Talking to a Wall
Disclaimer-I don't own any Final Fantasy Characters used in this fic. I don't own settings and/or places. The song used in this is not mine. Nor have I any say in what happens to it…making disclaimers are soooo tiring. BTW- There is a brief event concerning suicide but it isn't too major….
''- Apostrophes at the beginning and end of a sentence with italics are thoughts.
'I lost my instructor's license…my life. I can't teach…just because I'm too young? Not enough experience? What the hell is wrong with those idiotic Garden staff! There's nothing wrong with them. Is there? It's all me. Just me.'
'You didn't only lose your instructor's license…No…Not just that.' Quistis Trepe stood up from the small chair in her large instructor's quarters. Tomorrow she would have to move out. She started to pace back and forth, before stopping in front of the floor-to-ceiling window and looking out. Her blond hair hung limply down, trailing down her shoulders and back, its lustre which so many women in the garden envied had disappeared. A stray tear fell down her cheek. She wiped it away angrily.
'He didn't deserve you! He's a fool! He doesn't matter! There are plenty fish in the sea!' Quistis stumbled back and luckily on her bed. She didn't care that her dirtied clothes would put stains on her thick blanket. 'It's not yours for long…is it? Besides…you weren't too good for him. He was too good for you!' Her head shook back and forth, her inner torment getting the best of her.
"What the hell's wrong with me?" She said to herself out loud. She blew away a strand of hair off her face and sighed loudly. 'I just lost the things that I was happy around' She stood up again and started to pace, her vibrant blue eyes were firmly placed on the floor. 'Squall was only a diversion. He showed that you were human. Even though he didn't act like one you thought you were in love with him. Thought. But I am in love…aren't I?'
Quistis' head started ache profusely. 'How could I love someone who suggested that I should talk to a wall? How? Am I that desperate to be loved?' The negative voice in her head laughed bitterly. 'Yes you are! You're so lonely; you'll develop a crush on anyone that won't turn on you! You're so pathetic!' Tears swelled in her eyes again.
Her teary blue eyes focussed on a small picture of Squall and herself at last years Garden Festival. She smiled slightly at her joyful smile to be standing beside him. He had the smallest of smiles plastered on his face. She picked up the framed picture and traced Squall's handsome face. Jealousy bubbled up inside her as she pictured him dancing with that girl. His face was beaming and his eyes were filled with joy. A searing pain in her heart made more salty tears fall down her face. Her face burned as her mood turned into anger. She violently threw the frame to the other side of the room, the glass shattering against the white walls.
'SCREW SQUALL! SCREW THAT BITCH HE WAS DANCING WITH! SCREW EVERYBODY! THEY DON'T CARE!' She thought angrily, throwing a beautiful, antique glass vase from the ruins of Centra across the room. Then book after book. She stopped her rampage when she reached the frame she had thrown just minutes before. Glass stung at her bare feet but she ignored the numbing pain. Glass littered the thickly carpeted floor. The cracked frame seemed to mirror her emotions. 'I'm…broken…'
'What's the point in living? The man I love is gone. I lost everything. I have…nothing.' Her sight went blurry and she quickly blinked away the second wave of sorrow. 'No pain will measure up to the pain of rejected love.' She picked up a large piece of glass, still slick from the water within the vase. Gingerly, she put it to her wrist. 'Why do you want to end your life? Squall isn't worth it!' An abrupt knock surprised her and the glass slid from her hands.
"Who…Who is it!" She shouted, wiping away her tears and smoothing her clothes out. 'Damn! Talk about bad timing…or good'
"It's Nida! I have some boxes that'll help with your packing." She quickly ran to the door and opened it a slit.
"Thanks a bunch Nida…You can just leave the boxes in front of the door…I'll get them later." Quistis said through the small slit, showing her eye. He looked at her reluctantly. 'Come on! Please buy it!'
"You ok? You look a little tired. Do you need help? I have a lot of free time on my hands!" He said, smiling brightly. She waved it off and thanked him again. 'Why does he always have to be such a…snoop!...And an idiot.' She showed the best smile she could and looked at his trailing back. Once he was out of sight, she slammed the door shut and ran to the washroom. 'Crap…I must look like a mess.'
She looked to the mirror and gave a light gasp. The usual soft peach and pink color on her cheeks faded to a softer grey that was harsh on her features. Her normally fair features looked 10 years older. Her eyes were red and puffy and dull. A look of broken person. 'What did he do to me? What do you do to yourself?' A strangled sob escaped her dry lips as she fell down the hard floor. The rush of tears in her eyes caused them to sting.
Her heart stung with the pain of having a broken heart. 'You're just a suck up for pain! You burned all your bridges getting here and now…you're stuck! All by yourself.' She roughly wiped the moistness on her rosy cheeks and crawled toward the brightly lit room. It looked like a war zone, with books flat on the floor and patches of stains on the soft carpet. The soft light burned her eyes, leaving small white dots in her vision. She couldn't see.
Suddenly, Quistis felt trapped. She couldn't breath. 'Get out! I can't take….get out of here now!' Her face flushing, she ran towards the door and grabbed her coat, not caring about her haggard appearance. The halls were still quite noisy however there were still students cramming for a big exam. She rushed past them; ignoring the looks she was being given. 'Just ignore them. They don't understand. I got paid 1400 gil a month and worked more time than any other instructor! They won't understand!' She pulled her jacket on before passing the garden directory.
"Look at HER. Instructor 'High and prissy' Trepe is having a bad day!" She heard a voice whisper loudly. A tear escaped from her eyes and walked faster out of the garden until she was almost running. It was when she got out from the warm shelter of the Garden that she noticed it was raining. If you could call it that. In less than 10 seconds, Quistis Trepe was soaking wet…and alone. She looked up at the pouring rain and felt her fears, doubts and disappointments fade. 'I'm…I'm free…' Her pretty blue eyes closed and took in everything around her. The thunder echoing. The sounds the constant rainfall made against the ground.
Her senses seemed heightened. 'Wow…if I did take…take my life up there…I would be missing so much...but no one would miss you…' She snapped back out of her dream world. The world that she made to escape from reality and felt everything again. Except in a more realistic sense. Instead of the cool water slick on her bare skin, she felt wet and sick, instead of the drops of rain landing softly against her, she felt annoyed at the constant contact. Instead of washing away her problems, the rain seemed to make them more real. As if the drops were cleansing them to make her more aware of them.
"Look closely at yourself….what do you see? Do you see a beautiful young woman who was successful and became an instructor….or do you see I broken girl who has lost everything?" Quistis whispered to herself, sitting down on the steps. 'Something has to be wrong with me…I-I don't act this way…' She pulled her knees to her chest and sat defeated.
"I see a beautiful young woman who is successful but got her heart broken by a stone pillar and who feels sorry for herself for no good reason." A voice said from behind her. She sat up in surprise. The voice was deep, soft but cynical. She recognized it immediately.
"Seifer!" She asked, voicing her thoughts. She turned around immediately and met his green eyes. He smirked dropped a tape recorder just in front of her before walking away. Quistis sat stunned, staring at the back of her former student's white coat. He gave her a back hand wave. 'What…the…hell?'
"See you in Timber…INSTRUCTOR.." He called from over his shoulder, bitterly emphasizing 'instructor'. Her face crumpled, disgusted. 'Damn pig! He knows! Who the…Who told him? I hope he…I hope he gets hung!...I wonder what he meant about Timber?' Quistis shook her head, the seed of disappointment growing with in her. 'Even my former student hates me…' Grabbing the tape recorder left on the ground, she climbed back up the steps of the Garden. She thought about the hour she had spent feeling sorry for herself. 'I can't believe…that was me...maybe I should talk to a wall sometime...'
Author's Note- This takes place after Squall tells Quistis to talk to a wall and they part ways. I might continue on with this but it should fit as a one-shot. Please Review and check out my other fics…heheh '
Edited to rid of Song lyrics. The original contained "Fallen" by Sarah Mclachlan.