By Timberwolf220

DISCLAIMER: I don't own the song 'Gravity' By 'A perfect Circle'.

Nor do I own Beyblade.

*sobs* I don't own anything!!!

DEDICATED: To Every TyKa writer and those who write angst. Hope this is worthy of reading! ^___^

Lost again
Broken and weary
Unable to find my way
Tail in hand
Dizzy and clearly unable to
Just let this go

* * *

Kai stumbled through the crowd. The shots had left him weak. He could feel his mind spiraling into the ecstasy he had desired for so long. The adrenaline, the sheer power!

Everything around him intensified grew to such an extent that it felt real.

He could imagine the cool lips gently pressed against his feverish own. He could feel the tickling of breath, the slide of hands. He giggled, his voice high-pitched as he gulped the packet down in one go. He took the knife and began to play with it.

It cut his skin. He smiled.

It felt good.

He wanted that feeling again.

But it wasn't the real thing.

It was fake.

Like his life, his thoughts, his everything…

His passion.

He pulled out another injection and jabbed it into his skin.

But in his mind he knew it was fake.

Fake Life, fake world…

He let out a lung wracking cough that shook his body. He smiled.

Why was he still in this fake world?

  * * *

I am surrendering to the gravity and the unknown
Catch me heal me lift me back up to the sun
I choose to live

 *  *  *

Tyson threw the magazine he was reading, "He still isn't back! Why can't I go look for him?"

His boyfriend Ray lowered the paper he was reading surveyed him grimly, "Kai likes his privacy. He'll come back when he needs to." He went back to his paper as Tyson grit his teeth in frustration.

Was he the only one who noticed the way Kai had been acting lately?

Has no one else noticed the deep circles in Kai's eyes and the blood-shot pain?

Tyson had been meaning to confront Kai with this knowledge for some time now, but the Bladebreaker Captain had been more reclusive of late. And he's taken it to taking night walks and coming back looking like Hell.  

Ray, on the other hand thought this was normal Kai behavior and left it at that. Max was at Kenny's house.

And nobody noticed.

It was as if nobody cared…

Tyson bit back his frustration and went back to his magazine.

Kai can take care of himself. He wouldn't do anything stupid.

 * * *

I fell again
Like a baby unable to stand on my own
Tail in hand
Dizzy and clearly unable to just this go

 * * *

Kai coughed harshly, gaining attention from the inhabitants of the room. Ray's eyebrows shot right up to his head. Tyson hadn't said anything, but his eyes were dark and fearful.

Max and Kenny jerked and looked at Kai with incredulous eyes. Kai gave them a glare and they hurriedly turned back to whatever they were doing before he arrived.

Tyson was not that easily dissuaded.

"Where have you been Kai?" Tyson asked angrily.

Kai cocked an eyebrow at him, "Out."

"Out?! Do you know how worried I-We've been!" Tyson yelled, balling his hands into fists

Kai restrained the anger that was prone to come, "I don't have to explain myself to you," Kai stated harshly, making his way to his room. However, Tyson blocked the way.

"Move," Kai said.


Doesn't he ever learn to give up? Kai inwardly groaned.

The syringe was taking effect. He could feel it.

"Move Tyson," Kai grated out.

Tyson didn't move, his eyes narrow, "Kai, tell me."

It was too much.

The pent up passion and anger finally exploded.

In a few minutes, Tyson was on the ground with a growing bruise.

"Leave me alone," Kai said, not one bit regretful. He slammed the door, the sound resonating off the walls. Ray was at Tyson's side, helping him up. His amber eyes were angry and reproachful, but Tyson…

Tyson wasn't sure of anything anymore.

 * * *


High and surrendering to the gravity and the unknown
Catch me heal me lift me back up to the sun
I choose to live, I choose to live, I choose to live

 * * *

Kai leaned against the door.

He had lost control. And hit Tyson.

He was so messed up…

He hated this. This 'reality' he was hanging onto.

He didn't have friends. He didn't have family.

Why was he here? He could be anywhere…

…but he couldn't imagine himself being anywhere but here.

Max, with his annoying happy attitude

Kenny, being a complete know-it-all

Ray, with his complacent good-bad sense

And Tyson, for being…

For being himself

Kai lost his sense of self a long time ago.

He emptied his back pack. The pills had fallen out along with the injection. Kai held it up to his eyes, seeing the fragmented powder. God, He could even see himself.

What a horror he has become.

The darkness and fear was finally showing.

He thought it never would.

Tyson, you saw this didn't you?

I need help. I need your help.

Why won't you help me?

I can't do this anymore…

His hands shook with desire and pain.

 He shakily pressed the hypodermic needle to his skin.

He needed this…

Because there was nothing else he had.

Why won't you help me?

* * *

Catch me heal me lift me back up to the sun
Help me survive the bottom

 * * *

Tyson watched Ray talk to Lee on the phone.

Something inside of him was feeling…lost?

A part of himself was missing.

They used to be the Bladebreakers, but they're falling apart. Bit by bit, the ties that held them together were falling.

And he was worried about Kai.

"Tyson?" Ray asked gently, shaking his shoulders.

Tyson removed himself from his thoughts, "It's nothing."

"Is it Kai?"

Tyson's eyebrows shot up fast at the mention of Kai, "Maybe," He said evenly.

Ray's mouth was in a thin straight line, "Leave Kai alone. He's doesn't need us."

He doesn't need you.

Tyson walked away from Ray and leaned against the wall.

He doesn't need me. Kai is strong.

He doesn't need me.

Tyson repeated it to himself as the sorrow stained his cheeks.

He doesn't need me.

 * * *

Calm these hands before they
Snare another pill and
Drive another nail down another
Meaty hole please release me

 * * *

His hands haven't stopped shaking since he took his last dosage.

End it now…

Just one more…

Maybe the never-ending flow of self-loathing will end.

Maybe the world would accept him.

Was it too much to ask?

He didn't have anymore. The dosages felt small and insufficient.

They weren't enough.

He needed more.

Maybe, if he had more, Tyson would love him.

Maybe he would finally have a family.

He always wanted a family.

Something to call his own.

Love me, Leave me…

It wouldn't really matter…

Would it?

He loved. He loved so much. But fear ruled him.

Heh. It still does.

Would Tyson hate him for what he has become?

He wouldn't be surprised.

He hates himself.

Hate, Live

Love, Death

Fear, Pain



He felt himself grin. The ghostly fingers were back, coaxing him, stroking him. How comforting they seem. As if they were drawing him towards something.

He felt a presence near his ear. He knew it was his hallucination.

The voice brought shivers to his spine with its nameless voice.

No…It's not nameless. It has a name.

A name that has graced Kai's lips from time to time.

It sang to him. How sad.

What a sad song.

It hurts…

It's been hurting for so long…


It's better this way.

 * * *

I am surrendering to the gravity and the unknown
Catch me heal me lift me back up to the sun
I choose to live, I choose to live

 * * *

"The door won't open…"

"Let me!"

The door crashed down to the floor with a resounding boom. Max and Tyson glanced anxiously at the room.

Kai was on the floor.

Tyson was on him like a heartbeat, "He's not breathing!"

His voice was edged on hysterics.

Max searched the room and found….

"My God…"

Tyson pounded his fists against Kai's chest, "Wake up damnit!!! Wake up!!! You can't do this to us!!! Fuck you Hiwatari, wake up!!!" His voice was distraught and he collapsed, sobbing himself on Kai's chest, feebly trying to bring it back.

To bring him back.  

Everything seemed so petty now. The fight, the insignificant details of his life, his love for Ray…

It didn't matter anymore.

He just wanted Kai to wake up.

 But Kai Hiwatari has finally surrendered to the gravity of fate.