This story was inspired by a Foxtrot comic I saw in the Star-Ledger (NJ newspaper, 3/24/04) Jason is thinking of introducing a Balrog into Snow White and the Seven Dwarfs and I thought I could turn it into a story- an insane story, but a story nonetheless.

Rating: G Genre: Humor Summary: Snow White and the Balrog. Chaos, lovely chaos...

"We dig, dig, dig, dig, dig, dig, dig in our mine, the whole day through..." the dwarves sang as they happily dug rubies and diamonds out of the walls of their mine. Dopey was goofing around with a diamond as big as he was while Grumpy huffed angrily.

Suddenly, a hair-raising scream split the air as Happy, face chalk-white, raced out of an adjoining passageway and leaned against the wall. The other dwarves clustered around him.

"What's wrong?" "Are you all right?" "We dig, dig, dig, dig, dig, dig, dig..." "SHUT UP!" *sound of a shovel hitting a certain Dopey's head*

"Thank goodness." Grumpy muttered, then elbowed his way through the others. "OK, Happy, what happened?"

The fat dwarf looked more scared than anyone had ever seen him. "Th-th- there's a monster down there!"

"Nonsense." Doc said, confidently marching over to the passageway. "You probably saw a couple of- "

They never found out what exactly Doc thought Happy had seen because the monster- a Balrog to be precise- lunged through the gap and swallowed the plump dwarf in one gulp.

"Aie-achoo- ee!!!!" Sneezy screamed, but the only effect that had was to alert the Balrog to his whereabouts and resulted in another dwarf sliding down its throat.

The dwarves ran everywhere in panic but were caught and eaten by the Balrog one by one. Grumpy was the last to go.

"You don't scare me, you oversized sheep!" he yelled at the Balrog.

It huffed a slight stream of flame and toasted the dwarf instantly for his impudence, before delicately consuming Grumpy.

Hmm...needs more salt. the Balrog mused, curling up in the now-abandoned mine and closing its eyes.

Far away, Snow White was wondering why the dwarves hadn't come home yet.