Disclaimer: Nope. Don't own 'em. Never will.

Author's Note: Heh, wrote this in a moment of insanity due to this major writer's block I'm having for this one scene in the next chapter of Wrong Place, Worst Time. So decided to write this silly piece.

Eh, this probably would never, ever happen, but I needed a laugh! Hope you like it! This takes place after the episode "What If".

Category: Humor/Romance

Summary: Harm decides he's ready to take the road not taken, but one man stands in his way. A "fight" for the woman he loves goes haywire due to some unforseen repercussions!

"Settling a Dispute"

by e-dog

1032 Local Time

The "We Love Toys" Toy Store

Somewhere in Virginia

Harm cocked an eyebrow in amazement at the size of the toy store. He looked down at Mattie and asked, "Why are we here again?"

"For the umpteenth time, to buy a birthday gift for my friend at school," Mattie sighed and rolled her eyes. "I'm telling ya, Harm. Your memory is going."

"It is not!" he argued, following her deeper into the jungle of stuffed animals and video games. He paused in an aisle and told Mattie he would catch up. She told him okay and rushed off.

He entered the aisle and laughed, "This is a toy?"

He lifted the box up and inspected it's contents and looked around the entire aisle. It was filled with accessories and gear. He whistled, "Amazing..."

"The kid in you rearing it's ugly head," Mattie joked, holding the gift she selected.

"Heh, this is not at toy," he laughed. "This can hurt people!"

"Sure it is," Mattie shrugged. "I know lots of kids who play with those. They have tournaments and also use it to settle petty disputes..."

"Wait, what?" Harm smirked in amusement. "Settle disputes?"

"Yeah, whoever is better, winds up winning whatever they were fighting over," Mattie explained. She watched in surprise as Harm grinned widely and began to grab things off the shelves. "Harm? What are you doing?"

"I'm going to settle a dispute," he grinned widely. Before his mind could tell him that this was the silliest idea he had ever had, he went straight to the check out line to pay for his new "toys".

0245 Local Time

Mac's Apartment


"Now see, this is nice, right?" Clay said, sitting down next to Mac on her couch. "You and me...alone."

"Yeah, it's nice...when you're here," she sighed as he grabbed her hand.

"Hey, you know I don't have any control over that," he cooed. "But I'm here now..."

"Yeah, I guess you are," she reluctantly agreed. He leaned in to kiss her, but a loud knock interrupted them. She immediately got up...almost too quickly and answered the door. He sighed heavily and got up to go see who it was. He stopped when she saw her holding a rose. She turned to him, "It was on the floor. Did you deliver it or something?"

"Uh....no," he said, looking out into the hall to find no one else. Then he spied more of them. "Look. They go all the way down the hall."

They both exchanged curious and confused glances. They followed the roses into the elevator and found a note taped to the buttons which instructed they go to the lobby of the complex.

"This is so strange," Clay muttered. "Who is doing this?"

"Let's find out," Mac said, hitting the close button.

When in the lobby, there were more of the roses that eventually led outside the gate of Mac's apartment complex.

"There's 12 total," she gushed, wondering who had left them.

"12?" Clay eyed them curiously and then looked down at the ground. "There's a package here..."

Before he could pick it up, he heard a soft pop and felt a sharp pang against his chest. He yelped in surprise and stumbled into Mac.

"Clay?" Mac looked at him concerned and then noticed red coloring on his chest and immediately thought blood. "Is that...?"

"I don't know what it is," Clay said, brushing some off with his fingers. "It feels like...like paint."

"Paint?" Mac repeated.

Suddenly, that soft popping sound filled the air and a barrage of paint pellets slammed into Clay at an enormous rate. He hopped around, trying to avoid them, but it was impossible. Mac had to back away for some paint was beginning to splatter on her as well. Finally, the pellets stopped coming and Mac stifled a giggle as she saw a multi-colored Clayton Webb standing before her.

She covered her mouth in surprise, "Clay? You're..."

"Covered in paint!" he exclaimed and looked up, trying to find the culprit. Then he spotted him and growled, "Harm..."

"Harm?" Mac looked up and couldn't believe her eyes. Clay looked at her surprised as she began to choke with laughter. Harm was standing across the street, wearing military fatigues, sunglasses, combat boots and what appeared to be an ammo belt around his waist. He had the goofiest grin on his face, and looked down right ridiculous. He grinned widely and rested his paintball gun on his shoulder, "Look in the box, Webb!"

"Rabb, what the hell are you doing?" yelled Clay who was livid. Harm couldn't help but smile wider.

"I'm settling a dispute," he said simply. "Now open the box."

"What dispute?" Clay glared at him and then opened the box. He pulled out the paintball equivalent to a handgun. He laughed, finally catching on, "You want me to fight you with this? A handgun? Harm, you have a semi-automatic!"

"Wait, fight?" Mac looked up. "Fight over what?"

"I didn't say this would be a fair fight," Harm shrugged. "You know what we're playing for?"

"This is ridiculous," Clay said, standing back up completely. "Sarah and I are going back inside and..."

"You chicken?" Harm threw at him and Clay stopped in his tracks. "Afraid a Navy man will beat ya?"

Mac looked at Harm like he had lost his mind, "Wait, are you fighting over me?"

"Do you like the roses, Mac?" Harm answered her with the cockiest grin he could muster. Clay's eyes narrowed in frustration.

Mac just sighed and Clay cocked the gun. She turned to him, "Oh, no, no, no...Clay. Don't. Clay, don't do this."

"If he wants to settle it this way, then so be it, Sarah," Clay said, grabbing the stash of paintballs Harm had provided him. "Are we gonna do this here, Harm?"

"No, I know a better place," Harm smiled.

0412 Local Time

JAG Headquarters

Falls Church, Virginia

"I don't believe this," Mac muttered as she and Sturgis rested on the steps of JAG Headquarters. Harm and Clay had been going at it for the last hour now. The deal was, whoever got hit five times was declared the loser. So far, Harm and Clay had only hit each other once and now they were at a stalemate. Both hiding behind cars, waiting for the other to make a move.

"And what is this called, again?" Sturgis looked at Mac.

"Paintball." she sighed.

"And they're doing this because?"

"Whoever wins, gets me, even though I made it clear they would both lose me if they continued," she laughed to herself again. "No offense, Sturgis but guys can be such..."

"Morons. Idiots. Self-centered." he filled in for her, with a smile. "I haven't seen Harm do something this crazy for a girl since his Academy days."

"Really?" she looked up at Sturgis.

"Really." He answered her so sincerely, Mac could tell he was talking about something other than this paintball fight. Sturgis continued, "I don't know anything about what happened with you two, but I do know he cares a lot about you."

"I know he cares, Sturgis...it's complicated," Mac sighed, as she spied Harm refilling his paint ball gun.

"Well, you have to admit one thing."

"What's that?"

"This is fun to watch," he smirked.

She grinned in agreement and they returned their gaze to the JAG parking lot, which was pretty much a ghost town since it was the weekend. Only a few cars here and there. She had warned them this probably wasn't the best battle ground, seeing how there were still cars in the lot, but they ignored her. They were too determined to beat the pants off of each other than to listen to reason.

Mac and Sturgis looked up when a familiar SUV pulled into the parking lot and Harm and Clay were completely oblivious to it. AJ Chegwidden stepped out and gave Mac and Sturgis curious stares, wondering why they were here on a Saturday. Mac and Sturgis's eyes widened as they noticed Harm and Clay ready to strike again.

They stood up, motioning for the Admiral to get out of the way, but it was too late. Harm and Clay both stood up from their hiding places and blindly fired at each other...with AJ right in the middle of their attacks!

Mac and Sturgis winced as Clay and Harm stopped in shock and in fear at what they had just done. AJ stood in surprise and looked down at himself, his military uniform covered in multi-colored paint blotches. He angrily glanced around the parking lot as Harm and Clay slowly sunk back behind the cars they were hiding behind.

"Webb! Rabb!" AJ bellowed, his face turning a shade of red Mac had never seen before. "My office now!!"

"Right now, sir?" Harm asked meekly, poking his head around the car.

"Yes, now! Damn it! Didn't I say now?" he roared, then looked at Sturgis and Mac. "Sturgis. Mac. I want all of you in my office right now!!"

AJ stormed past them and Harm and Clay slowly walked up. Mac shut her eyes, now extremely angry at both Harm and Clay.

"What did I do?" Sturgis muttered as all four them proceeded to the office of the very angry, former Navy Seal...

To be continued...

A/N: Probably have the rest finished by tonight or tomorrow... :D

Please review :)