Return from Jackpot

By: Kuroi Neko-kun

Summary: Grissom thinks about his life and his love when he returns from Jackpot, Nevada.

From: Thoughts of Speed

Warnings: Slight slash/ Lots of slash

Spoilers: Jackpot

Disclaimer: All of them belong to CBS. I borrow, twist their minds, then brainwash them to remember what they should and let them go. No real harm… Really! 

A/N: Since ruins the usual paragraphing, this "~~~" means it's a new paragraph.


Nobody should be ashamed of who they are…

Do you ever hide secrets, even from your wife?

These were some of the things that ran through his mind as he drove his Tahoe towards Las Vegas. Without anyone to talk to, he had a lot of thinking time that would be otherwise wasted on a case. Case… Yes, he thought this was a normal case for him. But as he derived further into it, he realized that it came close to his heart. He began understanding feelings and that was not in Grissom's protocol. Especially of Leland's feelings. He understood how it felt being alone. He understood the desperation. He, of course, would understand the love. His mind tugged to the ex-Miami CSI who captured his heart. Boy, will he be pissed when Grissom comes home.


Nobody should be ashamed of who they are…

He understood the meaning perfectly. But he also understood the hardship of telling. He remembered the day he told Catherine or, more precisely, the day he had to explain it to Catherine when she hinted her suspicions.


She stepped into his office, with a file. Her shift was over and Grissom knew she was looking for a reason to talk to him. A file containing anything had proved more than once a perfect excuse.

"Here you go," she said, proudly handing him the file," I'll see you around?" Grissom blinked, staring at the file.

"What's this?" he asked, giving him her 'authority' look. The blond grinned before casually tossing her hair over her shoulders.

"The report on my case so far… I thought you wanted it…" She was playing, he knew. Like a cat…

"I can see that but I never ask for one."

"Oh well, it was on the way…"

"So this is just for convenience's sake?" the supervisor gave her a look, knowing there's more.

"I don't want to slow you down… After all, you surely are driving Speed home and he's about flat out by now," she chided, throwing bait. She hoped to see signs of a slip up. But Grissom was careful.

"He lives with me, Catherine."

"So it's just for convenience's sake," she grinned. Gil let a thin smile creep to his features. "It's also convenient of you two being so close together when you think no one's around? And before you ask, I'm talking 'kiss me, hug me' close. Don't try to deny it. I have evidence." The smile wavered. Catherine had him and he knew. After some thought, Grissom realized that she was not going to drop the subject. She had the cards. He was busted.

"Okay, Cath," he said, placing his hands together," you've got me. Give me your terms."

"The truth would be nice." He motioned for the door to be closed.


He sighed, staring out at the open road. Catherine was an expert on relationships and telling her had proved it to be more a boon than bane… Thankfully. As he took a right at a junction, his mind gave him something else to think about.

Do you ever hide secrets, even from your wife?

He had replied with, "I used to but now, I try not to." The sheriff was right about it though: It's a bitch.


Secrets are meant for hiding. But when it was exposed, things could go for the worse. There he was, sitting in a dim light, staring intently at a leather-bound book. Grissom recognized it almost instantly. His journal was now in the hands of his lover who looked awfully pissed while reading page by page.

"Tim, what are you reading?" The younger man looked at him before closing the book shut.

"You never told me."

"Told you what?" He knew it was a bad move as Tim erupted in ultimate anger.

"Your feelings! About everything that happened to your life! How it affected you, Gil! YOU NEVER TOLD ME!" Grissom did not know what to do. Talking to Tim now seemed more inappropriate than ever. He knew that if he pulled out his authority over Tim, it would make things go ugly. Instead, he held up his hands, surrendering.

"What do you want to know, Tim?" he asked," those words are just a reminder of how I used to feel. A reminder of me feeling. Me being human. I don't need that now." He walked in front of Tim, throwing the journal aside. He touched the tears that streamed down his face, kissing the top of his forehead. "I know I feel now. I have you to remind me that." The tears never stopped. Instead, Speed wrapped his arms around Gil. "I love you, Timothy Speedle."

"I know."


The CSI building never changed but Gil felt that it had. At least, the insides of the building where the heart is. He parked his car in his own lot and climbed out, only to spot Tim, sitting at a corner of the entrance. His eyes never left Gil as the older man stepped in front of him.

"Excuse me, are you waiting for someone?" The smile on his face was deemed infectious. Tim smiled.

"How was Jackpot?"

"Made me miss you more." A confused look etched on Tim's face. Grissom's smile remained.

"What's that supposed to mean?" The CSI night shift supervisor turned to the building and started walking. Tim walked beside him, repeating his question. "What's that supposed to mean?"

"I might explain but you'll have to… persuade me." Tim saw that momentary twinkle in his eyes. He understood perfectly. He gave Grissom a small fast peck on the cheek.

"I missed you a lot, Gil." He ran off into the labs. The smile grew broader. Gil Grissom was glad he returned from Jackpot.