REAL DISCLAIMER: I studied the Mary Sue Litmus Test () and just for a laugh, decided to see just how high a score I could get. I don't own anyone except Fellauroralisterinavetta Aanjulle O'Bamfwryter. Read at your own risk. Mild slash. Naughty words. (F-word) General insanity.

I'd be honored if someone would actually grade me on this. :-)

FAKE DISCLAIMER: OMG, I loooove Skinner soo much he is totally mine! Aheheh. But I don't own him. Waaa!


"Hello, my name is Fellauroralisterinavetta Aanjulle O'Bamfwryter. But you can call me Rahd'ni."

The League eagerly stood before their new member. Nobody knew why they had a new member, and a 17-year old girl besides. But nobody seemed to question it too much. After all, she was extraordinarily beautiful, almost too beautiful for a mere mortal man to approach. And yet, beneath the radiance there was a sweetness... a charm... like a pretty little farm girl. And not one from one of those gross redneck incest families either, I mean a REAL cute farm girl, with all her teeth, and uncrossed eyes, you know. She was tall and slender, graceful, like a willow tree. And like the tree, she swayed and bowed in a most elegant fashion. But without the caterpillars.

Her skin... sigh... like the purest Devonshire cream. Like a fresh hen's egg. Whiter than the whitest... white thing. So white she looked like a kabuki dancer. Whiter than Larry Bird. But yet so incredibly beautiful.

Her voice was so soft and lovely, like the fairest fragrant springtime breeze tickling through the blossoms of a cherry tree. Yet as she sighed sadly over her fate, sitting in her cabin, Jakyll, on the bridge, heard her distress and came running. The sound of her voice drew him to her like a paper clip to a fridge magnet. It was like a pan flute symphony by Zamfir. Only without the lame-ass showtunes.

Her eyes... oh, her eyes were unlike any eyes he had ever seen. Enormous, and framed by long, luxuriant black lashes so long they made a breeze when she fluttered them. The left eye was bright green, but if you gazed into it, you would see this green traced through by a blossom of red that pulsed and fluttered like a... like a red pulsating fluttery butterfly trapped forever in a sea of antifreeze.

Her other eye was a deep violet blue, like the finest triple A-grade, round- cut, natural lab mined tanzanite with no inclusions and a clarity rating of VS. Only softer and squishier. It was this eye that allowed her to read the minds of others, as she was telekinetic. The green one was mainly used to freak out the enemy long enough for her to be rescued by whatever male member of the League she fancied au moment. Both eyes had a tendency to flash an angry fluorescent chartreuse and magenta plaid when her spectacularly glossy and flaxen hair didn't turn out right in the morning.

Mina was wearing a dress. Skinner was wearing a coat. Jekyll was wearing a suit. Sawyer was wearing a shirt and pants. Nemo was wearing an Indian garb and a tuba... turbo... turbine... turpentine... wrappy hat-thing on his head. Dorian was wearing nothing, not even skin, because he was dead. Quatermain was wearing dirt and he was dead because he's old and not cute and we don't want him in the story.

Rahd'ni was wearing a silk petticoat of cream lace. Nobody could see it, but she was wearing it. And of course she wore a corset to make her already-perfect figure even perfecter. Under that she had on bloomers with lace around the legs, and dark violet stockings. Her garters were black lace with little violet gemstones that would have perfectly complimented her right eye if anyone could see the garter.

Her tiny feet were laced into high-heeled black boots that came up to her chest. Her dress was pure silk, the color of a bad bruise. It hugged her figure like a guy hugging a girl really hard. Every pleat was just in the right place, and the gown was accented by black lace at the hemline, neckline and cuffs. Tiny glittering stones were sown into the purple fabric here and there, making her sparkle with every step, like a Sigfreid and Roy fashion show. And her bustier was black Spandex.

A tiny hat was perched atop her mountain of beautiful locks, clinging to her head as if out of love. And Henry couldn't help but think what a lucky hat it was.

Her hair was like a new penny. A really new penny, not a nasty brown one like you find inside the couch. Her hair glowed like fine copper wires, curling and weaving around her face like a halo of copper-colored worms. She tucked a curl under her hat. Then she brushed a russet lock behind her ear. She sighed a musical sigh and fished a few strands out of mouth, patting it delicately back into place.

She was so poor, and had not bathed in several weeks, yet her scent was like wild honeysuckle. Her breath was a sweet as sugar, even though she had never cleaned her teeth. And her teeth were as straight and pearly and white as white pearls standing in a straight row. Her manners were perfect, she was demure and refined, even though she had come from such a horridly impoverished lot.

She smiled demurely at Tom, and his eyes filled up at the sight of those perfect pearls. They were just like the pearls he and Huck had worn back home when they did their drag show.

****** End chappie 1! Read and review please!