul in my family I rarely saw or knew, or in the eyes of guys who saw right through me. I was never going to get the comfort I longed for.

I let the tears fall freely more so again. I remembered the words Mimi told me. It seemed so long ago. I doubt they were missing anything. They were only missing out on me and they clearly didn't see me as anything special. Perhaps I wasn't special. Maybe being me wasn't enough to please them.

I got up and got changed into my nightclothes silently. I looked up at the moon again and suddenly a song came to mind. It was called Invisible. That's all I was. I was invisible. I was invisible to Darien and Andrew, to my family, to the rest of the world. I let a few more tears fall and walked over to my bed, singing softly the words to the song.

"If I was Invisible
I could watch you in your room
If I was Invincible
I'd tell you where I stand
I would be the smartest man
If I was Invisible "

"Wait I already am," I breathed out as I closed my eyes, a few remaining tears being shed. I had found my solace in my dreams. I dreamt of a life I'd never lead with Darien, a man I would never have. At least in my dream though, I wasn't Invisible.

Once again please don't bash my feelings too much on this one. I changed of course Andrew, Darien, and myself to be characters. More will be added later but this is the start. I hope you enjoyed it and yes all that really happened to me. I'd like to credit Clay Aiken with the song 'Invisible' I used here. Thank you once more.