Disclaimer: All credit and deepest apologies to J.K. Rowling.
Disclaimer #2: The author clearly would not even know of this website if she did not enjoy and appreciate fanfiction. Parodies are meant to be in jest and people who are offended are taking themselves too seriously. There are better people to direct your anger at than the author. She respectfully suggests directing it at George W. Bush or those people who stand on the "walk" side of the escalator.
In Which the Author Introduces the Concept
Ever noticed how some plot devices, no matter how unlikely, are used over and over again in Harry Potter fanfiction? To save you some time, I've condensed them all together in one big cliched fanfic.
How can you tell if you're about to read a fanfiction with an over-used plot? There are certain words that can alert you just from looking at the summary. Look out for "exchange student" "time-turner" "long-lost twin/daughter/ex-lover", and if you see anything that begins like "Dumbledore comes up with a plan where students have to get married/go on American Idol/go to an American High school/have a baby/spend a month in the forbidden forest with Draco etc etc for some reason that will never be explained" hit your back button IMMEDIATELY.
Also watch out for summaries that read like the following:
"sup like omg i totaly suk at summeries but wuteva cuz the stories really kewl H/H/R/D/G/L/P/C/G/P/L/N/C/C/V/OC RR PLLLLLZZZ "
Spell check just committed suicide.
And now, the examples: